A/N: Special thanks to JerichoSteele for being a great second eye on chapter one, I always appreciate someone taking the time to help me improve! Reviews are greatly appreciated. :)
They ended up watching a few old reruns of America's Next Top Model and despite his halfhearted promise he made so many snide comments about the hysterics and catfights Kensi had finally changed the channel. He'd watched her carefully, quick glances when she wasn't looking, just to make sure she was okay. To anyone else she would have seemed perfectly fine. To him, the tiny crease between her brows and the way she had her arms crossed almost like she was hugging herself told him she wasn't. She was on the verge of cracking and all he could do was wait and be there when she did. There was no talking or sharing of feelings when it came to Kensi, she didn't operate that way. It took time and a lot of trust for her to open up, let him see just a small part of the tenderness she hid from the rest of the world.
It was just after midnight and 1978's Superman was flickering on the screen. Deeks felt his eyes grow heavy and he stretched, sighing as his back cracked and popped. He looked over and saw that Kensi had already fallen asleep, her head pillowed on her arms and legs curled under her. He debated between leaving her there and carrying her to bed, but decided that option number two would only result in a fist to his jaw. Deeks yawned and kicked off his shoes before stretching out beside her on the couch. He was well aware that he was probably crossing some sort of professional boundary, but then again he'd never really followed the rules anyway.
Kensi sighed in her sleep and a small smile crossed his features. She pulled at him in a way he couldn't quite pinpoint. All that confidence and strength wrapped up in a pretty spectacular package with just the tiniest hint of vulnerability. It was the vulnerability that got to him. It pulled a protectiveness out of him he didn't even know existed. He wasn't the white knight kind of guy, but something about her made him want to be. Deeks snorted and lay his head back. Not for the first time he was glad she couldn't hear his thoughts, he imagined she would laugh in his face. Kensi didn't need anyone to protect her, at least that's what she thought. He turned off the TV and closed his eyes, trying to shift into a comfortable position on the small couch. For a while there was only the sound of quiet even breathing. Every now and then a car would pass by and a dog would bark, but the sounds slowly faded as he slipped into a fitful sleep.
It was only a slight sound but Deeks jerked awake to stare at his surroundings in confusion, he was used to sleeping alone and it took him a moment to get his bearings. He heard it again, the slight whimper and the quick intake of breath before Kensi shot upright, her eyes wide with fear. Her eyes wheeled wildly around the room before meeting his and then she launched herself into his arms. It caught him by surprise, to find his hands full of trembling Kensi, but he immediately smoothed a hand over her hair in comfort.
"Hey, it was just a dream Kens, it's okay."
She let out a shuddering breath and then pulled away to scrub her hands over her face.
"God, sorry." She said, shaking her head. "You didn't have to stay."
She still felt shaky as the visions of the dream faded from her mind but the hot flush of embarrassment was quickly taking over. This time in her dream it hadn't been Eddie who she'd shot, but Deeks, and it was his blood that had been staining the ground. Kensi stood suddenly and went to her fridge to grab a bottle of water, stumbling over the sweater she'd tossed on the floor only yesterday. Deeks was watching her when she came back, and she wanted nothing more than to run into her room and throw the covers over her head but she bit down and looked him in the eye.
"You don't have to stay, I'm fine."
Deeks took the untouched water bottle from her hands and cracked it open, taking a long drink before handing it back to her.
"I'm not fine." He said
When Kensi only frowned at him he leaned back and stared at the coffee table as if he found it fascinating.
"I wasn't paying attention. I should have had my guard up and kept an eye on Eddie but instead I let him pull a gun on me and then you had to shoot him. I'm sorry," he said finally meeting her eyes again. "I could have prevented all of this."
"Don't pull that bullshit." Kensi said furiously, holding up a finger to silence him when he opened his mouth. "I made a mistake and you're trying to take the blame. I got emotional, I didn't think." Her voice broke and she brushed angrily at the tears that spilled. "All I could see was a gun to your head and I was so scared I just shot him. I didn't even give him a chance to stop. I killed him." The water bottle crunched in her hand as she squeezed her fist and she felt her knuckles warm as his hand closed over hers.
"You saved my life Kens, you did what you had to do. If anyone is at fault it's McCarthy, he's the one who put Eddie in the position he was in. If you hadn't reacted when you did both Eddie and I would be dead and you would be beating yourself up because you didn't act fast enough. Don't let McCarthy win this one."
Kensi shook her head and moved her hand from his.
"You don't understand. Every time, every time we go into a gunfight I am so scared I'll lose you. I'm terrified you'll get shot and I-." She broke off and moved to face away from him. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." She whispered, suddenly realizing just why so very few agents who worked together became involved. He was looking at her and she felt so afraid, so open, and everything inside of her rebelled against it. The big scary unknown of what was between them pulled at her and she shut it down, her only defense against the storm of emotions inside of her. Her nails bit into the palm of her flesh but she said the words anyway, because pushing him away was better than feeling like this.
"I don't think we should work together." The words burned out of her throat and left an empty hole right where her heart should have been. It was quiet for a long tense moment before Deeks spoke, his voice full of quiet fury.
"Don't bring us into this." He shifted forward and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same for Sam or Callen or any other member of the team Kensi. Sometimes we have to make a decision in a split second and there isn't time to think it through and make the smartest choice. Sometimes it's kill or be killed and I'm really glad you chose the way you chose because I'm not sure I would be here if you hadn't."
"But I let my emotions take over, what kind of agent can I be if I let it take over my training?" she asked, no longer caring how small and vulnerable her voice sounded.
"Did you? Because what I saw was you reacting in the blink of an eye and doing exactly what we were trained to do. Disarm the suspect in the fastest and most efficient way possible." He ran a hand over his face and let out a frustrated breath. "We weren't trained to deal with what happens after, when it isn't a suspect but someone who was a friend."
"So what do we do?" She asked, her eyes meeting his.
"We don't blame ourselves." He said, his hand reaching out to grab hers again.
It was as if a weight had lifted from her chest and the giddy relief had her letting out a slow breath.
"I trusted my training." Kensi said, holding his gaze. "It wasn't me getting emotional."
"No you didn't, in fact I would say that you did better than a lot of agents would have in that situation, including me." His thumb caressed her knuckles, sending warmth dancing up her arm. "You are amazing." He said it so quietly she almost thought she imagined it. The words touched a part deep inside of her that warmed and glowed.
"Thank you" she said, feeling suddenly exhausted. The push and pull of emotions had utterly drained her, but she lifted her eyes to meet his one more time. "We're going to get that sorry bastard and we're going to make him pay for what he did to Eddie and Melissa."
A slow smile crossed his face and he lifted a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "That's my girl," he said. The air changed and thickened, his eyes turned a deep blue as they dropped to her mouth and back up again. She swallowed hard and the hand she rested on his knee tensed as she felt her throat close up.
"Go to bed" he said, his voice rough.
Kensi was up like a rocket, her heart bumping wildly.
"Goodnight" she said, turning to her bedroom. Her hand hovered on the handle and she looked back to see Deeks stretching back out on the couch. It was an odd comfort to know she wouldn't be alone tonight and when she laid her head on her pillow she fell into an instant and dreamless sleep.
A/N: Thank you for the great welcome into the NCIS:LA fandom! Part three will be up soon and as for my other story W-2's, Beer, and a Couch, though I wasn't really planning on it I will add a second chapter there as well since a few people asked for one. Hope you enjoyed part 2 of Break!