Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

AN: This chapter and the next few are going to focus mainly on James and Sirius, but Harry is the main character and will take more of the focus later.

In a distant part of his mind James registered that Sirius looked horrified. He also registered that Remus and Peter looked about as shocked as he felt. He hadn't been expecting that. Not at all. He loved Sirius, as a brother. He was completely straight, and he knew Sirius knew that. He didn't know how to feel. His mind was racing, going through all the ways that the situation could be made worse by the bond. It would force Sirius to tell them things he wanted to do with James, or at least James assumed it would since that's what the bond had made him do when he first fell in love with Lily. The bond would also force James to share his feelings about what Sirius had just said, about how Sirius felt. What had Sirius said before? He'd kept himself from admitting to himself that he was gay and in love with James because he thought the bond would force James to help Sirius, even though he was straight. Fuck.

"I know you're straight James." Sirius babbled. "I don't expect anything; I never wanted this to happen. I can't help it, I'm so sorry." Sirius kept talking but James wasn't really hearing him. Was it bad that he was so shocked? He was having trouble wrapping his mind around the idea of Sirius being in love with him. He noticed that Remus and Peter were also standing there in stunned silence. He knew they were just as shocked as he was, the bond had forced them to become beyond close over the years and James knew that like himself they couldn't imagine falling in love with another Marauder.

"Sirius." James said distractedly, and Sirius stopped talking immediately. "Did you say it been like this since fifth year?" Sirius nodded, not looking James in the face. James was really wishing that he had grabbed Sirius a fucking shirt. "Fourteen years?" He asked incredulously.

"James…." Sirius trailed off.

"Fuck. Sirius, I don't know what to say."

"It's fine. I know that you're straight James; I know that you think of me like a brother. Fuck, the four of us are brothers in every way that matters. I know this is fucking awkward, and I know it's going to get even more awkward."

"You know I don't think of you any differently right? That I don't think less of you? You're still as important to me as you've always been."

"I know. Of course I know." But James could hear the pained tone in Sirius' voice. The bond was pulling at him, wanting him to help Sirius, but he just didn't know how.

James could feel a headache coming on again. It felt like first year when they had just been discovering the full extent of the bond. But they'd been dealing with this for eighteen years now, and they knew that they were in for an extremely long awkward night. The bond would make each of them tell each other how they were feeling about Sirius' revelation. It would also make Sirius share in greater detail his feelings for James. James remembered the hours he had spent telling the marauders about why he loved Lily, his fantasies about her…. all because of the bond. He could only assume that the bond would make Sirius do the same.

Remus and Peter took control of the situation at that point. It had been a long time since they'd had to deal with such a serious matter. But they had dealt with, well not similar obviously, but equally difficult things in regards to the bond before. They had a system they'd developed over the years on how to most effectively give the bond what it wanted. Remus and Peter went first, sharing their feelings about the situation. Then James had to share his. Which hadn't been easy, since he was still so shocked. Sirius had been next, and it hadn't been easy. The four of them talked until the sun rose before the bond was finally satisfied. It was decided that Remus, Peter, and Sirius would crash at the Manor, since they all had rooms there anyways and they were all physically and emotionally exhausted.

Sirius looked up as James knocked on the door frame of the room he always stayed in at Potter Manor. "I brought you these." James said, holding up some of his night clothes.

"Thanks." Sirius muttered, as James passed the clothes to him.

"Look Sirius, I—" James was biting his lip, and the hand that had been holding the clothes moments before was now clasping Sirius forearm. Now that Sirius had admitted to himself that he was in love with James he was hyper aware of everything James was doing. And if he didn't stop chewing on his damn lip soon then Sirius was going to have a problem a little further south to worry about. "I…"

"It's okay Prongs, You don't need to say anything. I'm fine. I want us to be fine. You want us to be fine. Everything is fine." James' frown told Sirius quite clearly that everything was not fine. Sirius couldn't help himself from staring at James' lips as he bit them worriedly. Sirius felt the bond pulling, and wasn't that a bitch? Now he knew how James had felt every time he'd had to tell them some embarrassing turn on he had with Lily. "You need to stop doing that."

"Doing what?" James asked, genuinely confused.

"Biting your lip like that." Sirius shifted where he was standing, turning his eyes away from James' yet again. "It's distracting." The bond was still pulling at him, and he could tell that James could feel it now too. Why the hell had he ever thought it would be a good idea for James to hold his wand while making that oath? There was nothing for it; he'd have to spell it out. "It's turning me on." Sirius said, trying his best to sound normal, like it was something he said to James every day. He couldn't help but curse the bond in his head.

James stopped immediately, and flushed. "Ah."

Sirius groaned. "This is worse than when we were teenagers."

"It really is." James said, with feeling. "I've never felt so bloody awkward in my life."

The situation did not get any less awkward in the following days. The bond continually forced Sirius to tell James, Remus, and Peter how he felt about James. It compelled him to tell them any intimate thoughts he had about James, and wasn't that just the most embarrassing thing Sirius had ever had to do? It wasn't easy being forced to tell your best mate every time he did something completely innocent that just happened to turn you on. It wasn't easy being forced to tell your best mate about the dreams you'd been having of him going down on you. It also wasn't easy having to list to your best mate be forced to tell you how uncomfortable it made him feel to hear you think about him in that way. It wasn't easy having to know that the man that Sirius was in love with was completely straight. Sirius knew it wasn't any easier for James, Remus, and Peter. He knew how awkward it was for them to have to listen to him talk about James.

The fact that James insisted on treating Sirius exactly how he had before didn't make things any easier. James was determined not to let this affect their friendship, and went out of his way to treat Sirius as he always had, no matter how awkward the situation was getting. Sometimes this only served to make things even more awkward. James had always been affectionate, but now the innocent slaps on the back, the hugs, and the occasional rough housing affected Sirius in far different ways then they had before. Which would lead to the bond forcing Sirius to tell them some of his more inappropriate thoughts, and then they would have to tell Sirius how they were feeling, and then James would be even more determined not to let this affect their friendship –effectively starting the entire cycle over again. The marauders were used to having to share details about their sex lives; they had all had to do it on a regular basis. But it was different when it involved one of them.

Two weeks passed by quickly, and Harry would be coming home from his stay with Lily. All of the Marauders were nervous about this, things were not any less awkward and Harry would be bound to notice. According to Remus, Harry had already been able to tell that something was off during their tutoring lessons.

James paused in the doorway to the living room, on his way to get Sirius and Harry for dinner. Sirius, Peter, and Remus all had their own places but they more often than not chose to stay at the manor. It was a good thing too, since without Peter around James and Harry may very well have starved years ago. As James stood in the doorway he watched his best friend play with his son. If anyone had asked him what he felt in that moment, watching his son and Sirius together, he wouldn't have been able to tell them.

He knew that Sirius loved Harry, loved him like a son. Sirius had always felt that way about Harry, and had always been there for Harry. James knew that Harry was just as crazy about Sirius. It had been that way ever since Harry had been born. But watching them in that moment something about it felt different to James. He felt differently about how much Sirius loved Harry. Not in a bad way, but he'd never really considered Sirius' love for Harry before. He'd just taken it for what it was. He'd never stopped to think about.

But knowing what he knew now, that Sirius was in love with him, had changed something. James wasn't sure what; he couldn't put his finger on it. But his heart swelled a little, watching Harry and Sirius together. It was nice to know that somebody that loved Harry just as much as he himself did. James had never felt anything in particular when he had watched Lily and Harry together. But maybe that had been because Lily hadn't loved him, not in the way that Sirius did. It was nice, in an odd way, to know that someone loved him. At the same time it was awful, because he could never feel the same way about Sirius.

Another two weeks passed by in a blur. Things were just as awkward as ever, and it had been an added stress trying to keep things normal in front of Harry. But Harry was once again at Lily's, and James knew that something had to change. They couldn't keep going like this, it was too hard. In the four weeks since James had found out Sirius was in love with him, James had felt the bond pull at him continually in the way it always did when there was something he could do to help one of his friends. It was getting worse, the pull getting stronger. James knew it would only continue to get worse until James managed to do whatever it was the bond wanted him to do to help Sirius.

The only trouble was that James couldn't figure out what it was the bond wanted him to do. He'd been doing his best to act normally, thinking he could help Sirius by not letting things change. He'd had in depth heart to hearts with Sirius, thinking that would help. But nothing did. James had gotten off work early, having finished the paper work from his latest case, and decided to have a long relaxing shower to rid himself of the stress he was feeling over the situation. The bathroom in the master bedroom was in need of repair due to Harry and Neville's latest prank, so he went to the guest bathroom.

Usually James wouldn't think twice about leaving the door open. The only ones that could possibly walk in on him would be the Marauders, and they had seen each other naked so often through their Hogwarts years that it had stopped mattering somewhere along the line. But now that he knew Sirius was in love with him, he didn't want to create another awkward situation. It was hard, listing to his best mate tell him how he wanted James to blow him, how he wanted to touch him. The last thing James wanted was for Sirius to walk in, and the bond force them into another awkward situation. But at the same time he didn't want to lock the door and have Sirius think that he was afraid of him, or shutting him out, or any other manner of stupid things that Sirius would probably think.

In the end he left the door open, just like he always did. But Potters had never had the best luck, so it really shouldn't have surprised James when Sirius walked into the bathroom just as he was stepping out of the shower. At first James forgot why he was supposed to be feeling awkward, and just stood there naked and unashamed as he had always done. Of course, he remembered a split second later as he felt Sirius' eyes rove over him –lingering on his crotch- before he made a chocking sound and turned away. Sirius turned and made his way to the door but James, still naked, got there first and blocked the way.

The pull of the bond demanding he help Sirius was stronger than ever, he couldn't handle it anymore. Something had to be done. "Sirius, if you keep running away every time we end up in an awkward situation we're never going to get passed this. Something needs to change; we can't keep going like this."

Sirius just shook his head, resisting the bond. He tried to push passed James, but James wasn't moving. Both of their frustration at the situation and the bond seemed to boil over in that moment. Sirius tried to push passed James again, but this time James shoved him away. Refusing to let him out before they talked. That was all it took, and a moment later they were fighting. Struggling against each other, taking out weeks of frustration on each other.

Sirius managed to push James away from the door, but before he could open it James had grabbed him and pulled Sirius towards him. Sirius twisted out of James hold and slammed James against the wall, pushing up against him angrily. James brought his hands up toward Sirius, intending to either punch him or push him away –he wasn't really sure which. But Sirius intercepted his hands and grabbed them, pushing them roughly above James' head. They struggled some more, each of them angry at the situation and angry at the bond.

They'd fought before, a hundred times before, so James hadn't thought anything of it. Hadn't thought about the fact that he was naked, and fighting with Sirius. Hadn't thought about the effect this could possibly have on Sirius. He was brought back to reality rather abruptly as he felt Sirius' hard cock pressed against him as they struggled. He became suddenly aware of Sirius' labored breathing, and stopped struggling immediately. Sirius seemed to realize the situation a split second after him because he backed away from James as if he had suddenly caught fire.

James could see the horrified look in Sirius' eyes, and the pull of the bond became momentarily overwhelming. Sirius couldn't look James in the eye, and would have left if James hadn't said "Don't. Please Sirius. The bond…. I can't take this anymore."

Sirius seemed to struggle with himself, but felt the pull of the bond telling him to help James by staying and talking. "James…" Sirius breathed, still turned on and humiliated. James watched his friend, could tell the bond was going to force him to talk. Sirius' voice sounded strained. "I can't. I… I want you too badly. Right now. Fuck. You're like something out of a fucking wet dream, I can't handle it."

The words spilled out of Sirius, propelled by the bond. "Merlin James, I can still feel you pressed again me, naked and wet. I want… "Sirius couldn't look at James, and James couldn't seem to look away. He stared at Sirius in horrified embarrassment, very aware that Sirius was still hard. "I need to…" Sirius gestured to his crotch.

James hadn't felt this slow since he was a kid; of course that was why Sirius wanted to leave. He had to, err, relieve himself. The thought made James uncomfortable, and he couldn't help but wonder how often his need to act normally had affected Sirius in this way. He knew Sirius thought of him sexually, since the bond had forced Sirius to tell them. But somehow he hadn't made the connection to the fact that Sirius would react to him physically. And because he'd thought of it now, the bond forced him to ask. "How often?"

Sirius just stared at him. "What?"

James blushed. He was twenty nine years old; he hadn't blushed this much in nearly ten years. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to ask. But I thought… and then the bond…"

Sirius groaned. "If this fucking bond doesn't stop forcing us to have conversations like this then I may actually die of embarrassment." Sirius paused, feeling the pull of the bond. "How often do I have to… take care of business?" James nodded, embarrassed. "Every day."

James chocked a little. "Because of me?"

"Is that so hard to believe? I'm sorry Prongs; I know it makes you uncomfortable. I know you don't feel the same way. But I just can't help it."

James shook his head. "I just don't understand how you can feel that way. About me. It doesn't make sense."

Sirius rubbed his eyes, still painfully hard. He wished James would grab a towel or something, but James had seemingly forgotten that he was naked. It took all of Sirius' will power not to stare at James' body outright. "It's because of who you are. All the reasons you love me as a brother, they're the same reasons I'm in love with you. And I can't help it that you're…" Sirius gestured at James' body helplessly "hot."

James just stared at Sirius. He'd known for four weeks now that Sirius was in love with him. He'd known that Sirius thought of him sexually. But somehow it hadn't felt real. But now, seeing Sirius struggling with himself, seeing him as turned on as he was, made it real. James felt something click in his head, the continual pull of the bond wanting him to help Sirius. This was what it wanted, for James to help Sirius sexually. The moment the thought occurred to James he could feel the pain of the pull lesson, and knew beyond a doubt now that that was what it wanted. The bond had decided that James was capable of helping Sirius in that way, regardless of how he himself felt.

James felt panicked thinking about it. He wasn't gay, Sirius was like his brother. What was he supposed to do? To deny the bond meant a slow but steady death. But now that he figured it out he felt the bond pull him in a different way, wanting him to tell Sirius. Merlin, James wondered what privacy felt like. "Sirius, there's something I need to tell you." Sirius was still having trouble looking at James. "The bond, it's been pulling at me to help you, and it's been getting worse. I hadn't realized what it wanted until now."

Sirius knew what was coming next; it was what he'd been afraid of all along. The very reason he had kept himself in denial for fourteen years. "It's decided I can help you sexually." James couldn't look at Sirius as he said it.

"No. No James, I can't let you… it would be like rape. I can't. That's why I denied myself for so long, because I didn't want this to happen! I can't do that to you."

"I know Pads" James said softly, "But if I don't then the bond…"

"No."

James couldn't let this continue. He stepped forward and in one swift movement he was cupping Sirius' cock through his pants. "If you're so against it Padfoot, then why are you still hard?" James pressed his hand into Sirius cock, and Sirius bucked against him involuntarily. James wasn't turned on at all, he felt awkward. It felt wrong to be doing this. But he had to. And he'd heard enough of Sirius' fantasies to have a vague idea of what to do.

He started to palm Sirius' cock through his pants, and listened as Sirius groaned his name. Sirius bucked sporadically, and James paused momentarily. At a loss for what to do next. Nothing held any appeal to him, but the bond was lessening with every moment he spent touching Sirius.

Suddenly Sirius ripped himself away from James, turning so his back was facing him. "No. James stop. This isn't. This isn't what I want. This isn't what you want. I want you to want me, but you can't force that. And I don't want you like this; I don't want you to force yourself."

"Sirius, I have to help you somehow. It's already helped, the bond was getting unbearable."

"No."

"I need to do something Sirius, you know the consequences if I don't. I know that you would never force me, and Merlin know I don't like this anymore then you do. But I have to do something."

"Go on a date with me."

"What?" James asked, stunned.

"That's what I want. Just one date. It'll appease the bond."

James knew his best mate better than anybody and could always read him. He could hear the nervousness in Sirius voice. Sirius really did want a date, a real date, and not just to appease the bond. James said the only thing he could. "Okay."

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