A/N - Ah what the heck Ox King, I might as well give it a go. Thanks for the inspiration. An odd pairing but once that plot took a hold of me, I couldn't let it go!

~.~

There are a few things that are absolutely essential to know when dealing with Nick Fury. At the top of that list was never lie followed immediately by make sure whatever needed to be said got out in the first thirty seconds. Fury hated to feel like his time was being wasted. Lastly, any agent wanting anything from their fearless leader had better to be willing to stand up to the unnerving thing that was Nick Fury's undivided attention.

The way Coulson reasoned it was that his bosses default mode was 'pissed off.' He had been born angry and that was his natural state. Once he had accepted that, Coluson found the man almost agreeable.

In their long relationship, one thing had always held true. As long as no one was foolish enough to try and bull shit him, Fury would yell himself out and only then that switch slowly grind his gears towards 'reasonable'.

It was on a Friday that Coulson slotted himself in for a forty five minute meeting with the man himself.

The office door hadn't even closed when Coulson tucked his hands behind his back at attention and said, "I want to bring Darcy Lewis in."

Fury didn't even look up from his stacks and stacks of paperwork. "No." He said dismissively, his tone final.

Coluson continued to stand there as if he didn't hadn't heard or more correctly, as if that answer had nothing to do with his opening statement. This was a negotiation and he wasn't about to fall for scare tactics. As a senior agent, he had a certain amount of leeway when it came to choosing a partner. It only helped his case that SHEILD had to be mercurial in the application of it's rules. When half the payroll was from another planet or superpowered, HR clung to any gray area it could find.

Fury stopped what he was doing with an irritated look on his face. "I can't help but notice you're still here." The anger in his tone had sent many an agent running.

"I want to bring Darcy Lewis in. As my partner."

That got Fury's full attention and not in a good way. "Well gee, I don't know who you're talking about." He said, condescension lacing his words. "It can't possibly be the Darcy Lewis I'm thinking of."

"Jane's friend." Coluson offered helpfully. "Brown hair, twenty four, five-seven, big boo-."

"I know who the hell you're talking about!" Fury answered with a snarl. "You have lost your goddamn mind because that Dary Lewis brings nothing to the table. Hell, she wasn't even worth tailing for more than a month after that mess in New Mexico!

She's average. A 'C' straight down the middle and I am not talking about her chest size! The single most extraordinary thing she has ever done is been in the wrong place at the wrong time and I sure as hell don't need that skill set on my team."

"That's true. I still want her as my partner." He could feel the corner of his lips starting to turn up and it was all he could do to look passive.

"No! No goddamn way!" Sighing Nick fell back in to his chair, causing it to angle dangerously towards the floor. "I'd have to take out another insurance policy. Do I look like I enjoy paperwork to you?"

"I do the insurance paperwork. You make me."

The two men stared one another down. "Take Barton on."

"Barton's too valuable for the kind of work I do. You need someone that can thrive on the sidelines. Someone that isn't going to be needed in the essential way most of our agents are."

The Director of SHIELD folded his hands together, very slowly and very carefully as if he was afraid he might break a few fingers by mistake.

Coulson watched and waited for his boss to make up his mind. Under all that anger, bravo and scary intelligence was, well more anger, but under all that was a deep pride for his agency. He wouldn't dismiss one of his best field agents suggestion casually, no matter how crazy. There was respect there too and Coulson was pretty sure that all that kept Nick Fury on the right side of the law and out of super villain spandex.

"Why?" He finally asked with a sigh.

That was the opening he had been waiting for. Taking a deep breath, Coluson readied his answer. "She's got something. I don't know what yet. I keep catching glimpses of it. Usually through her admittedly warped sense of humor. Occasionally, in the way she's fearless, even though she has this issue where she thinks she's expendable, she keeps going. I think she's got what it takes to make it in the field."

Nick leveled his gaze at him, leaning forward in his chair as he did so. "That is some toucy feeling, weak ass reasoning."

"Isn't it?" He smiled.

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear. This is all on you. You train her. She stays with you. At all times. If I ever catch her wandering around here alone – if I even get a hint that she is going to say something smart ass in my direction, she's gone. I will wipe her memory and leave her drolling at some diner in Kansas. Do I make myself clear?"

"With your usual eloquence, sir."

"Dismissed." Fury said, snatching up a pile of papers that feel victim to his crushing grip. "Oh and Coluson!" He called as the agent made ready to leave. "I swear to every god I don't believe in, if she does something to make the company insurance go up before next year's rates expire, I will leave you in that diner with her."

"Of course." He answered. "Naturally."

And he let the door close shut behind him.