Chapter Nine : Shadow Walker

I want to be in another place, I hate when you say, you don't understand…
You'll see, it's not meant to be.
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy, a place for my head…

Linkin Park, A Place for my Head

Snow was lightly falling all around her as Charlie stepped up onto Haruka's porch. She would much rather be inside sparring, or even meditating (all her sensei had been adamant about that part), but she needed to talk to Haruka, not as the General, but as Nate's mother. Charlie had great respect for the woman and Haruka would help Charlie make the right choice. Like Charlie, Haruka was a warrior, controlled and calculating, whereas Cassie was a healer and highly emotional.

Rapping her knuckles on the door, she waited for a moment before turning to walk away, no one was home. She was halfway down the stairs when Haruka stepped out on the porch, wearing jeans and a shirt, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail as she nonchalantly stuck a wet fox-hair brush behind her ear.

"Is something the matter, Charlie?"

Charlie was taken aback at how different the General looked. "I wanted to talk to you, Mrs. Shark, this is not about stuff but about your son."

Haruka smiled and waved her arm. "Ah, come inside, Charlie. No matter what, you are always welcome in my home."

Backing away, Charlie raised her hands. "I don't want to disturb you. It looks like you're busy."

"Not really, I was just finishing up some calligraphy. Come in and we can have tea."

Tangling her finger together, Charlie followed Haruka inside through the house to the kitchen. Haruka put the kettle on while she waited for Charlie to speak, but when the younger woman didn't say anything Haruka asked, "What brings you here today?"

Charlie pulled the Kanzashi from her hair and placed it on the table. "Nate asked me to marry him and I don't know what to say. You know enough about my life and where I want to get in life. I never expected to find someone who can see the person I am… to love me for me. So I never spared the idea a thought beyond a flight of fancy."

Reaching out, Haruka touched Charlie's hand. "My path hasn't been nearly as rocky as yours, but I also found love where I least expected to find it. But if I learned anything from my parents, it was that when you find love you don't let it go because it doesn't fit in your plans. Look at Sam and Jack, the two of them almost lost everything because they were both too stubborn for their own good. Don't give up on something because you feel like you don't need or deserve it. We all need a place to rest."

Charlie looked away, she hated that Haruka saw right through her to the true reasons for not accepting Nate's offer right away.

Haruka took Charlie's other hand. "I just have one question. Do you love my son?"

Charlie considered the idea, and conceded, "I don't hate him, and my life would be infinitely duller without him. At the same time, he's the only person safe for my grandfather who manages not to break my equilibrium."

"Then you know what to do." She placed the kanzashi in Charlie's hair. "Say yes, if you are ready to make that commitment. Don't do it because it's what others expect, but you have to be ready to be a wife and possibly a mother. They sometimes go hand in hand when we least expect it."

Charlie pulled back. "Mother? But what about-" She stopped wondering if Haruka was the right person to be talking to about this.

"That is a part of marriage and Nate wants children. He loves you and you love him, but the time might not be right for you, that doesn't mean it won't be in the future, but only say yes if it's right for you. I can't make that choice for you. That is written in your kokoro."

Charlie walked through the now slushy snow back toward her room. She was still confused, even more so. She knew what it meant if she accepted Nate's gift and so she needed to talk to someone, but children? She had never considered them in years. Suddenly she could see a baby smiling up at her with Nate's eyes but-

She shook her head. She had plans, things to do and places she wanted to go. There was barely room in that life for a (normal) husband, let alone a child.

Maybe she did need some emotion in there, she needed Cassie. The other cadet had a way of seeing thing differently than anyone else. It probably came from losing your parents not just once but twice. People from all years came to Cassie for help, not only because she was the dorm chief but because she was willing to listen. Charlie often wondered if a physician or surgery was the right field of medicine for Cassie because she would do well as a psychiatrist as well.
When she reached the correct floor, as expected Cassie's door was open. Rapping her knuckles on the door frame, Charlie stood there, wanting to run but forcing herself to stand there and get this done.

Cassie looked up and smiled. "Charlie, do you need something?"

Fidgeting, Charlie felt the weight of the kanzashi tucked into her hair. "Cassie, may I talk to you for a minute in private?"

"Sure close the door. It's a sign to the others that I'm in a conference and we won't be disturbed."

Charlie closed the door and crossed over to Cassie's bed to sit down, only to spring back to her feet, pacing. "I just don't know what to do, I mean I've never felt like this about anyone and now…." She pulled the kanzashi from her hair and placed it on the desk. "He gave this to me. Just look at it. I'm sure you know what it means to Nate."

Very gently Cassie picked up the deceptively delicate, but actually very strong ornament. It reminded her of Charlie, her friend was so strong on some accounts but so very fragile in others. On the surface no one would know the heart that beat within her friend nor how strong her desire was to be loved for who she was and not what the world wanted her to be and it seemed that Nate had truly found that person.

"Nate asked you to marry him? What did you say?"

Slowly, Charlie sat down on Cassie's bed once more. "I said I needed to think about it and I have, but I'm nowhere near figuring it out. I went to Haruka, but she confused me even more. I just don't know what to do or say."

"The most important thing is: do you love him and do you want to marry him?" Cassie asked as she put down the Kanzashi and took Charlie's hand.

"Yes, no, I don't know. Not like I have much an idea of the concept in the first place. I just don't know if I can take that kind of plunge." She sighed, closing her eyes. "This is so not helping. It was an awful idea to come here."

"Charlie, you never expected to have this choice and now it scares you. I know how you feel about Nate so I challenge you to see where this goes. If you're not ready to say yes yet, then don't. Nate knows you well enough to give you time if you need it. You can love and serve, Sam does and you can too. They aren't mutually exclusive."

Cassie placed the kanzashi in Charlie's hand and closed her fingers over it. "Now you need to go and talk to him."

"I can do that."

Cassie sat down beside Jon at their usual table. "Do you know who came to see me today?"

Jon snorted. "You have people coming in and out of your room getting advice and stuff. How can I possibly guess?"

"Fine then. It was Charlie. She wanted some advice on what she should do about Nate's proposal."

"Wh-" Jon spat his hot chocolate across the table.

"So I take it he didn't say anything to you about this?"

"Nope, crazy. I mean they've only been dating-" he shrugged. "I'm very happy for them, that is if she said yes. She did decide to say yes, didn't she?"

"I don't know. She's so unsure of herself when it come to things like this. I believe she loves Nate and I'm hoping she'll be able to get past her fears. I gave her a big nudge but you never know with her."

"She'll figure it out, she's made it this far alone, I'm sure she can make the right choice now."

"I agree. Now let's finish this food I have to study for my exam tomorrow. Shall I pick you up at 1500 hours to take you to Jack's house to watch Jasmine?"

"That sounds like a good plan."

There are two more chapters up on my site and if you would like to check them out Google my penname and you will find me. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. :0P

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.

if I get enough review I will be pushed to add the chapter early, like Friday, instead of later next week. I have one so far this week but I think I could handle a few more.