I'm Sure

"I was happy in the saddest way."

Bianca's POV

The day after prom, that was the deadline for Miranda's orders. I tried to convince myself that she was locked away tight in some bouncy white cell, but images of her in my house kept popping up. As I walked down the hallway to the kitchen, I could've sworn I saw a black figure standing behind me. I needed to get outside. Without a coat, I walked outside and ran to the nearest bus stop. I waited alone until the monstrous bus squealed to a stop in front of me. With my cashmere sweater, ivory knitted beret, and skinny blue jeans, I shoved my hands in my pockets and hopped on, dropping three quarters into the scruffy driver's hand as I boarded. I looked out the window in sorrow. My life felt like it was at its worst point in almost forever. No amount of good friends could change that. Friends can always betray you, or spill a secret to someone else. I had never been anywhere long enough to make a best friend. I never knew the joys of having someone to fully trust in. I should've never told anyone about my baby. It should've been a secret for only me and my teddy bear's ears to know. But I ruined it.

I pressed my head against the cool, foggy window and exhaled. When I opened my eyes, we weren't moving, but we also weren't at the library. Cars were lined up in front of us, miles and miles of them. I sighed, knowing it would be a while since we started moving. I gazed out the window at a nearby park. A woman wearing a big coat was frowning on a bench. She reminded me of myself. Then, a little girl in a pink coat and yellow leggings bounded over and gave her the warmest hug I'd ever seen. "I love you, mommy." I read her lips. The woman's eyes suddenly lit up and she began to smile as she hugged her daughter back. A nostalgic smile crept up on my lips and my throat became sore. A single tear fell from my eye and slid down my cheek. I was happy in the saddest way. I knew what I wanted from that point on, I wanted my baby back.

As soon as the bus stopped in front of the library, I bounded from the bus, across the busy street, the wind whipping my hair back. I panted as I zipped through the aisles of books to a computer. Sitting down, the chair beneath me spun. People around me looked at me with unease. I straightened myself as I opened Google. I typed in, "Miss Judy's Fosters". Surely, the option came up and I scrawled the phone number down on a nearby sheet of paper. With the number in my hand I sprinted from the library and almost collided with the payphone across the street. I quickly placed a quarter in the machine and dialed the number. The phone only rang twice before someone picked up, "Miss Judy's Foster Home Care, how may I assist you?" the secretary announced.

"Hello. I'm Bianca di Angelo. I put a three day old baby up for adoption about a year ago, I was wondering if she was still there?"

"Hold on, Hon, let me check."

There was some rustling of paper and opening of drawers before the woman came back to the phone. I twirled my hair nervously.

"Here we, go. The baby matches your description. Can you tell me what you look like?"

"Uh, olive skin, dark brown hair, and brown eyes."

"Well, this must be your baby, dear."

"Thank you so much! When can I pick her up? Was she named yet?"

"You're very welcome, dear. You can come as soon as possible to come get her. You'll need your social security code and you will need to fill out a lot of paperwork. Oh, and right now she is being called Allison."

"I'll be there as soon as I can!"

With joyous tears streaming down my face I got on the next bus. "To Portland." I told the driver, handing him more coins. "Well, little lady, sure you can handle the drive?" he asked. I smiled wide and said confidently, "I can handle anything." I sat in the middle of the bus, making sure I was next to a window. As the changing landscapes flashed before me, I became more and more eager to get my baby. I must've fell asleep because I opened my eyes and the bus was in front of the Portland sign. "Thank you." I said to the driver. "Good luck." he stated before closing the door. According to the map, the orphanage was a half a mile away from where I was. I could even see the building. I ran the whole way, my hair flying back, gold converse zipping across the pavement, my thighs burned, and my lungs ached for a normal breath, but not once, did I stop. I accidentally ran into a pedestrian walking a dog and almost ended up hugging a telephone pole, but I still kept going. The sky was an unnaturally bright blue and the geese waded along grassy areas. When I got to the dismal building, I yanked the door open and put both hands on the front desk. "I'm Bianca." I announced and the woman smiled and tried to hide her astonishment. She obviously thought I was going to be a little older. "One moment." she chided and walked into another room. Two agonizing minutes later, she returned with a baby that looked so beautiful I fell to my knees. "My baby." I cried, holding my hands out. Little Allison was gently placed in my arms.

She looked almost exactly like me, except for the ears which had to be her father's. "She's so beautiful." I breathed.

"And she's all yours." the woman told me, "Here is some paperwork you have to fill out." I was handed a stack of papers held together by a weak paperclip. As I filled out the work, Allison rested in the crook of my arm, slightly jiggling from my writing. I lied that I was eighteen with a stable household. I doubted she would look me up to make sure, she knew how happy I was. After twenty minutes of lies and a sore hand later, I was walking Allison out the door, with a crème folder with her birth certificate and other classified papers. I only had enough coins to make it to the town over from mine, so I figured I would just walk the rest of the way. I climbed on the bus and told the driver where to take me as I sat in the back corner of the bus. As I looked around, I never realized how beautiful everything was. The setting sun cast a ray of reds, oranges, yellows, and pinks across the sky, the lake nearby was glistening and rippling lightly, and even the swirly, blue, chipping, metal designs on the bus were so pretty. But, my Allison was prettier by far. As the sky darkened, I began to think about what I would tell my parents, where I would go, how I would make my money. I couldn't just leave out of the blue; my face would soon be plastered on a missing sign on a milk carton.

The first person I wanted to tell was Annabeth, it would be a good practice for telling my parents and she deserved to know. Allison was asleep in my arms before we got thirty minutes and, soon, I fell asleep, too. I woke up to the driver saying, "Miss. Miss?" in my ear to wake me up. I staggered off the bus and sat on a nearby park bench. Allison was already a perfect name for her, her chocolate eyes were hidden beneath her eyelids, dark hair was tufted on her head, and her olive skin seemed to glow in the moon light. Crickets chirped in the background and the night was unusually warm. I let out a deep breath of relief. I had done what was right, but, now what?

I walked over through the town, luckily, Annabeth's house and mine were on the edge of our town, so the journey wasn't too long. It took about forty – five minutes winding through the streets before I ended up at Annabeth's. Her house was grand, the shrubs perfectly aligned, the walkways stoned were placed in a miss-matched, yet, simple order, and the green of her house radiated confidence, even though it was a house. It had to be at least ten o'clock. With my last bit of adrenaline, I rang the bell. Luckily, Annabeth answered. "Bianca!" she sputtered, "What are you doing here?" She had on a tight yellow tank top and blue fuzzy short shorts. Her hair was in a high pony tail and her face had on a disbelieving look. "Uhm, hi." I breathed, "I need to tell you about this. I have just been so lonely and sad lately, I needed someone. You've been an awesome friend, but I needed something more. I saw how happy mothers were, and I realized. I wanted my baby. It was a calling. I know what I'm doing, it's the right thing. Can you accept that?" Annabeth took everything in for a couple seconds, my clothes, Allison, the words. "Of course I can." she answered, "But, Bianca, are you sure you can do this? What about school and your life?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my whole life. School isn't that important to me right now, this is my new life. I'm starting over for the last time, and I think I'm going to like it this time."

"What are you going to tell your parents?"

"I don't know yet. They'll make me put her up for adoption and hate me for not telling them."

"What about writing them a note?"

"That's a great idea! Thanks for everything, Annabeth."

"Please, don't go, where will you stay? I'm only concerned.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll find somewhere."

"Will I see you again, I mean, you're not leaving forever, are you?"

"No, I'll visit again. Soon. Don't worry."

I started walking down the path, in confident steps.

"Wait!"

I turned around to see Annabeth standing on the first step.

"Yeah?"

"One more question before you go, what's her name?"

"Allison."

"Allison, it's beautiful. And if you ever need anything, I'm here."

"Thanks for everything, Annabeth."

And with that, I walked down the walkway and to my house. On the porch, I took out the crumbled sheet of paper with Miss Judy's Fosters number on it and picked up a soggy pen from the grass. Allison woke up and grabbed at the pen. I smiled at her and began writing.

Dear Mom, Dad, and Nico,

I know you still think I'm a baby, but now I have my own. I'm going to Philadelphia to care for her. Thank you, Nico, for keeping my secret. Her name is Allison Annabeth di Angelo. She's eight months old with chocolate eyes and dark brown hair. Don't be mad at Nico for not telling you, and please, take care of him. I know this is hard, but I'll be fine and in touch. When I get enough money to support myself and Allison, I promise I will visit, it just might not be for a long time. Thank you all for loving me and caring for me. I love you all.

With Love,

Bianca

A silent tear slid down my face. I would miss everyone I met here, and my family, who I've lived with all my life. But, I never realized that a big piece was already missing inside of me, and now, it was full. I quietly crept inside and slipped the note on the table before entering my room. I rested Allison on the bed. I grabbed two of my suitcases and quickly but quietly packed all my clothes, which wasn't a lot. I made sure to bring pens and paper, stamps, pictures, my journal, hand lotion, sunscreen, a pillow and two blankets in another suitcase. I grabbed all my money out of the jar in my empty closet that I was saving for a day like this. Allison squirmed on my bed and I kissed her to slow her down. As I was carrying my bags and Allison out of my room, I spotted my fish. I quickly grabbed him and stuffed him in a bag. Thank gosh I had bought the sealed tank, which prevented the water from spilling. I silently slipped down the hall and standing in front of the door, I stopped. I took everything in, I was actually leaving, not forever, but for a long time. I took in the beauty of the house and whispered quietly, before leaving on a bus to Philadelphia, "Goodbye."

This chapter is dedicated to all girls and boys who have found the strength to live the way they want.

A/N: Holy, 2,195 words, Batman! Now, you're probably wondering if Bianca will be written about again. I will only write more about her if you want me to, so PM me or review what you want! Also, I have a poll on my profile, so check that out! And, still, please, tell me if you want that other fanfic from when I was younger, it's pretty good, but I don't want to type it up and have no one read it! Even if you're a guest, just tell me! Oh, and by the way, smiley faces and hearts don't come up on the website, so if I sound retarded, talking about an invisible smiley, you know what's up.