Tegan dragged herself to her bunk, not-so-silently cursing Captain Clement.
"Fuck," she groaned as she lay down on her back. Her muscles burned like there were flames trapped in her body. Even taking a hot shower hadn't helped much. Her arms lay limp at her sides, and her calf muscles were still trembling slightly. But even though she was exhausted, she couldn't fall asleep. All she could do was lay awake and fume.
She was beyond angry. She was furious at the captain. There was no reason for her to push Tegan so much! She didn't deserve it! It would have been one thing if she had made Tegan run a few miles or go through the obstacle course three or four times. But what Tegan had to endure was ridiculous. She knew if she had really wanted to, she could have collapsed long before she did. But she couldn't bring herself to giving Sara the satisfaction of breaking her.
Tegan didn't even bother to correct herself anymore. Sara had lost some of Tegan's respect, and she refused to continue to call her captain in her head. Sara was a bully in Tegan's eyes. A very beautiful bully, and one that Tegan felt the need to impress. But she was still a bully.
The main thought that kept Tegan's mind racing was why. She couldn't wrap her mind around why Sara thought she needed to try to break Tegan. Because that's how Tegan felt: broken, at least physically. Mentally, Tegan had never been more determined to show Sara up. To show every one of the recruits up. She decided then and there that she was going to be the very best. Not just the best recruit, or the best in the camp. But the very best soldier she could possibly be. She was going to run faster, climb higher, work harder, and learn better than everyone else.
That would show the smug captain. That would show her Tegan was not someone to be messed with. Tegan realized she wanted to hear Sara say those words again. She wanted to hear "I'm proud of you." But next time, she wanted Sara's face to match the words. She wanted to see on Sara's perfectly sculpted face how impressed she was.
As Tegan finally drifted off to sleep around one in the morning, Sara's face was in her mind's eye and she could almost hear her smooth voice. "I'm proud of you."
Tegan's day started at 0430. With barely three hours of sleep, she crawled out of bed when the bugle blew. She rubbed her eyes and dressed quickly. She had about ten minutes to get outside and get in formation with the rest. She quickly changed into her fatigues and set down to lace up her boots. Glancing around, Tegan noticed that there were only about ten girls staying in their barracks room. She hadn't realized before how few women there were in the battalion.
She went to the showers and brushed her teeth at one of the sinks, giving herself a once over in the smudged mirror. Her hair was a mess, but she'd have a hat on so it wouldn't matter. Her eyes had deep dark circles under them though. She had slept restlessly, and she could see it on her face.
"I can do this," she muttered to herself. She knew she had to push on, no matter how tired she was. She remembered her promise to herself from the night before. She was going to be the best. And it was starting today.
She made it outside just in time. With the rest of the recruits, Lieutenant Gowans led them in their morning run, chanting as they ran. After three miles, he sent them to breakfast. Tegan wolfed down as much as she could, still trying to make up for last night's strenuous activity.
Tegan spent the rest of the morning and afternoon in training. And not once did she see Sara, at least not in person. She couldn't stop thinking about her. And she didn't even know why. If she didn't stay focused on what she was doing, her mind drifted. She hated Sara, and yet she felt a need to please her as well. She wanted to be able to not care what Sara thought, but Tegan knew that for the rest of her training, that's all that she would be able to think about. She wanted Sara's approval.
Why, she wasn't sure. What she was sure of was that she wanted to see Sara. She just wanted to see her face again. Tegan felt like she was missing something that she hadn't even known existed until yesterday. She had no relationship with Sara, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was any way to build one.
Much to her disappointment, Tegan got through the entire day without seeing Sara once. Not even after dinner, when Gowans was debriefing them for the day. Tegan was sure Sara would have shown up, just to see how things were going. But she didn't. Tegan trudged back to the barracks to shower and go to bed, passing Sara's office on her way. She glanced at the window, not expecting to see her, but hoping.
To her surprise, Sara was standing looking out the window, arms crossed. Tegan stopped and looked at her. Sara's eyes met her own, and they just stared at each other. Ten seconds passed. Thirty. A full minute passed before Sara turned away and walked out of view. Tegan closed her eyes, committing the memory of Sara's face to memory.
As she showered, she wondered where Sara was and if she was thinking about Tegan. When she fell into bed and closed her eyes, Sara's face filled her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about her eyes. They had been softer when Tegan saw her at the window. She weren't cold like they had been before. They were gentle, almost caring. Tegan tried to understand why Sara looked at her the way she had, but she couldn't decipher it. As Tegan drifted into sleep, dreams of Sara accompanied her.
Sara sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands. She was scared to sleep. She was scared of what her slumber would bring, what images in would raise.
Last night, Sara had dreamed about Tegan Quin. She had dreamed Tegan was in her bed. It wasn't sexual, but Tegan was holding her as she slept, and Sara had never felt so secure. When she woke in the morning to her alarm, she felt more relaxed and rested than she had felt in god knows how long. She rolled over, expecting to be facing Tegan only to find herself in her bed alone.
That's when the fear set in. The last time she had started to develop feelings for one of her subordinates…. Sara couldn't bring herself to think about how that ended.
And then she had seen Tegan. As she stood by her window, there she was. She had stopped to stare at Sara, and Sara could see exhaustion written all over her. She felt terrible, and she knew her face showed it. She couldn't help it. Her guard dropped for a moment, but then the stare went on too long and she had to break it. She was starting to feel too much. And that scared Sara.
She stood abruptly, shaking her head. She had to get some fresh air. She had stayed in her office all day, scared to check on the recruits because she was afraid to see Tegan. Now that all the recruits were in the barracks though, she decided to go for a run. Maybe that would help her calm down.