AARON LIVESY

-The Chase-

"If You Could See Me Now"

I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?
Oh if you could see me now

Song belongs to The Script

A few days had passed and since her arrival Hazel had blown up an air bed with Paddy's help and put it in Aaron's room, with the wishing of not waking up Hazel knew Aaron's mind-set from the off and she wasn't taking any chances and much to his bemusement she stuck it out and stayed in his room with him. Aaron however had rarely left it apart from to use the toilet and to shower.

Aaron sighed causing Hazel to look up from her book. He was in a mood, it was obvious. "Is that floor not hurting you yet?" he asked, his agitation very clear.

"Not at all, I can sit here, on the floor every day if I have too"

Aaron frowned "You traded your holiday for this, are you not bored yet?"

Hazel frowned and waved the book in his face, to which he scrunched his nose up, obviously clueless. "No I'm not, Christian Grey is keeping me company, and so unless you have any alternative ideas I must get back to him"

Aaron tutted with a frown "Who the hell is he when he's at home?"

Hazel sighed contently. "The perfect man"

Aaron rolled his eyes "There's no such thing" he then turned back over.

"Oh but there is and you know it"

"Yeah fair enough, Jackson yes he was, the others…not a chance"

"Well Jackson isn't here Aaron, Flynn is a lovely lad and he's perfect for you, he's sat downstairs right now talking to Paddy"

"So? What? Should I go down now ask him about his day, make him a brew?" he spat bitterly. "Sit down and have a conversation with him? I don't want too Hazel" he told her angrily.

"I never suggested anything of the sort, maybe you should go get some fresh air"

"Oh is that you allowing me out?"

"I never said you were prisoner Aaron" she told him with a frown.

Aaron in an extreme huff which to Hazel looked like he was turning into a drama queen watched as he got up off the bed and grabbed his jacket and left the bedroom and right on cue seconds later the front door slammed shut.

…

Aaron strolled up to the garage and flung away the cigarette that he had smoked on his way down. Cain and Cameron both looked at each other when they saw him approaching, then they watched Aaron walk behind the counter and take a seat. "Erm, what are you doing?" Cain asked.

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped.

"Don't talk to me like that"

"I'll do what I like, answer my question" he told him quickly.

"Well if I didn't know any better I'd say you were about to start work on those invoices"

Aaron looked up at him with a grin. "That's exactly what I'm doing"

"Is that a good idea mate?" Cameron chirped up.

Aaron let out a sigh. "I'm capable of tapping away at a keyboard Cameron and moving and clicking the mouse"

Cameron nodded. "You alright though?" he was worried and by looking at Cain he could tell he was too.

"No, no not really Cameron" Aaron replied with tears in his eyes that had come out of nowhere. "But you know…life's a bitch, but you just gotta keep going"

Cain sighed. "Not after what you've been through you don't…well not straight away"

"It's been a few days Cain…"

"Yeah but its gunna take a lot more than that!"

Aaron sighed and turned to look up at the clock. "Go for your lunches"

"Aaron?" Cain asked, his voice more filled with worry, he didn't want any bloody lunch, he didn't want to leave his side.

"Now before I find more staff to fill your places" he snapped.

"Cain let's just…" Cameron said as he motioned his head away from the garage.

Cain sighed and with the shake of his head he downed his tools and started walking away with Cameron.

When he was alone and it was silent Aaron started to cry and he dropped his head down to the counter and covered his head with his arms as he sobbed his heart out, two men he'd lost now, two amazing men that he loved and the pain was unbearable, and everything with Jackson was coming back to the surface again not to mention Jason of course, his heart longed for them both, why did Jackson have to go and why did Jason not just see that it all would have been okay and put the gun back down…his sobs worsened, all of that though on top of his physical pain and the feelings he felt, the thoughts he had, it was just getting too much and people hounding him every second of every day, asking if he was okay wasn't helping and he knew Hazel meant well and had come back for him but he couldn't see the light in her or anyone else's words, to him there was no light and he was slowly sinking into a black hole of confusion and depression, he was nothing, no one anymore, just some used up and thrown away man just like the cars in a scrap yard.

Soon anger replaced the sadness and he got to his feet and behind him was a door leading out to the side of the garage and in a fit of rage he rammed his head into it, much like he had done in the past. He fell to the floor crying and dropped his head into his hands again. He couldn't take it anymore, he looked up and wiped his eyes and while ignoring the thumping in his head he got to his feet, grabbed a half full petrol can and legged it out and away from the garage.

Before having any food they made a stop to Smithy together, both Cameron and Cain to let them know Aaron was at the garage, Chas was there and when she heard that she went ballistic yelling all sorts at them, that they should have tried to stop him, to tell him that work isn't what he needed to be doing at the moment which was true but they had and they had defended that in his current frame of mind they didn't really want to push him, this was the lad who had cut Carl King's brakes and even that was when he was thinking straight, god knows what he could have done in his unstable state. Chas couldn't reply to that she knew it was true, but with a growl of frustration she marched out of Smithy and down the village to the garage but when she got there she found that he wasn't. "For god sake Aaron!" she muttered under her breath and charged on her way to the pavilion. When she arrived to find him nowhere near the place either she started to panic just a little more and she rang Smithy to let them all know.

Aaron flung the empty petrol can away out of sight and sat on a hay bale, his eyes were fixed to the ground as he pulled out his lighter, he flicked up the cover and swiped his thumb down the flint wheel and the flame sparked, he moved his thumb away and just watched the flame, simply staring at it in a daze, he watched it burn and flicker with the light breeze that was coming through the opening a few metres ahead.

…

Adam felt crap for not being able to go out looking but the farm demanded his attention, and after mentioning that they were behind Flynn had said he'd join them after being assured by paddy that there were plenty of people out to look for Aaron and so of they went, back to Butler's farm via Adam's quad bike.

Stopping at the farm, Flynn quickly got off, he was white as a sheet and he felt sick. "Jesus mate!"

"What?" Adam laughed.

"You took that corner a bit too fast for my liking!" he held his chest. "My hearts bloody pounding here"

"Ah relax you old man, come on, work to do" Adam told him as he put his helmet over one of the handle bars and jumped down off the bike.

"What am I helping with again?" Flynn asked as they started walking up to the barns.

Aaron smirked in his dazed state at the sound of voices.

"Packing, you'll love it mate I'm telling ya"

"Hmm, why am I regretting offering my services then?"

Adam just laughed and shook his head as they walked right by the barn that Aaron was in.

After a few metres Adam stopped and held out his arm to stop Flynn aswell. Flynn frowned in confusion. "Was someone in there?" Adam asked quietly as he sniffed. "Do you smell that?"

Adam's question caused Flynn to sniff to and he smelled petrol. "Why do you have petrol in a barn?"

Adam's eyes widened in horror "We don't!" he replied in a panic as he turned back and ran to it. Immediately upon entering and seeing Aaron with a lit lighter he backed off and shook his head at Flynn. Flynn instantly knew it was Aaron by the look on Adam's face and he quickly and in a panic called Paddy but he did so out of the way so Aaron couldn't hear.

Adam blew out a deep breath. "Aaron…Mate" he said softly. "W-what are you doing?"

Aaron shrugged and looked up at his best mate. "I don't know any more Adam"

"W-w-…well you need to put the lighter down" then he bit his tongue.

"I'll happily put it down mate" he told him quietly and he moved and started it to lower it to the petrol covered floor.

"No! No…no I-I mean close it Aaron, close the lid and come out of there"

Aaron shook his head instantly and pulled the lighter back up.

"Why not mate?"

"I don't want too"

Adam didn't like the feeling of panic he was experiencing, he was sweating and his heart was racing. "Aaron, mate…if you drop that…this entire barn will go up…and you know that" he told him, remembering a time that seemed like a lifetime ago when he had actually set light to some hay in the barn, this time however it would be fuelled by petrol, and Adam knew that would light it all just that little quicker.

Aaron nodded as he met Adam's gaze. "I came in here because it's separate to the others; it's all changed round here… I'm not doing this to hurt anyone"

"A-alright I get that mate and I believe you but you'll hurt yourself"

"That's my intention"

Adam sighed and placed his hands over his mouth. "Aaron you're scaring me"

Aaron shook his head. "You weren't meant to even be here, but I suppose now that you are I'm sorry for that"

"Aaron" Adam frowned. "What happened to your head?"

"Hit it off a bonnet…"

"Oh no, no you didn't…do you think I'm stupid?" Aaron shook his head as he stared back at the flame. "That looks like that bump from when you hit your head off the garage door" Aaron shrugged. "Y-you did, didn't you?"

"So what if I did Adam, it's my choice just like this is…I don't want to be here, I can't take it anymore my life is just one huge mess, just when I think I can be happy with a bloke they fuck me up…and they get off lightly don't they? But I'm left here feeling the way I do and it's not fair, well I've had my share Adam now I want to get off lightly…"

"No mate it isn't fair but you can get through this, a lot of people love you"

Aaron began to chuckle. "Nah, I'm just an inconvenience to you lot"

Adam sighed. "Don't move" he told him and walked out of sight to Flynn.

"No one's picking up" Flynn told him in a panic.

Adam nodded frantically. "A-alright, go get my mum, I need my mum right now, I can't do this…"

"I'll get her Adam but you can, I want to help but if he sees my face I-I don't know how he'll react"

"I know but I'm betting he knows you're here"

"Still, it's best he doesn't see me" Flynn told him then ran up to the house to find Moira.

After taking another deep breath Adam returned to the barn and walked in this time. "So an inconvenience eh?"

"I'm not stupid Adam, rounding up the troops are ya?"

"No, mate it's just me and you"

"That's how I feel" he answered his previous question. "Hazel hasn't left me alone since she's gotten here and all people say is, are you okay" he spat bitterly. "As if they need to ask I mean look at me Adam, look at me for god sake, I'm a mess" he said as he began to laugh but tears were on the verge of falling. "Not just on the outside but in here" he said through gritted teeth as he pressed his index finger into the side of his head. "Jackson once told me he wanted out, now I'm telling you the same, so walk away and let me"

Adam wiped the tears away that had started falling as soon as he listened to Aaron's words upon coming back into the barn. "If you do that then you're taking me down with ya"

"NO! It isn't meant to be like this!" he raged.

"Listen to me Aaron, LISTEN!" he shouted as he gripped Aaron's shoulders. "I am not letting you die, what would Jackson think if he could see you now…what would Jason think, despite it all I could see he loved you…stop doing this to yourself! You're still young and m-me and you we can go out do stuff, nights out…we can do whatever you like that can help get you back on track"

"I don't want to get back on track" Aaron told him as he sobbed.

"No, alright you might not think that now I get that but this Aaron is a cry for help and you've got it mate I'm telling you you've got it…I love you, you do know that don't ya?"

Aaron's sobs and sniffles broke Adam's heart but his own cries increased when Aaron nodded. "I just don't see a way anymore"

Mindful, still of the flaming lighter Adam continued. "R-remember after Jackson yeah? It was a day at a time, I know it's horrible and unfair but you've gotta go through it again mate"

Aaron's face was scrunched up as he cried while shaking his head. "I can't Adam, I can't" he broke into a full cry and entire body shook. "Why do they all leave me? Why?"

After listening for a few minutes outside Moira entered with black mascara running, a sign of her upset over hearing what she had. She swallowed hard and walked in. "I asked myself that very question when John died Aaron…" she spoke softly which made Aaron look up quickly. "Y-You know what it's like…I'm not going to go through it all again with you…"

Adam was grateful for some help and his mum was the ideal person.

"But it's just life…" Moira continued.

"But they all had a choice!" he shot back. "Jason had a choice; his finger was on that trigger! Jackson had a choice and he chose death! Flynn chose another man! And Ed, well he was just like Jason, he had a choice to stop but he couldn't see it!" he raged angrily.

Flynn shook his head; he couldn't stand outside any longer. "And I regret that Aaron" he declared as he walked into the barn. "I really do. Seeing you like this hurts me and you have no clue do ya?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders. "I want so badly to take you in my arms and hold you and tell you everything will be alright, because it will but I'm scared to because you'll push me away"

Aaron nodded.

"And I understand why but like Adam, Moira and everyone back in the village I'm not going anywhere and whether you want to acknowledge the fact yet or not, I love you and I can't help that, but I will spend every day that I can helping you get better, it won't be easy"

"Course it won't" Moira said gently as she cupped Aaron's face in her hand.

"I'm not here waiting on a relationship with you or sex for that matter Aaron, I cared long before Jason came along, and a long time before Jackson died and I'll always care so whatever you wanna say to me, no matter how vial and horrible it is then do it, say it because it's not going to push me away"

"And none of us are going to hurt you mate" Adam told him. "Your life will get better, you don't want it too right now, we understand but you'll get through these dark days…because all of us are going to help you…" Adam told him with a small smile.

"You say they all left you…" Moira started. "They all had their reasons love but look around here and think about the village, us and all those there who love you are still in fact here, Flynn went away, granted…but he's here now…eventually you'll let go of the past and start thinking about the future…maybe you can start thinking about it now, it'll help you move on Aaron"

Exhausted Aaron let out a sigh and slowly pushed down the cover of the lighter in his hand until it clicked shut. The relief from Aaron ending the flame caused Adam to burst into tears and bury his face into his hands. Tears dropped down onto Aaron's hands. "I'm sorry" he muttered.

Moira smiled with tear filled eyes and rubbed his arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for"

"No, no…" Adam said as he calmed himself down and looked back at his best mate. "No you don't"

"But the barn, the hay…"

Moira shrugged, as did Adam. "I don't give a damn about the barn or the hay love, you are far more important…come on…we'll all go inside"

"Thank you" Aaron said quietly as he took Moira's hand.

"What for?"

Aaron shrugged. "For a long time I was made to feel worthless and pathetic…"

"But the part of Jason that loved you knew you weren't, think of the good times Aaron, as hard as it might be, there was, wasn't there?" Adam asked.

"Yeah there was…it's just all a mess and I need you all…" he nodded. "I know that now"

Moira smiled and looked at her son who started to speak. "We never went away"

Aaron nodded and stood up and started walking out of the barn held by Moira's hand and arm around him, once out into the fresh air she stopped and looked at him. "What about Flynn?"

Aaron looked up at the clouds and let out a deep breath and nodded. "He can come in too" he replied as he looked back at her.

Moira smiled and turned to look back at Flynn who was walking at a distance with Adam and she nodded to him and the small smile that crept onto his face was priceless. "When we get inside I'll have to call your mum, but don't worry alright, I'll explain everything and tell her you're staying here tonight"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, there's plenty of space in Adam's room, or the sofa if you'd prefer?"

Aaron shook his head. "Adam, I-if he doesn't mind…I don't like being alone anymore…I feel like an idiot" he added.

"Well don't, after what you've been through this is probably normal…I'll ask him for ya…just don't go asking to cop a feel eh?" she grinned cheekily which made Aaron chuckle. "Ahh, a smile…that's a good sign…" she said with a smile at him. "And to think I never liked you when we first moved here, how wrong was I eh?"

"Yeah well you had your reasons"

"And it just shows people can change, you did and you can again, you can come through all of this and out a different, better person"

Aaron smiled a little. "I hope so"

"Any idea what you're going to say to Flynn?" she wondered.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah" he answered, his tone brighter than before. "I do"

TBC…