Neon Genesis Evangelion
Pilot's Table
By D.A.
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Title: Just Breathe
Prompt: Set 1 / Prompt 15 (Breath)
Word Count: 1400+
Rating: T
Summary: Every lifetime from within Instrumentality took it's toll on them. But in the end it only made them stronger. Strong enough to save Humanity. And more importantly, strong enough to save each other.
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion
Notes: Hope you enjoy it. It was satisfying to write, and I felt better once it was off my chest. I honestly think it's one of my best chapters. Part one of the "Awakening" arc.
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Just breathe.
Take a slow, calm, deep breath. Focus on what's right in front of your eyes.
Shinji slowly opened his eyes, and before he blinked, before he tried to get them to focus, he saw red.
Like copper.
Like Asuka. She leaned over him, the dim orange sky backlighting her with her hands planted on either side of his head and her knees beside his waist, watching him blink once and finally focus on her face. Then he smiled, shaky at first and then firm and strong, and focused solely on her.
And it made her breath catch in her throat. And when it seemed like she'd stopped breathing at all, Shinji shakily took a breath.
It was like a signal, and both of them exhale. The air leaves them quickly, a burst of breath that washes over each other's face, and they gasp in air. In synch, just like when they trained to fight Israfel, they breathe for a moment. Sometimes gasping, sounding like they're holding in sobs. Sometimes moaning, a sound filled with pain and fear, and a touch of longing. Sometimes whispering, each other's name on their lips as they exhale, a touch of despiration filling the sound.
Finally, something snaps inside Shinji. Asuka sees it in his eyes, and knows she doesn't want to hear words yet. Just as he opens his mouth to speak, she darts her head down the last few inches separating them and their lips meet.
And it was nothing like their first.
Their first was part curiousity, part desire, part boredom. And it hurt afterwards. It had felt so right in the heat of the moment, but when he finally pulled away desperate for air they both knew it had been the wrong time and wrong reasons.
It had crippled them from being there for each other every single time after, always afraid in the back of their mind that if they tried to care and let the other in that it would destroy them, no matter how much they wanted to help each other. And then Instrumentality wrapped them in it's illusionary embrace, and they had to face those unthought fears.
But this time, it was like a lifeline. Full of a desperate need to know the other was really there, that they weren't alone, that they admitted they needed each other.
Their second was one long kiss, lips smashed together like they were afraid something might pull them apart and pressing for as much contact as possible. Then, they pulled back for a moment, eyes open and searching, nearly panicking as they looked for confirmation in each others gaze. And finding it, they smiled shakily at each other before Shinji gently placed his hand behind her neck, and pulled her back for another kiss.
Their third kiss was gentle and short, and quickly followed by a fourth, a fifth, and more. Each gentle, like they simply didn't want to stop and were content with the silence.
What could have been moments later, or hours or days, they stopped. Asuka rested her cheek against his as they simply listened to each other breath, their hands gently tangled in each other's hair.
And slowly, finally, the panic began to slip away and their memories return. So many memories.
Memories of laughter, and contentment. Of rage, and crying. Memories of school, and NERV. Of home, and family. Memories of what felt like a hundred lifetimes. So many memories they wondered how they could hold it all in their minds and keep any of it straight. And they latched onto the same solid strand running through each and every one; they were always together, one way or another, at one time or another, before or after someone else. Always.
They opened their eyes, and storm met ocean.
And they just breathed.
"I'm sorry"
They spoke in synch, and each knew what the other meant.
"I love you."
And they just breathed, the world around them not mattering. Even as they heard splashing and gasping as others surfaced, people that lived there returning from their own Instrumentality. Even when Misato ran up to them, dropping next to them with tears in her eyes, but not touching them when she saw the identical looks on their faces. Faces she would later describe as being so young, but with eyes that seemed so old yet full of equal parts love, sorrow, and happiness. Eyes that were focused only on each other as they slowly breathed in synch.
They didn't look up when Toji and Hikari, holding hands like the other might vanish if they let go, walked shakily over to them and sat down on the opposite side from Misato. They didn't stop when Gendo crawled out of the sea and collapsed nearby, a sobbing wreck of a man as he whispered 'I'm sorry' over and over again. They didn't stop when Kaji found Misato, and the two collapsed together, the man holding the sobbing love of his life. They'd didn't stop when Ritsuko crawled out beside Gendo, took his hand, and just held him as he turned and put his face to her shoulder and let every lifetime of loss and guilt pour out with his tears while her own tears fell silently on the top of his head.
Eventually they blinked, once, quickly, as if afraid the other might still vanish if they looked away for too long.
"I love you." they murmur, "And I'm sorry I took so long."
Just breathe, Asuka thought as she bent down for another kiss, Just breathe, and focus on what's in front of you.
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Breathe, Hikari, focus on breathing. Hikari Horaki told her self over and over as she stared up at the slowly brightening sky. You're ok, just breathe and then you can get up.
Slowly the panic ebbed until the pins-and-needles feeling faded from her lips and fingers, and she shakely tried to sit up. Closing her eyes tightly as she pushed up, she missed Touji bolt upright beside her. But she didn't miss his gasp and could hear his rapid, panicked breathing. Snapping her eyes open, she swung her gaze to him so fast that in the back of her mind she was suprised she didn't get whiplash.
"Touji."
The whisper of his name was enough to draw his gaze to her face. When their eyes locked, both stopped breathing as a thousand thoughts filled their minds. A thousand memories, a thousand lifetimes. Life with each other, without each other. School, Nerv, home, far apart and close by.
And just like that, the panic was back. Clinching their throats tight and wrapping iron bands around their chests, spots already starting to dance before their eyes.
"Breathe," Hikari gasped, strangled sounding, "just breathe. We're alive, Touji, I'm alive."
"Hikari...?" her name escapes his throat in a choked sob, and despite his normal macho attitude he doesn't care that he's crying, because she's there. They're both there, and he feels the panic recede as the realization takes hold. And reaching out, he gentle brushes her cheek, and the panic pulls back from her mind too.
"Touji!" she cries, and pushes off from where she sits and throws herself into his chest, burying her face in his shoulder and sobbing.
Catching her, he sobs with her as they both let the memories settle in their minds and accept the knowledge. Instrumentality, an event thought to mean the end of mankind and the merging of every mind into one being. Instead, because of Asuka and Shinji, it gave every person on Earth what seemed like a thousand chances to live their life.
And it changed some,it broke others, and some never came back to the surface, having chosen to stay inside the false world that Instrumentality gave them.
"We're ok, I'm ok."
And just like Asuka and Shinji, they speak in synch. They say it over and over, simply holding each other as they gradually convince themselves and each other that what they're saying is true. Eventually, they quiet down, simply holding tightly to each other and gradually relaxing.
After what seemed like hours, they pulled back and looked at each other. And sighing, they nod, and help each other stand. The memories of losing each other, all the varied ways you can lose someone, hanging in their minds as they watch each other. But they don't let it change the now.
They're together now, so they just walk to where they know, without understanding why, that Shinji and Asuka are.
And they breathe.
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A/N: Hope you liked it. I'm tempted to try and write a similar one for the other two couples I mentioned, Gendo and Ritsuko as well as Misato and Kaji. But it'll use a different prompt.