AARON LIVESY
-The Chase-
"A Rougher Ride"
"Why are you here?" Ed asked.
"I'm here because I want to know why" he stated loud and clear. "Why did you do it to me?"
Ed hung his head whilst rubbing his hands together slowly, he never imagined this would happen that Aaron would come seeking answers. He looked back at the man he claimed to have loved. "I- I don't know Aaron"
"You don't know?" Aaron spat, angrily.
"Because I could" he shrugged. "I know it's not an answer you want to hear but that's all I can think of to say"
Aaron sighed and shook his head. "Because you could? So I was just a push over was I? Weak?"
Ed shook his head. "No, I- I just made you that way, I did because I was unstable, I loved you Aaron and I didn't want to lose you…it made me do some horrible things that I regret now, I really do…my counsellor she helps me"
"That's nice of her" Aaron's tongue was sharp but there was no other way he could be towards Ed.
"I don't know what this guy has done, I can see a little bit but that's just on the surface…"
Aaron simply shrugged. "I don't know either, he said he loved me like you used too…I just want to know why Ed, I need to know"
"I-I can't help you Aaron all I can possibly say is that none of it was your fault, I was messed up and I'm guessing the same goes for him"
Aaron nodded. "And that's all you can really say?" he was pleading now, Ed's reassuring words that it wasn't his fault mirrored what everyone else had said and he didn't believe them, he couldn't possibly, he made Jason do the things he had, he'd had to have done.
Ed nodded. "I'm sorry Aaron I don't know what you were expecting…"
Aaron nodded sadly and got to his feet. "Quick visit…"
"Stay…"
Aaron frowned and looked at Ed. "I came for answers and you still can't help me, I haven't come for a sociable chat with you, you'll not be seeing me again Ed, have a nice life"
When Aaron got back to the village it was dark and when he looked over at Smithy from the bus stop he couldn't face going in, not yet. So he started walking down the village and as he approached the garage he saw a light on through one of the windows. He frowned, and curiously walked up to the door at the side and pulled at it and it opened.
Cameron looked up quickly in his drunken state and got to his feet quickly. He swallowed hard when he saw it was Aaron.
"Cameron?" Aaron asked.
"Yeah, I uh…I need to go I'm sorry…." He slurred and he walked toward him quickly.
"Oh" Aaron said with a deep frown. "Have I done something?"
"No, no it's just…never mind" Cameron said as he sobbed and walked past Aaron and pushed open the door but Aaron reached out and grabbed his arm. "Please don't go" and Cameron could hear the pleading in his voice. Cameron turned quickly and looked him in the eyes and after a few seconds Cameron nodded and walked back in, returning to his place on the floor, with the half full bottle of whisky beside him.
Aaron followed him after locking them both in and sat beside him. "I couldn't face going back to Paddy's…not yet"
"I couldn't face going back to Debbie's…because I'm drunk and I know I am" Cameron told him then turned to face him. "You don't look very well Aaron"
Aaron shrugged and hung his head. "I'll live"
"I know" Cameron replied softly. "Listen I…I'm so sorry Aaron" he told him as he started to cry which surprised Aaron; to him Cameron was strong, untouchable.
"Why are you sorry?" Aaron asked gently.
"Because of what my brother did to you" he answered in between sobs.
"It's not your fault Cameron"
"But it is!" Cameron shouted which caused Aaron to jump. "It was because of me and my dad he was the way he was Aaron! Looking back now he was right, w-were horrible to him, he never could do enough, we always needed/wanted more from him, to push himself and now I know he did but then it was never enough" he sobbed into his hands and Aaron shuffled closer to him and put his arm around him. "And now he's gone!" he cried out loudly, a cry of sheer raw pain and guilt.
Aaron swallowed hard, he shook his head adamantly. "He-…he's not Cameron, he can't be…you're lying"
Cameron shot a look at Aaron. "Aaron he is, I saw him, he's gone mate, gone there's nothing left of him…he was so young" he told him as the tears still flowed.
Aaron struggled with his emotions and now hearing it from Cameron maybe it was true, Jason was dead. He frowned and shook his head again in denial but the difference this time was the tears. "No…" he whispered. "I-It's all my fault"
Cameron shook his head. "No, hey…shhh…I-it's not…" he told him as he reached out and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry!" Aaron shouted out several times as the tears came but Cameron held him for a long time until he calmed down.
After a while and worn out and completely exhausted both men were sat sharing the rest of the whisky on the floor of the garage. "I didn't want to see you" Cameron admitted.
"Why?" Aaron asked after taking a swig.
"Because I thought you'd blame me, and to be honest you'd have every right, but also because I didn't want to see the damage he's done, and now that I do it breaks my heart and all I can say is sorry…I-if Jason had got help instead of shooting himself he would have been okay in time and would have spent the rest of his life proving to you how sorry he was"
Aaron nodded. "I know he would have" he replied quietly. "After everything Cameron I still love him, in the beginning it was amazing" he smiled in memory of it all. "All I see now when I think of him or when I close my eyes is him standing with his arms folded on the crazy golf course in Whitby with the sun shining down on him, looking at me with that stupid cute grin of his…he looked stunning, he always did and I'll never forget him" he started to cry again. "I can't believe he's gone" Aaron told him and dropped his head in his hands. "Even when he started doing things to me I still loved him, I still wanted to be the best I could for him…but maybe I just wasn't enough really…I wasn't for Jackson, he wanted to die…then Ed he hurt me…Flynn…he wanted Chris…then Jason" he shrugged sadly. "What's wrong with me Cameron? M-maybe men aren't for me" he told him with a frown.
"I'm not having that Aaron…that thought is ridiculous, think of how happy you were in the good moments with Jackson, with Ed, Flynn and Jason, yeah there's amazing moments to be had with women mate but that's not you, you are gay"
"Then I'm gay…" Aaron muttered as he stared blankly ahead.
"What?"
"Oh just something Paddy said once"
"Well then yes Paddy's right"
"I'm saying stupid things Cameron, like that and earlier with my mum I said coming out was the worst thing I've ever done"
Cameron shook his head.
"But it's not and I know that, like you said thinking of the good times with those men…were filled with love so yes I was being stupid…but I don't know why I'm saying these things, I don't know much about anything anymore if I'm honest"
"That's understandable mate"
"But when people find out where I was before they won't understand"
"Why?" Cameron asked with a frown.
"I went to see Ed, in prison"
"You did? Why?"
"Because he's the only one who knows why he did what he did and it may have been the same for Jason"
"Okay…what did he say?"
Aaron scoffed. "Not much, that he was scared to lose me and it made him do the horrific things he did, and that it wasn't my fault but I-…I beg to differ"
"But he's right Aaron, none of what he did or what my brother did to you was your fault, you need to get that out of your head sooner rather than later"
"Maybe" he replied quietly.
"I'm sorry for trying to ignore you…like I say I just couldn't face you"
Aaron managed a smile. "It's alright" he sighed and started pushing himself to his feet.
"People will be worrying about you"
Aaron nodded. "I don't want to go back yet, I might go for a walk"
"What? Aaron its pitch black out there"
Aaron shrugged. "The dark's like a friend and no one can see me…it helps" he told him and started walking to the door. "Oh and Cameron" he said as he stopped at the door and turned to Cameron again. "It's not your fault either"
Cameron simply nodded and watched Aaron disappear leaving him to his own thoughts.
...
"Oi wake up!"
Aaron groaned at the intrusive voice, he was sleeping for god sake!
"Now!" the voice growled and with a sigh he snapped open his eyes and saw Cain glaring down at him, he jumped and examined his surroundings, he's slept outside at the pavilion, he remembered now as the haze of sleep left him. "Do you have any idea how worried everyone is?" Cain's tone was firm but not so much angry, just like he had said, worried.
Aaron sighed and shrugged his shoulders; Cain sighed and dropped down next to him. "Paddy, your mum, Adam even Flynn apparently have been calling you"
"Phone died after I left the prison"
"Prison? What prison?" Cain asked sharply.
"I went to see Ed alright, I needed answers"
"And did you get any?"
"No, shut up will ya?" Aaron snapped.
"Well then, you'll stay away from that scumbag in future won't ya?"
"I'll do what I like Cain, I needed to see him, end of"
"Alright fine…so now you know how worried they are, and me...Will you just come back with me?"
"Must be bad if you're worried, nothing rattles you" Aaron grumbled as he got to his feet.
"Yeah well it is bad isn't it Aaron?" Cain asked and they just shared a look.
As soon as he opened the door to Smithy Aaron ran up the stairs, he didn't want to see anyone and he certainly wasn't in the mood for talking. Cain walked into the kitchen and Paddy, Adam and his sister were sat at the table. "That was him I'm guessing?" Chas asked.
"Yeah I found him asleep at the pavilion"
Chas sighed and nodded. "I saw Cameron earlier; apparently he and Aaron had a chat last night in the garage, as we guessed he didn't believe Jason was dead…but it's safe to say he does now, Cameron held him in his arms for almost fifteen minutes while he just cried and cried"
Cain swallowed hard and took in his sisters words.
"What do we do now then?" Adam asked.
"Well to me, even without the abuse and all that we have to face it. We're back to square one just like after Jackson…" Cain started. "I know he and Jason weren't together as long as he was with Jackson but at the end of the day love is love innit?" his words received a resounding nod from them all. "But adding the abuse and the rest on top…well…" he stopped and sighed.
"We're in for a rougher ride than before" Adam said quietly and the other three just looked at him, knowing damn well that Adam was right.
"When does Hazel get here?" Chas asked Paddy.
"She was booking a flight as soon as we got off the phone; she told me she reckoned today, so probably later, maybe this evening"
"Good, where is she going to stay?"
"Just d-don't worry about that alright" Cain started. "I'll deal with that, hell I'd pay anything for that woman to help him, she's our only hope…I know dale head is free but I doubt she'll want that…I'll see Eric at the B&B and pay for a room for her and I'll continue paying it until he's alright"
"And coming from you it says a lot" Paddy added with a smile of appreciation.
"Of how much of a rut we're all in? Yeah I know" Cain countered.
"Cain is right though" Chas spoke "We know she can get through to him, she could again, but it doesn't mean I'm taking a step back cause I'm not, last time he cut himself to shreds, I'm not letting him do that again"
"It won't Chas, I won't let it either" Adam told her and Chas smiled and reached over and placed her hand over his and squeezed.
"There's something else I wanted to say…" Chas said as she turned back to Cain and Paddy. "As much as I don't think another relationship is good for him right now, I do think though that we should let Flynn be around a lot…day or night…you'd have to be blind to see that he doesn't love our Aaron…and yes they messed about after he came back but I really think Flynn wants to be with him and maybe my thinking has all gone to pot but it might just help Aaron aswell"
"Chas are you serious?" Cain asked.
Chas nodded. "Deadly"
Cain blew out a breath and shrugged. "Paddy?"
"I see how you got to that conclusion Chas, I do…but…Flynn isn't just a mate, they've been together…in Manchester they slept together behind Jason's back, Aaron might not need that kind of presence around him"
Adam frowned. "W-wait…hang on paddy Flynn isn't expecting anything, yeah its killing him, course it is he loves him for god sake but he just wants to help him, he loves Aaron he's not going to start pushing him, it's the last thing he'd do"
"But what if Aaron thinks he has to be with him?"
"Well he shot that idea out of the window yesterday when I talked to him" Chas told them.
"He did?" Adam asked with a frown.
Chas nodded. "Yeah but we can't hold him to much of anything he says at the minute, he's hurting both mentally and physically and we just have to be patient, us four are the main family that have stuck by him since he came back and into our lives and started living here, I'm not disregarding the rest of the clan but what I'm saying is true" Cain nodded, she was right. "And we have to stick together through this otherwise what hope does he have hmm?"
"Yeah" Adam said then cleared his throat. "Course"
"Right then, now as much as I'm worried about him and scared to death Moira has kindly got a bottle of red waiting for me at the farm so…if anything happens call me alright" Chas declared as she stood up, she deserved a night off from the worry.
"Course I will" Paddy smiled.
"I'd give you a lift Chas but I think I'm gunna stay, if that's alright with you Paddy?" Adam asked and Paddy nodded. "Let my mum know yeah?"
"I wouldn't be seen dead on that quad bike anyway lad" she chuckled. "I'll let her know"
"Cheers"
"I better get to the garage aswell…I'll pop in later, see Hazel" Cain told them then turned and left.
"It's just us then mate" Paddy said with a slight smile.
Adam nodded.
"When you said stay you meant the night didn't you?"
"Err…well"
Paddy let out a laugh. "It's fine, by all accounts from Aaron and Jackson a long time ago that sofa is comfy"
"Ugh Paddy!" Adam's screwed up face made Paddy laugh.
"I'm joking, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had in there though…" he sighed and despite the topic of sex on the sofa Paddy seemed gloomy. "I just want him to be happy again mate, I sit and look back at those days and he was, he really was, course minus a few stumbling blocks but he was and it pains me to see him like this and what did Jason get eh? Death, quick and painless…and there's Aaron now upstairs feeling lost and in pain and unable to speak about any of it…" he shook his head as Adam reached out and placed his hand on his shoulder which Paddy was grateful for.
"He will be happy again, just remember that, that's what I'm doing" Adam told him with a gentle smile.
After another hour or so of talking about Aaron and his past and his recovery and his possible future, the conversation turned a little when Adam asked "What's up with Rhona? I don't mean to be rude but she was pretty vocal about Aaron being here"
"I wish I knew mate, she seems to think everything he's going through will have a bad effect on Leo and I'm sorry but he's hardly out of his room so you tell me what effect there'll be on the lad cause I don't see one" he replied frustratingly.
Adam nodded; he understood where Paddy was coming from. "Just stand your ground Paddy, last time Aaron ended up going to the pub and you lost him for a while, don't let it happen again"
Paddy shook his head. "I'm not about too"
…
Aaron lay awake on his bed and he heard talking downstairs, it was getting dark out so he got up and closed the curtains then lay back down then moments later he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, he closed his eyes tightly, he didn't want to talk to anyone so he figured if he closed his eyes and didn't reply if they knocked they'd go away, but they did knock and Aaron did as he'd planned, he kept his mouth shut but after a few more knocks whoever it was, Paddy probably walked in.
Hazel smiled a little as she approached the bed. Poor mite she thought to herself as she lowered herself down onto the edge of his bed slowly, she didn't want to wake him, but actually a part of her had a feeling he wasn't asleep and was simply trying to will away unwanted visitors to his room and well, if he was doing that he'd get a sharp shock cause this lady was going nowhere. Upon fully seeing the state of his face tears filled her eyes. "I said to myself I said Hazel…this boy needs looking after"
Aaron was stunned and shocked, but happy to hear her voice but he didn't open his eyes and the happiness didn't show. "This boy has plenty of people to do that" he mumbled in reply which made Hazel smile.
"Just the kind of response I thought I'd get, come on open those beautiful blue eyes and give me a hug you or else"
"Ah Hazel, please…" he said with a sigh, he just wanted to be alone.
"Nope, come on now…" she told him as she reached for his hand and pulled him up into a sitting position where he was now forced to open his eyes and look at her. "See?" she smiled with tear filled eyes. "Beautiful" she told him.
"No they're not" he replied quietly.
Hazel nodded "Yes they are" she told him matter of factly and then wrapped her arms around him and held him there for a long while. "I know what happened Aaron, I've been told and we're going to get you better again"
"But I don't want to be better Hazel, I'm better off like this then no other man will ever want me, it's for their own good"
"Well tell me why Flynn is so eager…hmm"
"Because he thinks he loves me…he needs to keep well away, I mean look what happened with Jackson, no I didn't send him crazy I just sent him onto some train tracks instead!"
"Now hey!" she pushed him away and held his shoulders. "We've been through this a thousand times Aaron! I never blamed you for that accident and neither did Jackson, pack this all in now! The notion you have that every man that gets with you gets hurt or turns psycho is ridiculous, Flynn ended up with you he's fine"
"I'd give it a few months if we did ever get together, which isn't happening"
"Oh and why is that?"
"Because I don't want another man to touch me ever again, not like that, never again, I don't want it, I don't want any man and I certainly don't want Flynn!" he growled angrily.
"Well he wants you so get your act together and be a little more grateful that you have him around! I know it sounds harsh considering what you've went through Aaron, it is but I've got a feeling you'll thank us all one day because Flynn loves you and you know he does, you just need to get better then see how you feel"
"I don't want to get better" he growled again. "I wanna stay here, go to sleep and never wake up!" he yelled and flung himself from Hazel's light grip and lay back down.
"Well I'm sorry Aaron but you don't have that luxury, life is hard and you're just going to have to deal with it" she told him as she got to her feet. No, maybe her attitude wasn't the best way to deal with his outbursts but she realised she was going to have to be cruel to be kind.
"Don't I?" he countered nastily.
Hazel rolled her eyes and started to sit back down. "Well then" she let out a sigh. "Looks like I'm on guard duty"
"Do what you like I don't care" he told her as he turned onto his side.
"Oh I will love, I ain't going anywhere. I promise you that"
TBC…