Author's Note: 15 March 2013: Hooray. A very, very long one. But don't expect them this long every time, now. ;)
Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Wrath of the Freshmen
Being as it was the middle of the afternoon, the security outpost next to the main residency drag was staffed by a lone student work-study. He had taken his last final that morning so there was no studying going on. Instead, he gazed out the window and contemplated how he would be spending his last days of the semester. So, when the man with the familiar face walked by wearing an insipid grin, adrenaline rushed and he picked up the phone, dialing the appropriate on-campus extension.
"Hey, it's me. I just saw him. I think he thinks he's blending in, but he looks like he stepped out of a bad Mötley Crüe cover band. Oh, he's definitely taking the right road. Didn't even ask for directions. So it's time to initiate Operation Vengeance on Creepy Dude. And make sure you get pictures. There are no cameras inside the dorms and this should be awesome." He hung up the phone and turned to the security monitors, pulling up the right feeds that picked up the visitor as he wandered down the main road.
Finally, he arrived at her place of residence. It was not a building that looked at all remarkable. He thought it was more like a barracks than anything else. Certainly not where he would expect one being courted by a member of the High Fae to live. But it was definitely hers. He could feel the Goblin King's protections of the place. So, how to get in?
The clearing of a throat brought him out of his reverie. He looked around and saw three Mortals sitting on a low wall next to the stairs, looking at him. Their eager smiles amused him. Clearly they were captivated.
"Are you looking for someone?" One of them asked.
"Indeed. Long brown hair, about thus tall." He gestured with one hand. " I believe she lives here, yes?"
"Yeah, that's Wills."
"Wills." The name felt strange on his tongue. Apparently the Goblin King's choice would prove to have little breeding with a name like that. Good news.
"Yeah. She lives upstairs. Do you know how to get to her room?"
He adopted what he was certain was a kind and benevolent tone. "Sadly, no."
"Oh, excellent. Here, I'll show you." He ran up the steps and opened the door before gesturing widely. "After you."
Once inside, the guide pointed at a staircase. "Go up one flight, take a right and go all the way down the hallway to the double doors at the end. Through there, go up another flight, through the double doors at the next level. Go all the way down that hallway. Through those double doors, then up one more flight. You should find someone there who can get you to her room from there."
"Very good. You may go now." He started on his way.
"Hey, that outfit... is it real leather?"
He turned to look back at the young Mortal, raising himself up to his full height and superiority. "Of course. What else would it be?" He then continued on his way.
Waiting until the visitor was out of earshot, the guide muttered, "Real leather. Excellent. 'You may go'," he mocked. "Phff. Ass hat."
The Fae looked around when he reached at the top of the staircase. Ahead of him was another staircase leading up, but this was covered with Mortals intently reading very large books. Had he been directed thusly, he did not think he could have passed through without making a great disruption. Looking left, he saw an empty hallway, doors lining both sides and double doors at the end. Looking right, he saw another hallway, equally lined with doors, equally ending in double doors. This hallway, however, was not equally empty.
The doors lining the right portion of the hallway all appeared to be open, and stretched across the hallway at various heights were lengths of string, criss-crossing the entire way down in a long spider web. Balanced on various junctions of the string were bowls and cups. Some of the doorways had mortals leaning out with little wooden catapults, launching strange white pellets at the cups. Any time one made its mark, a great cheer rose up.
A curious puzzle. He knew better than to go against the direction of a mysteriously convenient guide at the beginning of one's quest, so he started down the hallway and reached out to brush aside the first set of strings.
"I wouldn't." One of the Mortals reading on the steps spoke to him.
He caught himself just before he jumped out of surprise and asked, "And why not?"
"Dude, if you touch the webbing the cups will fall."
"Duh," said another reader, not looking up.
"Then how should I pass to the doors at the end?"
The Mortal shrugged. "Up to you. You can go over or under, but don't touch the yarn. The JV football team has been working on that contraption for the past three days and woe betide anyone who bothers them. Apparently the chem final was a doozy."
"Hm." What strange code these Mortals use. "A test of this nature is simple enough to pass."
"If you say so."
As the Mortal returned to his task of reading, the Fae ducked beneath the first string. He did not notice the eyes of the reader never went back to the page. Instead, they focused on where the visitor was walking. As he neared the first cup, he raised a walkie talkie to his mouth and muttered, "Three marks at 2-10." One of the strings vibrated minutely. "Stay on target... stay on target... Go go go!"
One by one, strings snapped across the hallway, and the first cup tipped over and spilled an oozy, white liquid all over the strange man.
Recognizing he was under attack, The Fae ran for the end of the hallway. But it was no use, for he was hit by every cup and bowl as he passed. Thrusting his way through the double doors, he slammed them behind him, taking a moment to try to peel off strings that were draped across him. He wiped at the goo, but it only seemed to make things worse. "Gah, I have no time for this," he grunted, and slowly climbed the next set of stairs.
Back at the middle staircase, books were set aside amid great laughter. Some football players came out of their rooms. "Wow, what a mess. Good thing we laid down all that plastic."
"Yeah," said one of the readers. "We better get it all cleaned up before the glue sets."
"Don't worry, man," said another one of the football players. "Prof said it only sets after getting soaked with water. This has to be the best extra credit project ever."
Opening the next set of doors, he almost tripped over a girl who was laying across the hallway. "Yo," she said.
"I don't suppose you have any helpful advice for my quest?" He snarled.
"Quest?" She looked at him like he was crazy. "Oh, man, you so have this coming."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You should. You're kind of rude, you know? Anyway, the question you should ask yourself is whether you want to get it over with quickly or drag it out nice and slow like. I'd prefer you opt for the latter, if it's all the same."
"I prefer quickly." It all sounded like another test, and he wanted to get all this done with.
"I figured as much. Well, in that case, you may as well just take it at a run and hope for the best."
"Why?"
"Check it out." She flicked her chin in the direction of the hallway.
Floating all the way down the hallway were several large, brightly colored bubbles. Another handful of Mortals had those tiny, wooden catapults and were firing shiny pellets at the bubbles. One of them hit their target and the bubble popped, in a colorful explosion. "What is that?"
"You don't know paper confetti when you see it? It's all part of some weird Engineering department project, those catapults. Something to do with velocity or something, I'm not sure what. I'm just here for the show. Now off with you, already."
"Hm." He eyed the situation and counted the timing of the shooters. They were rather consistent. Convenient. He counted once more time and then took off at a sprint.
Instantly, every doorway was filled with more Mortals firing the catapults at the bubbles . Paper squares and explosions filled the air. As the air started to clear, the girl could see the double doors at the other end of the hallway swing open and suddenly a great shout went out from the stairwell, somewhere between surprise and disgust. The girl on the floor started to cackle.
"That's creepy, Kara. What's with you?" asked one of the catapult wielders.
"I forgot my contingency plan in case he bypassed the instructions for which way to go."
"Contingency plan?"
"Yeah, I rigged up a glitter bucket bomb for that door."
"Nice."
"Thank you, thank you. Just doing my part. And now, my other part: I shall go fetch the vacuums. Try sweeping all that confetti into a couple of vaguely manageable piles, would you?"
At this point, he was furious. And certain he had been tricked. "This is all her doing, I am certain of it. Vile wench." Briefly forgetting his mission, he charged up the final staircase and through the next set of doors, determined he would not be stopped.
Only to be stopped dead in his tracks when he was hit in the face with a stream of ice-cold water.
It was sheer chaos on this floor. Half-naked mortals had brightly colored weapons of some kind. They were pointing them at each other, letting loose more water (with the result of much screaming and squealing), then plunging them into large buckets or throwing them behind them into the rooms and yelling, "Reload! Reload!" Others had colored bubbles, similar to those holding that blasted confetti the girl had spoken of. But these were smaller being thrown. Some were caught, but all eventually exploded in more water blasts.
He grabbed one of the Mortals closest to him. "I am looking for the room that belongs to the woman you call, 'Wills'." The young man slipped easily out of the visitor's grasp and gestured to the other end of the hallway before dodging into a room and grabbing a handful of the bubbles. "It would be," he snarled. Girding his loins, he strode purposefully down the hallway, attempting to ignore the fact that he was getting blasted left and right.
He made it about ten feet before being completely surrounded. At least, he would have assumed he was surrounded except no one appeared to be aiming at him. He was simply getting hit by the crossfire. Everyone's crossfire. Finally having had enough he started to focus inward and pondered what spell to cast that would not violate Their Majesties' rules. Too much.
"What the hell is going on here?" The angry bellow stopped his thoughts in their tracks. And stopped everyone else as well. The Mortals stepped aside and he blinked several times, attempting to clear his eyes.
Sarah was dumbfounded. She and Jareth were returning from a picnic with Agnes and Edmund when he suddenly looked up at the dorm, eyes narrowed. "Damm." Then he took off, sprinting - if Jareth could ever be accused of sprinting - into the building and up the stairs. The cacophony that she suddenly noticed coming from the open fourth floor windows, and the guiltily innocent expression on the three Juniors sitting on the ledge near the stairs prompted her to book it after Jareth.
Nearly out of breath, the sight that caught her eyes gave her a second wind: Residents in swimsuits having an all-out water fight, very likely ruining the carpeting. Glimpses of that mysterious Fae being pelted with water balloons and covered in confetti and glitter. And Jareth staring directly at him, suddenly fingering a crystal ball.
Calling on every ounce of the disciplinarian RA she had in her, Sarah marched in front of Jareth, hands on her hips, and shouted. The hall cleared. Most of the residents scattered, the rest made their way to their doorways without losing sight of the forthcoming scene or started picking up balloon fragments with no pretense for anything other than eavesdropping.
The Fae shook his head, blinking a few more times as the woman came into focus. "You!" he shouted. He balled his fists and strode toward her, stopping to tower over her. "You are responsible for these, these miscreants treating me," he gestured to himself for emphasis, "me in this manner?! You will suffer the consequences for this."
As he approached her and she had the opportunity to take in his visage, whatever anger or concern she had dissipated instantly. It was all she could do to keep her composure. But at his poor attempt at superiority and intimidation, she could keep it in no longer. With what pity she had left, she turned and bolted for her room, collapsing against the door.
Jareth watched her go, listening to her peals of laughter in his mind. He vanished the crystal as quickly as he brought it forth, thankful she had been able to call an end to whatever it was that was going on before this trespasser had caused an even larger disaster. An abrupt bark of laughter brought him back to the Fae standing too close.
"Hah! It seems she finally knows her place in front of my kind," he was muttering. "And after that demonstration those days ago, to run in fear in the face of my anger. Knowing -"
Jareth's chuckle was laced with disdain and a small amount of pity. "That was not fear."
The Fae started, and turned. "What? Of course it is! What do you know of it, you -" He finally saw precisely who he was talking to and had the grace to pale slightly. "Ah. You."
Later, the residents who were watching would comment that although they could not hear much of what was being said, it was quite the demonstration. Though the two men were of almost equal height, Jareth only marginally taller, it was very clear where this newcomer stood in Jareth's estimation. "Lower than dirt," was the phrase most frequently used.
"Indeed. Me." Jareth looked the Fae up and down, clearly weighing and judging. But whatever he might have said was forever lost when Sarah's door opened.
She emerged, mostly composed, carrying a long mirror, reflective side toward her. She walked over to the two Fae and stood nearby, opening her mouth to speak. However, she took one look at the stranger and nearly lost it again. Holding the mirror in front of her face, she scrunched her eyes. "Oh I can't look at him," she murmured.
Jareth reached over and fingered a strand of her hair. "You should not bother with sparing his feelings. He has done little to deserve it."
The Fae sputtered, starting to lose his nerve, questioning whether he had, perhaps, mis-read the situation. "What do you mean, spare my -" Sarah spun the mirror around and he caught his reflection. It was hideous. Ridiculous. If any of his compatriots found out about this, he would be laughed out of society. And what would his employer say when he discovered the extent of his indiscretion? He saw all his ambitions flash before his eyes.
Sarah leaned on the top of the mirror. "I did tell you to be wary."
The gentleness in her voice irritated him anew. It was as though she was speaking to a child. He threw his shoulders back and straightened. "I do not fear you."
Sarah interrupted him by laughing, heartily, to his face. "Sorry, sorry." She cleared her throat. "Of course you don't." She handed the mirror off to one of the residents lingering nearby. "Quite frankly, I don't know who you are or why you are here and, at this point, I really don't care. What happened to you today was because of your own reckless behavior and obviously stupid decisions. You fell prey to what will go down as one of the greats in the annals of prank history at this Hall. Sadly, I can take no credit for it."
She stepped toward him, angling toward his ear and lowering her voice so only he could hear her. "But understand this: Come near me, or anyone I care about ever again, and you will have more than a little glue and glitter to be concerned about. You will wish for the day when embarrassment was all you had to face."
She stepped back, no longer smiling, and crossed her arms.
He blinked and stepped back as well, moderately unnerved.
Interesting choice of words, she heard Jareth's voice in the back of her head. I was thinking about what you would say, she thought back at him. She was not certain if the exact message got to him, but from his snort she assumed he at least got the gists. "Jareth," she said aloud, "Would you be kind enough to escort him out? I would hate for him to get lost and run into more... trouble."
"Not at all, my dear." He tipped her chin up with one finger and kissed her gently. "Let me know if you need me."
There was a brief chorus of "Awwww!" from some of the female residents standing in their doorways and Jareth grinned as Sarah's cheeks turned slightly pink. His grin faded as his gaze fell upon the Fae standing there, stunned. Jareth looked him up and down once more, then rolled his eyes. "Come," he commanded. Then he turned on his heel and glided down the stairs.
The Fae bowed his head in defeat and followed close on Jareth's heels.
Once they were gone, Sarah looked around the hallway, chuckling. "Now, really. Will someone tell me what all happened here?"
Author's Note Part II: For years I have had the image of this poor, misguided, Fae, standing there drenched and trying to stand up to Jareth who has his best Haughty Sneer on. YEARS. It amused me to no end. I hope it amused you, too, at least a little. Coming soon (though probably not soon enough for most of you loyal and long-time readers): Jareth meets the parents and Sarah meets the High Court. As the kids say, ftw.