AARON LIVESY

-The Chase-

"Fly Away"

It was a warm day. A perfect day to say goodbye

Aaron hadn't told anyone where he was going; he'd never mentioned the funeral to any of them. He simply waited until Adam and Moira went out to work before he got showered and dressed into his black suit, then he simply left a note for Moira saying that he was with Cameron for the day and that he'd be fine with him. When he arrived at Tug Ghyll Debbie pulled him into a hug and he smiled at her then walked inside to see Cameron standing looking out of the kitchen window in his suit. Aaron hesitantly started walking over to him and he stopped beside him and the look on Cameron's face when he looked at Aaron was a one of gratitude. Aaron understood it and smiled.

"You ready?"

"I am…" Cameron smiled a little. "I don't know about you though" he chuckled as he turned around properly and reached out; Aaron looked down as Cameron straightened his tie and put his collar right.

"Ahh, my head's been all over the place this morning…"

"I know that feeling"

Aaron nodded and looked at Debbie. "It's quiet in here"

"Yeah, I thought it was best if Andy just had Sarah overnight, she knows something's wrong though bless her"

"Yeah well, after today things can get back to normal, she won't need to worry" Cameron told them.

"I'm glad you think it's that easy" Aaron replied with a frown

"Thank you Aaron, someone else who agrees with me…"

"Well alright then but it'll be a start yeah? I don't need a lecture alright I'm burying my brother today and I never really knew him…do you have any idea how bad I feel? You know what, forget that he shouldn't even be dead, excuse me" he snapped and walked off up the stairs.

Aaron hung his head and felt a pang of guilt at Cameron's words.

"Ah Cameron! We're leaving in five" Debbie reminded him then looked at Aaron. "You alright?"

"Hmm" he sounded as he lifted his head and nodded. "I'll go and wait in the car yeah" he said to her and picked up the keys from the kitchen table and headed out.

…

As he stood alongside Cameron they welcomed people to the church Aaron felt inferior, like he shouldn't even be there but Debbie's hand on his shoulder helped a lot, he didn't know how but she could tell what he was thinking. "Your dad couldn't make it then?"

Cameron shook his head as he greeted people into the church. "No, he's not well"

Aaron nodded. "Ah right. It's weird being somewhere else other than the village…f-for a funeral I mean"

"Well he didn't live there did he?" Cameron snapped.

Debbie frowned instantly at the same time as she felt Aaron tense beneath her hand. "That was a little uncalled for don't you think? This is harder for him than it is for you and if asking questions is going to get him through this then damn well let him" Debbie told him with a certain sharpness to her voice.

Cameron looked at them both and nodded; he rested his hand on Aaron's other shoulder and squeezed it. "Course…I'm sorry mate"

"You're alright" he told him with a small smile then when he saw the hearse slowly driving along his smile faded and an immense sick feeling washed over him.

The carrying of the coffin wasn't that bad at first, at least until they walked into the church where the song I Believe I Can Fly was being played, instantly he felt burning behind both eyes and his chest tightened as they walked slowly down the aisle to the front. Before, he told himself that it was just a box, but that song brought it back, that it wasn't just a box, Jason the man he loved was inside it and he was never coming back.

When they laid the coffin down Aaron ran his hands over Jason's name on the golden plaque and smiled as the tears fell from his eyes, at first Cameron's song choice confused him a little but now as it was still playing and knowing of Cameron and Jason's history he understood his choice a lot more; it upset him more than anything, the lyrics to the song and well…Jason was most certainly flying now. He wiped his eyes and turned to see a lot of uniform and non-uniform police officers in the church, aswell as some of Jason's close mates who he'd never met but it didn't matter now. Jason was missed. Aaron sat down in between Cameron and Debbie and the vicar began with a speech but Aaron wasn't listening he just sat staring over at the coffin, before he knew it Cameron was getting up to talk, then it would be him, his heart sank, he had no speech planned or anything.

Aaron turned his attention fully now to Cameron and watched as he took a few seconds preparing himself.

Cameron blew out a deep breath then began. "For any of you who don't know I'm Jason's brother, Cameron…and deep down I loved him" he explained with a nod. "I-I want to explain the choice of song actually…before Jason died I was given a few home truths that hurt like mad to tell the truth…he told me that he was never good enough for me and our dad, that no matter what he did he never was…" Cameron sighed and hung his head and bit his lip to stop his emotions from preventing him from continuing. "And I realised that he was right, that there was some truth in what he had told me, and I was younger, the older brother I just wanted him to do well…to the point of pushing him but never realising how much and ultimately not knowing what affect it had on him" he turned and focussed on the coffin. "You believed you could soar" he started by quoting some of the lyrics. "And I want to tell you now in hopes that you can hear me that you did Jason, you surpassed both of our expectations, the amount of people in this room right now tells me that and I will always be proud of you…you believed you could fly and you did" Cameron smiled with tears running down his face. "I just hope" he sobbed. "I just hope in your last moments you found it in your heart to forgive us, I loved you then and I love you now, I'll never forget you, you will always be with me, fly away baby brother…" Cameron hung his head and wiped his eyes as he stepped down and returned to his seat and in the silence of the room he heard the sniffles and cries of many people. Cameron nodded to Aaron, giving him the encouragement he needed to get up.

Letting out a shaky breath he stood and walked the few steps to the pulpit and he slowly turned around to face the many faces looking back at him. "I-I…I'm not very good with speeches or an audience…but Jason was my boyfriend…I haven't prepared a speech so please bear with me. I met Jason in a bar, as you do and he was attractive, beautiful blue eyes, funny, caring…and he fell in love with me, and I fell in love with him too…standing up here in front of you all is a bit daunting, for some reason I don't feel I have the right to be here but a story Jason once told me made up my mind, it was a story about never forgetting and somewhere in my warp grief stricken mind I panicked and thought that if I didn't come that it would mean I didn't care or I had forgotten him, well I can tell you all right now that there's no way I could ever forget that beautiful man, despite whatever you've heard that went on, I can't forget him and I can't stop loving him either, granted when it was bad, it really was but there were great and amazing times that we shared and I'll take them with me through life…he was a kind loving, funny man, a friend, a brother, a son, a work mate, colleague. I suppose the reason I wanted to stand up here today was to ask you all to never forget him because he doesn't deserve to be forgotten, despite what he did in his life no one deserves that" he then turned to face the coffin. "I forgive you Jason but more importantly, I love you" he said with tears running down his cheeks then he quickly stepped down and sat back in his seat where he and Cameron then shared a tearful hug.

Everything from that moment to the moment everyone started walking away from the plot in the graveyard was a blur. He turned to Cameron and Debbie and he realised they must have spoken to him but he didn't hear a thing. "We're ready, if you are?"

"Erm" Aaron frowned. "No…I-I'm going to stay I'll find my own way back if that's okay?"

"Aaron, mate I really don't wanna leave you"

"No, don't be daft" he smiled. "I'll be fine"

"Are you sure?" Debbie asked.

Aaron nodded.

"Alright, call me later alright?"

"Yeah, sure" he replied then watched them walk away, when they were gone and he was the only person there, the flood gates opened and he fell to his knees sobbing by Jason's grave. "I meant it, I forgive you…I'm sorry for sleeping with Flynn, I'm sorry for many things but I know you loved me and I love you too, I always will" he sniffled and wiped his nose. "I never meant for you to die, I never ever wanted that…I feel so guilty, argh god Jason…I feel so guilty" he cried out and fell silent as he calmed himself. "Please come back, I know, I know you won't though…but I want you too…b-but even then I have to move on and I know you didn't like him but Flynn's been great with me these last few weeks even when I tried killing myself…and he's always been there…I'm saying this to get it off my chest but you are gone and there's not a damn thing I can do about it…no matter how guilty I feel…You left me and I have to be happy and I just might find that with him…just like it was with us in the beginning, I'll never forget those days…" he smiled. "I hope you understand and I hope you are at peace now, all your troubles are gone babe…sleep tight okay? I love you"

When he left the graveyard it was late afternoon and he needed to go to him, he needed him and if he didn't go, well…he didn't know what he'd do. Aaron walked to Flynn's parents' house, it took him a while but he wasn't bothered by it. When he got there he knocked on the door and waited, he was an emotional wreck and he hadn't been able to stop crying properly all the time he was walking and he still couldn't he turned his head away from the door as he sobbed quietly, trying to stop himself but it wasn't working. He hadn't heard the door open behind him but he did hear Flynn's voice. "Aaron?" Flynn asked with a frown and upon hearing him crying he stepped outside and walked around him so he could see him. "hey…shh…what's happened?"

"The funeral" he told him as he hung his head.

"What? Y-You never said…"

"Cause I had to do it without people telling me otherwise…"

"I-I wouldn't have done that"

Aaron nodded. "I know, I know but it was something I had to keep quiet, only Debbie and Cameron know, obviously an-and…" he broke into tears and hid his face in his hands as Flynn took him in his arms. "it was so hard…" Flynn held him tight but that didn't stop Aaron's body jerking and shaking with the emotion he was letting out. "I had to come, I didn't wanna do anything stupid…I need you Flynn" he admitted. "And I feel so stupid and guilty but he's dead! I can't change it and I-I- I just need you"

"Shh, hey I'm here…"

Aaron nodded against Flynn's chest.

"Come on let's get you inside eh…get you warmed up, might even run you a nice hot bath if you're lucky…"

Aaron chuckled and looked up at him.

"Ah!" Flynn said with a smile then placed his index finger over Aaron's lips. "My parents are away for the weekend, it'll just be me and you so don't worry"

Aaron nodded and was led inside by Flynn. "That was the day you needed to get over, the days in between I imagine are nothing, it's the days that follow this…but I'm here for you, you know that"

Aaron smiled as he wiped his eyes. "I do"

"Right then, hot bath for Mr Livesy coming right up" Flynn's smile was a cheeky one as he closed the front door, but at least he received a smile back.

TBC…