Ok so I have to warn you. I like cliff hangers. Sorry. However, I am a fast writer so it is not so bad! If you like the story, please review. Thank you.

Hope you enjoy chapter 4, Birgitta

As usual, CW owns all rights to original story, story lines, and characters.

4. You can't Protect a Heart that is No longer Yours!

I pick up her lingering presence before I have even entered the warehouse. She's not still here for her car isn't parked outside. Yet, the idea of her causes a reaction throughout me. That kiss that we shared still haunts me and my body has been aching for more ever since. The desire for her is so great that I have not been able to face her. If I do, I don't know what might happen. I might reach for her, pull her to me, claim her, take her, and aim to make her mine.

"She was here!" I settle more than ask JT. I get ready to ask something more about Catherine when I realize. "Are you going out?"

A deep frown forms in between my eyebrows as I evaluate JT standing before me, clean shaved and dressed up. JT never goes out, unless working or grocery shopping. It's partially my fault that he has no social life. Ever since I involved JT, he has had to make many sacrifices. I will never be able to fully compensate him or thank him enough. He is a true friend; a bit annoying at times, but a true friend.

JT chuckles and looks down at himself, apparently as amazed. "Yeah, Catherine came by and suggested I'd go out and have sex."

I raise an eyebrow. "Catherine suggested you'd have sex?"

Using the two words in the same sentence, 'Catherine' and 'sex', instantly causes a buzz and images from countless fantasies overcome me. JT isn't the only one who hasn't had sex in a long time. The military experiment put a stop to all such interactions for me. The first few years were hard and I sometimes had to relieve the pressure. Then, the urges and needs grew further in between until they stopped all together. I got used to it; not being touched, not touching, not feeling, not loving…

Catherine has brought it all back, the needs of the man. At first, it was her Beauty. I was drawn to her because she was the kind of girl that I used to be attracted to, that I used to pursue. It had seemed unrealistic for me to even think that Catherine could ever… not with me as a Beast. It just was not possible. Yet, she kept coming back. She wouldn't stop trying to get closer to me. I was confused. What was it about? Just her mother or was there something else?

And now, there is the issue with the kiss. For a brief moment, all too brief, her lips were on mine. I could feel her body pressing, I could taste her kiss, and I could smell her nearness. No matter the Beast, no matter the wall I have erected, she has gotten to me. And, it scares me. It scares the hell out of me.

"So, you are taking her advice?" I manage to say, my voice shaky and effected. Looking down at my hands, I notice that they are shaking so I hurry to hide them behind my back. "Did she want anything else?"

I bow my head since I can't face JT's imposing stare. My eyes will deceive me and give me away. JT would laugh at me. Tell me it could never be. I am fully aware, all on my own, yet I don't want to hear it said out loud. I'm trying to protect my heart. Still, I fear it is too late. I left it unguarded, left myself vulnerable, and Catherine came in and stole it. My heart is hers now and, without meaning to do so, I fear that she will crush it. After all, who could ever love a Beast?

"What do you think she wanted?" JT snaps irritated, as usual because of the topic. From the very start, Catherine has invoked strong emotions in both of us. "She wanted you!" He says and my head snaps up. I try not rejoice in his use of wording but I fail. "She left you a letter, on your pillow. Actually, I caught her laying down in your bed."

'Letter… on my pillow… laying down in my bed…'

Forgetting about JT, I sprint up the stairs taking two steps at a time. A few feet from my bed, I halt and stare. I can envision the indent of her body. Slowly, I walk up and feel with my fingers. The comforter is still warm from her body heat, or perhaps I am simply imagining. Regardless, I want to lay down and submerge myself but I don't.

'Protect your heart,' I urge, even though it is too late. You can't protect a heart that is no longer yours.

I reach for the letter and weigh it in my hand. Such a small and seemingly insignificant item, yet its content may be enough to bring a Beast to its knees. I dare not open it. I dare not read it. I dare not face her revelation. I am certain that the letter contains just this; why she kissed me, what it meant to her, and what place I hold in her life. It's all in here, brutally spelled out.

No, I'd rather hide and remain in the dark than know for sure. Without certain knowledge, I can dream and make up an alternative reality. In this self-created world, I am a normal man, working at the hospital, Catherine is my loving wife, and our child is growing inside her womb. All is perfect. There is no Beast, no Muirfield, and no hiding out in warehouses and shadows.

I collapse to the floor, pull my knees to my chest, and crawl into a ball. Tears would come if I was prone to such emotional acts. The experiment took away all weaknesses. I can hurt and ache but I can't cry. It's another solid proof that I am a freak and a Beast. Bitter, I crush the letter to my chest and bring it close to my heart where I will keep it unopened. There is no point to read it. No good will come of it.

Yet, I can't desert her. I have to still protect her. I will always protect her. If anything was to happen to her, I might as well be dead. All purpose of living would seize with her death. She is my reason.

I venture downstairs to find JT gone. Silently, I wish him good luck in getting laid tonight. God knows we are both very over due and in need of some sexual release. Hopefully, his pursuit will prove more successful than mine. I aimed for the sun, for a Beauty, and just like with Icarus, I was burnt. My target was set too high. It wasn't realistic. It couldn't be.

I track Catherine through the city to her precinct station. She is working late. Watching her from a roof top across, I see that she looks tired and worn like she hasn't slept well for days. Neither have I. The guilt creeps in as I watch her because the blame is probably mine. I haven't picked up the phone, come by to see her, or let her see me. I've been avoiding her and this is the result. She does not love me but she does care for me as a friend and I have let her down.

It's well past 11 when Catherine finally logs off her computer and walks out of the station. I trace her for a bit until she is almost at home and then I head back in the opposite direction. She will go straight to bed and so should I. Tomorrow, I will read the letter and I will face her. I have to. Avoiding her will solve nothing and it will do neither of us any good. If anything, it only makes us both…

My sensitive ears pick up the sound of tires braking hard, a crash, and Catherine's voice filled with dread. There has been an accident. Catherine has been in an accident.

I shift course fluidly, spinning around on my heels, and dash off towards the crash with unnatural speed. My ears lock in on her location and then I hear it. It's my worst fear. It's what has me stalking her during most hours and going insane with worry when we are apart; Catherine is being attacked. First, I hear a metal bar smash against bone and Catherine's soft moan of pain. Then, I hear her begin to choke as if someone is strangling her. As if someone is squeezing the life out of her… her… Catherine… my Catherine…

The Beast explodes into existence as I am running and there is only one thing on its mind; kill!