Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
A/N: This is my first one-shot ever so I really do hope you'll like it! :D I'm sorry for any kind of errors and every grammar mistake, but my mother tongue isn't English so, yeah sorry. lol
I'm losing myself
Trying to compete
With everyone else
Instead of just being me
- Believe in Me
"Hi, Mercedes. My name is Rachel Barbra Berry, and I'm in my sophomore year at NYADA, and hopefully, once out of college, I'll be singing on a Broadway stage." She said, crossing her fingers. "Ever since I attended high school, I always wore knee socks and sweaters with animals drawn on top." She giggled, pointing at her clothing. "Personally, I've always loved them, but I don't think that this look 'works' here in New York. I really wish that people would like me or even just appreciate me as I am, but so far it's still hasn't happened." A hint of sadness felt out of her voice. "Boys don't look at me like they look at other girls and, I know it might be sound crazy, but, omitting the little flirt with a boy of the enemy glee club in high school, I've never had a real boyfriend."
Truth be told, having a boyfriend wasn't exactly her priority, but as the years passed, the more she wanted to have someone by her side. Someone to celebrate with the roles she has obtained. Someone to lean on during hard times. Just someone.
"There's a guy in my dance class named Brody. He was the only person who's ever talked to me when I was a freshman, and I think he's the only guy who even knows that I exist, and perhaps, with a few small changes, he might even start to feel something for me. Actually, he was the first to tell me to change. He said that no one would ever be interested in me if I keep dressing like a child. That I wasn't a real New Yorker until I got my first makeover. I still think that's probably the stupidest thing that I've ever heard but, I just- I don't know."
She watched as the little red light flashed that not knowing what else to add. She felt the tears forming in her eyes without even knowing why. She had planned to cry to get her compassion, cry on command was one of her specialties, but she didn't expect to cry in earnest because of this story. "I-I don't want to sound desperate but, please, Mercedes, help me."
Rachel finally paused the video and took the camera. She couldn't believe she just did that. Had she really made a video in which she asked for an expert to help her with her love life?
Years ago, she would never have thought of being in this situation. She didn't want to be labeled as "the loser" also in college. The girl who nobody notices. The girl who never gets invited on a date. She wanted someone to like her for who she was, but that someone was nowhere to be found. And she was tired. Tired of waiting for the right guy. A guy who might never even come. This was the main reason why she decided to seek help from Mercedes Jones, the expert on love relationships. She was always confident, even though she knew she wasn't a classic beauty. She didn't want to change, but perhaps only in that way Brody would have liked her.
Sometimes she didn't even understand why she wanted so much his attention. He wasn't exactly the "perfect guy." His ego was even bigger than Rachel's, and furthermore, he thought to be the best in everything he did.
So why change for a guy like him?
Rachel has set this question a million times before getting the same answer: "Because he's the only guy who'll ever speak to me. Even if it's only to remind me how good and attractive he is."
Before having second thoughts, Rachel sent the video hoping to have made the right decision. After all, what could possibly go wrong?
"Hello?"
"Hi, am I speaking to Rachel Berry?"
It was a Tuesday as others when an unknown voice was heard on the other end of the phone, and even though Rachel had the impression of having already heard it somewhere, she couldn't remember where.
"Yes, this is she. May I know who this is?" She asked politely.
"Hello again, Ms. Berry. This is Mercedes, Mercedes Jones."
Rachel was about to choke on the apple she was munching a few seconds ago. She barely managed to respond with a simple greeting and couldn't help but feel embarrassed when she heard Mercedes chuckling.
"Are you free this afternoon?"
She still couldn't believe what was happening. A minute ago, she was sitting on the couch at her home eating an apple while reading one of her theater's books, and a minute later, she found herself drinking a cup of coffee with Mercedes Jones.
"So, from what I understood, you are an independent and strong girl, and these qualities are really admirable in a woman. But you also said that you wanted to change, even just your clothes, so that's why I'm here." Mercedes smiles kindly at the girl before continuing. "I'm glad you contacted me. Don't get me wrong, but girl, you dress like you are in the fourth grade, and if you want that that Brody kid to look at you, you have to show that you're a woman, not a little girl. - Are you ready?"
Rachel looked down doubtfully. When she was a child, her fathers had told her that if she had to change to please a guy, then it was better to let go of him.
But it was too late to back out. She wasn't 100% sure that this was what she wanted, who is? It's challenging to be fully secure of wanting to do a particular thing, and, in this case, the percentage of security was meager. She took a while before answering. She stared at her now empty cup of coffee before looking up at the girl sitting in front of her, waiting for an answer. She nodded though still full of doubts.
"Ready."
Mercedes had called Brody proposing him a blind date with a mysterious "suitor" for this Friday. Rachel wasn't surprised when he agreed to say that he was used to this kind of attention.
"So, what do you say?"
"Well, I'm flattered. I mean, I don't blame this girl for wanting to go out with me, everybody thinks that I'm the sexiest guy in the school." Brody chuckled, feeling as if his confidence was increasing. "I think I can find some time for whoever this girl is, I just hope it'll be worth it."
Mercedes reassured the girl with a smile. "It will be."
After the call, Mercedes convinced Rachel to start with a
close shadowing. They walked in the gym, the place where Brody went regularly, and Rachel wasn't surprised when she saw him shirtless, as always, and winked at every pretty girl passed close to him. The more she looked at him and the more she couldn't understand when it occurred to her the idea to do all this for this guy. She looked at him carefully, hoping to feel something, even just a slight tingling sensation in the stomach, but nothing. It was as if those bright eyes and that chiseled physique didn't do any effect on her or at least not like the first time she saw him. When you're in front of the person you have a crush on, you should at least feel something, right? So why didn't she feel anything if not a sense of emptiness?
Suddenly Mercedes pulled her out of the gym and gave her indications of their new meeting for the next day.
"Trust me. By the end of the week, that guy will be all over you."
Motta's School of Dance
Rachel's eyes widened when she saw where Mercedes had
brought her. She could not help but be curious and always ask why they were there. She had heard already about that school but didn't understand how Mercedes could think that going to a dance school could help her to let go. Rachel kept beating her feet on the ground as she bit her lower lip with anxiousness.
"Hey, don't worry." Mercedes smiled, hoping to calm her and make her stop to fret. "I'm here to help you to come out of your shell, and since this is an environment to which you are accustomed, I thought this was the perfect place. You said that Brody attends your dance class, so here is where you'll learn how to flirt." Mercedes stopped a moment to speak to see if Rachel had understood her idea. "I'll wait here and check you out through a hidden camera. Soon as I'll see that you're not working hard enough, I'll give you a little electric shock. Don't worry, it's not gonna hurt." She added, chuckling when she saw Rachel's face traumatized and
before giving her a gentle push against the door.
"Hello, class. As you all probably know, I'm Brittany S. Pierce, and I'll be your dance instructor."
"Remind me why I had to come as well," Finn whispered, annoyed to the blue-eyed boy who was standing next to him.
"Because this weekend there's the party for the wedding anniversary of our parents and we don't want you to do the same disaster of the last year. We all know that dancing isn't exactly your thing." Kurt answered quickly without looking away from the front as he prepared to warm up. "Now shush."
Finn just rolled his eyes, praying that this day would end as soon as possible. Sure, he danced like he had two left feet or maybe even worse, but this didn't mean that he necessarily ought to take lessons. During junior prom, while he was unleashing on the floor, he had also inadvertently broken one of his classmate's nose and, despite himself, he had a brother who reminded him of it every single day.
His mother Carole, and Kurt's father, Burt, now had been married for about four years or more, and according to Finn, they shouldn't be surprised if this year he would have made a fool of himself on the dance floor, again. Kurt, unfortunately, didn't think the same and convinced Carole to let them take some dance classes before the incoming of the weekend. It would be the most harrowing day of his entire life; of this, Finn was sure.
Rachel looked around, noticing that there were only four girls, including the teacher. She looked at her feet for a moment feeling her self-esteem going down more and more. They were gorgeous, each in their own way, and she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with herself.
"Now everybody chooses a partner to dance with and imitate everything I do. Well, not quite everything. For example, you don't have to repeat what I say, but only the dance steps that I'll show you. Lord Tubbington always told me that it's better to specify to avoid misunderstandings seen that my mind is superior to yours."
Rachel snapped out of her thoughts, unsure if that was an insult. She kind of felt relieved when she saw that she wasn't the only one confused judging from the faces of the others. Already, at first sight, it could be deduced that Brittany wasn't the smartest girl in the world but heck if she knew how to dance. Before Rachel could realize a guy gave her gently tap on the shoulder and offered as his partner.
Mike Chang was his name. He was a well-mannered and also a quite attractive guy. He was Brittany's assistant along with another girl named Santana. He told her that the two girls were girlfriends, which didn't entirely surprise Rachel. She and Mike stayed in silence for several minutes while continuing to follow Brittany's steps without even bothering to start a conversation.
"Ow!" Rachel cried out suddenly.
Mercedes wasn't joking when she spoke about electric shock.
"Are you okay?" Mike asked worriedly.
"Y-yeah, sorry. D-do you always work here?" Rachel asked the first thing that went through her head and felt embarrassed when she heard the boy snicker.
"Yeah, I can say I know almost everyone now. The brown-haired girl you see dancing in a very theatrical way is Sugar. Her father is the owner of the school and forced her to come at least once a month. The pretty girl with blue hair, instead, is Tina. She comes here every week. I still don't understand why since she's a fantastic dancer."
It took only a few simple words and gentle tone he had used to make evident even to Rachel that he had a crush on that girl. It was useless to also just try to flirt with him. And just to make it clear, she wasn't using this as an excuse.
Rachel tried to remain indifferent to the continuous electric shock she felt. Mike was so busy with the dance moves that she didn't even notice the grimaces she did.
She felt a little guilty when, after a while, Mike believed that she wasn't interested in having a conversation with him. But it wasn't the truth. She just didn't know what to say, that's all. She had never had problems of this kind. At school, she has done a thousand speeches during the meetings and talked uninterruptedly while exposing her relations to the rest of the class. After high school, however, it was as if all the confidence she had disappeared out of the blue.
A slight electric shock snapped her out of her thoughts so that she could focus on the guy standing in front of her.
"N-no, I'm just.. not used to having dialogues with strangers in an environment that may not be suitable for the circumstance. In a dance school, you dance, and we shouldn't talk disturbing the lesson, and while finding it very interesting to discover the interests and what one of my peers has to say, I think there's a more suitable place for it." Rachel sighed, genuinely amazed to be able to talk, mostly blather, with someone.
Mike released a peal of laughter after a few moments telling her not to worry before turning his gaze to Tina once again. Rachel stared enthralled the way Mike looked at the girl for whom he obviously had feelings for. She wondered if anyone would have ever looked at her in the same way, but strongly doubted it.
"Good job, guys, you were all excellent, especially you, Frankenstein. One day you'll have to teach me how you can move your feet out of time and in a different direction from the other one. Oh, I can see that you need to go to the bathroom, so if you want, you can go without shame."
It was after half an hour when Brittany stopped to speak again, making everyone burst out laughing hysterically. Rachel's shoulders began to shake, and she bit her lower lip to keep from laughing too.
Brittany was unaware that she had practically ridiculed that "Frankenstein," and while they were all busy staring at him amused, Rachel decided to keep her eyes on the floor to avoid the face certainly embarrassed of that poor boy.
"Okay, enough. Let's move on to another type of dance and choose a new loser to dance with." Suddenly they all stopped laughing scared and concentrated again when they heard the annoyed voice of Santana. Brittany smiled innocent at her girlfriend and walked to the stereo to change the CD. As soon as the "Flamenco" came along, Mike let go of Rachel's hands cordially before saying bye affably.
Rachel stood alone in silence, trying to be indifferent to the continuous electric shock she received.
The dance hall was quite large, and each pair was distant from each other to allow better movement, so it was hard to see everyone there. Everybody seemed to have a companion, so Rachel watched the other moving a strand of hair behind her ear disoriented.
"May I have this dance?"
A lovely young blond with big lips asked Rachel from behind, handing his hand with a smile. "Sam." He said his name as soon as she agreed, and she, in reply, introduced herself without even looking at him.
Rachel hadn't even noticed the flirting tone he had used to compliment her for the name; in fact, not knowing how to reply, she pretended not to hear anything. Unfortunately, Mercedes, even if she wasn't next to them, had a way to remember her presence, forcing Rachel to open the mouth.
"T-thanks."
Sam was fun. He enjoyed doing imitations of many famous people, despite the continual Santana's reproaches. They didn't pay it much attention, partly because the anger of Santana disappeared as soon as Brittany told her to leave them alone. It was funny how all the people in the there seemed to have eyes only for one person, and when Rachel turned around to look at the boy with whom she was dancing, she didn't feel the need to stare at him all the time.
However, Sam made his portrayal of Jacob from "Twilight" and actors like Sean Connery and Matthew McConaughey, although she admits that they weren't exactly great. Rachel laughed when he told her to have some sort of obsession with chapsticks. If nothing else, she was having fun. Sam was ready to impress her with his imitation of James Earl Jones, but suddenly the music stopped, and the voice of Brittany was heard all over the room.
"Sorry, guys, but I need to call Lord Tubbington to make sure he didn't invite his friends while I'm out, so, 10 minutes of break."
"It was really nice to dance and talk with you," Sam said honestly before walking to the bench to get rest. Rachel greeted him, waving her hand, and looked at the door ready to meet Mercedes.
For now, she thought to get by pretty well. In short, even if by force, she talked with two gorgeous kids without making too many bad impressions. They were all resting and wiping the sweat, and Rachel took advantage of the situation to get out of the room unnoticed. Mercedes, as promised, was sitting on a chair in the waiting room with a small laptop and a smirk on her face.
"Well, well, girl. That white boy wasn't bad, uh?" Mercedes said, giving another look at Sam from the camera.
"Yeah, he was nice and hilarious. He wasn't exactly my type but definitely was a good company."
"Oh, if you don't want him I'll take him." She joked. "Now, you're going to be making the first move."
"What do you mean?"
Mercedes rolled her eyes at the girl's confused question. "Rachel, for the time you have spent in there, I noticed that you don't do anything to get to know someone. You just stood there waiting for a cute guy to approach you. You should stop bring yourself down." She said unfulfilled. "I saw you in there, and it wasn't hard to see that you didn't feel at ease. I want the strong and independent Rachel again, because everything I've seen so far, was just a shy and insecure girl."
Though it was hard to admit, she was right. Rachel has exchanged three or four words with two guys, but nothing more. Maybe she wasn't yet quite sure of herself; she didn't want to say or do something stupid, and perhaps that prevented her from opening up. She was furious with herself. She knew that every minim word from Mercedes' mouth was nothing more than the truthful.
"Manhands," "RuPaul," "Treasure Trail," "Boy Hips." Rachel could write a book with only the list of her perfidious nicknames at school, and yet, despite the insults, the evil, and the teasing, she didn't let those bring her down. She always lifted from the ground with the head high even when she was covered with slushes.
She shook away every bad thing that happened to her and took advantage of it to make her even stronger.
Where was that part of her?
Where was the part that has always distinguished her from the others?
Where was that Rachel Berry that everyone hated, but she loved?
"C'mon, show me who the real Rachel Berry is."
"Alright, I'll be there in a minute." Kurt hung up his phone, almost annoyed before talking to Finn. "Blaine has an emergency, and for "emergency" he needs someone to go with to buy some new bow ties and hair gel."
"That's great! So this means that we have to leave?" Finn became all of a sudden enthusiastic, ready to retrieve his things.
"No, no, no, no." Kurt shook his head and finger in denial. "I will go with Blaine, you will stay here to finish the class." He said, emphasizing the two subjects. "We already paid for it, and your feet still don't have the right coordination. I doubt that a day here will be enough, but there's no other solution." Kurt walked to the bench and took his bag. "I'll be back later, don't worry." He concluded by giving slight friendly pats on his brother's shoulder before he ran away, leaving Finn standing frustrated as he scratched his head.
Seriously?!
First, Kurt forces Carole to let him take this stupid dance lessons, and then leaves him alone like a perfect jerk.
Finn was already ridiculed enough when everyone, and stresses everyone, laughed at him. Sure, he and dancing were poles apart but didn't think to be so bad.
He wanted to kick something to calm his anger, but all he could do was continue to sigh and look towards the void. If he hurried up, maybe he could get away and then come back before Kurt. He thought it was a brilliant plan, but he regretted at the mere thought that his mother had spent her money to pay for this superfluous course uselessly. On the other hand, even if he had stayed, it would have been useless anyway. Let's face it, Finn was merely hopeless.
So he made his decision.
He picked up his bag ready to go out of that hell intent to return a few minutes before the class ended when something, or better, someone, made him change his mind.
"Excuse me. Would you like to be my partner?"
Finn turned around without a second thought when he heard an angelic voice behind him. It wasn't addressed to him, he was sure, but that didn't stop him from finding out who it belonged to.
"I'm really sorry, but I have one already. Later okay?"
Finn saw a petite brunette who nodded even though it was clear that she was disappointed by the rejection of a boy with dreadlocks' hair. He hadn't seen her before, perhaps because he was busy not to trip and focus so that Kurt would no longer bother him. He noticed a slight disappointment as her gaze fixed to the floor. He began to walk toward her, without even knowing why.
He leaned down to her height right next to her ear. Gosh, she was even more petite than he thought.
"You can be mine if you want to." He did his best to not snigger when he saw her jump in fright. Unfortunately, only after he realized how that phrase could be misunderstood so immediately added, "partner. D-dance partner." Finn was finally faced to face with the girl, and for a moment, he was silent when his sight met two chocolate brown eyes.
She was... beautiful. Sure, her nose was slightly big, but somehow it fitted perfectly on her visage. Her mouth, contrariwise, was fleshy and rosy that seemed made to be kissed, and he couldn't help but stare enchanted. He realized that he looked like a creep for staring for so long, so he tried as much as possible to speak without drooling.
"Finn Hudson." He cleared his throat before extending his hand. He noticed how his hands intertwine with hers even though they were super tiny in comparison. Finn was about to slap his face as he thought of just leaving a light kiss on the back of that soft hand. Instead, he continued to smile nervously and look her in the eyes anxiously waiting to find out her name.
"Rachel Berry."
"Sorry."
Rachel giggled for the millionth time. "Stop apologizing every time you crush my feet."
"Y-yeah, I'm just. Sorry. It's just that dance has never been my forte. Especially the wartz."
Rachel burst into laughter without meaning to, and Finn immediately thought that was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. "It's a waltz."
"Right." He smiled embarrassedly. "You.. you're moving well. I mean, I don't understand why you need to be in this dance class since you're so good."
For the first time, Rachel flushed, hoping not to be noticed, even though it was more than evident from Finn's half-smile who saw the color of her skin change. "Thank you. Actually, uh, uhm, an acquaintance of mine advised me this place more than anything else to meet new people."
"Is it working?"
Rachel noticed the nervous tone with which he asked the question despite trying to hide it. She found his nervousness adorable even though she didn't understand why he should be.
He was the most handsome guy she had ever laid eyes on. He was tall, like really really tall. Indeed more than 6 feet. From under the sleeveless, you could see that he didn't have the classic sculpted physique, but she found his body ideal anyway.
Only up close, she had noticed that his nose and the top of his cheeks were covered with freckles, which made him even more charming. Rachel stared inscrutably at his two amber eyes and couldn't remove the smile she had on her face.
"So far, absolutely."
"So, you came here with your brother, but he has abandoned you to help his boyfriend?"
They were talking for a while now, and both were surprised by how easy it was to converse. Rachel was much pleased when he agreed to play the twenty questions' game. She had never had the chance to do it because no one had ever wasted a tiny amount of time necessary to get to know her better. Thinking about her past spent in high school, Rachel just felt a bit of melancholy inside of her. She never was the most popular girl and, unfortunately, didn't even have a real friend. She was unaware that she was saying all this out loud and felt somewhat taken aback by her confession. Prevented Rachel listened to how Finn instead was the quarterback of his school and knew his best friend since they were children. She was stunned by the fact that despite his reputation at school, he preferred to stand next to his brother and defend him from bullies who took aim at him for his sexual preferences.
She had never met a person like him.
Finn was only a year older than her, he loved video games, even if it embarrassed him to admit it, he played the drums since he was seven and his mother this weekend would have celebrated her wedding anniversary with his stepfather.
It was adorable the way he spoke about his mother, and when she told him she never had one because grew by two gay dads, he smiled at her melancholy, saying that before Burt, he never had a father.
"Yeah, he kinda forced me to come. To be honest, I would rather be anywhere else instead of here, you know? Not that I think it's a bad thing to want to learn to dance, it's just that no one should see me dance."
Rachel stared at Finn with an indecipherable expression while small drops of sweat came down from the boy's forehead for the nervousness. A few seconds later, Finn smiled, hearing the soft chuckle exit out from her mouth. He couldn't tell if she was laughing because she was mocking him, but the truth is, he didn't care. He liked her laughter and see her white teeth shining as she smiled. It was as if it made him feel better, as much as this can seem absurd. The tension suddenly disappeared, and even if he had met this girl only a few minutes ago, he felt comfortable talking with her. He seemed like an idiot to smile like a fool for no reason just because she was laughing, but he couldn't help it, and he felt even more idiot not to be able to remove the smile on his face even when she had stopped laughing.
"I thought I was the only one to babble when I'm nervous." Rachel said, looking at their feet instead of him while biting her lip.
"Why should you be nervous?" Finn asked in a low tone making Rachel look up to him. "I mean you seem a really cool girl like, you don't need to be nervous. I mean, you're beautiful. Beautiful gir- woman like you had nothing to be nervous about. If anything, people who speak with someone so smart like you should be. I mean, you're really pretty and intelligent, and I- I think I'm just gonna shut up."
Once again, Rachel didn't say anything for a moment, and Finn let go of her hand to rub the back of his neck nervously, feeling like the biggest clumsy existing. He was ready to apologize, even though he didn't know precisely for when he was, with his enormous surprise, embraced by her.
He leaned a little just because of their height difference was really a lot and didn't need a genius to figure that she raised herself up on the tip of her toes.
"It's nice." Finn thought. It was as if everything else had disappeared and could only hear Rachel's heartbeat against his chest.
"Thank you," Rachel whispered softly in his ear, and for the first time, Finn thought he had finally said something right.
Neither of them bothered to let go of each other and almost forgot to be in the middle of a ballroom until a small hit on Finn's nape made him turn suddenly.
"What the fu-"
"If you two are so horny that you can't keep your hands off of each other, you should get out of here and find a hotel room, or the fury of Snixx will befall on you two virgins. No one here wants to see this Frankenteen and the little Streisand fornicate like two cats in heat." Santana's voice was threatening and ran her gaze first to one and then to the other as to warn them. She could be really scary.
"We weren't... I-I swear we weren't doing anyt-" Finn tried to justify himself dismayed.
"Oh, don't try to deny it Finnocence, the bulge underneath your pants speaks for itself." Santana glared at them one last time before heading back to Brittany.
Finn gasped, feeling his cheeks redden with embarrassment looking down to make sure that what Santana said was just a joke. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that it was so. It would've been really humiliating if Rachel had started to believe he was a guy who thought of only one thing. Sure, he cannot deny the fact that Rachel was a beautiful girl, but he knew she was much more than that. She wasn't like other girls. She was mature, witty, funny, unique. He was sure that Rachel would react to Santana's comments, and it must be said that he was surprised when he heard her laugh.
"Okay, guys switch partners again and show me what you've learned."
Rachel immediately stopped realizing that her time with Finn was over.
She didn't know what to do.
It was... strange. She didn't want to spend the last hour with someone else instead of Finn.
"Hey. Ready to dance?" The dreadlocks' hair guy came out of nowhere, turning to Rachel without even noticing that Finn was still there.
"Hey, man..." Finn interjected, waiting for him to introduce himself.
"Joe Heart." The boy said politely, holding out his hand towards Finn.
"Nice to meet you, Joe. I'm Finn. Uhm.. can you- do you mind find someone else to dance with? I mean, it's okay for you if I dance with Rachel?" Finn said sheepishly, hoping that Rachel was okay with that and, judging by her small smile, she was.
"Yeah, sure, of course. Sugar was practically begging me to stay with her because she's fascinated by my hair anyway." Joe chuckled as he watched them. "I'd better go and leave you two alone. Finn, you're lucky to have a cute girlfriend like her." Joe gave him a friendly pat on the back and went away soon after without giving them time to reply.
It was the first time that happened to her. Being mistaken for someone's girlfriend and for some bizarre reason, she didn't mind it.
"So, boyfriend." Rachel said jokingly. "How come you want to dance with me again?"
Finn chuckled, "well.." He said, raising an eyebrow and taking her hands as soon as the music started again. "We haven't finished the twenty questions yet, right? Favorite color?"
"Thank you so much for coming. I really do hope you enjoyed the time spent here and hope to see you soon."
Everyone applauded tired while they started to regain their bags and freshen up. Rachel looked up to her left to see that Finn was still standing next to her. She wasn't ready to tell him goodbye. She still wanted to know so many things about him. She was intrigued by him, and she wasn't too fond of the idea that this would be the last time they'd have seen each other. Unfortunately, she was forced to face the truth and go back to Mercedes. Maybe he hadn't even enjoyed the time spent with her as much as she did.
"Can I have your number?" Finn asked timidly as he scratched his head. It was something he often did when he was nervous, Rachel noticed. It took her a moment to realize what he had said. Has she really heard right, or was it all a figment of her imagination?
"Give me your phone." She answered with a smile, pushing away all her thoughts.
Finn immediately obeyed, and for the excitement, he almost dropped his cell phone on the floor. Rachel recorded her number unable to restrain in putting a small asterisk, which was to symbolize a star, next to her name, and soon after, she passed her phone to him, telling him to save his number.
Finn smiled amiably when he saw the little star next to Rachel's name, intrigued in knowing its meaning. There were still so many things that he wanted to know about her. He wanted to ask her other twenty questions, or even more. Regrettably, he snorted when he heard the shrill voice of a boy coming from the opposite side of the room right next to the door to call, or rather shout, his name.
"Looks like my brother is here." Before reconsidering his choice, Finn leaned down to give a light kiss on Rachel's cheek, hoping not to get a slap in return. She was soft as he had imagined and warm up when his lips came into contact with her skin. "Meeting you was the best thing that could have happened to me here, I'm sincere."
"Before I forget.." Finn said as he walked toward his brother holding his bag with one hand and placing it on his right shoulder. "I really like your shirt. It's.. cute."
Rachel kept looking unto the direction in which Finn left in shock. She lowered her gaze to her clothes and to the bright unicorn and rainbow pictured on it, before timidly smiling.
"Rachel!" Mercedes ran to her, hugging her happily, and catching Rachel of surprise. "I'm so proud of you." She pulled away, looking at her with a huge smile. "You flirt with that guy impressively, and if I didn't know that you're doing all this for Brody, I would have thought you two were a real couple."
Rachel suddenly froze.
Brody.
With Finn, she had completely forgotten about everything else, even the motive why he was there in the beginning.
"I can't wait to show you what we're gonna do tomorrow. I bet you'll love it. You were fantastic today, but mostly you've got his number! And I haven't needed to use the electric shock."
It's true, Mercedes hadn't resorted to that device even since she started talking to Finn. Then, how come when she touched his hands, and she was in his arms, she felt a jolt running throughout her body?
"Yeah... no electric shock."
Meet me at 95 Stanton St. at 7 PM. :)
-Mercedes
Rachel's cell phone vibrated when a message arrived the next day. She stared at the screen, lit up for a moment, wondering what Mercedes had planned. Rachel looked at the clock to check what time it was: 3:12 PM. She heaved a sigh of relief when she saw that she had plenty of time to prepare. She made a quick shower letting the hot water traveling along her whole body, and soon after she finished, she put on the clothes less "embarrassing" that she could find. Before she knew it was already 5:00 pm, so she hurried out and get in the car. Remembering New York's traffic, two hours would have been sufficient to get to the place that Mercedes had established.
As expected, Rachel arrived just in time to find Mercedes waiting for her waiting in front of Arlene's Grocery.
Of course, she knew what place it was. Just moved to New York she hoped that people let her sing every Saturday during karaoke nights, but for some reason, no one was going to allow a young ingénue Ohio girl with a big dream.
"You're here!" Mercedes exclaimed before taking Rachel by the hand and led her inside the bar. It was quite crowded although it wasn't the open mic night.
It's been years since she went there, but nothing has changed, not even one iota. Rachel was too busy looking around circumspect to hear what Mercedes was saying. Only the words "perform" and "song" interrupted her disjointed thoughts.
"I'm sorry I got distracted," Rachel said, mortified.
Mercedes sighed sympathetically to her carelessness. "I was saying that you're gonna perform with a song of your choice tonight. They usually let me sing new talents on Saturday from 3 to 7 PM, but I convinced them to make a small exception for you. You just have to blow them away, and I have no doubt that you will."
A bright smile appeared on Rachel's face. It was what she always wanted. Someone who believed in her enough to give her so much trust.
"Why? I mean, I'm really grateful to you for giving me this amazing opportunity, but what has this to do with Brody?"
Mercedes looked at Rachel as if she was looking for the right words to say. "Yesterday, to help you let go, I had to somehow guide you. On that stage, instead, you'll be alone. You, a microphone, and the spotlight on you. The only time I saw your safe and natural side was with that guy from the dance class, and I want to see it again. I know that you asked me for help with the way you dress.." Mercedes wrinkled her nose at the sight of the clothing that Rachel was wearing, "but change isn't only this. I know that in the beginning, you were more confident, and maybe New York may have decreased your self-esteem, but it needn't be so." Mercedes stopped hoping not to have confused her more than before. Maybe it didn't even make sense, but she hoped that Rachel understood what she was trying to say. "I want to help you to change again. Help you to get back as you were before. So please, will you sing for me?"
Rachel breathed in, nodding. She didn't need to be asked twice. When it came to singing, Rachel Berry would be ready to rock the local; the only problem was to find the right song in her repertoire.
"Thanks for coming with me here tonight, Puck," Finn said, turning to his friend with the mohawk. "I mean with the preparations for the party for my mom and Burt, Kurt's driving me crazy, and he finds a way to "relax," as he likes to call it, with Blaine in the apartment that we share." He said a little nauseated. It's not that he had problems with the sexual orientation of his brother, but he didn't need to hear how fantastic Blaine was and how much he liked to do, whatever the two of them do, in the bedroom.
"Dude, first of all, what your brother says or screams or whatever while he fucks is the last thing that I care about. Second of all, come and stay with me. I've already told you that there are no problems for Quinn." Puck said as he drank from a bottle of beer.
"Yeah, but you know what's worse than hearing my own brother in private situations? It's hearing you doing it with your girl. Seriously you know the most obscene words that exist." Finn said, also taking a bottle.
"I take that as a compliment." Puck boasted. "Anyway, why are we even here? There're tons of bar here in New York, and you choose this one?"
"I don't know. Kurt told me this is a good place where people often perform in songs, and I thought it would be nice to watch something live," Finn shrugged.
"Are you sure you don't have a pussy instead of a penis?"
Finn just pretended not to hear anything. Sometimes talking to Puck was like talking to a wall.
"Maybe that's the reason why you haven't call that girl."
"But you were the one who told me not to call her yet!" He raised his voice without even realizing it.
Okay, maybe telling Puck about Rachel wasn't the smartest choice that Finn could make, but it wasn't his fault if he couldn't get her out of his mind. Besides, they knew each other since they were about 8 years old, and Puck would have figured it out that Finn had met someone sooner or later.
"But you listened to me."
Finn just scratched his head and argue with himself whether to call her, or listen to Puck again and wait for three more days, but didn't know if he would stand another minute. It was droll the fact that he missed a girl he only just met. He missed her voice so much that he thought he heard it coming from the stage.
"Man, that Rachel Berry you were talking about happens to be a petite leggy brunette?" Puck asked without even looking at him.
"How do you know?" Finn followed the direction in which his friend was looking. He didn't just imagine that voice because Rachel was there.
"Good evening, everyone. I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing "I dreamed a dream" from the seminal Broadway classic "Les Mis." Although I know that you're used to another type of music and probably many of you present are not familiar with Broadway, I hope you can still appreciate the song that I'm going to perform and the artistic choice of this musical piece and manage to acknowledge the fact that even though it isn't a classic rock and roll song, this kind of music can be appreciated and loved as well." Rachel put on her best show face before nodding to allow the boy to start playing music.
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
Rachel's eyes narrowed, feeling like an adrenaline rush.
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
She started to sing with her eyes closed. She didn't want to be distracted in any way. This was her moment to shine even if only in a karaoke bar. No one dared to say a word at that moment. They were all focused on listening to the melodious sound that came from her mouth. For a split second, she opened her eyes, noticing how everyone was shocked. She couldn't hide the smile and contain the joy when once finished her performance, all rose to applaud her. The feeling to be acclaimed. The spotlight on her. She wasn't going to let go of this dream again just for some boy's criticisms. Her heart warmed feeling of being appreciated for who she was and what she could do: sing.
After taking a little bow, Rachel ran off the stage, embracing Mercedes full of pride, who kept repeating how incredible and magnificent she was. Mercedes was ready to take her out of the bar because tomorrow would have been the most fateful day, but a voice caught Rachel's attention, who turned giddy at the sight of a tall young guy.
Wow.
Finn's vocabulary was never vast, and, as soon as he heard Rachel sing, this was the only thing that he could think of.
She had told him that she wanted to be on Broadway, but he didn't expect such a thing. He was speechless and amazed that he didn't even notice that Rachel had already left the stage. Fortunately, Puck kicked his leg under the table to get his attention.
"Dude, shut your mouth, you're drooling everywhere." The boy with the mohawk said exasperated. "Why don't you just go to her?"
Finn looked doubtfully at Rachel while she was hugging a smiling Afro-American. "I dunno. I mean, she probably has already forgotten me."
"Stop with all these unnecessary worries and grow the balls to talk to that girl!"
"Her name is Rachel." Puck glared at him, and Finn raised his hands as if to apologize. "Okay, okay. Sorry."
"Look," Puck said when he noticed that his friend was still gazing at her. "if you want my opinion, I don't think she has already forgotten about you. From what you've told me, I think that, for some crazy reason, she's interested in you. Plus, it isn't easy to forget a person who dances like you." Finn smiled sarcastically to the last words before looking at Rachel again. A thousand thoughts whipped in his head. Puck was right. If he didn't hurry up, probably one day looking back, he would regret not having taken advantage of the situation to talk to Rachel. She was just a girl. At NYU, most of his girl schoolmates flirted with him or asked him out on a date, and now he was afraid of a possible rejection? He shouldn't be so worried, but he was.
"Fine. I'll go." Finn rose from his chair, ignoring Puck shouting things like: "don't forget to use a condom."
By now, he was used by his rude comments; thus, instead of answering him, Finn took a deep breath and walked over to the girl whom he couldn't take his eyes off. The girl he had met only the day before, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. The girl who.. was going away?
"Rachel!" Finn screamed involuntarily. Almost everyone turned toward him, but he didn't care. He walked over to her, grinning like a fool when he saw Rachel smiling as well. "Hi."
"Finn, Hi! What-what are you doing here?" Asked nervously, confused.
"I just came with a friend of mine," Finn pointed behind him with his thumb without taking his eyes away. "You were.. you were great up there. I mean, you told me already how much you love to sing, but that was just incredible." He said all in one breath.
It's amazing how this guy could be sweet, adorable, and nervous at the same time. He was the first boy who seemed really honest and complimented her because he simply wanted to do it. "I... uhm, thank you. Really." Rachel pulled out only five words and could not hide her reddening.
They were both standing staring at one another as if the silence was enough. Finn looked at her as if it was the first time he had met her. As if he was only in that moment admiring her figure. She was beautiful, and he was never tired of telling that to himself. He didn't even see the other girl who pretended to cough discreetly to get noticed.
"I'm sorry. I'm Finn." The smile that distinguished him appeared again, but it was evident that it wasn't directed to Mercedes.
"Mercedes, nice to meet you. I don't wanna seem rude but, Rachel and I have a long day to deal with tomorrow so it would be better to go so we can rest." She said, a little apologetic.
"S-sure." Finn looked at Rachel, begging her with his eyes to stay. Before he could change his mind, Finn gently took Rachel's hand and spoke to Mercedes. "Do you mind if I "steal" Rachel for a few seconds? I just have to ask her one thing."
"Of course." She agreed, noting how Finn held Rachel's hand. "Just be quick."
Finn thanked Mercedes and dragged Rachel a few meters away in a quieter corner, still holding her hand. "I'm sorry I ruined your evening with your friend and dragged you away from her, but I just wanted to apologize for not calling you or texting you. I know it's only been 24 hours since I asked your number, but my friend, Puck, convinced me to wait three days before calling you, and I don't even know why I listened to him. I usually don't follow his advice, but this time I did, and I'm regretting it bitterly." Finn had to stop himself for a second from talking, thinking that Rachel must have thought he was some kind of a nerd who had trouble speaking to girls.
"I.. I also wanted to ask you if I could see you again." His words came out in a rush that they almost just seemed incomprehensible, meaningless words.
Rachel gently shook his hand to reassure him. "I would love to."
Finn's face lit up and immediately took off at top speed, asking her if she was free that weekend. "You know, there's the wedding anniversary of my mother and Burt like I told you, and I wanted to show you how I improved. W-with the dancing, I mean. It's nothing too formal." He added immediately. Heck, he looked like a clumsy child.
Rachel lowered her gaze for the first time, and for a moment, Finn thought she would refuse. "I.. I have to see how another thing turns out first." Rachel raised her head, squeezing Finn's hand more. "It's not a no. But it's not a yes either. Right now, I have so many things to think about, and I wanna be sure of something before I agree."
Finn relaxed at her touch and chuckled when he saw the puppy face of Rachel even though he was naturally disheartened. He showed once again his crooked smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. It was a little sad that Rachel hadn't agreed right away, as he hoped, but he couldn't blame her. Maybe it was too soon to invite her to such an important event, but he couldn't help but wonder about what else she had to deal with. The thought that she had another boy wore on him. But if that was the case, why has she flirted with him? He wasn't an expert like Puck, but if even his friend had told him that Rachel was interested in him, then it must be true.
He didn't want to ask questions, so he just nodded sadly, trying not to show his mood. Honestly, make Rachel feel guilty was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Don't worry." He said dejectedly before giving her an invitation with the directions of the place and time of the party. "Just in case you change your mind." He added hopeful grinning without even realizing it, making Rachel giggle. Finn looked over her shoulders and, catching a glimpse of Mercedes' impatient expression, hastened to say goodbye. "I hope to see you again." He whispered melancholy. "I gotta go now. I have to make sure that Puck isn't drunk, or his girlfriend will kill me." Finn once again gave her an innocent and receding kiss on the cheek before saying goodbye one last time and head in a different direction.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Rachel was mad at herself for not accepting Finn's invitation, even if, deep down, she knew that it wouldn't have been fair. He was the sweetest guy she had ever met, and he deserved a girl who wasn't intent on conquering another boy, even though she thought about it less and less as time passed.
"Wasn't he the guy from yesterday?" Mercedes asked with a smirk when they were out of the bar.
"Yes.. why?" She asked slowly.
"Nothing, just asking. You two seemed pretty friendly, that's all."
"Mercedes, I just met him." She replied, feeling obliged to give explanations.
"I wasn't alluding to anything, girl."
Rachel ignored Mercedes' grin and turned to a nanosecond to the door with the invitation in her hand, thinking back to the conversation of a few minutes ago.
I hope to see you again too.
Friday.
The day that she was waiting for since she had sent that video. The day that she revealed her "feelings" to Brody. The day that Rachel Berry would finally complete her makeover with a change of look.
It was 6:30 AM when Rachel woke up. She looked into the mirror, still wearing her pink pajamas covered with hearts. Was she really ready to let go of this part of her? All in all, she didn't mind the way she dressed.
She breathed slowly, grabbing the comb smiling to herself, remembering that in high school, she used it as a microphone.
The karaoke of the night before was unforgettable, and it made her realized how much she missed being a star. It didn't matter how much her appearance would have changed that day; she was still the glee club loser and, even if it seems absurd, she was happy about that.
Rachel got ready calmly and awaited Mercedes' coming. Their meeting was set in Rachel's apartment at around 8:00 AM. Rachel took one last look at the time; 7:55 AM.
Five more minutes.
Rachel beat her foot on the carpet of her habitation and walked back and forth with her eyes fixed on the wall clock that was in the living room. She jumped when she heard the doorbell ring. It was better if she took a chamomile tea before.
Mercedes arrived on time, sat in Rachel's bedroom, without wasting time, to observe the content of her closet. She left the doors open and opened the drawers one by one. Rachel didn't miss the way Mercedes tightened her lips together to keep from saying anything too offensive.
"Well.. ehm.. perhaps we can save something, but most of these clothes are really too... uhm... childish."
Rachel turned red for the shame, but it didn't matter what Mercedes would say. She might plead, beg, or even pay her; Rachel would never have got rid of those clothes. They were like a part of her.
She couldn't help but feel offended when she saw that almost all of her clothes were thrown on the bed, some even on the floor, leaving the inside of the wardrobe practically empty.
Rachel watched sweaters with reindeer and owls, schoolgirl skirts, and dresses with polka dots looking back on all these years wearing those clothes. No one seemed to appreciate her taste in style. Well, no one except his dads and... Finn.
Mercedes grabbed Rachel's elbow before walking out the door with a big smile. "Let's go shopping."
"You go that way, and I this one." She said, pointing in opposite directions. "We meet back here in half an hour to try on your new clothes, okay? Okay." Rachel didn't even have the time to answer because Mercedes had already run away.
Rachel did all she could to avoid taking the usual T-shirts and clothing, and she couldn't help in choosing a pink dress ankle-length. It wasn't precisely the mature style that Mercedes had recommended to her, but that didn't mean that it didn't look nice.
Rachel kept walking around, taking two sweaters and a polka dot dress. She limited herself to the choice of shoes with a low heel and ended it all with a plaid skirt and pants. After seem quite satisfied, She walked to where she had to wait for Mercedes.
Rachel waited for what felt like an eternity when she finally saw her arrive from the distance covered with clothes in her arms. Her eyes widened when she saw so many different items of dress and contained a laugh when she noticed the exhausted face of Mercedes.
There were shoes, accessories, clothes, shirts, skirts, and pants. All very different styles from which Rachel was used to.
"Try the clothes you have chosen first, and then mine." Mercedes hooked her arm with Rachel's one and dragged her towards the dressing rooms without allowing her to demur.
Rachel closed the door behind her before undressing herself and wearing the red sweater she had chosen with a skirt and a pair of shoes. She examined her choice keenly one last time while smoothing out the skirt.
After a few minutes, the door opened again, and with a satisfied smile, Rachel stood in front of the mirror.
"Oh, hell to the no!" Rachel looked stunned as she clutched her arms around herself.
What else had she done wrong?
Mercedes breathed in and out with her eyes closed for a few seconds before opening them again. That look didn't promise anything good. It was fearful but also imperceptible. "Berry, why did you choose these clothes?" Mercedes finally asked.
Rachel looked into the mirror, confound wondering what was wrong. It was her usual style, and she didn't understand why Mercedes was so disappointed. After all, she hadn't done it on purpose. It had become instinctively to choose that type of clothing.
"I-I... I don't know. I thought they were okay."
And it was true. She didn't think Mercedes would react that way.
"For who?"
She didn't answer. She looked at Mercedes trying to maintain a façade impassive when, in reality, she just wanted to collapse. She had become an expert in upset and dishearten those who surrounded her. Her mouth was slightly open, and hardly the words of apology were heard. She returned silently into the dressing room with the knowledge of having disappointed the person who was committing to help her. She changed as fast as she could, this time wearing a blue sweater and pants, and she hoped that Mercedes would be happy that for once, she had decided not to wear a skirt. She should have known better it wouldn't go as she had hoped.
"Rachel." Once again, Mercedes looked at the reflection of Rachel in the mirror. "What are you thinking?"
What was she thinking? That was an excellent question. What was she thinking?
"That I feel stupid. I mean, you are doing everything to help me, and I don't want you to think that I'm not trying, because it's not so." Rachel said, showing conviction. "I've always felt comfortable in these shoes, and I just... I don't want to be judged by what I wear."
Rachel lowered her head feeling tears come streaming down her face. "Plus, I'm not beautiful enough to afford to wear 'sexier' clothes."
Not being enough. Of this, Rachel was always worried about. It was like being on a seesaw: one day, she was aware of her qualities, and the next day she doubted them. All she wanted was to get off that damn swing. Say farewell to it once and for all.
Without warning, Mercedes hugged Rachel letting the girl liberate all her emotions. Rachel hated to show her weaknesses, but could no longer keep everything inside. Mercedes pulled away, wiping Rachel's tears, looking at her in the eyes. "Why don't you go and try what I have chosen?"
Rachel nodded to the rhetorical question and went back into the dressing room. She would never have thought it would please her, yet it did. It wasn't a drastic change, but there was a noticeable difference from before. She looked at her reflection, thinking about how even a simple, elegant skirt could make her look more sophisticated. Rachel barely heard Mercedes compliment her and tell her to go to try on another piece of clothing. This time she wore a pair of skinny jeans and heeled shoes, which made her legs seemed kilometric.
"You know what I see?" Churches of nowhere Mercedes. "A beautiful woman with a hot body and an amazing butt, which you should show off more." She gave her a small and friendly slap as they both giggled.
The brunette was stunned by what she had in front of her. It was always her. Just with different clothes, and for some odd reason, she thought she was pretty.
"Thank you." Rachel said softly, shifting her eyes to the other girl.
"Oh, c'mon leave for later the fuss, and let's continue." Rachel didn't miss the joking tone Mercedes had used.
After an hour of change of clothes, accessories, and shoes, they walked out of the mall, both pretty complacent. Rachel even managed to convince Mercedes to buy the pink dress she had chosen, surprisingly getting also her approval.
They walked a couple of blocks, continuing to talk without having a specific topic. It was nice having someone to talk to. Despite Mercedes was there just to help her, Rachel had the feeling that the little time spent together has made them friends, and this was, without a doubt, one of the things she was the most grateful.
Rachel's feet were starting to hurt now, she was wearing heels really high and almost marveled that she had agreed to wear them. Mercedes finally stopped opening the door and entering a room full of hair products and chairs, each in front of a mirror. Rachel didn't know that the next step would be to go to the hair salon. Inside there was only the hairdresser who was waiting for them with a friendly smile on his face. He wasn't exceptionally tall, probably around 5 foot 8. He had some two bushy eyebrows shaped like a triangle, and from what Rachel could see, he also had a ton of gel in his hair. As they approached him, Mercedes introduced her Blaine Anderson, saying that he would be her hairdresser while she would have finished the preparations for the upcoming date. Rachel didn't feel uncomfortable being alone with a stranger anymore, so she nodded unquestioningly.
Blaine had just finished washing her hair, explaining how careful she had to be. Rachel was amused, listening to his serious tone, as if the hair were a treasure and watched his face inspired on the subject. She didn't speak so much, she just wanted to listen to him, but when Blaine began to ask questions, she had to open her mouth.
"So this Brody, is he attractive, at least?" Blaine finished dyeing Rachel's hair with a technique called "shatush." She was curious to know how her new cut would be, but before she left, Mercedes had covered all the mirrors so that Rachel could see her makeover only at the end.
"Sure he is but.. sometimes I think he's just that." She whispered the last part as if she didn't want Blaine to hear it.
"Well, I wish you the best on your date. But even if it doesn't go as planned, don't worry. There are so many hot guys around. Don't tell my boyfriend, I beg you." Blaine immediately added, chuckling.
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." Forsooth, she didn't even know he was on the other team, and she laughed at herself for not having realized it before.
"He's amazing, my anchor. It took me a bit to acknowledged it, but when I did, I heard a little voice in my head saying that I was looking for him forever. I'm sorry I shouldn't talk about Kurt right now." Blaine's face flushed suddenly and couldn't stop smiling.
He was lucky. Lucky to have found a guy and being able to love him despite people's prejudices. She knew how difficult it was to love someone but afraid to show it for fear of being laughed at, targeted, or judged. Being raised by a gay couple had made her less judgmental compared to her peers; while they considered inhumane a relationship between two people of the same sex, she was convinced that there was nothing wrong with that. She almost snickered at the fact that although he had promised that he would stop talking about his love, he went on without noticing. He told her of how Kurt was stressed for a party scheduled for the next day, and she couldn't help but think of that awkward but adorable guy who, despite her best efforts, she couldn't get out of her head. Rachel had pondered whether or not to accept Finn's invitation, but despite a huge part of her wanted to just go, something was holding her from doing it. Rachel stared at the cloth covering the mirror, unable to stop thinking about Finn. When Blaine talked about how Kurt was his soul mate, about how he would never understand why he's deserved a person like him, her thoughts turned quickly toward Finn, a boy she barely knew. Rachel had always been a hasty girl: she wanted everything at once and too much. She stayed immersed in her thoughts even when Blaine began to cut her bangs.
After chatting a little more with Blaine and listened carefully to the correct way of using the gel, Mercedes reappeared from the door with a dress that was hidden under a cloth cover.
"Rachel! You cannot even imagine what a looker you are now. Blaine has really outdone himself this time." Mercedes said with big enthusiasm as she admired Rachel's new haircut. They both thanked Blaine for the great work, praising him for his skill and knowledge. Rachel was ready to follow Mercedes when she turned to Blaine to hug and thank him for one last time. She didn't expect the final tip that Blaine gave her for her date with Brody.
"Just listen to your heart."
This is it.
The moment had arrived.
We can say that Rachel has always been a melodramatic girl and saying that for her, this is was a matter of life or death; it was belittling the emotions she felt. After an expert named Kitty finished her makeup, Rachel stood with her back against the mirror, keeping her eyes firmly closed.
She felt Mercedes' hands resting on her shoulders, who kindly helped her to turn around.
"Open your eyes."
She swallowed slowly before opening her eyes gradually. Her jaw snapped open, failing to make a sound for her great shock. She certainly wasn't another person, but you could see the change and how her forehead, clearly visible before, was now covered with bangs that she surprisingly loved. Her hair was flowing, voluminous, and shiny, and the ash blond in the extreme of her hair was just perfect. She had also noted the makeup and the way her eyes seemed more intense thanks only to the eye-liner, while her lips were lit by a pure pink flesh lip gloss. For the first time, she watched the curves on her body accentuated by a black and elegant dress, stopping right up above her knees, leaving on display her legs, which had always been covered by her long stockings. She had never worn heels so high, and yet she didn't feel uncomfortable in those shoes. Besides, they compensated for her small stature. A tiny tear of joy rolled down Rachel's rosy cheeks, who smiled astonished.
"I-I feel beautiful." It was all she could say in that moment of surprise, and although it sounded narcissistic, she couldn't take her eyes off of herself.
"It's because you are." Mercedes looked at her like a mother who saw her daughter becoming a woman. "I'm so proud of you."
"It's all up to you now." Mercedes was the first to break the silence that had been created. "Brody is waiting for you on the terrace on the roof. Whatever happens, I want you to know that I'm really happy for you. You're wonderful, and I pray that this boy has nothing to complain about." Mercedes said menacingly, and a giggle involved the two girls for a brief trice.
But something had made her think over. Perhaps the judgment of another shouldn't be a concern.
"How others see me isn't important. How I see myself means everything." She had read that phrase somewhere while roaming through the internet and thought it was the right time to say it. Not to Mercedes but more to herself eidetically.
"Praise."
Rachel released a wistful laugh and hugged Mercedes once again, trying in every way to hold back tears. "Thank you so much."
"It was a pleasure."
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
Rachel mentally counted the steps that were left before crossing the door that would lead her on the roof of the building. The beating of her heart quickened step by step, and even if she was partly nervous, she knew she was ready. A light breeze hit her as soon as she opened the door. She found herself in front of a guy in a suit who smiled surprised.
Her heart began to beat regularly, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't be excited about this date. She thought that once she was there, something would change. But it didn't.
"Whoa, Rachel. You.. you look sexy."
Mellifluous. This is the right adjective to describe Rachel's smile. She didn't want to strain it, but she couldn't suppress her disturbance any longer, and, consequently, the disappointment prevailed on her. She was, even just a little, flattered by the fact that he thought she was "sexy," she would never deny it. She just was hoping for something more.
After a little time to recover herself, Rachel sat bitterly in the chair opposite to Brody's one, feeling like a lump in her throat.
"I- I'm shocked. I mean, I knew that everyone in the school is crazy for me but, I'm content that my mysterious suitor is you."
Rachel eyed him dumbfounded as he took a seat, not getting if it was a compliment or a mere attempt.
"And well, you're just... hot. Really hot." Brody checked her out as if it were the first time he saw her, and perhaps it was so.
After all, he had never really noticed Rachel, and only on that occasion, he had wasted time to admire her.
"I'm happy you listened to my advice and changed your clothes with these far more sensual. I'm sorry I'll stop talking and let you say what you needed to say." Brody chuckled, licking his lips without taking his eyes off her.
She felt like a prize, a trophy. A stupid collector's item, and it wasn't what she desired. It wasn't the look that Rachel hoped he would have. He was staring at her, but not sweetly and dreamily.
She was never too mawkish, yet even she wanted to live a love story. Not to fill a stupid whim, but to have someone to give all of herself to. She was able to love. To give more love than had ever been given. But no one knows that.
Rachel stared at those two blue eyes with an impassive look.
Why? Why did she want those beautiful clear sea eyes, to be amber instead? Why did she wish he had freckles? Why didn't he had a crooked smile and deep dimples? Why? Why everything she wanted to see in Brody had something to do with Finn?
It was as if she wanted to change him too. The difference was that she practically wanted a different person, and Brody could never be that person.
"I..." Rachel sighed with her eyes closed. All that time spent with Mercedes had helped her to be more confident; nevertheless, the snarl in her head did not allow her to utter a sentence that was not made up of two simple words. "I'm sorry."
Brody finally looked her in the eye even more bewildered than before. "What?"
"I'm sorry I wasted your time. I thought you were just what I wanted, but now I realized you're not. No, I-I've always known that, but I pretended to feel something for you because I thought you were the only guy who would never notice me."
Brody looked at Rachel curiously, actually interested in what she was saying.
"You are obviously the most charming guy in the school, but... you're not the right guy for me. You've instilled in me the idea of having to change, without ever telling me the opposite. Most girls probably would die to be sitting here in my place, but not me." The mascara was starting to trickle, but Rachel still continued to talk without stopping. "This..." She opened her arms in despair "is what I've always dreamed of. A date with a boy by candlelight under the stars that would make me feel special just for one night. But I don't feel that way right now." Rachel ducked her head, feeling guilty about what he was confessing. "And I think I've lost my only chance. I'd finally found a guy who seemed to be genuinely interested in me, and I pushed him away because I had to figure out what was going on between us first." Rachel looked up and started to giggle bitterly and nervously. "But there has never been anything."
She took a moment to catch her breath after finishing. The soiree didn't start out as hoped, and after the small vent, Rachel neither dared to speak. The champagne was still immersed in the ice, and their dishes were untouched.
Rachel wanted to apologize. Apologize for, in a way, blaming Brody and practically forced him to dine with her. She knew that she should've not snapped in that way, especially during their date, but that massive boulder that she felt on her stomach was finally gone.
"I'm sorry too."
Rachel looked shocked at the boy who had just spoken.
"In part, it was me to push you to change when you didn't have to. Sometimes I admit I'm too full of myself that I don't realize that I act like a complete jerk, and I'm sorry for that."
Rachel didn't think she has ever been more stunned before. Never, never in the few years that she knew Brody, she had ever seen or heard him apologize. She almost began to think that he didn't even know what it meant to apologize. There wasn't a bit of sarcasm, humor, nothing. As odd it might be, he was genuinely sorry.
"And I'm sorry for failing to appreciate your natural beauty, and for what it worths, I feel stupid for taking so much time to understand it, and I hope that you can make things work with this guy."
Rachel smiled, not forcefully for the first time that night. Brody could act like a womanizer, but deep down, very, very deep down, he was a good guy, who could use improvement in the words he used to woo a girl.
Both apologized for a full quarter of an hour until they realized that it was no longer necessary. They decided to turn the page and let the mistakes and misunderstandings behind.
They finished dinner as friends opening the bottle of champagne and really chatting for the first time, and even if it still wasn't exactly what she had imagined, she was glad and relieved.
By now, it was a night full of surprises, so she remained indifferent when Brody confessed his feelings for their dance teacher, Cassandra.
He and Cassandra had a secret relationship for a few years until she decided to break up so she wouldn't lose her job. Perhaps this was one of the reasons why Brody was a flirt or maybe merely because he liked to be one. The fact is that as time passed, he still hadn't given up yet. It was never too late. He said. And he was right:
It wasn't too late.
"Finny c'mon dance with us!"
Carole took his son's hands, wanting to bring him to the dance floor.
It was Saturday and the party wedding anniversary was now started for several hours and, as much as he wanted to be happy for his mother, Finn couldn't help but think about the girl he had invited.
"Mom, really, I'm fine. Go and have fun with Burt. I'll stay here and eat some cake." He forced a smile pretending to be happy with it, scratching his head. He didn't want to ruin this special day with his mood.
He waited until his mother went off to check for the millionth time his cell phone hoping to get a phone call or even just a message, but nothing.
It was pretty depressing. He was sitting all the time while everyone else was dancing and having fun. Kurt and Blaine went up on stage to sing a duet dedicated to the two celebrated. They were all intent on listening with a happy face, and even Puck wrapped his arm around Quinn's shoulder, printing a light kiss on her temple.
It was weird. Puck always said he didn't want a serious relationship and yet he was the first to settle down and live with his girlfriend while Finn was still waiting for a simple message from a girl he had just met. Rachel was different. There was something about her that he couldn't explain. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was afraid of having ruined his only shoot.
"Told you to do her."
Finn rolled his eyes and growled at his friend's voice. The song ended, and the DJ had put another of his records. He raised his eyes for a moment to note that Quinn had gone to the restroom, leaving Puck alone to converse with him. Finn gazed at the floor, hoping that in this way, Puck would leave him in his thoughts. Unfortunately, he had to know that Puck was very insistent.
"Seriously, dude. If she didn't come then, it's her loss. Who cares if she isn't here."
"I care." Finn glared at him ominously as to silence him, but all he received in return was an amused laugh.
"Chill, I was just kidding. You should really get laid." Puck came up to him to make sure that no one heard it. "There's a blonde over there who's doing nothing but eating you with her eyes and, don't tell Quinn what I'm about to say but, those hooters are huge enough for your big hands."
"Blondes are not my type, and boobs' size isn't the most important thing." Finn didn't even bother to turn to look at the girl in question, answering with a monotone tone.
"Oh right, I forgot you prefer boobless brunette."
"Her boobs are perfect!" He didn't intend to shout, but Puck's comment against Rachel's body pissed him off.
Suddenly the music stopped, and everyone turned toward them. There was a brief silence before they all burst out laughing. Finn wanted to sink for the embarrassment, and his face turned completely red. He just screamed the word "boob" in front of his family, some strangers, and his mother on top of all! Honestly, he didn't care that Rachel's chest wasn't the biggest; indeed, he was sure that it would fit perfectly in his hands. He immediately gave himself a slap in the head for personifying (Personifying? Was that the right verb?) a girl like Rachel. She didn't deserve boys to talk about her in that way. She was... perfect. Screw what Puck thought. A part of him, however, couldn't help but think about how flawless Rachel's body was. He was too busy covering his face with his hands in shame to realize that he was left alone and that everyone started to dance again while Blaine was intent on cheerfully greeting a girl who had just arrived.
Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear but my eyes will see only you
Only you have the magic technique
When we sway I go weak
As Will, an old family friend, sang the same song he performed during Burt and Carole's wedding, everyone danced in pairs around the cute couple.
Finn stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at the smile on his mother's face. He was glad that Burt was such a great husband. All he wanted was to see his mother happy, and she was. Despite all the times that Puck called him "Finnessa," he had never denied the fact that he hoped to start a family one day. He wanted to have a wife and a child to be proud of too. No wonder why Puck thought he was a sissy, but he saw his future with a family of his own with someone he could share the "happily ever after together" with.
"Your mom's beautiful."
"Yeah, she is," Finn said almost in a whisper to himself. It took him a second to realize who that voice belonged to, which made him turn abruptly to the person standing on his left.
From under his suit, which Kurt had forced him to wear, he could feel goosebumps as he was trying to metabolize fully what was going on. He could hardly believe she was there. He almost didn't recognize her because of the new hairstyle and makeup, but she was still magnificent. He admired her adorable pink dress that showed off her long legs before catching the eyes of the girl he was waiting for the all-night unable to contain a goofy smile.
"Rachel."
He was stunned to see her in front of him. Rachel apologized for being late, but Finn didn't care. She came, and that was more than enough. She was the most beautiful girl on whom he had ever laid eyes on, and it didn't matter if he had just said it now loudly; he thought it since the first time he saw her.
He awkwardly complimented her for her hair, and with amazement, he learned that he had been the same Blaine he knew to do her hair.
While Will sang the last verse of "Sway," Rachel and Finn were standing side to side, close enough that their arms could touch. They didn't open their mouths and let themselves be enveloped by the "quiet" that surrounded them. After a few minutes, the music stopped again and from the stereo came out the notes of "Just the way you are" by Billy Joel. The two exchanged a glance before looking away, both embarrassed. It was as if they were back in high school, which was a bit ridiculous, considering they were both adults now.
Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Both continued to look around vaguely, not knowing what to do. After she finally grabbing her courage, Rachel dragged Finn without forewarning to the middle of the dance floor, putting his hands on her waist and her arms around his neck, smiling tenderly.
"You said you'd show me your improvements with dancing."
Finn nodded amused before pulling Rachel closer to him. "I did. But don't get your hopes up."
Rachel pulled her head back, laughing genuinely before twisting her fingers through Finn's hair.
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are
The lyrics echoed in Finn's head as if he spoke through that song. He had a thousand questions in his head but didn't want and couldn't ruin that magic environment that was created. It was as if everything else around them had disappeared. He wanted to live in that moment over and over again, but he still wanted some answers to his questions. Of course, he wasn't anyone to claim them, but curiosity was eating him from the inside.
"Did you make up your mind?"
Finn's voice was almost inaudible, but they were just a few inches away from each other, so it was not difficult for Rachel to hear what he asked.
For a close second, her expression was puzzled, as if she didn't understand what he was talking about when the reality was that she was uncertain. Uncertain whether or not to tell everything to Finn. She was afraid that he would judge or make fun of her.
Rachel clung to him even stronger. She breathed slowly and swallowed her pride before starting to tell.
"Do you remember Mercedes?"
Finn didn't judge her or viewed her as desperate either. He smiled, only that. He admired her honesty and felt proud that she had managed to put an order in her mind and tell him everything. He had time to develop whatever was between them and didn't care if he had to wait.
They swayed in time with the music unaware of all the looks and chatted until they no longer had a topic to talk about. Rachel rested her head on Finn's chest, feeling his heartbeat, and she could spend her whole life listening to those palpitations; they became maybe her favorite sound.
Rachel insisted on congratulating for the wedding anniversary of Finn's parents and on apologizing for the intrusion, although Carole was more than happy that his son had brought a guest. To be honest, they were all happy to see that Finn was finally having fun and enjoying the party, and, albeit Puck insisted with his lewd comments, Rachel couldn't ask for better than an evening like that to end the long past week. When Kurt and Rachel have both discovered the passion for Broadway they had in common, they isolated themselves from everyone else to confabulate animatedly and exchange opinions. She turned to look at Finn, smiling without reason. She felt her heart melt and blushed when she saw that he had reciprocated her gaze with a friendly wink.
In the end, sending that video was the best decision she could have made.
6 years later
"Hello, Mercedes."
"I really don't know how to start so uhm... About 6 years ago, I sent you a video asking for your help. You probably don't remember me since tons of girls send you the same message, but I do. I remember every single moment spent in that wonderful week. I was, nay, am that girl with sweaters and long socks. After all these years I still wear my old clothes, not to go to work, by the way, I'm finally part of a Broadway show. Sure, it's an off-Broadway show for now, but I'm working on it. Anyway, I still wear my inevitable toddler dresses, as you can see, but only at home or when I bring my son to the park. He loves them actually as well as my husband." She smiled after mentioning her family.
"I.. I don't want to ramble as I always do; apparently, I'm still the usual talkative." She said, chuckling merrily and remained silent, trying to work out the right words to say. "Without you, I would never have realized that change is not so wrong. The important thing is to do it for the right reason, even if that time I did it was for the wrong one. I thought I'd change to, you know, get people to like me but when I met the one, I realized that it wasn't necessary. I'd have to change only for myself, to feel better and beautiful in my own skin. That night I haven't had the opportunity to thank you properly. You have done so much for me, and you weren't just a great help, but also a great friend." She said with tears in her eyes. "I'm not gonna cry this time, I promise." She smiled, even though the tears now began to fall on her face. "I just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. For helping me to change but while striving to keep myself somehow."
"Babe! Christopher doesn't want me to feed him!" Yelled a male voice imploring with the tone of a child.
She couldn't hold back a laugh at the words of her husband as she wiped the tears away with her index.
"As you can hear, I have to take care of not only my son but also my husband." She joked, but it was then that she realized she was grateful to Mercedes also because, without her, she probably would never have met the guy who was able to love her despite everything. The guy who every day repeated how much he loved her. The guy who every morning kissed her whispering how beautiful she was even though she didn't have any makeup on, and all her hair was disheveled. After such a long wait, she had that someone she hoped for, who looked at her as if she was the best thing ever happened to them.
"It's better if I go now," she said after a moment's pause. "I'll never forget your help, your advice, and most of all, you. Thank you. Thank you so much."
"Oh..." She added immediately before turning off the camera. "In case you don't remember, my name is Rachel. Rachel Barbra Hudson-Berry."