Chapter 8 I loved you, I buried you, I shed tears for you... I killed for you

As Ziva pondered about her past she realise how much she had changed. She was no longer that person that she once was; she knew that and much importantly so does her team. But it does not help that she had inflict unspeakable pain during her time with MOSSAD. She started to think when did it all changed.

When all the innocence of childhood had turned into a fight for survival; Friends and neighbours killing each other. One, minute she, Ari and Tali were playing, laughing and being innocent with not a care in the world. The next minute Ari and her; were killing machines. Was Eli expectations for Ari got too much that he turned rogue? Or the killing of his mother set him off? Born with the same father but brought up in different faith and belief, she remembered the fights she had with the other kids when they found out, but Ari was always there to protect her and Tali.

When she heard about the mission to kill Ari she was determine to prove to her father he was innocent. Hearing everything Ari had said before she killed him about their father she was confused and needed the break. He did not even go to his burial; in fact no one did. It was just her.

As no one wants to pay respects to a rogue agent or a failed martyr.

Now she had concerns about Tali... Her 'dead' sister that she mourn for, her main reason for being in MOSSAD...

...Had all along been alive after all these years.

Deep in thought she did not hear the footsteps behind her.

"Do you not think you should let your doctor friend see your wound on your arm? It might be infected by now?" Ziva closed her eyes and ignored her, she did not want to deal with this just yet. "Ah! The silent treatment... I remember that... You would go for days without speaking to me... No matter... I will talk and you just listen... Sooner or later you have to face what you had done to her."

That was it for Ziva ever since that day she was racked with guilt over the years she learnt to deal with what she had done to Aminah, now her 'deceased' sister was blaming her. She turned to her and got in her face. "I am not the only one who is guilty of what happened. Or is that why you are at Mina's side because of your own guilt? The part you played?" Ziva stepped back and took a good look at her, taking in all her features, her sister had grown into a young woman she was not the teenage brat that she fought and argued with. She returned to the habit of playing with her fingers to try and clam herself down. "So why do it? Why did you fake your own death..?" Ziva rushed at her and pushed Tali back into the wall and grabbing on her shirt as anger took it's hold. "I loved you, I buried you, I shed tears for you... I KILLED FOR YOU!" She pulled Tali towards her then slammed her hard into the wall. She did not stop there, she found her self slapping Tali hard across her face, only to stop when Tali pushed her back, her own strength showing. Ziva was surprised that Tali more or less matched her strength. "Just answer me why? Why did you do it? Aba... He changed because of you! Both he and Ima blamed me for your 'death'. " Ziva no longer cared that all her emotions poured out as she went for Tali again. "...Ari was his mole...I was his elite solider..." She again threw punches all over Tail's body. "...You...You were just his daughter... He loved you! Why would you do that to him?" Tali then punched Ziva in the face.

Tali had always been amazed on Ziva's strength even when she was badly hurt she still fought. She remembered when they were growing up she thought Ziva was the real life wonder woman, no one could touch and no one dare. She was invinceble. As she got older and observed her more she knew the truth, she knew that Ziva was becoming a fighting, killing machine just like Ari. The difference was Ari had no choice but Ziva did and she wanted to follow in their father's footsteps for Eli to at least notice her, the middle child not knowing where she stood with her parents. She never realised what it would cost her later in life.

Tali on the other hand wanted freedom...She wanted to live and breath life...She wanted to find that first true love... She did not want to see anymore death or to be force to take away a life. She wanted to be free as a bird.

"WHY DID YOU FAKE YOUR DEATH!" The two sisters again trading punches, Ziva in all her pain was getting the upper hand. She heard Tali whisper something; without letting her go, even when Tali hit the wound on her arm where the bullet grazed her, Ziva had a tight grip on her shirt despite the pain. "What?" Ziva hissed biting the pain back. Tali breathing hard and wiping the blood from her mouth repeated her answer. "I said...I did not want to be like you..." Ziva released her hold on her. "What is that suppose to mean?"

"You might have changed now, protector of the innocents, of the marines and their families... but back then you loved what you did. I did not want to be like you."

"You fake your death in spite of me? So you will not end up like me!?... You selfish bitch!"

"You do not understand. I am not you or Ari. I want nothing to do with this war. I did not want to go into the military. I saw what it did to you and Ari. How you both changed when you visited us. Damn it Ziva! You once broke my arm. You beat me up when we argued you were 18... I was only 13 and you were treating me like your punching bag. What For? So you get the love back from our father? What about Ima? What about her? You always fought with her because of him. Did you really crave for his love that much? Were you THAT desperate for it?" Ziva again lashed out, Tali was blocking her punches and attacks. "You can no longer hurt me Ziva." Ziva kicked her legs underneath her and pulled out her gun. "And you can not beat me, you never could." Tali pushed herself up off the ground clutching her stomach, looking down at the barrel of Ziva's gun and the eyes of a killer. Truly frightened her and brought back those painful memories. "You pulled your gun on me!? What are you going doing to do, shoot me? Like you did with Ari? That's right Ziva I know what you did." Ziva gave a hurt expression before any words were said between them she heard her name being called out. "Ziva... Enough...Put you gun down..." Ziva turned and saw Tony. "...Let it go."

Tali walked away wiping her self down. "You may have changed. But I still have the memories...And I hate you." Tali walked off leaving Ziva with Tony.

Ziva watched her and face back to Tony. "Why can she not see that I was like that to protect her? I had to be hard a her for her to be strong to be immune to all pain. I did it for her. If she did not want to join the military Eli would have paid money to them. He would have done anything to..."She broke off not knowing how much Tony heard. "How much did you hear?"

"I didn't I just saw you pulling the gun on her." Tony answered truthfully. "How is Aminah?"

"Not good..." Tony sighed. "You talk to her? So you know what I did to her?" She couldn't face him and looked down on the ground.

"Yeah, I spoke to her. She did not go into detail on what happened but she doesn't blame you."

"How can she not...?" She brought her face up and looked at Tony; he saw her eyes filling up and thought she was going to have her break down right there. But she did not and again she held everything in. "...I had done a lot of things Tony, a lot of bad things. Especially in the name of my sister; everything that I had done in MOSSAD all my actions was all justified. Now, now I found out after all these years she been alive all along. Breathing the fresh air, skipping along the path of life. How can I now justify it all? All the blood that had been shed, the pain that I caused I..." She stopped as her voice broke with emotion and she turned away not wanting Tony to see her tears.

"You did what you thought was right at the time. I might be an only child; it doesn't mean I can't understand what you are going through. Truthfully I would have done the same thing." Tony wrapped his arms around her and gave a loving sqeeze as he reassured her and looked deep into her brown eyes, he saw it. At that moment he knew then what Aminah meant about being a lost soul and needed someone to understand her and to love her as she is.

That includes all her baggage of her past, her mistakes and faults.

He smiled as he realised he would not want her any other way.

TBC