A/N: Here's chapter 4, this was a real bummer to write, as in it literally depressed me.
ArodLoverus2001: Yup, gotta give him something good once in a while, I'm glad you liked the last chapter, there's going to be a lot of 'poor Tim' ahead in this next one!
SassyJ: I felt he needed a bit of a helping hand, despite the fact he probably won't take it. Glad you liked it. This next one is going to be a downer, though...
Tim woke up early, with his usual panic, which subsided as soon as he realized where he was. He got up, one look at the loudly snoring Steve told him he'd be out a while yet. He hadn't been able to go home to pick a change of clothes up yesterday so he helped himself out of Steve's closet. The guy had way too many clothes anyway, which he actually never wore, usually just switching between two different outfits.
He stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him, he was just walking past Lisa's door when it opened.
"I thought I heard you get up," She started, then handed him a blue plastic pot, "Put that on your bruises, should help. I used to have to cover Steve in this stuff when he came back from a day with you."
He raised an eyebrow, but took it, "Thanks?"
"If you can't reach your back and stuff, call me, I'll help you," She said helpfully, then realized how wrong it sounded by the look Tim gave her.
"Have you considered buying a van and handing out candy?" He asked, laughing at her expression.
"Oh shut up!" She snapped, although she realized it was a little funny, she added a lot quieter, in case Steve was awake, "I was drunk, and you're legal, actually."
"Under 510.120(d) it is 'sexual abuse in the second degree,' a Class A misdemeanor, for a person over 21 to have sex with anyone under 18 for whom he or she provides a foster home," Recited Tim, she gave him a stunned look, and he grinned, "My old neighbor was pedophile, knew all the laws. Anyway, thanks," He held up the little pot, "But I think I can manage just fine on my own."
She was left a little stunned, as he walked past her on his way down the hall, "I never suggested sex," She called after him, once she'd recovered herself.
Tim turn to look at her as he opened the bathroom door, "Uh, sure, I'm gonna be lockin' the door anyway."
He left shortly after, not bothering to wake Steve up, but he did enjoy embarrassing her by giving her an over the top wink on his way out. He wasn't going to let her live this one down any time soon.
He headed the same way he did yesterday, to intercept Allan on his way to school. This time he didn't sneak up on him, it had been fun the first few times, but he was actually in a good mood and wasn't feeling terribly devious.
"Did you get the tests through?" Asked Tim, as he approached, Allan nodded, handing him the piece of paper he got out of his bag.
He opened the paper and scanned over it, feeling his stomach churn as he read the result. It was positive. So his dad was his dad. He muttered a shaky thanks to Allan and walked off in a hurry.
Did this make it worse? He couldn't work it out, he couldn't work out if he'd have felt better had it been negative. He couldn't work out why he actually cared so much either. Maybe he was trying to make excuses for his father's behavior in some subconscious form? Or for himself, a way to justify his intense hatred for the man, which had always felt wrong, but oh so mutual.
Whatever. It was he'd obviously kidded himself into thinking knowing the truth would make it better. Easier to deal with. Hell, as embarrassed as he was to admit it, he'd fantasized about going on to find his 'real' father and living happily ever after.
He suddenly felt very sick, and moved over into the lay-by, throwing up. He felt to shaky to continue, he leaned against a nearby tree, eventually sliding down it and just sitting there. Trying and failing to get a hold of himself.
He looked up when he felt his phone ringing. Only now realizing it was almost evening, and he'd been sitting there for something close to seven hours. He rubbed at his eyes, surprised when his fingers came away wet, and shook his head, trying to get a hold of himself.
He pulled the phone out, it was Steve.
"How's your head feelin'?" He asked in his usual tone, happy when his voice sounded normal if a little dry, only now realizing how incredibly thirsty he was.
"Like yours did yesterday, I'm guessing. Lisa's heavy metal music phase made a very loud, one day only, return," Complained Steve, Tim didn't trust himself to laugh.
"Sounds like you had a pleasant day then," Muttered Tim. There was a silence, he could already predict what Steve was going to say.
"Are you okay? You sound a little off."
"I'm fine, just tired," Replied Tim, he didn't even have to make an effort to spin the lie anymore, he'd probably said that sentence more times in his life than most people said "hello".
He knew Steve wouldn't buy it, but he also knew that Steve wouldn't push it either.
"My mom got a letter from the school today," Started Steve, "I'm obliged to show up tomorrow, or 'else'. Wanna come with?"
Tim considered it, on the one hand he really didn't want to. On the other hand it would be a nice change of pace, and he didn't feel like hanging around feeling miserable all day tomorrow, too. It wasn't so bad either, the teachers had stopped giving him a hard time a while ago, when they got sense of what was actually going on. Some tried to encourage him, others just ignored him. He personally prefer the later, he hated the whole 'I feel sorry for you but there's nothing I can do' look.
He agreed he'd come and hold Steve's hand for his first day back at school, Steve denied the fact that he wanted help although he was secretly thankful.
Tim pulled himself up, feeling good enough to walk and emotionally stable enough to pretend nothing ever happened. He started walking home, slowly.
They walked through the school gates together, past a very mean looking Bosco who Tim made a mock salute to and Steve in turn looked at Tim as if he was insane. Tim just gave him a 'you don't want to know' sort of smile and continue walking.
They had to separate off when the bell rang, having different classes to attend, but arranged to meet at lunch time.
When Steve finally made it out of his History class, feeling incredibly sleepy, he spotted Tim just down hall. He was chatting to Tina, who seemed to be giggling. He did a double take and shook his head.
Initially Steve had been, maybe still was, a little bit jealous of Tim having a much easier time than he with girls. He understood it though, Tim unintentionally made them laugh with whatever comment he felt like making, along with his usually unconcerned attitude made him come over as hugely confident. Steve on the other hand was not so good with strangers, or people in general, and if he happened to be interested in someone, he'd usually just stutter like an idiot for a few minutes then excuse himself and leave.
He caught up to Tim once Tina had left with her friends, and said before thinking any better, "Shit, I'd love to be you for a day."
He then realized what he said and gave Tim an apologetic look, Tim didn't seem bothered though, as usual, he just raised his eyebrows at Steve.
"What did she want?" Asked Steve, as they walked out of the building.
"To know why I didn't call her," Replied Tim, shrugging.
"Wait. She gave you her number? You didn't tell me that,"
"Didn't really seem important," Muttered Tim, Steve disagreed, as far as he was concerned Tim should go for this, he sure as hell would if he was in Tim's place.
"You never follow through, it's unbelievable. Remember that chick who came down here on holiday from NY last summer? Mia? She was totally into you, too," Insisted Steve, getting a sideways glance from Tim, "And then there was Christina, not as good looking, but not bad either, and Debra, damn she was really-"
"Can you please shut up?" Snapped Tim, Steve looked up, a little shocked. Tim hardly ever snapped, nor had he really thought he'd been saying anything to annoy him.
"Tim?" Tried Steve, Tim had turn his back to him, "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"Yeah, that much was pretty obvious," Snarled Tim, he took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair and turned back to face Steve, half regretting how harsh he'd been, half regretting how harsh he was about to be, "You think I enjoy it? Really? Did it ever occur to you that maybe it has something to do with being in agony as soon as anyone touches me? No, 'course it fuckin' didn't."
Tim walked away, leaving a stunned Steven to stare at his back, still not knowing what to say. He stormed out of the school ignoring everyone, not stopping until he was around the corner from the gate.
"Shit," He muttered to himself as he leaned against the wall. This wasn't suppose to happen. He was supposed to keep a lid on it. Make a joke and change the subject, not blow up like that.
He took a deep breath and made himself keep walking, telling himself it'd wear off, the same way everything else had, he just had to stay clear of other people until he could get a grip.
He walked for a long time, not really paying attention to where he was going, didn't really matter anyway. He heard a car coming up behind him, he ignored it until it pulled up next to him, the passenger side window rolled down and the driver leaned over.
"Get in, I'll give you a lift," Said Lisa, she had been smiling but she stopped when she realized how very wrong Tim looked. There was no pedophile joke, or sarcastic remark, or well anything, he just shook his head and continued walking.
She started up again, so that the car was on a level with him again, "Seriously, I'm not going to repeat myself. Get in."
He didn't continue walking but didn't make any other move either, she sighed, "Look, you can either get in, or I can keep following you, your choice."
He shrugged and got in, keeping his eyes towards the window.
"What happened?" She asked, fully expecting the answer she received.
"Nothin',"
"Then why do you look like you want to throw yourself off a bridge?"
He laughed, she looked over at him, "If I wanted to kill myself, findin' a bridge seems like a lot of trouble when I could just go home and make a couple of sarcastic comments."
She slammed the breaks on, looking at him straight in the eye. "That isn't funny. Not in the slightest."
He shrugged, rolling his eyes, "Can I leave now?"
"Nope," She started driving again, "You're going to come and stay at home for a few days at least. Mom won't be back for a while it seems."
Tim winced, she noticed and gave him a questioning look.
"Pretty sure I'm no longer on speaking terms with Steve..."
"Sure you are," She reassured, smiling, "Why'd you think I drove out this way?"
"He called you?" Asked Tim in disbelief, feeling pretty guilty now.
"Uh huh."
When they got to the house Lisa put a huge plate of food in front of Tim, ordering him to eat, then made him go to bed despite his protests about not being tired. It turned out he was wrong and she was right, he fell asleep only a few seconds after his head hit the pillow.
He woke up a couple of hours later, feeling a little better. He got up and was headed downstairs, but when he reached the top of the staircase he could hear Lisa and Steven's voices, not well enough to hear what they were saying, but enough to make the guilt come back.
He stood there for a few seconds, he knew he should go down there, talk to them, he knew Steve understood why he'd snapped...But on the other hand, if he did that, they'd make him stay here, at least for the next few days.
He loved staying in this house, hell he'd move in any day, if he could. He'd had a week or two living here before, when things had gotten out of hand back home, but what they never understood was how bad that made the inevitable trip home. Sometimes it was just easier not to know there was an alternative if there no chance of taking it.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he finally made his decision, going back to the bedroom he pulled on his jacket and picked up his bag, then made for the bathroom as it was the easiest window to climb out from.
He'd call by and apologize some other time, but right now he felt he needed alone time, not visions of what his life actually should be like.
Tim had made it back home, and been discreet enough on his way in. He was about to drift off to sleep when he heard a tap at his bedroom window. He ignored it, thinking it must have been a disorientated bat or something. After the third time, however, he could no longer ignore it. He got up, opened the window and peered out.
He saw Steve standing under the window looking up at him with a stupid grin on his face, the one he'd get when he knew he was supposed to be angry but somehow couldn't quite manage to stay that way.
"How romantic," Groaned Tim, trying not to return the smile but failing.
"Any chance I can come up, Juliette?" Asked Steve, Tim nodded.
"You may," He motioned to the tree, "Whether you can or not, I wouldn't like to say."
Steve pretended to be offended and started climbing up. He didn't do too badly, but Tim did have to catch him when he finally got to the level of the window.
They exchanged a look once they were both on solid ground, Tim feeling a little awkward again.
"Look, I'm sorry about-" He started.
"Oh, shut up," Interrupted Steve, "You don't have to apologize, I get it," He paused, "Actually I don't get it at all, but let's just say I accept it. Just..." He looked around the room, as if what he was trying to say would just pop up in front of him, "Maybe actually tell me if you're having a bad day, well, a really bad day. So I know."
"Alright," Agreed Tim, "This worked out quite well though, your little stunt just now actually kinda cheered me up."
"Oh, c'mon, it wasn't that bad!" Complained Steve, "Plus it's dark!"
"Uh, whatever you need to tell yourself, man," Replied Tim, laughing.
They heard a noise inside the house and realized they'd stopped whispering once they'd closed the window.
Tim cursed under his breath as he heard his dad yell at him asking what was going on up there.
"Nothin'" He shouted back, then turned to Steve, "You gotta go, he'll be coming up now."
Sure enough they heard the bottom stair creak. Steve frowned, "Hell no, this is my fault, what's he gonna do if I'm here?"
"Probably think I'm gay. Please?" Steve cringed, he'd never seen Tim look scared before. Still he didn't want to leave Tim to suffer for what he'd caused.
The steps got closer, and before Steve could protest he was shoved into the closet, the door shut behind him. He could hear Tim's father asking what all the noise had been about.
"Had the radio on," Lied Tim, Steve cringed in apprehension as he heard the heavily dragged footsteps come further into the room.
"Fuckin' woke me up," Complained Tim's father, Steve didn't need any visual to understand what happened next, it took everything he had not to burst out and attempt to kill the man himself. The only thing holding him back being the fact that Tim would probably never speak to him again if he did.
He wanted until the door had shut again and the sound of footsteps got further away before he let himself out.
"You okay?" He asked Tim, who had obviously just got up and was still holding a hand to his stomach.
"Sure," Replied Tim, surprising Steve by smiling, "He's in really good mood tonight, must have gone to Susan's."
Steve decided not to object to Tim's definition of someone being in a good mood being that they'd only hit their son once for making a minimal amount of noise, and asked a different question instead, "The whore house?"
Tim nodded, "Seriously, I'd pay for him to go there everyday." Tim frowned as he looked at Steve, "Can you stop looking like that?"
"Like what?" Asked Steve, as Tim shuffle over to take a seat on his bed, hand still holding his stomach.
"Like your dog just got run over while you were on a trip to Disneyland and then Mickey Mouse came along kicked you in the balls."
"You have surprising imagery," Muttered Steve, as he played the scene out in his head. It did more or less sum up how he felt. Sure, he'd known, before, but he'd never actually witnessed it, well been present. He had yet to actually see it. He really didn't want to, he was pretty sure he'd throw up, or become a murderer, or maybe both. "You really... I mean every time you go home...?"
Tim gave him an annoyed look, "That conversation we had about not talkin' about this shit-"
"Well maybe you should talk, to someone, doesn't have to be me-"
"Everyone keep sayin' that. I'm not the one with the problem. Tell him," He pointed at the door, "To go to AA. Far as I know there is no Child Abuse Anonymous," Tim leaned back on the bed, groaning in the process, "I'm gonna sleep now, if that's alright with you."
A/N: Hope you liked it, despite everything. Things'll look up in the next one, I'm sure.
Thanks for reading/reviewing!