A/N I don't usually ask this of you guys but I need you to make sure that in the middle of this when you get pissed off – DON'T STOP READING! This needs to be read in one sitting because while it might infuriate you at one point, it will redeem itself in the end. Please, please, please trust where I'm going with this!

As per usual I love you all.

Chapter 35: Second Guess

"Come on babe, why else would someone sleep with you? It's not like he could actually have feelings for you. You're not a good person."

The words cut her like a knife and the anger dissipated, replaced by grey clouds of doubt and second-guesses. There were so few people in this world that could hurt her, and because she'd spent a good part of her life pining over him, Neal was one of them. It sounded ridiculous but even if there were no remnants of affection for him, her subconscious dictated that he had a special place that could still make her feel one inch tall. She pulled her arm roughly away and started walking back to the apartment, gripping the sugar still in her hand to the point that her knuckles were white. His words plagued her over and over as she walked back to the apartment.

Every time his words replayed she scolded herself for the doubt he'd seeded into her faith in Killian. And yet there was a broken part of her, the self-preserving part that had distanced her from the world, which said he was right. The pirate's actions began to twist in her mind, morphing from acts of compassion to fleeted attempts to woo her.

The heaviness of her thoughts pulled her down into the mindset of the unsure girl who'd been put in prison. The girl who'd fallen too hard, too fast and paid the price flashed in her mind's eye. Brick by brick, the walls guarding her started rebuilding as she nearly jogged home. She couldn't let herself be hurt again. She couldn't let him in, she couldn't, she wouldn't. But she already had. So now she'd have to fix it quickly like pulling off a Band-Aid.

Emma reached the building and hesitated before taking the stairs to her apartment. When she reached the door she took a deep breath before opening it. The second it creaked she heard the two presences making their way towards the door.

Killian was the first to reach her, grasping her elbow lightly, "Where were you, love? What took you so long?" His eyes landed on her cheek and widened. Emma pulled her arm away, a move that surprised and confused the pirate.

"What happened?" Killian asked, reaching up to touch the red mark on her face. The blonde avoided his touch, turning away and touching it gingerly herself.

"I ran into Neal," she said simply. The man opposite her growled and Henry took a step back in disbelief.

"He slapped you?" the boy asked, immediately frowning. Emma moved past both of them and walked towards the kitchen, setting down the sugar and leaning on the bench. Henry came around the counter and asked the question again, prompting his mother to nod. Her brows were furrowed; still drowning in her own thoughts. She was too consumed by her own internal debate to even consider being angry about Neal.

Henry shook his head, "I… Mom, I don't want to see him any more… at all." The announcement didn't at all surprise anyone in the room and Killian put his hand on the lad's shoulder.

"It's alright, mate. We know -"

"Killian, I'm his mother. I can handle this," the saviour interrupted stoically, lifting her head from where it had been resting in her palms. The man looked at her with a slightly wounded expression but she ignored it. Henry mirrored the pirate's expression.

"Are you okay, Mom?" her son asked warily, stepping lightly now that he could see there was definitely something more wrong. Neal's presence didn't usually have that effect on her. Killian noticed this as well.

"Emma, can I talk to you a moment?" he asked. She nodded indifferently. "In private," he reiterated, nodding to her room. Emma narrowed her eyes distrustfully; she would not be wooed to bed again. Now, it seemed, all of his actions were taking on a new light.

"Henry, can you go upstairs to your room for a moment. I need to speak to Hook," she said. The use of his moniker immediately took effect and the young boy looked in shock at his mother. That was nothing compared to the hurt that flashed in Killian's eyes. Hesitantly, Henry moved towards the stairs, turning back once before walking up them towards his room. As his door closed, the pirate took a step forward.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked, reaching out to touch her arm. When she jerked away from his touch he cocked his head to the side, slightly indignant now.

"Don't… don't do that," she said, looking down at his hand and hook instead of his face.

"Do what?" he asked, absolutely lost as to what happened.

"Act like you actually care."

"What? Emma, love, you aren't making and sense." Killian reached out to touch her again and was met once again with rejection.

"I know what you're doing!" she suddenly yelled, fists balled up at her side.

"What did Neal say to you?" the pirate suddenly asked, anger tinting his smooth features. Her blonde hair bounced as she shook her head rapidly.

"It doesn't matter; I know I'm just a game to you! All you wanted was to screw me! You said it yourself last night!" Emma said and watched sadly as her pirate took a step back in offense.

"You know that isn't true, Emma. I told you I lo –"

"Don't say it if you don't mean it!" she cried, cutting him off. He looked around the room as if the walls held the answer to the questions swarming his mind.

"I do mean it! If I recall correctly, you are the one who has refrained from telling me what you feel! And you were the one who kissed me; you were the one who pulled me into your bedroom. If I wanted to bed you and be done with it why would I have hesitated? Why would I not have gotten up and left this morning?" he replied angrily, temper rising.

"You tell me! Why are you still here? Shouldn't you have left by now?" Emma retorted, crossing her arms defensively across her chest.

"I have been given many names in my life, but never have I been given the name Neal," he said. The blonde looked up at him, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm not –"

"I'm not him! I'm not going to leave you! Damn it, Emma. I've fought for you at every bloody turn, I moved in here and away from my ship because you needed me, I've all but given up on my revenge for you! What else do you want from me?" he said frustratedly, stepping forward and grasping her arms. Emma looked into the blue eyes she recognised and tears began to form against her will.

"I want you to go," she said, her voice breaking on the last word. This had to be done, she couldn't be hurt again. Not again, she told herself on repeat as another part of her screamed to let this ridiculous argument go. But the protective instinct was stronger, the instinct to run from whatever had bloomed between them. Because it would only result in pain.

Killian shook his head softly, "I'm not giving up on you."

"You already got what you came for. Just… just go and be done with me," she replied, tediously holding herself together.

"I will never be done with you." When she had nothing to reply, there was only one word that could personify what she thought she needed. Whether it was actually what she needed was another question entirely.

"Go," Emma said again, stepping out of his grip and blinking back tears. The pirate took a deep breath, stared at her for a second before stalking from the room. As the door slammed behind him, the saviour felt a part of her heart break. She was so sure that doing this would protect her, doing this would safeguard her heart. And yet the idea that she'd just pushed him away was far more painful than anything else she'd felt.

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He took the steps two at a time, anger boiling up and washing over him in waves. He strode from the building, out the door and down the street towards the main part of town. The streets were emptier than usual and he was glad about it, there needn't be people around to see this. There were only so many places he would have to search.

The pirate went to the grocer first, scrutinising each aisle twice before leaving. The diner was bustling with activity and he moved towards it, every step slamming down against the pavement. He passed the people sitting outside without batting an eyelid, walking purposefully to the door and opening it harshly. At the sharp ding, Ruby looked up from the counter.

"Killian? What's wrong?" the dark-haired woman asked upon noticing the murderous expression on the pirate's face. The people who knew about what happened to Emma had taken to calling him by his given name. Apparently saving her made him worthy of that much. He ignored the waitress and scanned the room.

Icy blue eyes landed on a head at the back of the diner, one that was facing away. But he knew who it was; he recognised the hair and some primal urge in his gut pushed him forward. Killian reached the booth in the back corner within seconds, a confused Ruby following him.

The man in the booth looked up and smirked, clearly satisfied. He slid out of the booth and stood up in front of the pirate, smoothing his shirt. Neal opened his mouth to speak but was cut off when Killian's fist connected with his face, a satisfying crack echoing through the room. The sheer force of the hit sent him to the ground and Ruby was quick to interject, trying to stand between the two men. She looked angrily at the pirate.

Killian ignored this and leaned over Neal.

"If you ever touch her again I will personally rip out your spleen and feed it to you," he said menacingly quiet, lifting his hook for emphasis. The man on the floor wiped the blood that was gushing from his nose and stood up roughly. Ruby's stance changed so she was now staring daggers at Neal.

"What happened?" the woman asked, speaking to the pirate.

"He slapped Emma," he growled in response. Ruby's gaze darkened as she eyed the man clutching his nose in an attempt to stifle the bleeding.

"That's assault," Neal said gruffly. The man abruptly fell down again and it took Killian a moment to realise the woman in front of him had just punched the imp, this time in the gut. He smiled inwardly and watched as she too walked over to him.

"I'd listen to what he said, unless you want to meet me when the moon's full. Just a tip; I'll be sporting a tail and sharp teeth," she said threateningly, allowing her eyes to flash gold for a moment. Neal scooted backwards before standing up.

"You'll never fully get her, you know. She's too screwed up to let anyone in, I'd just leave her alone," he said to the pirate. Killian took a step forward and was glad to see the man shuffle backwards an inch.

"I think you should leave. Henry doesn't want you here and neither does she."

"I was just trying to warn you, she's high maintenance," Neal said, starting to move back towards the door. The other man shook his head, his fist tingling with the urge to hit this spineless bastard again.

"She's worth fighting for," he finally said and took another step forward. Neal bustled out of the diner with speed the pirate didn't know he possessed. As he turned around, Killian noticed the whole room was staring at him. He'd caused quite a commotion.

Ruby smiled and nodded at him, a silent sign of respect for what he'd just done. He didn't actually know what he'd just done. He'd just… well; he'd wanted to defend her honour – even if that was an out-dated concept here. Emma didn't deserve to be treated the way that man had treated her. Wounded ego aside, Killian wasn't even angry about Emma rebuffing him. Quite frankly, he understood why she'd done what she'd done. The woman didn't want to be broken again, and the notion that she believed he could inflict damage meant something. It meant he had her heart in his hands and she was afraid he'd harm it.

Stalking out of the apartment had been a resolution to two issues. For one, his swan needed time alone to think about things. She hadn't been given time to consider and, in leaving for at least a little while, he had given that to her. Secondly, he had been overflowing with anger at the cause of the argument. He'd practically run from the apartment because he wanted to find Neal and he wanted to make sure the man never went near Emma again.

With both goals accomplished, Killian left the diner quickly; walking down the street back to the apartment. He hadn't lied about Emma being worth the fight. He would be damned if he let her slip through his fingers now.

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The house was quiet as she sat dejectedly on her unmade bed. There were no tears now, simply an ache in the pit of her stomach; a feeling of emptiness. He wouldn't come back, who would? Who could possibly put up with that? Everything she'd done, everything she'd said. There was no way any rational person would actually take that and still come back.

Henry was still up in his room, having probably heard her fight with Killian. The boy was intelligent enough not to come down and try to console her. She didn't want to be consoled, she wanted to rationalise with herself. It would do her good to defend her actions, reason with the voice in her mind that kept scolding her for pushing him away. It was what was best, probably for both of them. She didn't want to get hurt again and he needed someone who was more resilient, he deserved someone more resilient.

The sound of the front door broke her reverie and she quickly tried to straighten herself out, smoothing her shirt and wiping her eyes. It was likely to be Mary Margaret or someone. Emma would hate explaining the fight she had with Killian, especially to someone as calm and rational as her mother.

She stood up and prepared herself to leave the room when the door opened. It should have been obvious that it couldn't have been Mary Margaret; no one else had the bloody key except her, Henry and their recent roommate. Emma bit her lip as she eyed the man in the door frame, he was cradling his fist and she saw there were bruises blossoming on his knuckles.

She eyed them first, unwilling to meet his eye.

"What happened? What did you do?" the blonde asked.

Killian smirked in response, "Something I should have done a while ago."

Did you guys enjoy Killian punching Neal? I've wanted that forever and this chapter felt like it was right – and by the way I thought I should let y'all know that this fic is coming to an end pretty darn soon. Like… next chapter and then the epilogue.

Next chapter should have you guys spurting feels.