At last the Hunger Games are beginning again and so much has happened this year I think that everyone is even more worked up for it than usual. The food shortages have only continued and there have been more and more riots on the eastside. Although I sneak Aella food for her and her family every time she visits, she still looks a little thinner every time I see her.
My parents think it's a fashion choice. My mother compliments her and my father tells her to keep it easy, she's already very pretty. She's learned to laugh it off and strike a few poses for them. They really like her a lot. Although she lives so far away, she comes by fairly often and most times we just hang out inside, giving my parents plenty of opportunities to chat with her. We tell them that she goes to my school but we never really talked until recently when she transferred into one of my classes.
As we sit on the couch all lined up in a row waiting for the drawings to begin, my parents to my right and Aella to my left, I watch my mother laugh at something Aella says before contributing to the conversation too. For the first few weeks after I found out about my mother's addiction, my father and I turned a blind eye, but when it got to the point that she wasn't even trying to hide it anymore and she stopped going out altogether, we finally decided enough was enough and she had to start facing reality again.
It was a trying day for my father, but after the detox my mother was clear and bright and he whisked her off for a shopping spree and had the cook prepare a lavish meal that probably used up a week's worth of food. My mother loved it, but after that first day my father just couldn't afford to treat her that way again. He had to get back to work and we had to keep saving our food, but luckily my mother understood and apologized for the way she'd been. She slipped back into her life easily and even dealt well with our limited food rations.
I still see Daphne, Andy and Penelope all the time, but now that we've graduated, they've been busy preparing for their trade schools. Andy, surprise surprise, decided to be a fashion designer and dreams of one day being a stylist in the Hunger Games. At first she'd been put off because all the new designers usually have to start with District 12, but since Cinna's re-imagining she says she doesn't mind so much.
Daphne's just going to go to work for her father for maybe a year while she tries to figure out what she really wants to do, but she's hinted that she might want to be a doctor. I almost shuddered at the thought. I could imagine her killing healthy patients on her rounds, sticking needles full of air into their veins or giving them the wrong medication. But it's unlikely that she'd take out her hatred of the Capitol in that way, if not by her conscience, then at least because everything is so carefully monitored and error is almost impossible with current technology.
And our beautiful Penelope has already started modeling. She's breathtaking on the runway and makes people believe that things are okay and that fabrics aren't just one of the many things we just don't have anymore.
As for me, I've always known what I wanted to do, but from the events that occurred those months ago I wasn't sure if it was still feasible, but my family is very wealthy and influential and there were no issues that came up when my uncle signed me up to work for him. Although it'd be best for me to start now, in fact most of the new interns and employees are currently at the station, my uncle said he wanted me to watch the Quarter Quell with my parents, because the Hunger Games is really a family thing and once I start working, I'll really be an adult and those times will be rare.
Sitting between my mother and Aella, I look positively plain, almost like a District girl. Finding the store that Daphne always shops at, I bought almost all of their clothes, which made the owner burst out crying in gratitude. To keep up appearances though, and perhaps for my own remaining vanity, I still put makeup on and since the majority of my clothes are bright and flashy and from my father's company, I still wear those most of the time too.
As for Orion, I haven't heard from him or about him at all. I don't know what he's doing, but I'm sure he's okay. He's too smart to just slip into oblivion. Sometimes I think of him and wonder if I miss him, but when I try to feel it, I don't. Even remembering how I used to feel with him before, I just don't feel it now.
The one time I did kind of feel something was when Aella told me about Katniss' and Peeta's tragic love story.
"I thought it wasn't tragic anymore."
"You've been... distracted lately, so I guess you didn't see it."
"See what?"
"Katniss and Peeta became engaged and she even had a wedding shoot, but then right after they broadcast that the President announced what the Quarter Quell was going to be."
"What?"
"The Tributes this year will be former Victors."
I felt a dull shock run through my system before it disappeared without leaving a trace.
"Oh."
Now as the intro to the program ends, my father shushes Aella and my mother and turns up the volume. We peer into District 1. Bright and clean and full to the brim with eager civilians. The names are drawn in quick succession. It's Cashmere and Gloss.
"Oh no," my mother says, pouting.
My father shakes his head.
"Shame. But at least now we'll get to see them fight together! I wonder which one will win?"
I smile at him before turning back to the television.
One by one, they run through all the Districts, counting down and ripping out the hearts of all those in the Capitol. My mother cries for her favorite past Victors and even recognizes a few from when she was a child. When Finnick's chosen, I must admit I'm disappointed, but otherwise Aella and I sit staring at the screen somber or stoic.
When District 12's turn finally comes, my mother is bawling and my father holds her while rolling his eyes at us and grinning.
As he tries to coax her into going shopping, Aella and I go up to my room where we end up sitting silently for a while, thinking about what we've just seen.
"What are you thinking?" Aella asks.
"I'm trying to figure out why the President would use Victors this time around."
"Me too."
"It seems kind of like he's trying to appease the Districts. Like, we're not going to take any new children from you. Just the old ones. But..."
"But the President doesn't know how to be merciful," Aella finished. "I can't imagine what he's thinking. Everyone in the Capitol loves the Victors. However small it is, he's taking a risk."
"Yeah, so what could he gain by killing Victors?"
Together we wrack our brains, listing the few ideas that come to mind only to shoot them down. The only thing that we keep getting stuck on is the President having a personal vendetta against one of them but he's not that frivolous and if he wanted someone killed, we were sure he could do that much faster and less publicly any time he wanted.
"Maybe he's trying to send a message?" Aella says.
I nod my head, thinking this is the most plausible thing we've come up with so far.
"He's trying to say... that..." I say.
"...That even the Victors aren't free from the Capitol's control?"
"That they're not really Victors. They're still pawns."
Aella doesn't bat an eyelash at my conclusion. Earlier on, she'd been disconcerted by my severe change in mindset and attitude, but it's so normal now I can barely believe there was a time when I was so blatantly ignorant. It's a little harder for my other friends to accept the new me. I try to act like my old self, but I just can't. I'm apathetic whenever they talk about fashion, the hopeless state their hair is in... it's all so stupid I'm too embarrassed to do anything more than give them a wan smile.
But if there's any good in my friends, it's that they're loyal so whenever they go out they still always invite me and ask my opinion of this and that and avoid talking about Orion at all costs. They never even used to look at guys when we hung out, but after I assured them it was okay, they became free to gawk at or gush over any cute guy that was currently on their radar.
"Aelos says things are getting worse over there. The Peacekeepers are either punishing or killing people every week, but everyone's still refusing to work. They've even attacked and killed some of the Peacekeepers. I think maybe this is it. I think we're on the brink of war."
"You know the country before Panem always had the worst loss of life during civil wars?"
"Our leaders aren't giving us much of a choice otherwise."
"What about your brother? Do you think he'll be okay?"
"He has some friends in District 7," she said, before shrugging. "But who knows."
"You should tell him to transfer back here."
Aella turns away, facing the wall. I wonder for a moment if she's angry with me for butting into her family's situation, but when she doesn't turn back or say anything I put a hand on her shoulder.
Lowering her head, she quickly brings it back up and lets me see her tears. I feel sorry for her and hold her until she gets a hold of herself, which doesn't take long, but all I can really think is that it would be so much better for her if she could be like me. Detached from everything. But then what's become a familiar guilt that I can't empathize with a friend slips in. But I can't help it. I'm not sad at all. And I know there's something wrong with me, but who wants to feel sad? Especially someone who's only experienced tragedy for nearly a year?
Once she's okay again, she tells me that her brother refuses to come back home in her usual sarcastic tone and I'm relieved. Cassie comes in shortly after with hot tea and cookies. She told me via my tab that she and the other avoxes have a system worked out so that once one of them knows about something amiss at home, they all do. Of course any sort of communication for them is illegal, but even the densest Capitolist knows that a person deprived of human interaction will go insane, and we want to keep all our servants and manual laborers sane and healthy for as long as possible so we let things like that slide most of the time.
She sets the food down on my dresser and leaves without either of us acknowledging each other. Although I do trust Aella, I don't want any of us to suffer from the repercussions of being friendly with an avox, so I keep our friendship a closely guarded secret.
After our tea, Aella decides it's time to go back home since it's getting into late evening and she needs to catch the train back home. I sneak her out past my parents, who believe her own driver always picks her up from our house, garnering a promise that she'll return to watch the Opening Ceremonies.
At dinner my father complains that Aella always leaves before he or my mother can say bye, and I tell him again that she hates goodbyes because she thinks they're awkward. He pouts and I laugh and for most of the dinner that's all we really say. I'm too distracted thinking about war and death.