Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law
By: DMEX
Ch. 5
Angels Day in Court (PART 1)
Time: 00:00 a.m. Date: V-Day
Place: Immoral Hotel
(Stocking is waiting outside pissed off, meanwhile Panty is having sex with someone)
Panty (sexually aroused): AAAAAAAAGH YEAH! MAKE ME A WOMAN! MAKE ME A WOMAN!
Stocking: Hurry the f**k up! I'm getting hungry!
a police car is waiting in the distance
Panty (sexually aroused): AAAAAAAGH! YOUR BOD IS UNGODLY AMAZING!
Stocking (angry): DAMMIT PANTY! HURRY UP! THE PIGS ARE COMING!
(Door opens)
Panty: Can't an angel have a little V-Day fun?
Stocking: Who were you f***ing?
(Sirens wail, police radio chatter)
Multiple Officer Jennies cock and point heir guns at them. They put their hands in the air. They slam them on their cruiser
Officer Jenny: Know what this is?!
Panty: My f**kin' panties, motherf**ker! GIVE THEM BACK TO ME!
Officer Jenny: You kiss your mother with that mouth!?
(they slam Panty and Stocking on their cruiser)
Officer Jenny: You are both under arrest! You have the right to remain silent-
(P&S main theme with Harvey Birdman opening)
-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office-
Harvey is hard at work and Avenger is playing with Oshawatt
Peanut: Ya know what that smell is?
Harvey: Don't tell me; Cheese farted again.
(Cheese is running around making weird sounds)
GUNSHOT
Deadpool: That yellow prick was pissin' me off so I shot him.
Deadpool Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, that means we can rob him!
Deadpool: HELL YEAH! I'M DOWN WITH THAT!
Peanut: No the smell I was alluding to was (you ready for this?)
(NBA theme from the Space Jam movie, MonSTARS vs. TUNE SQUAD game, plays in the background)
Harvey: Easy with the NBA references.
Peanut: Sorry, couldn't resist. The scent was love. Like this young lady right here-
Mai Valentine clenches her fists and grits her teeth. Then punches Peanut in the face
Mai: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN MA LIFE!
Harvey: Really, Peanut?
*buzz*
*: Mr. Birdman, you have a client. A Garter.
Harvey: Send him in.
Deadpool and Peanut snicker. Garter comes in very pissed off
Garter: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS S**T! THOSE TWO GOT ARRESTED AGAIN!
Harvey: Calm down, Garter. Who exactly got arrested?
Garter: THEM TWO HOS PANTY AN' STOCKING!
(Deadpool tries to hold his laughter)
Garter: YA FIND SONNTIN' FUNNY, JERKWAD?!
Deadpool: Wait, wait, wait, wait! So your friends are named Panty and Stocking. And your name is Garterbelt?
Garter: IS THAT A PROBLEM YA SONOVABITCH?!
Deadpool roars into laughter. fighting and Deadpool screaming in pain is heard in Phil's office
Harvey: So what did Panty and Stocking do this time? Fighting? Cursing in school, Assaulting the Gym Teacher-
Peanut: That's High School, HB.
Harvey: Grand Theft Auto, Solicitation to Prostitution, Arson, Assault and Battery-
Garter: THEY GOT ARRESTED FOR BEIN AT THAT DAMN IMMORAL HOTEL!
Harvey: Since when was it illegal to stop at a hotel?
Garter: PANTY WAS HAVIN' F**KING SOME DUDE AND STOCKING WAS BEING DA LOOKOUT!
Harvey: THEY CAN'T DO THAT! HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUNG LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ON VALENTINE'S DAY!
Garter: YOU BEDDA NOT BE ENCOURAGING THEIR BAD HABITS!
Harvey: I'M NOT! (I think.) But in all seriousness, I'LL TAKE THE CASE!
-Prison, Block P, Cell S-
Panty: AGH! Where the f**k is Garter?! He was supposed to pay our bail an hour ago!
Stocking (angry): THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED F YOU HADN'T GONE TO THE IMMORAL HOTEL AND HAD SEX WITH THAT DUDE, YOU F**KING WHORE!
Panty (angry): I WAS IN THE MOOD FOR SEX AND VALENTINE'S DAY IS A PERFECTLY GOOD EXCUSE TO GO OUT AND GET F**KED!
Ed: Hurry Double D! Their scaring me!
Edd: I'm trying!
Eddy: DO SOMETHING! I CAN'T SURVIVE PRISON, DOUBLE D!
Stocking: F**k you, guys!
Panty: Yah, seriously. Anyway, Stocking where were we? Oh yeh-
Garter: BOTH YA'LL SHUT YOUR TRAPS!
Panty: What the s**t took you so damn long?! You know how long we had to put up with those idiots?!
Garter: THEY HAD POINTED HEADS WHEN THEY SHOWED UP IN PRISON! NOW LISTEN UP! YOUR ASSES ARE GOIN' TA COURT! AND I GOT YOU A DAMN GOOD LAWYER TA MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET 7-10 YEARS IN JAIL!
Stocking: So who'd ya get?
Harvey: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be representing you in court.
Panty: Hello, you're a piece of sweet ass.
Garter: DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
-Immoral Hotel-
(cue outside of Immoral Hotel)
Panty is having sex with Harvey
Panty (sexually aroused): AAAAAGHH YEAH! YOUR BOD IS LIKE A SEX GOD!
Squidward is knocking on the door outside
Panty (angry toward Squidward): PISS OFF, ASSHOLE!
Panty (romantically, toward Harvey): Now where were we, honeycakes?
Squidward: Keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!
Panty: Excuse me for a moment.
(Her panties turn into guns. Panty opens the door and shoots Squidward until he runs away screaming)
Panty: About time, asshole!
Garter: WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST TELL YA'LL?!
-Court-
Judge: Eric Bischoff Bailiff: Brief
Prosecution: Scanty and Knee socks (The Demon Sisters) Defense: Harvey Birdman
Brief: Um, all rise for-
(reads slip of paper)
Brief (shocked): WHAT?! ERIC BISCHOFF?!
Garter: AW, HELL NO!
(Door bursts open, and his TNA music plays in the background. Bischoff is booed out of the courtroom, but the Demon sisters cheer for him)
Panty (shocked): WHAT THE HELL?! WHY HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!
Stocking (shocked): GAME OVER PANTY! WE'RE SCREWED!
Harvey: This is not good.
Bischoff sits in the Judge's chair and puts his feet on the desk
Bischoff: THANK YOU ALL! YOU MAY NOW BE SEATED! This frickin' court is in session!
(slams gavel)
(Harvey Birdman Credits with P&S End Credits theme)
TO BE CONTINUED!