But where are you going?
To get my reward.
His reward. He's earned it. After the hell he's just been through, what he had to go through again. What it cost him. How could it have ended like this? How did it even start? Was it truly that far back…after everything that he's done…? What he had to do…to keep Earth safe. That woman…the Time Lady he saw…it had been so long…but she had been so essential in what he had decided. Knowing him…he couldn't kill either of them. She knew that. Maybe that's why she wanted to help him. Do all she could despite her position. And it angered him to see her still having to cover her face like a Weeping Angel. It always would. But there isn't anything he can do about that now. She was gone. Again.
Doing it the first time had very nearly broken him. The second time…was fate laughing at him. Mocking him as he had to repeat his actions. His reward? Death. He had been so furious. However, now…he felt childish for exploding into a tantrum like he had. And guilty for Wilf pleading to be forgotten about. He understood why Donna's family mattered so much to him now.
He feels a twang in his hearts at her mention. He misses her greatly. His friend. Her family. How interconnected they had become. Why they continued to meet at odd times in time. Wilf was the man he died for. Angry or not he would never leave him behind like that. He may be a coward yes…but not when it comes to saving the lives of those he cares for. It came as second nature to him.
There's still so much going through his head even though he's about to have his final journey. Predicted so long ago, it felt like. How the Ood knew…was beyond him. But then he recalls her words.
'That's the Ood, always mysterious…'
But that hadn't been the only thing they had said. His song was to end, yes, but so did the journey. Now with her gone, he believes that they had tried to warn her as well. It followed her to Pompeii. One line becomes two…it followed them. Just like when they had met for the first time. Two words followed them through Space and Time.
He leans against the console and stares at his hand. The oh so familiar glow has started to increase in strength. He drives it back again. If he gives in now, without seeing her, it wouldn't be the same. Even though he does consider it. Giving in and having her be the first thing he sees. Forever altered by having met her. Forever changed by every breath she had taken by his side.
He remembers when they met…how she had just…all of a sudden changed him. A man who had scars that ran so deep, to his very core. And then came along a human, his pink and yellow human who showed him his place in the universe. And he became comfortable with that. And through her he learned that he could come to peace, of sorts, with the terrible things he had done. And so…he had started to forgive himself. For the horrid things he had done.
He adores her. And he knew she did as well. She made him better. And that had taken him by surprise. He had never meant to fall in love with her, she just simply surprised him. Somehow…he just let her in. He was scared when he let her in…but somewhere…back then he knew that she wouldn't disappoint him, and she didn't. He didn't doubt her.
And the walls he had built around himself when they first met…she broke them down. It scared him when he realised that they didn't even put up a fight. She reawakened him, the rules he put into place to protect himself, but also his companions…she just broke them. He went along with it. Intrigued and willing to risk it. She had been everything he needed and more. She knew it very early on…her feelings for him. But she had kept them secret, sometimes he'd catch her with her feelings written all over her face. And he liked that. Because those thoughts and actions burnt through his darkest nights and illuminated everything for him. She showed him the world, the universes through a different eye. And it was better. She was the only one he wanted. Maybe he became addicted to her.
Go to her, he had told the TARDIS. Any time. Wherever. He had just wanted to see her. To look upon her…one last time.
This encounter with the Master, with the return of Gallifrey and the Time Lords…he had wished with everything in him that he could have had her with him. He had wanted her bravery with him, so he could draw upon her courage when he was forced to choose between the Master and the Time Lords. How he grappled with the choice…he wished she had been there with him, so they could have faced it together. Because that is what she had always told him. Together or not at all. As the sky fell, as Gallifrey appeared in the sky…that planet he so dearly missed, they should have been there, standing tall, ready to face it all together. Whatever came their way.
She told him once that wherever he went, she went. What he saw, she would see as well. Hand in hand they should have been. Ready to face it.
There had been a terrible ache since her absence that he forced upon himself. There's a gnawing void where her hand should be…again he looks to his hand and gives in ever so slightly…he can't put it off forever. Everything hurts…he aches, he tired…but he's so conflicted. He wants this…because he's so shattered after losing everyone he had come to care for. But he doesn't want to go. He just doesn't. There's still so much he could do, while he still has these memories. Before some stranger slinks away in that new body and he just becomes another face in a long line of regeneration history.
He suddenly becomes angry. He doesn't want to forget those he met, he doesn't want to forget those feelings for those he met. And the more he thinks about it, the more he's reluctant to give in. He doesn't want to die. And he doesn't want to do this alone. But he went too far. He knew that. He wouldn't have had to do what he did if things hadn't gone the way they had.
Maybe that's why he had gone to her. He ran. He ran to the only person who he knew would understand him. Thankfully he had gotten the chance to relish in her once more.
Mars had changed him. Humbled him and made him realise who he was again. And when he went to her, went back in his own timeline to get her…stuck in a motel in 1969…she did exactly what he thought she would do. Chide him. Because she understood better than anyone the consequences of breaking the rules.
And that sneaky little human…how could she have known that their separation was to come. What did she do to find out? Of course now it all makes sense. Any time he had been in her mind…that door. She was good.
He had needed her. So badly then. So badly now. It's always darkest…before the dawn. But the dawn means that he won't be here anymore. A stranger will. He'll be some faint memory the stranger may recall…or maybe he won't. He feels angry again and tries to think of something to get back to neutral. Those thoughts and emotions will not do him any good now. It can't be changed.
He glances up to the console chair where they would have sat…to talk about anything. Everything. Their adventure of the day. The only time she had fallen asleep on it…but now thinking of her hurts. Maybe it hurts more than the regeneration would.
He wonders…he wonders what she's doing now. That universe runs ahead of this one…what could she be doing? Is she…is she still hurt? Doesn't she know that it killed him inside to do what he did? Did she know that? Or…would she ignore that fact? She's most likely too numb on the inside. He still is. That time…he had gone too far. How could he have simply said no? How could he deny her access to her home. Because when he told her…all those years ago…at Canary Wharf, that if she had stayed with him, she could have never ever see her mother again…she was okay with that. Because in him…she had found her new home. Her new life. How could he simply say no to that?
She had asked him if he would be okay with never seeing her again, if he would be okay with wondering about her…the rest of his life.
He lied to her. He said yes, when in truth…he wondered about her every second of every day. When he walks the halls, he sees her ghost…when he goes into the room he shared with her, as he sits in the chair that faces the bed…he still sees her. Remnants of her scattered across his ship. She's left her mark. And it's permanent.
A groan from the TARDIS causes him to look up, shaking himself back into reality as he pushes off the regeneration once more. One final journey. He'd always come back to her. His Rose.
He takes the brown jacket and stands on the ramp, inhaling deeply. Trying to steady his nerves. This time he swears to himself that he will not engage her. Never. Not this time. And so he walks to the door.
This is the end. He holds his breath and mentally counts to ten.
When he reaches ten, he pushes open the TARDIS door and feels a bitter smile. Snow. Of course it would be snowing. Real snow. He steps out and feels the pain shoot through him, cutting at him. He gasps and groans, leaning against the TARDIS to get his breathing steadied.
He closes his eyes and feels the Earth moving beneath his feet, so he counts to ten again. When he reaches the end he opens his eyes and begins to direct himself. He can see the Powell Estate just ahead and mentally hopes that his feet won't fail him and hopes they'll take him just to end of the alleyway.
Moving anything…hurts. Sends the claws of pain up his body and so he gives in a bit more. Hoping to numb the pain just a bit more until he can see her. He looks around and wonders when exactly he is. Then he grows nervous. What if he won't see her? What if this had been a waste of time and the TARDIS had taken him somewhere in the future…when she was already gone.
He can't think like that. The TARDIS knows how crucial this moment is for him. She would never disappoint him like that. He inwardly sighs when he reaches the mouth of the alleyway, panting slightly from the exertion it had taken him to get here. He waits. Feeling nervous and sick…hoping he'll see her before the regeneration can be put off no longer.
There is nothing but silence around him as he waits, hoping to see her. Snow settles on him and he looks up to inky sky. The clouds have obscured many stars, but he manages catch sight of some of them. He smiles a bit. They saved them. Together…she and him. With the greatest friends the universe could have bestowed him with. And he thinks back to his visit with them all. Somehow they all knew, that it was his final goodbye. Seeing Donna again, so happy on her wedding day, with a man that seems to care so much for her, that makes her so happy. Because she deserved nothing but the very best. And he knows that Donna wouldn't settle for anything less than amazing.
Mickey and Martha, that one he didn't see coming. But he was happy for them nonetheless. And he had to remind himself that he hadn't turned them into soldiers, they chose that. And they were helping Earth. They were doing good.
Jack. They had seen so much. And he always felt that Jack understood what it was like to be him. Because he had lost so much as well. Loved ones. Friends. Lovers. He understood the pain. And maybe with Alonso…he could start to heal.
Seeing the book that Joan had crafted from the journal made him smile, and to know that she went on to live a happy life after the visit they had had back in 1913 made him happy as well. She was a good woman, and she too had deserved nothing but life's greatest surprises and delights.
That was his reward. Seeing his friends one last time, saving the one special to him…for last. The one who indeed had captured a storm in her hands and amended his life. His Rose.
The pain is increasing, he isn't sure how much longer he'll be able to stay here before he'll have to get back to the TARDIS…but still nothing. What if she doesn't show up? What if he doesn't get a chance to see her?
Through all his fears and anxiety he stops the thoughts when he hears the sound of someone coming. Then he hears the sound of bell tolling. Even here…like when he saw her in 1969…that horrid sound follows him. However…it doesn't stop at four…it goes on until twelve tolls are heard. Midnight. He lingers, silent as the footsteps begin to get closer. There is more than one person.
And then he hears it. Her laugh. She's coming this way…
'I'm late now, I missed it, it's midnight. Mickey's gonna be call me everything. That's your fault! Rose states.
'It's not, it's Jimbo, he said he'd give us a life, then he said his axle broke, I can't help it!' Jackie replies innocently.
'Get rid if him, mum, he's useless.' Rose informs her. He notices that they've stopped walking, but their voices are close to him.
'Listen to you! With a mechanic!' Jackie responds but then her voice grows soft. 'Be fair though, my time of life, I'm not gonna do much better.'
'Oh, don't be like that,' Rose replies kindly. 'You never know. Could be someone out there.'
'Maybe. One day,' Jackie agrees and then smiles at Rose. 'Happy New Year.'
'Happy New Year!' Rose embraces her mum tightly and then she pulls away, wanting to head home. She walks towards her flat and she turns back to her mum. 'And don't stay out all night!'
'Try and stop me!' Jackie replies and Rose simply smiles and shakes her head. She continues on alone.
There…there she is. He glimpses her from the shadows. He's quiet, promising himself not to get involved this time. She doesn't even know who he is! But he can't help but smile when he sees her.
She's huddled herself against the cold. He shakes his head. She's not even wearing a proper coat, just a thin jacket. And that beanie…he knows where it is on the TARDIS, he knows right where she's left it. Then he marvels at something else. Look how long her hair is! He'd forgotten it used to be that long. Of course…she always looks beautiful…
She walks right by him and he watches her head towards home. The pain becomes too much and he winces, gasping. He leans against the wall, panting, and Rose stops, hearing something from the alleyway. She's a bit wary and decides to keep her distance.
'You all right, mate?' She calls to him and he looks up to her.
'Yeah…' He manages to get out. He curses himself. He wasn't supposed to get involved this time.
'Too much to drink?' She wonders and he sees a bit smile on her face.
'Something like that…' He replies, he sees her face soften at him.
'Maybe it's time you went home.'
'Yeah.'
There's a pause before she tilts her head. 'Anyway. Happy New Year.'
'And you,' The Doctor watches her turn to go but he can't help himself and he calls to her again. 'What year is this?'
Rose watches him with a bemused look on her face. 'Blimey, how much did you have?' He gives her a bit of a shrug. 'It's 2005. January the first.'
'2005,' The Doctor echoes and just stares at her with silent amazement. She's got so much yet to come. 'Tell you what. I bet you're going to have a really great year.'
He feels himself smile when she flashes him one of her beautiful smiles. 'Yeah?' She pauses, instantly liking him. 'See ya.'
With that uttered, she turns to leave, walking back to her flat, taking one last look over her shoulder. The Doctor can't put it off any longer and begins to head back to the TARDIS, wincing as the pain increases.
He only manages to get a few steps when he freezes as a voice calls to him.
'Excuse me?'
He turns around to see Rose standing there, a confused look in her eyes.
'Yeah?' He's doing his best to not to show the panic he feels inside.
'I'm sorry…this is so weird…but have we met before?' She wonders and takes a few steps closer to him.
He becomes flustered and shakes his head quickly. 'No! Uh, what I mean is no. We haven't. Think I'd remember a smile like yours.'
Rose feels her cheeks redden. 'Are you sure? I just feel like I've seen you before…somewhere.'
'Must have one of those faces.' He replies but backs up towards the wall when he notices that she comes closer. This wasn't supposed to happen. How is this happening?! She's too close now.
'I don't know…' Rose replies, trying to place him. Something is telling her to continue forward, like it's instinct.
'Nope…never saw me before,' He looks over his shoulder, nervously, at the wall she's backed him up against. 'I uh…didn't, didn't you say you had plans…?'
'They can wait.' She states as she studies him. Where has she seen him before?
'Well…' He can't finish his sentences as Rose presses a kiss on his lips. It was driven by instinct. She pulls away and leaves him speechless. What. Just. Happened?
'I…I mean, well, I'm sorry…' Rose stammers, staring at him wide eyed, unsure as to why she did that. She just felt something within her…driving her to this stranger.
The Doctor is still dazed by her kiss and confused as to why she did it. Now he can't stop himself, he cups her face and kisses her once more. He can't believe that this is truly happening. His fingers brush her temple and widens his eyes as a voice enters his mind.
It shocks him so thoroughly that he very nearly pulls away.
'Hello, my love.' Her voice echoes in his head.
'How…? I mean…how is this happening?' The Doctor has to concentrate on Rose, ensuring that he doesn't mess up.
'One final message. A final message I left for her. To ensure I came to you.'
'You knew this was going to happen?' He questions.
'I know all. And so I left one more message.'
'But this is impossible. You're gone. I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you. We were torn apart…' The Doctor can't keep his thoughts straight, trying to concentrate on Rose now and the entity in his mind.
'Oh, hush. Enough of that. I see all. I have always known this would happen, since the first moment we became one. Even after you tried to separate us, I knew. And so…I made sure she would come to you. For a final goodbye.'
'How…?' The Doctor simply shakes his head. Now really isn't the time for that. 'I miss you…'
'I do too.'
'How's Rose…?' He wonders, very nearly dreading the answer. She seems to sense that as well, her answer is vague.
'Let's not talk about that, shall we? We won't dwell on things that cannot be changed.'
'Will…will you tell her that I miss our little talks…?'
'She knows.'
'Is she happy?' Again he doesn't want to know the answer and her reply is turned on him.
'Are you?'
'I don't want to go.' He confesses and for some time she doesn't answer him.
'Oh, my love…' She says. 'You're in so much pain…I feel it…'
Rose opens her eyes to see him shaking his left hand, like it's been asleep. She frowns when she sees strange golden tendrils dispersing before her eyes. Wondering where it came from she closes her eyes when she feels him place his hand back on her cheek. There's something about him...
'You cannot go on like this. You know this. I can see your thoughts, feelings. You're so broken…losing us, Donna, everyone, the Time Lords…Gallifrey…can you really say, confidently, that you could go on…? Through all this heartbreak?'
'How did you…?' The Doctor wonders and inwardly smiles. 'Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to.'
'It hurts me to see you like this…'
'If you were here, I'd be fine…cause we'd have faced it together. I needed your strength and bravery.' The Doctor admits. 'Now more than ever…'
'It cannot be…and I'm sorry that I couldn't have.'
'Please don't say that…it was all my fault.' The Doctor states sadly.
'You did what you thought was best.'
'I gave away the one thing that made me happy…which was you…' The Doctor pauses, remembering that day. It's so raw to him still. 'But…can I ask…how did she know?'
'It didn't come from me. And though I know how she did, you will find out in time.'
'Have you always been this mysterious?' He muses.
'Yes. You've merely forgotten,' She counters and he feels himself inwardly smile. 'It's time. You cannot keep putting it off.'
'I give in…just a bit…' He replies firmly. But he knows she's right. The longer he puts it off…he's just delaying the inevitable. He doesn't want to do this alone…
'You don't want to do this alone…but you have to be strong.' She tells him, and he agrees.
'I don't want to leave you…you're gone…my life goes on without you…I don't want it to.'
'You have to let me go…don't let it seep into this regeneration. Or he'll be born out of your reluctance to go.' She warns, but he doesn't care. He doesn't. He wants to be selfish. Just once. And just for her.
'I can't…not to you. I don't want us to end because I have to die.' He states firmly.
'There's nothing we can do. Just let me go. We'll meet again soon.' She replies and he mentally agrees.
'Two months from now…' He agrees. 'Wait for me…'
'You'll see me as you fall asleep…and that will be the end of it. Think no more. Let it be a fresh start for you. For him.' She tells him but he doubts he'll be able to.
'I can't trust myself…' He insists. He already knows that he'll think of her, and that he can't stop himself from not wanting to leave.
'You can…but it's time to end this. I will not be your only visitor. And you can no longer keep him waiting.'
'Who?'
'You'll see. And never forget. That I love you. Always.' Her voice becomes softer.
'Can I just say…? I'm so glad I met you.' He tells her.
'Me too. Always. Now go…or I fear you never will.' She insists.
And so the Doctor breaks his kiss with Rose, standing there dazed as she looks up at him with awe and adoration.
She doesn't know who that man is…but she can tell, deep within her, that he's special to her. And yet she doesn't know why…
'Well, that…that was…unexpected. Do you always go around kissing strangers, Miss…?'
'Tyler. Rose Tyler. And no, I don't. Only if I like them.' Rose counters and offers a bit of a sly smile.
'Well, I'll take that as a compliment.' The Doctor smiles at her.
'You should…Mr…' She trails off.
'John.'
'You got a last name, John?' Rose wonders and he just shrugs.
'Smith.'
'John Smith, huh? Well that may be an ordinary name, but something tells me you're bit of an extraordinary person.' Rose studies him.
'Yeah? How do you know that?' He wonders but can't help but smile with her.
'I just do.' She replies simply, there's some conviction in her voice.
'You should get home, it's getting colder out.' He glances up to the Powell Estate and she turns behind her, staring at it.
'You got plans tonight? You look like you could use a break.'
'Yeah, plans…I do have some…sorry though.' He adds when he sees her become crestfallen.
'Oh, well, all right,' She backs away, still a smile on her face. 'Well then I won't keep you from them.'
Oh he wishes she would. He just wants to stay with her…
'Yeah, I'll see you around, maybe.' He grins at her with a bemused look. She watches him and matches his smirk.
'Yeah, you promised me a great year. I'll hold you to that.' Rose points her finger at him as she back away.
'I never break a promise!' He calls to her.
'Good! Because I'd have to find you!' She shouts to him, standing close to entrance her the stairwell. 'Goodnight John Smith! I hope your year is just as good for you as you promised mine would be!'
'It will be good!' He smiles sadly at her. 'Have a good night Miss Tyler…'
And with that said she disappears through the door. To her future. As she walks up the stairs, she ducks and looks through the window. She waves at him before continuing up to her flat.
Then she's gone. He lingers for a few more minutes before the pain snaps him back to reality. He's alone now. And he's dreading it.
So, he turns back to where he'd left the TARDIS and begins to walk. The further he walks away, the faster he loses his pretence. It hurts so much, he's in so much pain and he begins to drag his feet with every step. He gasps and winces, trying to will himself on. Why is this walk so long?
All of a sudden the pain really hits him, it becomes agonising and he falls to his knees becoming desperate and steals a look behind him to the building the love of his life went in to. Wishing more than anything she could be here with him. He's tired of being alone.
He heaves for breath, not being able to get enough and he can't find the strength to continue on, why should he? He could die right here and it wouldn't matter to him. He simply doesn't care. He closes his eyes and then hastily reopens them when he hears it.
A song. A familiar song that has begun to drift through the night, falling around him as the snowflakes land on him.
The Doctor averts his gaze from the ground and looks up in shock.
There is the distance…far away is Ood Sigma. With that the song begins to rise, soaring and the Doctor feels himself gaining strength from it.
'She predicted my arrival. And now…we will sing to you, Doctor. The universe will sing you to your sleep.' Ood Sigma informs him and the Doctor nods.
He pulls himself to his feet as the song engulfs him, inspiring him.
'This song is ending. But the story never ends.' Ood Sigma states and the Doctor continues to walk, spotting the TARDIS and feels relief wash over him.
The Doctor steps inside the TARDIS, utterly exhausted. When he shuts the door, he leans against them and lifts his hand. The faint golden glow…he can't put this off forever. He has to give in.
He pushes himself off the door and walks up the ramp, a slight smile on his face as the Ood song follows him, swelling all around him. He reaches the console and hits a few switches. The Time Rotor starts to rise and fall…
He lingers at the console as the pain attacks him, but he does he best to fight it off until he realises…he can't anymore…it's time.
And so he backs up, closer to the ramp. He readies himself…but, then again, he's never really ready for this. Even though he promised her he wouldn't…he thinks of her. He thinks of everything they have done together. How they changed together, grew together…what he if won't remember her after this?
That seals it for him. He disregards her warnings and pleas for him to forget her, for her not to pollute whoever comes next…but he refuses to allow himself to forget her.
'I don't want to go…' He whispers to the emptiness around her and stares at the spot where Rose would have been the very first time he regenerated in front of her. Trying to hide herself against the coral strut…
That simple thought of her has become stuck in his mind as his hand becomes shrouded in the golden glow and he lifts it, staring intensely at, angry, bitter and still thinking of Rose.
He feels the speed at which the regeneration accelerates, blasting out of his head, arms…it's so ferocious this time. The energy rips into the console, causing explosions and it erupts into the golden energy.
All he thinks about is his reluctance to go and his unwillingness to let Rose go from his thoughts.
The energy rips down the ramp and blasts the doors resulting in a massive sheet of flame, flaring up and the windows shatter out. It's become an inferno in the console room, and faintly the sound of a cloister bell tolling is heard.
He snaps his head up, the golden energy burns away quickly, gone. He blinks, looking around dazed. He's panting as he tries to focus his thoughts, so many through his head at once. He staggers slightly, as his legs buckle, he attempts to get used to them quickly and he manages to steady himself.
'Legs! Still got legs, good! Arms! Hands! Ohh, lots of fingers!' He runs his hands over his face now, still sorting things out. 'Ears, yes! Eyes, two! Nose, I've had worse. Chin, blimey!' He runs his hands through his hair. 'Hair…I'm a girl!' But he checks something important one his throat. 'No! Not a girl!' And he reaches for a strand of hair in front of his eyes. 'And still not ginger. And something else, something important, I'm, I'm, I'm…' The TARDIS shudders and he's thrown against the console. 'Crashing!'
He's gripping the console now, the whole ship is buckling and spinning around him. There's so much chaos around him. Alarms, there are flames all around and debris falling from the roof. He looks to the scanner to see Earth zooming towards him and an incredible speed. But the TARDIS bucks and starts to tip, the Doctor clings madly to the console as he begins the final descent.
'Geronimo!' He calls out.
The Doctor looks around the TARDIS, hoping that this quick five minute trip would fix all the problems that the TARDIS was currently facing. And besides, he had promised the little girl, Amy, that'd he come back.
He begins to wander the halls, surveying everything, and wandering aimlessly until he reaches a room he hadn't intended to find.
His own.
The memories begin to come forward, and so…still curious he opens the door and frowns at the mess. Why's it so messy…oh.
Then the thoughts and feelings really begin to drive themselves to the forefront of his mind. Her. Strangely…she's all he can think about now. Rose. That was her name. Her name was Rose.
And this destruction…he did it…and he remembers why. He spots the chair that is still poised in front of the bed and he decides to sit in it. Wanting to relive the memories of her. Just like he did. Because he didn't want to forget her. Just like he didn't want to go. Well, nothing much that can be done about that now.
The Doctor loosens his tie as he continues to just stare vacantly as the bed. A longing overcomes him…is that what this feeling is? He misses her. He tilts his head at the bed. She…should be here…and the reason she isn't…is because he made sure she couldn't be. He feels…devastated.
He brings his face to his hands and slowly runs them down his face, spotting something blue under the bed. Intrigued he gets up from the chair and gets on his knees, trying to see what the blue thing is. He fishes his hand around under the bed and pulls out…a parcel? No it's a gift…there's a silver bow expertly tied on it. He gets to his feet and studies the blue gift. Who's it from? How long has it been under there?
He notices a tag on it and scrawled in a writing he can never forget are a very simple words.
Merry Christmas, my love
Underneath that is a symbol. A Gallifreyan one. The one that means Rose. It's very nearly perfect. She should have just gone ahead and spelt it out…
But…how could she have known? Another mystery surrounding her that he'll never have a chance to ask her about. That longing has resulted in a pain in his chest. It aches. Will it always hurt to think of her?
His hands trembles as he carefully tears apart the expertly wrapped item and frowns the paper gives way the secret it had been keeping.
It's a gold watch. As he pulls it out, studying it more, another slip of paper tumbles out and to the floor. He bends down and retrieves it, noticing that her handwriting is scrawled across the small slip.
Merry Christmas!
Suppose you're wondering, why the watch? Well, the idea occurred to me that just because you're a Time Lord…you apparently have problems keeping the time. Ironic, as proven in 1969. So, surprise! A watch. I hope you wear it. Just once. For me.
Rose
He feels his arms hang at his sides like dead weight. He directs his hand to hold the watch closer to his face. He studies it, for some time before he decides something. He will wear. But not once. No. He'd wear it for as long as he wanted to. A memento of her. He loves her.
Just like a man in a black leather jacket had once upon a time, when he regenerated, he tried to be younger, someone she would like. Someone she'd be attracted to. But she didn't care. She never did.
Just like the man in the brown jacket that's currently sitting on the upturned desk. He loved her too. Maybe more out of the three of them. Because he had the chance to do so much with her that the man in the leather jacket didn't have time for.
And those feelings hit him hard. Because now he loves her too. Sadly…he'll never get to know her in this new body. He'll never get to gaze upon her beauty, relish in that stunning smile she had.
The thought is bitter, tastes sour to him.
When he glances up to survey the room, he begins to notice the smaller things. Her clothes. They're everywhere. This was their room.
He spots something just to the left of where the desk chair is currently placed. Something he saw her in hours before. The purple beanie. He turns to it and hesitantly walks towards it. When he bends down to retrieve it, it feels heavy in his hands as he studies it and remembers when she wore it. The last time the man in the brown jacket saw her, and when they helped the Ood.
The memories wash over him like a tidal wave and he feels an overwhelming urge to sit. Just like the previous man before him…he too sits in the seat that faces the bed, the watch and beanie clutched tightly in his hand. He starts to remember. Building his perfect memories of her. The ache reappears and he swallows a lump in his throat.
He'd give anything for this face to see hers. How is she? Does she still hate him? What's her life like now? Does she miss him?
The past swallows him whole and he stares at the bed, glancing down to the objects in his hands.
His love. The woman who captured a storm in her hands.
Ah, that chapter went up pretty fast, huh?
I worked on it as I was finishing up the other one, bouncing between the two.
Can I be a bit evil and say that I am so glad I got the reaction from you all last chapter when I wrote how they were separated? I worried it wasn't traumatic enough. Have I done better than the BBC? I'll leave that up to you.
And the final chapter in this series. What do you think? Good? Did I redeem myself a bit? I hope it goes without saying that conversation he has mentally is with the Bad Wolf...just in case it wasn't clear enough...