JJ leaves the office at 4:30. She drives home nervously, wondering what state of mind she'll find her wife in. When she pulls into the driveway she swallows hard when she sees the Lexus is not in the garage.
"Damn it." She pulls out her phone and calls Garcia. "Pen, you still at work?"
"Just getting ready to leave."
"Please, before you go, can you find Emily's signal?"
Garcia sits back down and brings her computer out of hibernation. "Let's see. Her phone is…damn. Her other phone…well shit. Jayje, both show they went offline about 2:15."
"Shit. Can you find her Lexus?"
Garcia types a little more. "Son of a bitch…looks like she disabled the GPS on it around 2:30. And before you ask, she was at your shrinks office when she did it."
"Son of a bitch, Emily," JJ mutters. "She's mad and scared and on the run. Where the hell would she go?"
Garcia thinks a second. "Your old condo?"
"Can't. We have a TDY sublet right now."
"Her parents condo or rowhouse?"
"Both being used right now. Maybe she called Tom."
"Good thought. Let me see if I can…damn her…figures. Tried to turn her phones on remotely but she must have taken the batteries out."
"She knows us too well," JJ mutters. "Thanks for checking, Pen. Let me get off. It's time to get inside and spend some time with Rocky. Damn her for not thinking about our daughter!"
"Jayje, if she's really screwed up about things, maybe she was thinking about her when she decided not to come home while Rocky is awake," Pen says sincerely.
"Maybe. Still pretty fucking pissed that she hasn't even tried to contact me. How the hell can I help her if she won't fucking talk to me, Pen?"
"I can't answer that one, JJ. But, when she does finally contact you, and I know she will, try to just hear her out first. You can be pissed after she's better, okay?"
JJ sighs and leans her head back against the headrest. "Yeah, I'll try. I promise. Love you, Pen."
"Love you, too, Jayje."
JJ pockets her phone and goes inside to see her daughter. Just before she walks into the kitchen she takes a deep breath and plasters a smile on her face.
"How's my baby girl?" she says with a happiness she doesn't quite feel.
"Ma!" Rocky says, reaching towards her Mommy.
"Hey, Sweet Girl." JJ leans down and kisses her cheek. "I love you, Rocky."
"Love!"
JJ smiles at the latest word in the little girl's vocabulary. "I am so happy you learned that word, Rock. Love you."
"Love!" Rocky says again, knowing it makes her Mommy happy.
JJ strokes her hand through the dark curls once more and goes to stand beside Francesca, who had given the woman a moment with Rocky.
"Hi, Francesca."
"Hello, Jennifer."
"Have…have you heard from Emily today?" JJ whispers.
Francesca frowns. "No. Have you?"
"No. Something bad happened on the case. When the team came back she just left Quantico. I know she went to see our psychiatrist, didn't stay long, and when she left she disabled the GPS on her car and took the batteries out of her phones. She's scared and angry and on edge."
"Damn her for not reaching out to us."
JJ nods. "Exactly. We'll deal with her issues when she finally decides to bring her ass home."
Francesca nods. "Understood. If by chance she calls me I will try to get her to come home. Whatever is going on with her, love can help her to heal, yes?"
JJ smiles. "Yes. And once she's healed then I can kick her ass."
Francesca chuckles as JJ goes upstairs to change out of her work clothes. She calls Tom but finds Emily hadn't called him, either. He promises to let her know if that changes. JJ then spends the rest of the evening playing with one of the two cutest kids in the world.
After putting Rocky to bed, JJ had gone into the office off the bedroom and taken the time to set a few bills up to pay. She also worked on a consult she had brought home with her. When she looks at the clock she sighs.
"It's 10:30, Jennifer. Do you know where your wife is?" she drawls. "Fuck no," she answers herself.
Shaking her head she puts her work in her briefcase and goes into the bathroom to take a shower. She has just finished washing her hair when a sound from the child monitor catches her ear. She slides the glass door open and hears Emily singing softly to Rocky. Tears spring into JJ's eyes as she hears the sorrow in her wife's voice.
"Oh, Emily," she whispers.
She ducks back into the shower to finish rinsing off. She gets out and wraps her hair up in a towel. She dries off quickly and slips on her terrycloth robe. As she walks into the bedroom she sees Emily is sitting in the recliner staring out at the backyard.
"I'm sorry, Jennifer," Emily says, never looking towards her wife. "I shouldn't have run. I shouldn't have…have ignored your call. I should have…have…fuck, I don't even know anymore."
JJ walks over and leans against the window. "You didn't just run, Em. You hid. You disabled your GPS and took the batteries out of your phones."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."
"Talk to me, Emily. What's going on in your head?"
Emily shrugs. "I'm angry and scared and I don't know what to do about it."
"Okay. What did Westfallen say?"
"She said it was all my fault that I was nearly raped."
JJ frowns. "What? I don't…I don't believe that, Emily."
Emily leaps up, fury in her eyes. "What, am I a liar now, too? Fuck this! I tried." She starts towards the door.
JJ grabs her arm. "HEY! Wait a second! I didn't call you a liar! I just think that…that maybe in your state you just misunderstood her."
Emily pulls away. "I heard her loud and clear, Jen. And now you're taking her side!"
"I'm not taking anyone's side, Emily. But if I was, I'd be on your side. Damn it, Emily, I love you and all I want to do is wrap you up in my arms and tell you everything will be okay. But I can't do that. So all I can do is try to get you to talk to me; get me to understand why you look like you're ready to run away from me and everything you hold dear, including our two children."
Emily leans back against the wall. "I can't…can't get past it, Jen."
"Past what, Emily?"
"What nearly happened to me twice recently. And I…I can't help it but I'm blaming Hotch and Morgan. Mostly Hotch but Derek a little, too. And I can't understand why Rossi or Reid didn't say something to change who went into those woods. And…and I can't understand why you and Pen couldn't get the information about Blair sooner. I am so mad I am blaming everyone for something." She refuses to look at JJ. "And right now…I sort of feel like…like I can't trust any of you. I hate feeling this alone again but I can't stop the feeling."
JJ stares at her wife a minute. "Emily, if we could have figured it out sooner we would have. And if we- -"
"STOP!" Emily interrupts. "I know what you're going to say because I've said the same fucking thing to myself. Coming from your mouth isn't going to make me believe it right now."
JJ sighs. "Okay. So what does that mean for us? And for the team?"
Emily shrugs. "For the team? I'll be damned if I know."
JJ waits a moment then prods. "And for us?"
Emily just shrugs, unable to put her emotions into words. JJ's legs get weak. She sits down on the edge of the bed.
"Emily, I love you more than life itself. If I could have been there instead of you I would have been. If I could have found Blair sooner I would have. But I couldn't. His father had, essentially paid to have his arrests erased. They didn't show up until Garcia was able to focus her search and pull out the crap that only she can find. And I can't change what happened to you but I can promise to be right here to help you through all this if you just let me. Please, let me help you, baby."
Emily stares up at the ceiling, still refusing to look at her wife. "I don't think you can this time, Jen. I think…I know I need to work through this on my own somehow."
"I see," JJ replies, hurt. "So why exactly are you here?"
Emily swallows. "Just came for clothes."
JJ slowly nods. "You son of a bitch. Fine. Heaven forbid you turn to me for help." JJ stands and heads towards the bathroom to get into her pajamas.
Emily starts after her but then stops. What the hell else could she say right now? Not a damn thing that wouldn't hurt. Instead she goes into her closet and swaps out the clothes in her go bag and even grabs a couple of suits for work.
"If I even go to work," she mumbles to herself.
Once packed, she steps out of her closet. JJ is in bed staring at the ceiling.
"I guess…I'll see you…soon," Emily says weakly.
"I'm telling the kids you're working. Don't forget Henry is with Will this week. Call them tomorrow, Em. Call them or it will be completely unforgivable," she threatens.
Emily nods. "Understood." She starts out the door then stops. "Jen, I do still love you. I just don't love me right now. And the trust issues I have are all about work, not about us. Fuck, I hope that made sense. I just need a couple days to…to get past it all."
"I love you, too, Emily. But I can't condone you running off like this. Don't expect me to forgive this anytime soon," she warns.
"I won't. See you, Jen."
JJ just nods. Emily studies her a second longer then leaves.