Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and I am not making any money off of this.
AN: For the ages of the Characters I'm going with what I found on the Harry Potter Wiki. The Wiki says that James Potter was born in 1960, and that Harry was born in 1980, which makes James exactly twenty years older than Harry. Since Harry is nine years old at this point in the story that makes James (and the others) 29. I also want to thank everyone for the reviews, alerts, and favs - you guys are the best!
Sirius Black was many things, but gay was not one of them. Well, at least that's what he told himself. He was also not, under any circumstances, in love with his best friend –James Potter. Sirius most certainly did not imagine that it was James underneath him instead of the random muggle he had picked up. He did not wish that that it was James moaning his name, that it was James' cock he was rutting against. Sirius maintained a very thin balance, he told the marauders about each of his conquests as the bond required. He made sure that they all had names that could be male or female like Andy, Sam, or Jordon. He told himself that he didn't need to tell them that he was gay, because he told himself he wasn't gay. He didn't need to tell them that he was in love with James Potter, as the bond would require him to do, because he convinced himself that he wasn't in love with James.
But it was a fine line, and it was a line that he would not be able to walk forever. It had been hard when James was with Lily, having to convince himself that he didn't hate Lily because she had James and he didn't. But she didn't have James anymore, and it had been three years since the divorce. Sirius had been toeing this line since sixth year, and each year, each day, it because more difficult to do. It became more difficult each day to convince himself that he wasn't in love with James. He couldn't allow any of those thoughts to pass through his mind even once, because if they did the bond would react and he would have to tell them
He knew they wouldn't care if he was gay, although he definitely wasn't, but loving James went hand in hand with being gay. He couldn't think about one without thinking about the other, which is why he constantly had to convince himself that neither was true. James was straight, completely and utterly straight, and if Sirius was in love with James (he wasn't) then the bond would compel James to help Sirius. Sirius couldn't allow that, couldn't do that to his friend. It would be no better than rape. So that was what he thought about as he fucked the man underneath him. I'm not gay. I don't love James. I'm not pretending that it's James underneath me. This isn't happening. There's nothing to tell.
It was the beginning of Lily's two weeks with Harry, and the Marauders were having their weekly bond meeting. They saw each other every day anyways, but it helped to have an official time and day to tell each other everything the bond required them to. Remus was already at the Manor, having just finished with Harry's lessons for the day and sent him to Lily's. James got off work about a half an hour prior and the two of them were attempting to make some food for the night.
"We're not exactly what you'd call master chefs are we?" Remus said ruefully, as he tossed the smoking pan into the sink. James shook his head, laughing as he threw an entire batch of meat pies (that more closely resembled Hagrid's rock cakes) into the garbage.
"Oh Merlin, please tell me you two did not try to cook again?"
"It's not that bad." James said, but Peter merely laughed as he walked farther into the room.
"Mate, I could smell the smoke from the parlor when I flooed in." Peter poked at the mess in the sink. "What were you trying to make anyways?"
"Meat pies." Remus also poked at the destroyed pan interestedly. "I'm not sure what we did wrong to make them both hard as rock, and yet have the consistency of jelly…."
Peter laughed. "I'm surprised you guys haven't given up on learning to cook, clearly you're both rubbish at it."
James glared at the ruined food, as if it had personally offended him. "We followed the directions. It should have worked." And damn it, he was not pouting. He was twenty nine years old, he did not pout.
Peter just laughed again. "Sirius not here yet?"
"No," Remus replied, as he rummaged through the cupboards. "And we have no food either."
"I'll floo over to his place; it's his day off so he's probably fallen asleep or something."
"Raid his cupboards while you're there James!" Remus shouted after him. "See if he has anything remotely edible!"
Flooing into Sirius' flat James called out his friend's name. Getting no response James walked past the living room, and down the hallway heading directly for Sirius' room. There was a locking charm on the door, and he assumed there was a silencing spell since his knocking was getting no response. It wouldn't be the first time Sirius had drank too much the night before a bond meeting and locked himself away in his room to sleep off his hangover. They were all used to it, and usually just barged in anyways.
When James unlocked the door and stepped into his best mate's room he'd been expecting to see Sirius lying in bed with a raging headache. He had not been expecting to see his best mate facing the door, a guy underneath him. Sirius didn't notice James at first, and James stood frozen to the spot. Horrified he had just walked in on his best friend having sex, with a man, he started to back out the door.
Hearing the shuffling of his feet Sirius' head snapped up, and his eyes locked straight onto James'. James could see his own horror reflected on Sirius' face as Sirius stuttered to a halt, his hips bucking of their own accord as he came. Sirius immediately leapt off the man, "James I-"
James was beyond embarrassed. Holding a hand in front of his eyes he said, "I shouldn't have barged in, I thought… I'll just wait in the living room." James hadn't left a room that fast since the time he had walked in on his parents when he was thirteen. That hadn't been nearly as embarrassing as this was.
James sat on Sirius couch, waiting for him to get dressed and the man to leave. He supposed he could have left, but would be the point? The bond would force them to talk about it with each other, and with Remus and Peter anyways. It would be better to do it sooner rather than later. He'd been surprised to find Sirius with a man. Shocked. The bond forced them to tell each other everything, and Sirius had never mentioned having feelings for men before. Not that James cared, he'd just been shocked. And embarrassed at seeing his friend like that. He couldn't imagine what Sirius must be feeling.
"Just get out!" James heard Sirius yell, as the front door slammed behind the man Sirius had been with. James could already feel the pull of the bond, knew that Remus and Peter would be feeling it too. Slowly Sirius came into view; he had hastily thrown on a pair of pants but was still shirtless. To James Sirius looked like he was about to be sick. He was white as a ghost, and shaking.
James stood up as Sirius entered the room. "I'm so sorry Sirius, I thought you were hung over or something, or I never would have just barged in like that!"
Sirius just shook his head as he sat down in a chair. He leaned over and put his head in his hands, still shaking. James knew there was something more going on here, he could already feel the insistent pull of the bond that needed Sirius to tell him exactly what, and he could already feel the bond pulling him to help Sirius. But he didn't know how the bond wanted him to help.
"Sirius," James said, sitting on the table in front the chair Sirius was in. James tried to be both comforting, and get Sirius to talk. It just didn't add up, Sirius had never been interested in men before, or he would have had to tell the marauders because of the bond. Sirius also had to know that they wouldn't care if he was gay. Was Sirius freaking out because it had been spur of the moment to sleep with that guy, and now he didn't know what to do? "Sirius please. You're going to have to talk about it; you know the bond will make you. There's no need to try and put it off and wind up getting sick. I understand you must be confused right now, but you can talk to us. You know that. Let's go back to the Manor, Remus and Peter will be getting worried."
Sirius allowed himself to be dragged up and led through the floo, all the while thinking. I am gay, and I'm in love with James. When James had walked through his bedroom door he hadn't been able to deny it anymore. And now it was real, and now the bond would force him to tell them everything.
James could tell that Remus and Peter had been feeling the pull of the bond; they knew that something was going on. They were waiting for James and Sirius as they stepped out of the floo. James could see that Sirius was still in some sort of shock, so he pushed him down into the nearest chair. Sirius was still shirtless, and James wished he'd thought to at least grab him a shirt before dragging him to the Manor.
"What happened?!" Peter asked, taking in Sirius' white face. "We felt the bond start up, we were worried. Sirius, what's wrong?"
Sirius just shook his head. But they could all feel the bond, and years of experience let them know that it would be better to talk now rather than avoiding it and having the bond punish them. Since Sirius was in no condition to explain, James decided that he'd better just tell Remus and Peter.
"I, ah, walked in on Sirius. Having sex." James said, aware that he was blushing like a teenager would. Remus raised his eyebrow, clearly confused. Embarrassing situation? Yes. But it wouldn't cause the bond this much distress. "With a man." He added.
Remus and Peter's eyes went wide, both shocked. "Are you sure?" Remus asked in stunned disbelief. It didn't make sense, why would Sirius sleep with a man now? He'd never shown any interest in men before. He'd never told them he thought that he might be gay. The bond would have forced him.
James just nodded, "Pretty sure, yeah." He said, somewhat sarcastically. A quick glance at Sirius told him that he still wasn't doing any better, and James was getting quite concerned now.
Following James gaze Peter said "Padfoot, you must know that we don't care right? I mean we're just surprised is all, since you've never been interested in men before."
Finally Sirius seemed to gather his wits, and looking anywhere but at his friends he said "Yes I have."
Remus exchanged looks with James and Peter. "Sirius, you can't have because the bond would have made you tell us if you so much as started thinking about men sexually."
"Not unless I kept telling myself that I wasn't gay."
Sirius still wouldn't look at them. "Why would you do that Sirius?" James said, both bewildered and hurting for his friend. "You had to know we wouldn't care if you were gay."
"I know." Sirius ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I knew you wouldn't. But I couldn't…. The bond… I couldn't let myself admit it."
Remus studied Sirius carefully, "That can't have been easy."
"But now you have to admit it, because you let yourself admit it enough to finally sleep with a man? And then James walked in, making it real, making it impossible for you to deny anymore?" Peter said carefully, summing up what the three of them thought the situation was. James watched as Sirius laughed humorlessly. Sirius was pacing now, and James could tell he was struggling. Clearly they had come to the wrong conclusion, and clearly Sirius was fighting the bond –not wanting to tell them whatever was really going on. James could tell when Sirius finally gave in to the inevitable; the bond would force him to tell them sooner or later.
"No, I…" Sirius turned to face them "That wasn't the first time."
"It wasn't?" Remus sounded as stunned as James felt, how was that possible? "But it had to be, the bond would have made you tell us if you were sleeping with men."
"It did." Sirius said quietly. "I just… I let you think that they were all women. And I told myself that I wasn't gay, despite having sex with men. It was enough to appease the bond. But now, when James walked in and saw… I couldn't deny it anymore."
"You said you told us when you slept with men, but I think I would have remembered…"
Sirius looked directly at James as he answered, "Andy, Jordon, Sam, Taylor… I told you their names. Every time I slept with someone. I just…"
"Slept with men whose names we would assume belonged to females." Sirius nodded at Remus, once again not meeting any of their eyes.
"Merlin Sirius," Peter breathed. "Just how long has this been going on?"
"Since the end of fifth year." Sirius replied, the words seemingly wrenched out of him against his will.
"Fuck." James swore, staring at his best friend. "But why Sirius? Why go to all the trouble? Wouldn't it have been easier to just admit that you liked men, to just tell us? Why hide? Why put yourself through this?"
"Because, Because I had to!"
"That's not a reason Sirius! I refused to believe that you put all that time and energy into convincing yourself that you weren't gay despite the fact they you've been sleeping with men for years just because 'you had to!' We all know how strong the bond is, and how hard you must have worked to keep yourself from admitting it just so that the bond wouldn't force you to tell us! I want the real reason!"
"Because I had to James! I had to protect you from the bond! It wouldn't be right, but the bond would force you anyways to help me and I couldn't stand it if that happened because it'd be no better then, then rape! I did it because I don't want to hurt you!"
"Why?" James asked quietly, looking Sirius directly in the eyes. "Why would the bond force me to help you?" The bond was screaming at all of them, and James knew that whatever Sirius said next would be the real reason, the real reason Sirius would do this and the real reason the bond had been pulling at them all night.
"Because I'm fucking in love with you Prongs!"
AN: Well there you go! Now they all know, its definitely going to get more interesting from here! It'll still be fairly slow going though, to the falling in love part. But that doesn't mean that there wont be lemon-y goodness before then. I'll warn you now, some of the action (so to speak) will be because the bond forces them to help each other. So nothing will be non-con, but it may be slightly grey I suppose because of the bond -as I said before. Consider yourself warned!
As always, review and let me know what you think! The next chapter is already written and should be up soon :)