Ok, first thing's first, all I own is my questionable personalities and even more questionalbe imaginary thingies. Transformers is not mine, no matter how much I may whine and beg and plead and cry. Neither are any of the other movies or movie quptes mentioned. Dammit.

Second, would you be interested in a Transformers human fic? I have, like, fourty something pages written, and while I think it's crap, some friends have been pushing me to upload it. Interested?

"Oi! Lazy, giant alien robot... that happens to be disguised as a car! Feel... like driving me home any time soon?"

Jazz shook himself, groggily throwing open the passenger door, flicking on the holo as he did.

After all, being caught driving a car with no driver would really go against his boss's orders to blend in...

"Where do you live again?"

The holo yawned, rubbing his eyes with one hand and putting the car in gear with the other, sliding smoothly out of the deserted neighborhood streets and onto the main road.

"Ella West's Home for Children. It's about three more blocks, then take a right and drive for five."

"Home for children? We had something like that on Cybertron, in the city of Vos, but... we were at war, and the plan failed anyway. Is this planet at war as well?"

"No. The group home... is for people whose parents have died or don't want them. They... We have no where else to go, so... the government sets up orphanages and... group homes to care of the abandoned children."

The holo turned towards him, a horrified look on it's face.

"Creators abandon their sparklings? But... why? why would anybody do-"

He cut himself off, shivering.

"Just the idea... it's horrifying. Sparklings are gifts. Very few mechs can make their own, it takes the combination of two very, very powerful sparks to make a sparkling. To abandon something that you put so much life into..."

"I would explain all the other horrid, nasty things that parents do to their children, but I don't want you to crash the car. Besides," Sam looked apprehensively at the doorway, or, more specifically, the terrifying presence looming in said doorway, "You'll probably find some ways out pretty soon."

Jazz's holo stared at him with wide eyes and the car moved to lock the door, but Sam was already out of the car and in the doorway.

"You worthless idiot! If you want to eat, then you damn well better work to earn it! Where the hell have you been all day, hmm? And who is that!"

Sam just looked away.

SMACK

The caretaker's hand was outstretched, extended in the action of smacking the boy across the street. She grabbed Sam by the hair and pulled him into the house, shrieking all the while.

Jazz used an internal server to hook up to the Internet and connect to google.

What does it mean when your caretaker hits you?

Sam sighed and shifted uncomfortably on his bed.

It... well, it wasn't really a beating, he wasn't abused after all, but the few hits he'd received had been hard enough to bruise, making lying on his back rather uncomfortable.

He rolled over on to his side and held his doll close, staring at the blank wall across from him intently, searching, as if it held all the answers to his current predicament.

Not that it did.

He sincerely doubted that anyone had any answers, not him, not Miles, not the Autobots, or the Decepticons, or the wall, unfortunately.

First things first.

A race of giant alien robots, whose war destroyed their entire planet, have now landed on earth to complete said war using a cube-looking-thing that he had a piece of, and the supposedly 'good' side needed his great great great grandfather's glasses to do it.

Second.

Said race of giant alien robots knew where he lived, and while that may not be a problem (he really didn't care what happened to himself, anyways) the fact that they also knew where Miles lived, well, that was the problem.

Three.

If he refused to help said giant alien robots, they, seeing as they are giant, could easily squish he and his friend. With a single finger. Not to mention the fact that the opposite faction, the 'bad' guys, were also looking for the cube thing. And if they found him... he probably wouldn't be given a choice.

Plus, if they didn't have the cube thing, what's stopping them from doing the same thing to this planet that they did to their own?

Ok.

Option one: Refuse to help. Most likely outcome? Death of himself and/or Miles. There was no way he'd let anything happen to Miles because he was being stalked by Satan's Solstice.

Option two: Give the glasses to the Autobots and demand they leave him alone. Most likely outcome? The Autobots would likely do what he asked, but the Decepticons would probably come after him, if the way the others had reacted to the name had anything to do with how they acted... And, in coming after him, would probably harm Miles as well. Not cool.

Option three: Get the authorities involved and let them handle it. Most likely outcome? One way ticket to the loony bin, and then he'd still have to worry about the Decepticons.

Option four: Join the Autobots, raise all merry hell, and put Miles in a near constant state of heart attacki-ness. Most likely outcome? Eh, whatever, it sounded like the most fun option anyways.

Decision made, Sam cuddled his doll and drifted off to sleep.

Meanwhile, Miles was having a different sort of mental epiphany.

The kind of epiphany where you realize your best friend is an idiot and you want to kill him very, very much.

Yes, that kind of epiphany.

He was currently pacing up and down in front of the old, beat up Camaro that just so happened to turn into a giant alien robot that seemed to have made itself at home in his parent's garage.

Joy.

He'd already explained away the car by saying it was an old fix-'er-upper that Sam had helped him rescue from the Scrapyard, but they still weren't happy about it.

"So."

He pulled a lawn chair over to the car and faced it, squinting slightly.

"Your name is Bumblebee?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out!"

"Ok, right... and you are a giant, alien robot."

" Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?"

"Ok. And you guys really need that Allspark thing, don't you."

" I've been dreaming about it, I can 't live without it..."

"...Sam is an idiot, isn't he."

" Most definitely. Um, in his own way."

"I'm just gonna have to live through this, then."

Movie quote thingies, in order-:

Random well known quote that I'm too lazy to look up

Toy Story 3

Bend It Like Beckham

Bones

Hope you enjoy!