A/N: I love you guys! The ones who just read, the ones that just follow, and the ones that take the time to review. You all make me smile. I really love to see the thoughts you all have about the characters. It thrills me that you all are so invested in this AU and get angry, sad, offended, furious with the things I do to them. Someone recently responded to #37 and was less than flattering. I snarked back a little but shouldn't have. I know my stories aren't for everyone but for those of you hanging along on this crazy ride please know I appreciate each and every one of you.

Y'all rock harder than Garcia!
-AR

Emily stands as Dr. Westfallen opens the door of the inner office. The doctor studies her patient, glad to see some of the life back in Emily's eyes.

"I'm glad you called me, Emily. To say I was worried about you would be an understatement."

Emily manages a grin. "Considering the way I treated you I'm lucky you didn't just ignore my message."

Westfallen smiles and gestures to her office. "Come in. Emily, if I had a dollar for every time I pissed off a client I'd have retired years ago."

"I bet," Emily says as she sits down. She starts to clench her hands together. "I…I had some time to think about what you said…about me volunteering to be out there alone and you're right: I did. But I can't help but feel angry that the only reason I was put in the position to be alone were bad decisions by Hotch and Morgan."

"I agree with you on that," Westfallen nods. "But tell me this, Emily, if nothing had happened, would you have been as angry at your boss and your best friend?"

Emily sits back on the couch. She shakes her head. "No."

"But something did happen. Tell me: when the man had you, did you trust your friends would get you out of there?"

Emily thinks a moment. "No," she answers softly. "They didn't know where I was. They were so far away. And they didn't get me out, Doc. Oscar Underias got me out of that shit. My team would have arrived too late."

"You don't suffer disappointment well, do you?"

"No," Emily admits. She thinks a second and chuckles. "And considering how many times my parents disappointed me when I was a kid that's kind of weird."

"Not really. You came to expect your parents to screw up. But this team…this is new where they are concerned. They've let you down once and now you know it can happen again."

"Not just once. In Long Island they had surrendered their guns and had nothing to even pretend to bargain with. If Rossi hadn't acted on his own…" she trails off, not needing to go into detail. "Hotch, Morgan…and even Jen left my ass hanging out in the wind. Just like Easter did. And now it's happened again. Shit, Doc, I just can't trust them right now. What if I never do again?"

"Is that a possibility?"

Emily runs a hand through her hair. "You said I don't suffer disappointment well. It's harder to earn my trust; even harder to gain that trust back. Clyde lost it early and never got it back; never even tried. After the way I acted this morning, the team may not try either."

"Does that make you angry? The thought they wouldn't try?"

Emily sighs. "I really don't know. All in all, I just feel…feel…adrift. And what's worse: I'm not sure I want to get back to shore. At least…not that shore."

"So what does this mean for your job?"

Emily blushes. "I, uh, am joining a short-term task force with the Secret Service."

Westfallen had thought she couldn't be shocked by Emily. She was wrong. "Allow me to say that concerns me, Emily. We've talked about your mistrust of a hastily put together teams. How can you go into something considering what happened last time and the misgivings you still have?"

Emily shrugs. "It was part of my tantrum at the office this morning. I was a royal shit to Hotch. Regardless of how I feel right now I regret what I said to him. I should have talked to him, confronted him even, but in private. Instead he brought this task force up and it's like I heard someone else speaking with my voice volunteering to do it." She sighs. "I feel like I'm running away from home."

"Are you going to go through with the task force?"

Emily shrugs. "I'll report to it today. I guess I won't know until I really know what it's about. The orders were pretty vague."

"What's the gist of it?"

"The Secret Service and Homeland Security have credible information that a terrorist sleeper cell is planning an attack on Congress. My guess is we will investigate and eradicate the cell."

"Are you up for an undercover assignment if it calls for it?"

Emily smiles. "I'm too old to go undercover, Doc. I'll be in the background."

"Ah. You'll be a Clyde Easter."

Emily's eyes darken. "Hell no. I'll be a Sean McAllister. My team will be able to trust me to have their back."

"Are you sure?"

Emily nods. "It's probably the one damn thing I am sure of."

"I see. Tell me: how is Jennifer handling all this?"

Emily starts to twirl her ring. Westfallen watches as she spins it back and forth in place.

"She's…scared and pissed. But she told me whenever I need her to just call."

Westfallen raises an eyebrow. "Call? Emily, have you moved out?"

"Yes. No. Sort of. Shit. I'm staying at the Ritz. Mother has an account there."

"Since when?"

"I never went home yesterday. Well…I went long enough to get some clothes. But just a handful," she adds quickly. "Henry is with Will this week and Rocky…she…she just…"

"Don't say she won't miss you, Emily. You know better."

Tears well in the brunette's eyes. "Yeah…I do."

"So will you be home in time to greet Henry?"

"At this point…it's really up to Jen. I hurt her, Doc. I hurt her so badly. I never thought I could do that to her."

"That probably explains why she's asked to be squeezed in today."

Emily rubs her eyes. "Shit. If she…if you want…you can tell her anything we've talked about. She's my wife. She deserves some answers that I've been too much of a shit to give her."

Westfallen nods. "Thank you. That right there tells me a lot about your state of mind."

"Oh, yeah? What does it say?"

"That the Emily I know is still in there. Bruised, maybe. Maybe hiding while her heart heals but still in there. It's my opinion that you won't leave your family, Emily." She pauses. "You won't abandon them the way your father abandoned you."

The tears she had been fighting all session finally break free. "Shit…I'm not so sure."

"I am sure, Emily."

Westfallen moves to the couch so she can hold her client while the agent has a much needed cry.