Happy Revenge of the Fifth everyone!

It was an awkward meal. Bail kept glaring at Anakin. Anakin focused on the food in order to deflect the memories of the times when he'd shared meals with Organa as a friend and comrade.

"How did you end up here, Ahsoka?" Luke asked.

"After I left the order, I wandered for awhile, trying to sort out my life. Anyway, after Order 66 I had a vision. It kept coming to me. I stayed on the move for quite awhile. I wasn't sure if I would be on their hit list, since I'd left the Jedi. But I figured I'd be safer going to ground. Others were trying to disappear as well, for one reason or another. I decided to join a group. I knew I was on the right track when the ship I was to join was the one in my vision.

I wasn't trying to use the Force, but it guided me to Padmé. She was at the refugee colony. Believe me, it was a shock. I'd seen the news about her death." Ahsoka blinked and Padmé́ reached out and gripped her hand. "I was so glad she was all right. She defended me when Tarkin prosecuted me. And she vouched for me with Senator Organa, insisted I could help with the scouting and supplies."

As he watched Luke asking Ahsoka questions, his gaze landed on Luke's right hand and his stomach twisted. He stopped eating. He glanced at Obi-Wan. His old master hadn't exactly been staring at him. But his attention had never truly turned away either. His sense was guarded but cautiously hopeful. Suddenly fear clawed at Anakin's throat. Padmé was hurt and angry, but still believed he had good in him. A more generous response after how he'd destroyed their dreams than he'd dared hope for, even had he known she was still alive.

How would she react when she found out what he'd done to their children? Bail had been out of touch since before Leia's capture. What would happen when Padmé found out about Luke's prosthetic hand and Leia's torture? The thought sickened him. Now he had to worry about that, just as he had to wonder what would happen if Luke saw Artoo's holo of him attacking his mother.

Kenobi suddenly spoke up. "They've been having trouble getting the engines configured to handle the jury rigged repairs on the ship. Without it, we haven't got much of a chance at outrunning the destroyers."

Organa looked askance at him. But Obi-Wan kept his eyes on Anakin. "I think I know someone who might be able to pull it off."

"Now wait a minute!"

"He won't be alone. I'll be with him." Kenobi's voice was firm.

"Please Obi-Wan. Be careful."

Anakin's eyes dropped in shame. There was no way to make up with Bail Organa. He'd stood by and tacitly agreed to allow his entire planet to be blown up.

"I'll be fine." Kenobi stated firmly. "Come on."

Anakin hopped up with relief and followed his old master. The ship was an old corellian blockade runner. It was clearly patched and pieces were missing. They headed up the ramp and toward the engines. Anakin stopped short, blinking. "I forgot what a master of understatement you were. Who jury rigged this? A kowakian monkey lizard?"

"No, just a bunch of desperate people. They've had nothing else to do but survive and hide since they crashed. Until that fleet started hanging out in orbit, they at least didn't have to worry about patrols."

Shaking his head, Anakin picked up the toolbox and considered where to begin. He sat down to study the situation. It took him a few minutes of sorting to figure out what they had done and what damage they were compensating for.

"You can't hide forever." Obi-Wan remarked finally, sitting calmly and tinkering with some of the unfinished wiring.

"What do you mean?"

"Your fear. You've come back to where you began. But you are still afraid, though now you aren't hiding it from me. What are you afraid of Anakin? Only by facing it will you truly be free of the dark side."

Anakin wiped sweat from his brow. He blinked at it in surprise. "I know I can't hide. There is so much one normally does that gets taken for granted. Little things like sweating or breathing or tasting. I can't take them for granted any longer." He sat back. "I need my family, Obi-Wan. I don't deserve them. But without their light and faith I wouldn't have come back. I wasn't strong enough. But Luke lent me some of his. So yes. I'm afraid. For all they've forgiven me, there are still things…" his voice trailed off, head bowed. "And I know that isn't fair to them, it's my responsibility to maintain control of my my morals and sanity, not theirs."

He turned his head slowly to look at Obi-Wan. "I don't know how she can be so glad to see me. And when she finds out what I did to them…" He slumped onto the deck, pressing his forehead to his knees, clenching them tightly.

"She was angry at me as well, my friend. Angry as she realized I'd hurt you, possibly killed you."

"You tried to talk me out of it." He was surprised by this and by being called 'friend'.

"The point is, forgiveness is a choice Anakin. It's a gift. You don't give it just for the transgressor. It's a gift for oneself. The release of the anger and hurt so it can do no more harm. So the one who hurt you no longer has power over you."

"Some pain is too great for that. And what if the one who hurt you is yourself?"

"Anakin. Contrary to what you may have believed I had loved and been in loved. And I did hurt, and terribly, when those I loved died. And it did test my convictions."

Anakin cringed, knowing how many of them he had slain. Then he thought of Duchess Satine, of Siri Tachi, woman Obi-Wan had loved but refused to admit his love for. He had not lashed out, no matter how desperately it hurt. Then again, his master hadn't had the fear of losing them in advance. For the most part, their death was very sudden.

"I learned to let it go. Not because I didn't love them, but because I did. It was what they would've wanted for me. But it wasn't easy. It's a choice. Day after day, moment after moment, to accept the feeling and let it go. And when it comes back to do it again and again."

Anakin blinked back stinging tears. "I am so, so, sorry."

"Do you remember Lanteeb? What you said to the scientist there?"

Anakin nodded and shook his head. "The planet with that horrible bioweapon. The scientist? Yeah,vaguely. I trusted her and she betrayed us."

"But then she repented and blew up the bio lab with her inside."

Anakin closed his eyes.

"You told her that you believed in forgiveness. That there was always a way forward. That you would help."

"You never equated that with the sith."

"The sith were never you." Obi-Wan's voice was tired. "Did you know … you'll remember we once had to pick up Yoda after a mission to negotiate with Dooku on Vjun."

Anakin gave him a pained look. "Yeah. Now Vader has…had a castle there."

Kenobi just nodded. "I didn't know Dooku well. But he trained Master Qui-Gon. And Yoda, he knew him as a boy. The sith of the stories were one thing and Maul another. But sith you know personally? All the rules changed. Palpatine snuck up on us in a way we never saw coming for all our previous knowledge of the sith. And Dooku…Yoda tried to reach out to him. To draw him back to the light. He didn't succeed but he made the effort. If you are truly willing to stay here, I will help."

Anakin's eyes dropped. "Palpatine ordered me to kill Dooku. I had him disarmed. He was helpless. And when he said he was too dangerous to be left alive, I believed him. It was after that the dreams started…"

Kenobi nodded. "Padme told me about the nightmares. They were a warning of the path you'd set foot on."

"And I was so busy trying to protect her, it never occurred to me I was the threat. I wish I'd shown Dooku mercy, as Luke has shown me."

"Mercy would be a very good way to found the Republic as well as a new jedi order." The jedi's voice was soft.

"That's up to them, I guess."

"But it's also up to you. You must forgive yourself."

Anakin froze. "How am I supposed to forgive the unforgivable?" Not that the thought hadn't occurred to him. He knew it, he just didn't know how to do it. He did know, somehow, that watching Luke's mercy toward him had given him a clue if he could only decipher it.

Obi-Wan's eyes held his. "The same way I survived all these years. One moment, one decision, one day at a time. Holding onto hope for the future and letting go of the pain of the past."

Anakin shook his head slowly. "I've missed you. I lied when I said I hated you. It was myself I hated."

Kenobi swallowed at this. Now Anakin wasn't the only one getting emotional. He had an edge Bail Organa did not. He could sense his long lost friend's pain in the force. It was oddly comforting, not because he wanted him to suffer but because it was an open and honest remorse.

Luke had no desire to get his father into more trouble than he was already in. So when Padme asked how he'd won his father back he hesitated.

"He told me at Bespin when we fought." Luke was unsure how much to say, but suspected telling her that Vader had sliced off his weapon hand was not news she was prepared for. He flexed it nervously

"The more I thought about it, the more I wondered. For all my doubts, I couldn't help thinking over what people said. They made a big deal about me getting out alive. But I knew better. He could've taken me. He just didn't want to kill me. And if he was able to kill the other jedi, why not me?"

"He held back." She observed.

Luke nodded. "So when I sensed him at Endor, I knew it was now or never. I was the only one who had a chance to reach him. And if I didn't he was liable to interfere with the mission. He didn't listen right away. The emperor was killing me. And then he turned on him. It nearly killed him. I wasn't sure we could save him."

"Luke, does the Alliance know he's alive?"

Luke hesitated, looked away. "Only the medical droid. I didn't know what else to tell them. So I figured I wouldn't tell anyone until I knew for sure he would make it. And then, we found out what happened to Obi-Wan …"

She nodded carefully. "It has to come out." She said sadly. "We kept our marriage hidden. But the worst person to find out, did. I don't think we can live the lie anymore."

"He said as much. If Senator Organa's reaction is anything to go by, that worries me." Luke sighed. "The first person I should tell is Leia. And it won't be pretty. When I told her the truth and what I had to do, she wanted me to run."

"He'll be better off." Padmé stated firmly. "Believe me, no matter what it is, it's better than where he's been. Better to deal with a hard truth than deal with the fall out when the lie is discovered."

Luke nodded. "He said as much." He smiled then. "I'm glad we waited though. I've gotten time with him on this trip. It's not much but it's enough to see the real him. The way he gave me this challenging grin when we were on speeder bikes and zoomed off. The way he tamed that animal to let Artoo ride. He was so calm. So content in a way totally opposite what he was before. He's enjoyed this trip. And I'm glad I've been able to share it."

to be continued...

Note: Anakin and Obi-Wan's adventure on Lanteeb is told in "Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth by Karen Miller.