So since this chapter has the most borrowed dialogue out of all the chapters so far I'm going to put this up now, applicable to all past and future chapters of this story: I don't own Grey's Anatomy; it belongs to ABC and Shonda Rimes. I wish I owned it, but the reality is that if I did, there wouldn't be any need for me to write fanfiction because all this stuff would have happened on the show!

Also, thank you Juni for your lovely reviews! I'm glad you're liking this story. :)

You gotta put it on the line

Not just a nickel or a dime

You better hear the words I say

You know that I'm not here to play

On The Sly – The Bamboos

I barely have time to finish my recollection before Derek is moving on to the next CT. It reminds me of how focused he is all the time. In surgery, with patients, and even when he's proposing to me. His ability to stay focused on the task at hand is part of what makes him such a great surgeon.

"And this, this is where Dr Bailey kicked you out of surgery because she caught us in my car."

I chuckle. There is an example of a time when Derek's wasn't as...focused as he should have been on the job. I can feel the emotions rising up again at the mention of that day: the terror of the wrath of Bailey, the giddy, childish excitement at doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to, and, mostly, the sense that this needed to stop. We couldn't keep going on like this, especially now that Bailey had caught us. We were only going to get ourselves into more trouble. Derek, as usual had different ideas about what we should do, but nothing ended up going the way either of us had planned...

During 1x06 – If Tomorrow Never Comes

When you're in medical school, becoming a surgeon is the pinnacle of your career. You can't wait for the day that you are finally able to go out into the real world, hold a scalpel, and cut. What you don't realize, however, is that having the license to practice medicine on real live humans is terrifying. As I had discovered, though, there were other things even more terrifying. Getting caught having sex with your attending in his car by your resident was one of those things. Even being the daughter of the legendary Ellis Grey couldn't help me against the wrath of the Nazi.

I had thought, going in to work that first morning after the incident, that I would be a dead man. I was positive that Bailey was going to have my head, but all I got was the silent treatment. She still wasn't speaking to me, and that had me more worried than a month stuck doing scut.

I hadn't seen Derek since the night of the party. If I stayed out of his way and he stayed out of mine, hopefully, this would all blow over. In a couple of weeks Bailey would be back to hating me because I was an intern and not because I was the intern who slept with her attending. Hopefully.

My good luck in the avoidance department seemed to have run out. I hadn't even gotten out of my car on Saturday morning before he was there, getting out of his own car right next to me. He was standing less than a foot from me, so there was no chance of my slipping by him unseen. "Crap!" I cried, knowing that my day had just gone from bad to worse. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about last night with Derek, and I knew all too well the only thing he was going to want to talk about was last night.

"Crap," he repeated. His tone sounded both surprised and intrigued, but what could he possibly have been expecting? Sure, he may have been the head of Neurosurgery and therefore Bailey's boss, but she was my resident. She picked my assignments, and she was the one who works with me directly. She was the one who could change her mind and make my life a living hell, or worse, go to the Chief. Regardless of all the sweet-talking Derek was so good at, what we had been doing was definitely against the rules, and we could still get in get I serious trouble for it. I could lose my spot in the program, and Derek could lose his career, something that I didn't want to have on my head. I didn't want to be the one who cost Derek Shepherd his career, because then there would be no hope for us. He wouldn't love me if his career tanked after this, and I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't love me if that were the case, which was why I had to stay away. Maybe when I was a resident, someone with more experience, then we would be able to make things work. But until then, it was safer for me to just stay away.

"Hi." My voice came out way higher than I intended it to. "I'm late," I added hastily, hoping that he would get the hint and leave me alone. The last thing I wanted was to be late. That was just adding insult to injury.

"You're avoiding me!" Derek exclaimed, chasing after me. He sounded pretty upset about that, and I couldn't understand why, after everything that had happened, he didn't see the need for us to quit while we were ahead. Though I wasn't sure that we were really ahead anymore.

"Yes," I admitted, lengthening my stride in the hopes of getting far enough ahead that he would leave me be, "but also late."

"Are-are we going to talk about this?" he said quietly, falling into step beside me. There was a hint of worry in his tone and I realized that he had been doing some thinking about this too.

"No." I was surprised at how firm I sounded.

"About us and Bailey and what she saw," he continued urgently, ignoring my reply.

"I don't need to talk about it," I said curtly. His refusal to just let this go was frustrating. "I experienced it. Naked."

At the mention of my lack of clothing, a very wicked grin spread across his face. His demeanour had completely shifted; there was no more worry about what ifs, instead he was back to his usual playful, flirtatious self. "This is getting complicated."

I couldn't believe him. Turning this all into some kind of excuse for him to flirt with me again. What a man. "Complicated for me! I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore!"

"Not that that's a bad thing." Derek's tone made it very clear that he thought I was overreacting. What a hypocrite! He was the one all worried about this five minutes ago. "If I was a better guy, I'd walk away."

"Yes, you would." And all my problems would be solved. Well, not all your problems, the little voice in the back of my head purred. I tried very hard to ignore it. I couldn't be thinking about the great sex with Derek when I was trying to push him away.

Derek frowned, as if something had just dawned on him. "Do you want me to be a better guy?"

I couldn't help the tiny smile that crossed my face, as I realized that I had Derek Shepherd sitting in the palm of my hand. He obviously didn't want to be the better guy, but if I told him that was what I wanted, he'd do it. I could tell him to pound sand and solve all my problems. I wouldn't have to worry about avoiding him anymore, because there wouldn't be any us to worry about. "Yes."

As soon as I saw the look on Derek's face, however, I realized the implications of what I had just said. "No." I wasn't ready to let him go just yet. The rational part of me knew that the best thing for us to do was to discontinue this...thing between us, but, in this case, the irrational part of me far outweighed the rational.

"Crap," I mumbled, as Derek stepped closer towards me, that sexy McDreamy smile spreading across his face. Now Iwas in the palm of his hand. "I'm late."

"Take your time," he called as I walked off towards the stairs. No way was I taking the elevator today. "Think about it." But, judging by the smile on his face, we both knew that he had won.

The silent treatment continued well into the morning. I wasn't sure which I preferred more: her silence or her yelling. The yelling wasn't pleasant, but Bailey wasn't the type to remain silent, either.

I'd thought that we'd be able to get through rounds without incident—and by without incident, I meant without any more incidents. I knew that Bailey was going to call on me, and all of the other interns seemed to have figured this out as well by now. None of them knew why, but at least they had stopped staring. All of that went out the window, however, when I saw Derek standing in the next patient room, filling out a chart. I could feel the dread filling the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't help noticing how attractive he looked. The combination of the navy blue scrubs and the black long-sleeved top he had on underneath brought out not only his eyes but also his hair, and effectively turned my insides to jelly.

"Morning." Bailey's voice, normally cordial when greeting patients, was sour, no doubt because of Derek's presence.

Derek glanced up briefly from his chart, a sign that he wasn't at all uncomfortable with Bailey's presence. "Mr Levangie, this is Dr Bailey and our fine staff of surgical interns." He grinned over his chart, and, though I was making a point of keeping my eyes averted from his, I could tell that smile was directed my way. He was still looking at me when I finally raised my eyes, and from the uncomfortable expression on his face, I could tell that Bailey was watching both of us and wasn't the least bit impressed.

"Welcome to hell, kids."

Up until now, I hadn't even noticed the patient that we were supposed to be rounding on. Now that I did, I couldn't help feeling a little shocked. He was an older man, in his sixties at least, and obviously a victim of Parkinson's. His daughter was helping him into bed, which couldn't have been an easy task, given how his whole body was wracked with tremors. I couldn't help wondering why he was here, and why he was a neurological patient. They hadn't discovered a cure for Parkinson's.

"Who's presenting?" Bailey sounded almost bored. I wanted to present, to say something, but based on Bailey's mood and the fact that Derek was here, I figured it was better to keep my mouth shut.

"Edward Levangie, sixty-three year-old man admitted for pain management for dyskinesia." George's voice is clear and authoritative. "He's been stable since last night and responding well to the bolus injections." So that explains why he's here.

Derek kept trying to catch my eye over Mr Levangie's bed. It was disconcerting, especially since Bailey was right there watching us. I may not have wanted him to be the better guy, but I didn't want him making things any worse than they already were either.

"Izzie, possible treatments?"

"For Parkinson's disease? Um, deep brain stimulation is shown to—"

"Not for Parkinson's," Derek interrupted. "For spinal pain."

Izzie looked panicked. "Well, um," she mumbled, reaching in her pocket for her note cards.

I couldn't stay silent now, especially when I knew the answer without having to go check it and Derek was looking at me like he expected me to say something. To hell with Bailey. I wasn't going to sacrifice my reputation as one of the top interns just because she was pissed about what happened between Derek and me. "Intra-spinal catheter. That way he can have constant pain medication."

He nodded, smiling slightly. "Excellent. This is Dr Grey," he said to Mr Levangie. "She's going to prep you for the procedure and assist."

There was a long silence. I couldn't have been more relieved when Derek's pager went off because it meant he wouldn't be staring at me anymore with that stupid smile on his face. "Excuse me." Still smiling, he exited the room.

Everyone—me included—watched him go, stunned. "You make yourselves busy. I'll catch up with you." I could tell from Bailey's tone that she was not at all impressed with what had just gone on.

I knew I should do something about this. I knew I should go up to Derek and tell him that he couldn't pick me, not today, not after everything that had happened, but at the same time, I wanted in on this surgery. I hadn't been in on a surgery since, well, since Bailey caught us in the car, and I really wanted to be able to observe something. Anything. So if it meant I'd have to face the wrath of Bailey for another few weeks, then that's what it would mean. Besides, it's not like Derek would let me opt out. Whether I liked it or not, I was stuck.

To play it safe, I decided to stay away from Derek until the surgery. He was spending most of the day with Bailey anyways, consulting on the lady who had come in with the giant tumour, so I thought that maybe if I stayed away, Bailey would forget about this morning, or at least not be so pissed about it. Unfortunately, Mr Levangie's daughter asked me to convince her father to consider brain stimulation so that he might be able to walk her down the aisle at her wedding next month, which meant that I needed to seek Derek out to get his opinion. I wasn't foolish enough to walk in there and try to convince Mr Levangie to undergo brain surgery without consulting the brain surgeon who'd be operating on him.

I found out from a nurse that Derek was in the exam room with Bailey and Burke, looking at Annie's scans. I waited inconspicuously by the door, feeling a strong sense of déjà vu. It wasn't too long ago that I'd stood like this outside Katie Bryce's room, waiting for Derek to emerge.

Burke came out first, and then Derek. He had his ferryboat scrub cap tied on his head, as if putting it on now would bring him luck in his upcoming surgeries, and was nursing a cup of coffee. I didn't really want to come up to him like this, especially since Bailey was probably right behind him, but I'd promised Mr Levangie's daughter that I would talk to him about surgery, and to do that, I needed to first talk to Derek.

"Dr Shepherd?" I tried to keep my voice calm and professional. "Mr Levangie. The Parkinson's patient. Is he a good candidate for DBS?"

Derek eyes flickered to something over my shoulder before replying, "Yes, but he's not interested." His voice was surprisingly cold.

"Okay, but I think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him."

"We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake." Derek's tone is anything but friendly. "There is a risk a paralysis, a risk of death, and the patient doesn't want it. It's not my job to push him into anything, and it's definitely not yours." For a moment I couldn't understand why he was being so harsh, but then I caught a glimpse of Dr Bailey standing outside the exam room, watching. He's showing Bailey that he's not favouring me, I thought to myself. But that doesn't mean he needs to lash out at me when I haven't done anything wrong.

"Okay," I began, immediately backing off, but at the same time hoping to be able to explain this to him more reasonably, or at least get him to talk to Mr Levangie's daughter, but Derek didn't let me.

"Since you're clearly uncomfortable with my decision in this case, it's probably best you don't scrub in."

What?! Not scrub in? I could understand him being a little sharp with me because Bailey is watching, but kicking me off the case? That was uncalled for. "But—" I protested.

"It's a minor procedure," Derek snapped. "You won't be missed."

I couldn't believe it. I could understand him not wanting to favour me, but that meant that he shouldn't have put me on the case to begin with. Now that he'd chosen me, he couldn't just kick me off the case for no reason. He could talk to me, explain to me in private that he's taking me off the case so that Bailey won't make my life even worse than it already is, not yell at me for something perfectly reasonable. If it had been any other intern, he wouldn't have kicked them off the case, regardless of whether or not he agreed with the idea of pushing DBS. He didn't have to be such an ass about it. Honestly.

I'd told him I didn't want him to be the better man, but if this was his definition of a not better man, then I wasn't sure that I wanted him at all, regardless of what kind of man he was.

"Bailey was on a warpath. I was trying to protect you."

Derek leaned further across Mr Levangie's bed, trying to explain to me why he'd treated me the way he did outside the exam room. We were taking Mr Levangie back to his room, having successfully completed the DBS procedure.

After Derek had yelled at me outside the exam room, I'd decided to end it. It was the only thing left to do. I couldn't take this kind of abuse every day at work. Once I stopped seething after the way that Derek had treated me, however, it didn't seem like such an easy task. All I had to do was tell Derek that I wanted him to be a better man, that this was just too much for me to be dealing with in my intern year, but every time I decided to head off and do it, I couldn't. The thought of calling it off made me slightly nauseous. It was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do. So why was it so hard?

I was still mad at Derek for the way he had treated me. I hadn't deserved to be given the case, but I hadn't deserved to be beaten over the coals either. Ending our relationship wasn't going to be the best way for me to get my revenge, though. A better thing for me to do would be to persuade Mr Levangie to get the procedure, so that Derek would have no choice but to let me scrub in. At least that way, I would deserve to be in on the procedure.

Convincing Mr Levangie had actually been easier than I thought it would be, and the look on Derek face when I told him that Mr Levangie had agreed to do the procedure today was pretty priceless. Once he recovered from the shock, he'd actually looked quite pleased with me, like he was glad that I had risen to the occasion instead of backing off. And the surgery had been great. Being able to watch Mr Levangie's hands stop shaking and know that they were better because of what I had been able to do, what Derek and I had been able to do together, was a great feeling.

I understood that kicking me off the case was his way of protecting me from the wrath of Bailey, but he had gone about it the wrong way. If he had really wanted to protect me, he never would have put me on the case in the first place.

"You trying to protect me is why she's on a warpath," I replied, hoping I didn't sound too frustrated. It wasn't fair to blame all of this entirely on Derek, but he hadn't exactly helped matters. "You can't do me favours. You can't ask me to scrub in when I haven't earned it."

"Okay," Derek said quickly. "Okay." But I wasn't finished.

"And you can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that either. I can take care of myself. I got myself into this mess, and I—"

"And you'll get yourself out?" Derek snapped incredulously. His eyes were full of accusations. You're just going to end it like that without even telling me? You're just going to make all the decisions without consulting me?

I sighed. That hadn't come out at all how I intended it to. All I had meant was that I could handle this myself. I didn't need him going out of his way to try and make things easier for me. "I—I don't know yet." I didn't want to leave Derek—that much had been proven this morning—but that didn't mean that my customary flight response hadn't completely disappeared. Things had gotten so complicated that the prospect or running was looking sorely tempting right now, regardless of how much I may or may not like Derek.

Derek's pager went off suddenly. Neither of us needed him to check it to know that it was Burke, calling him to help with Annie's tumour. They must have gotten over to the spine by now.

"Don't let me keep you," I said, unable to keep the teasing note out of my voice. Things were falling back into their old routine between us, as if everything this morning hadn't happened. The urge to flee as fast as I possibly could faded to the background again, though I wasn't stupid enough to think it was completely gone. It would be back. It always came back.

"You did great work here today." Derek's voice was gentle, and though his smile wasn't its usual full-blown McDreamy, it was kind.

Watching him walk away, I felt kind of bad for berating him the way I had at lunch. He had only been trying to protect me. Sure, he hadn't had the best way of going about it, but his intentions had been pure, and with a smile like that, it was impossible to stay mad at him for long. I sighed. "Dr Shepherd?"

"Yeah?" He turned, grinning at me.

"I'm sorry I called you a jackass," I said reluctantly.

Derek frowned, confused. "You didn't."

"I did," I admitted. "Twice."

Derek just shook his head incredulously.

"Tell you what Blondie," Mr Levangie said as Derek walked away. "If you don't marry him, I will."

I couldn't help grinning as I pushed the gurney into the elevator.

I had never been a fan of sunrises. There was something very romantic and lovely about them, and, well, romantic and lovely had never really been my thing. I had been awake for plenty of sunrises, but most of the time I was drunk, hung-over, or working. I'd just never been the sit-back-and-watch-the-sun-rise kind of girl.

Curled up here in the front seat of Derek's Jetta with his arms around me, my head resting against his chest, I had to admit this was kind of nice. I wouldn't mind doing this more often. Lying here with him made everything else fall away. It was so easy to forget about Bailey and my mother and what was going to happen when everyone found out about us, because that was bound to happen eventually. Everything happening outside didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was us. Me and Derek. Derek and I. I loved the way the words seemed to flow, and let them roll around my brain in an endless loop. Derek and I. Derek and I. Derek and I.

I could picture Izzie and Cristina's reactions to this. Cristina would shake her head in disgust at how I was letting a boy get in the way of my career, while Izzie would laugh and tell me that I'm really falling for him now. A month ago, that comment would have sent running with my tail between my legs. I didn't do attachments. My kind of relationship was the kind that lasted one night, maybe two, and was easily forgettable. Now, though, the thought of falling for Derek didn't seem so terrifying. I'd never admit it to Izzie, but I could see myself settling down with Derek and being quite happy with it. Possibly forever.

The sky was glorious, bursting with peach and gold and scarlet, with the sun rising like a giant, flaming orange in the middle of it all. The water of the bay spread out below, its dark, rippling surface peppered with slivers of crimson and rose and orange reflected from the sky. A lone ferryboat chugged through the water, lights sparkling in the pre-dawn, carrying the very first load of people into the city from the other side of the bay. I wondered if Derek was watching the water too, after all, I had promised him a spectacular view of the sunrise over the ferryboats, but the moment was too perfect to spoil. If Derek was missing this, well, that was his own fault.

As the day emerged in a splendid burst of colour, Mr Levangie's words echoed in my head. If you don't marry him, I will. Did I really want to marry Derek? Did I want to marry anyone? I'd always said that I didn't want to get married, especially after the disaster that was my parents' marriage, but after having met Derek, I wasn't sure anymore. When I looked into my future, the only sure thing I could see was Derek.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek murmured into my hair. He shifted slightly beneath me and pulled his arms a little tighter, effectively trapping me against his chest. It was a wonderful feeling, waking up in those arms. I felt safe there. Whole. Like I could go out into the world and make all sorts of mistakes and say and do all of the wrong things and it wouldn't matter because I would have Derek to come home to, and he would make it all go away.

I shrugged, snuggling against him. I wasn't so sure that my thoughts about marriage and my future—our future, the little voice whispered—were things that I wanted to share with Derek just yet. "Nothing. Just admiring the sunrise."

"Mmm," Derek rumbled, rubbing his hands lazily along my forearms. His fingers left trails of goosebumps along my flesh. "It is a lovely sunrise."

"You know, it would be lovelier if you were actually enjoying it," I said, squirming as his lips roamed across my throat. "You're missing the ferryboats." The lone ferry had disappeared from my line of vision; the white ripples across the water the only sign that it had ever been there.

"Ferryboat," he corrected, lips ceasing their assault on my skin. "There was only one ferryboat."

"Well, there will be more. You just have to be patient." So he had been paying attention after all.

"I can be patient. I can be very patient," he murmured, fingers beginning their exploration of my forearms once again. It was very hard to concentrate when he was touching me everywhere. The whole beauty of the sunrise was beginning to be completely lost on me.

I rolled my eyes. "Patient? You? You've been hounding me to go out with you since my very first day at work."

Derek chuckled, leaning back against the seat. The sound, deep and rich, filled the cabin. It was a delightful sound. "Yes, and all my hard work paid off, didn't it? Would you rather I had left you alone?"

"Well...no," I admitted reluctantly.

I couldn't see his face, but I was almost positive he was smirking. "You know, I'm glad you don't want me to be the better man," he whispered, now fiddling with a piece of my hair.

"Yeah." I felt quite relieved myself. "So we're really going to do this?" I asked, turning in his arms so that I was facing him. The sheer handsomeness of him took me by surprise again, and, not for the first time, I wondered exactly what I was getting myself into. If I were rational, I would tell Derek to walk away. Better yet, I would walk away, but I wasn't really in the mood to be rational, not when the irrationality seemed so perfect.

"We're really going to do this," Derek agreed firmly. He seemed so sure that everything was going to work out. It was hard not to share in that certainty, especially when I wanted so much for everything to work between us. I needed something now, something to take my mind of work and my mother, and Derek was the perfect thing. The only thing.

"It'll have to be a secret," I said. "The last thing I want is the whole hospital knowing about this." I didn't need any more complications to life right now. Things were hard enough as they were.

Derek grinned. "I can do a secret romance. Sneaking out in the dead of night, discreet encounters in the on-call rooms, secret flirting, car sex. It'll be like high school all over again."

"Hah. I'm glad you find this so amusing."

"Well, you have to admit, your desire to keep this secret if pretty cute." Derek smirked.

I wanted to smack him. He really was impossible. I was trying to have a serious conversation here, and all he could do was mock me. This wasn't funny. Nothing about this was funny. Derek might be sure that this was all going to go without a hitch, but I didn't exactly share his optimism. I wanted to give this a shot because I didn't really have any other choice, but there was a lot for me to lose here. I was the intern, the nobody, and that made this whole thing a lot more serious for me than it did for him, the world-renowned neurosurgeon. "My desire to keep this secret is entirely practical," I replied indignantly. "What we're doing has already gotten us in enough trouble. If we're going to make this work, we need to be careful."

"Hmm," Derek agreed, burrowing his face in the junction between my neck and shoulder. "Very careful."

"Seriously!" I gasped, as his fingers dipped below the waistband of my jeans, which I'd pulled back on to avoid freezing in my sleep. Not that I'd slept that much. "What happened today can't happen again. You can't favour me over everyone else, and you can't berate me for no reason either. You've got to treat me like any other intern."

"You really want me to treat you like any other intern?" Derek asked teasingly, mouth moving along the line of my shoulder.

"Well, at work, yes," I said, trying to maintain some degree of composure. It was so hard to think clearly when his mouth and fingers were roaming all over. "I mean if Bailey—"

The rest of my words were cut off as Derek smothered my lips with his. It wasn't a particularly steamy kiss, but it was enough to make me forget all about what I had been trying to say.

"You need to stop worrying so much," he murmured, forehead pressed against mine. "Whatever happens, happens. We'll deal with it."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Now come on." He grinned, pushing his coat—another garment that had been donned to keep me warm—off my shoulders. "We've still got another few hours until I have to start treating you like an intern again."

So this is the end of the officially banked chapters. Chapter four is half-done, and so I should be able to finish it within the week, but the other ones may take longer to write, so the last three updates probably won't be as quick as these have been.

Reviews are love! :)