CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The amber necklace was heavy, Emma felt like she had an anvil around her neck, it actually made it hard to breathe. The moment Hook had slipped it over her head, lowering it to rest between her breasts she'd wanted to rip it off. It was like it was sucking the life out of her, smothering her in some sort of cloying fog that seeped in between her bones.
But the trinket had cost him. It was etched into every pained inch of his face exactly just how much it had cost. He'd confronted his Crocodile and had to let him go, worse he'd been forced to make a deal, on her behalf. He hadn't wanted to tell her the specifics of the deal, he had said it was a conversation for another day... one where she'd learnt to control her magic. That hadn't encouraged her, but he had remained stubborn in his silence. She knew from experience that he'd tell her in his own time and that pressing him wasn't going to get her anywhere, but it didn't make it any less frustrating. The fact that he'd told her so much, that the deal was 'hers', but the way he'd said it made her think that he'd bargained something too.
She should have been furious, not so long ago she would have been. But she wasn't the same person anymore, and despite her best efforts to resist it, she trusted Killian with her life, she'd had to, frequently and somehow he always pulled through for her. She trusted him now, it was strange but it was the idea that she trusted someone so implicitly that actually bothered her, it should have been the other way round, which meant she was clearly as screwed up as she'd always thought she'd be. Which probably explained how she'd ended up here...
Emma sighed, staring up at Regina's manor house, wondering how much disappointment she could bear to face if she just turned around, went back and crawled into bed with Hook, downed a bottle of rum and shut the rest of the world out.
But she'd promised.
Damn him, he always asked right when she was feeling most vulnerable... and naked.
Jukes cleared his throat. Subtle. Emma gave him a sideways look. He just shrugged, her unflappable body guard, here on pain of death to ensure she didn't float back to Neverland, or blow up her reluctant teacher.
She in no way imagined that Hook wasn't somewhere, lurking, Regina had stipulated that he wasn't to come, something about his unstable emotional energy... or hers when he was around, either way, Emma seriously doubted he was far despite his protestations about having a lazy day in bed.
Emma stepped onto the porch, not even needing to knock, it seemed Regina had been waiting, she opened the door arms crossed, a smug expression quirking her lips as she stared at her, clearly enjoying the idea that Emma 'needed' her. But her expression was lingering on Jukes who was following at her heel.
"Miss Swan. Come in," her hand went out inches from Jukes' chest. "Your guard dog can stay outside."
"Where the Lady goes, I go." Jukes seemed to grow several feet with that statement and even Regina paused, clearly deciding how much magic it might require her to abuse, just to get him to do as she wanted.
Clearly she decided it wasn't worth it as Regina leant in closer to him. "If you insist. But remove your shoes, and don't sit on the white couch." She snapped, stepping aside to let them into the large front hall of her home. Jukes just stared his expression unnervingly blank until she looked away, refocusing instead on Emma.
"Miss Swan, if you please." Regina indicated for her to follow, as she led her through the house and straight out into the back garden, the door slammed behind them without being touched Emma noticed, right in Jukes face. Regina turned and gave him a cold look through the glass. Jukes stalked right up to it and met her gaze unflinchingly from behind it, it seemed ridiculous that the simple glass and wood frame could hold him, but he inclined his head at Regina, and pulled up a chair from inside and set it down directly in front of the glass.
"Was that really necessary?" Emma sighed as Regina turned and stepped casually over to her, kicking her heels off and shrugging off her suit jacket, until she was stood in front of Emma in a simple blouse and suit pants; looking almost casual.
"Miss Swan, you are about to be stripped emotionally bare, forgive me for assuming you might prefer what meagre privacy those wooden glass doors provide." Regina gave her a knowing look and Emma felt herself swallow uneasily. Regina was being 'nice', this was not a situation she'd expected to be in.
"Thank you." Emma managed quietly, not imagining it was a word Regina was overly familiar with hearing. "For that, and for this." She indicated between them.
Regina nodded. "Yes well, I highly doubt you will be thanking me soon enough." She stepped right up to Emma who remained unflinchingly still as she reached out, pulling loose the pendant from her shirt and tracing its outline almost tenderly. "I wore this once." She admitted quietly, like it was some sort of shameful secret, their eyes met and Emma could smell the faint hint of Regina's perfume between them, reminding her just how very real this woman was and how much she had probably been through. "Rumplestiltskin's methods are cruel, but effective." She sighed, dropping the pendent, but not stepping back out of Emma's personal space. "Remove it." She instructed.
Emma frowned, touching the pendant. She'd been desperate to remove this damn thing since Hook had draped it over her head first thing this morning, but now, the idea of doing so seemed like very much the opposite of what she should be doing... or was that just because it was Regina suggesting it.
"Miss Swan." Regina leant in close, so close that Emma could see the flecks of colour in what she had assumed previously were merely brown eyes, "Let me make something clear, if you are here to learn from me, you will listen and you will obey my every command. Remove the pendant."
Emma sighed, she needed Regina, needed to get a grip on this magic thing, which meant she had to follow Regina's rules, at least for now. She slipped the pendant off her neck and placed it in Regina's waiting palm. Regina shuddered the moment it made contact with her skin and she placed it carefully but quickly on the garden table.
"Why did you have to wear it?" Emma new better than to give in to her curiosity, but Regina had been the one to bring it up, she would have been a fool not to press the opportunity, and if Neverland had taught her nothing else, it was to be no one's fool.
Regina kept her eyes on the harmless looking object, but her brow creased slightly. "It was a punishment." She admitted her voice strained. "Magic is power you see. Rumplestiltskin wanted to make that particular lesson quite clear to me when he took mine away and left me stranded in the Infinite Forest with this... enchanted thing hanging around my chest like a lead weight."
Emma cast it another cursory glance, that was almost exactly how she'd felt, only she'd voluntarily placed it over her head... and been able to remove it. Emma eyed Regina with this new information, a dawning realisation as to just how much this rehabilitation from magic must have cost Regina, it clearly went against everything she had been conditioned to feel and believe in. Her respect for the woman unwittingly rose another notch.
Of course Regina had to go and ruin it. "This must have cost you a pretty penny Miss Swan, I can't imagine Gold gave that trinket up without a serious down payment against your soul."
Emma frowned. "Hook made the deal." she shrugged, dismissing it, she trusted him, a few cutting words from the Evil Queen weren't going to shake that newly realised belief.
Regina smiled thinly at her. "Yes, well, the Pirate King seems to have turned over a noble leaf when it comes to you." She squared up to her. "But don't be fooled Miss Swan, he is a cold blooded killer who cares for nothing and no one. You are no different. I should know, I hired him once to kill my mother."
Emma snorted, hardly surprised, but having met the sweet Cora, she could hardly blame Regina, in fact she thought she'd turned out remarkably stable considering the evil witch who'd birthed her. "How about we not discuss Hook, I have enough disapproved tutting to deal with from Mary Margaret without hearing it in stereo."
"I don't like that killer being around Henry." Regina lost whatever civility she had been trying for as she raised her finger in warning, reminding Emma of the last time she'd tried that tact with her on the boat, and exactly how her unstable magic had responded to the threat.
Emma swallowed the rage her comment caused, seething inside that this woman was again taking her to task over Henry. But then that was the bargain she had made when she gave him up she had made her bed, this was her lying in it. "Noted." She bit out. "Can we get on with this?"
"Certainly Miss Swan. Now that your leash has been removed, I imagine you are just bubbling over with the need to release all that pent up energy." She quirked an eyebrow at her and Emma got the distinct feeling like she was being mocked; only she didn't get the joke.
"Something simple perhaps." Regina was back to giving her that predatory smile. "We'll try having you move something by sheer will... if you succeed at that, perhaps we can move on to more taxing techniques.
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Emma felt like she was about to pass out, her heart was pounding so heart and there was a sheen of sweat across her skin as she bent over, trying to catch her breath. But the damn plant pot had moved. That was the important thing.
"Congratulations Miss Swan, you have after..." she checked her watch, her tone thick with derision, "four hours, managed to focus your mind enough to channel your magical potential into shifting a relatively small pot a few inches."
"Bite me." Emma bit out, straightening up and trying not to wince as every bone in her body seemed to protest. Not the most mature of responses, but she was encouraged by it.
Regina smirked. "My dear, I knew you were emotionally closed off, but honestly this is ridiculous. How on earth do you expect to learn control, if you are terrified of actually feeling anything!"
Emma opened her mouth to protest and closed it again with a sick feeling. Exposed and raw. That was what Regina had said she would be when they had finished, she was neither. Just exhausted. Which meant she had failed.
"What do you expect Madam Mayor." Emma snarled, "You don't exactly promote a safe and secure sharing environment. I might have better luck with Archie than here, because clearly you and I can't get past all the crap that's between us and our families." Emma went to stalk away, surprised when Regina caught her arm.
Emma was about to shrug her loose when she felt a surge of energy rush through her, like an electric shock, but so much more powerful as it resonated inside of her, and for the barest moment she felt the potential, the deep reservoir inside of her bubbling away, just like Regina promised. Emma noticed Regina flinch, clearly feeling the same thing, but she didn't let go. There's eyes met and Emma saw the flicker of concern there.
"Emma." Regina spoke quietly now, the use of her name seeming to startle them both, "You possess the kind of magic that people have killed for. Rumplestiltskin cursed himself to obtain the type of power you were born with. God knows what my mother did to ensure that the black arts Rumple taught her passed along to me." Their eyes locked. "Magic like that, it wants out... even your stubbornness can only contain it for so long before it finds a way. If that happens, it will control you. Not the other way around."
Her grip was unerringly tight, Emma glanced at her hand, watching as Regina realised with alarm she was still holding on as she released her hastily.
"Is that concern for me I hear Regina?" Emma taunted, relying on her tried and tested defence mechanisms to protect herself from the fear Regina's warning had ignited inside of her.
Regina gave her a pained smile that seemed truly pitying. "Concern for us all dear."
Emma felt her shoulders slump, she wanted to rage against this woman, force her to take back her words, but she knew she was only speaking the truth, hard to believe as it was, Regina was trying to help her.
"What would you have me do Regina?" Emma relented, risking herself in a genuine moment of weakness to the Evil Queen.
Regina moved across to the table and retrieved the pendent, again eliciting a shudder the moment her skin made contact with it, as she carried it uneasily back to her. Emma bowed her head, accepting the talisman as Regina dropped it back around her neck with no small amount of relief.
"Come back tomorrow, we'll start again." Regina instructed, crossing her arms and almost daring her to argue.
Emma nodded, turning away.
"Try and come back in a less hostile frame of mind." Regina called after her, causing Emma to pause, but she didn't look back, just stiffened her shoulders and stalked very deliberately up the steps to open the door and retrieve her guard dog. Jukes stood, giving her a nod, but saying nothing as he followed her out of the house she couldn't bear to be in for a moment longer.
As they cleared the property Jukes' hand went down on her shoulder. "Forgive an old sailor his observation My Lady, but the witch see's what she wants to see when she looks at you." Emma turned looking up at him, he wasn't what you would call a sympathetic figure, his tattooed and weather beaten face bore the scars of a violent life, but there was an openness to him that disarmed her sometimes. Why this hulk of a man had chosen to indebt himself to her after the incident with the mermaid she didn't know, Hook had mentioned something about a history with the mermaids, but he hadn't elaborated and she hadn't asked. But clearly he had chosen to invest his rather varied skills to paying her back for whatever he considered his debt to be.
"And what is it you see?" Emma queried, cocking a challenging eyebrow at him.
"I see a woman that has lived a hard life... 'tis only instinct to protect ourselves from a life like that, it builds survivors My Lady, that is nothing to be ashamed of."
"Well right now, that hard shell of mine seems to be causing me more harm than good." Emma sighed, feeling like she should feel guilty for merely learning to survive.
"Funny thing about shells," Jukes noted, squeezing her shoulder. "They crack when we outgrow them."