Little note before you start reading, there's a certain part in the story where I have an asterisk. Instead of waiting until the end to read my little explanation, I strongly recommend that you go to youtube and search for 'trouble maker hyuna' and click the first link. Listening to the actual song will make everything a lot easier to understand. If not, you'll just be slightly confused but I guess that's a personal choice.
We're currently remodeling the kitchen so I haven't had a decent cup of coffee in about a week. Therefore, I apologize in advance for all the delay and nonsense and kerfuffle.
Enjoy!
Fancy Footwork
Chapter 21: Papa-san
"Somehow… Sakura-chan…" Hinata began during lunch. Naruto looked up as he gulped down a mouthful of fluffy white rice and chased it with a piece of shrimp tempura. Sitting across from them was Sakura trying to fight off Sasuke's chopsticks as he tried to steal her last cherry tomato. When Sasuke looked up at Hinata's comment, Sakura seized the opportunity to snatch up the fruit and shove it into her mouth.
"I think you've gotten really pretty lately," Hinata finally managed to say. To Sasuke's right sat Sai and to Sakura's left sat Ino. They both swiveled their heads to scrutinize Sakura's face as she calmly chewed and swallowed her food. Irritated by Sai's chin on his shoulder, Sasuke jolted him off and then examined Sakura himself.
"If you're talking about the haircut, I just had Dei-chan trim it a little," Sakura responded with a shrug. Sasuke grimaced.
"You let that psycho near you with scissors? Not the best decision," Sasuke remarked, flinching when Sakura poked his cheek with the top of her chopstick. Hinata sat regarding this exchange and then her pearly eyes widened. Squeaking in that way that she only did when she was supremely excited, Hinata flapped her hand in Ino's direction. The boys sat absolutely baffled as they watched Ino sputter around her mouthful of bread and begin pointing wildly at Sakura. When Ino managed to choke her food down, she alternated between staring excitedly between Hinata and Sakura.
"They sound like hamsters. What did you do to them?" Sai asked. Sakura pretended not to know either and went back to calmly eating.
Afterschool, however, was an entirely different story.
"Kaichou, the teachers asked that we have all the classes choose their projects for the cultural festival tomorrow during homeroom," Udon said, holding out a notice to Sakura. She spun around in her chair once as she skimmed the list before she nodded and gave it back to him.
"We'll photocopy this and distribute it tomorrow morning. We don't have much work to do today so you two can go home after you make copies," Sakura ordered, watching Moegi and Udon's eyes light up with excitement.
"HARUNO SAKURA! SPEAK TO US!" a voice boomed as the door to the student council office was slammed open. In stomped Ino followed by Hinata who was bright pink from exhilaration.
"You- right? I mean, your face- and- oh my gosh- YOU!" Hinata squeaked, rushing forward to grab Sakura's hands.
"You two might want to leave. This is serious girl business," Ino suddenly said to Moegi and Udon still standing frozen in the middle of the room. They hustled around grabbing their things before they quickly disappeared.
"Wow. Yamanaka-senpai's pretty," they heard Udon whisper to Moegi as they rushed out. Ino couldn't hide the little smile that appeared on her face before Sakura caught it.
"Vain as ever, Ino-chan," Sakura sighed. Ino pouted.
"But it's true. I am kind of pretty," Ino argued.
"Anyway, Sakura-chan, what happened?" Hinata demanded, diverting their attention back to the topic at hand.
"Um…it just sort of…happened?" Sakura said a little lamely, rubbing the back of her neck. Ino leered. She didn't know the entire story but she was smart enough to catch on.
"I bet you've been at it like rabbits-"
"INO-CHAN!" Hinata gasped.
"WE HAVE NOT!" Sakura practically yelled, trying her best not to laugh as Ino tickled her sides.
"We have not," Sakura grumbled as she sat up. Glancing around the bedroom, she found that Itachi's cell phone and jacket were still sitting at the foot of the bed where he had tossed them earlier. As the air conditioner kicked itself on, Sakura shivered. She grabbed his shirt and pulled her arms through the cool sleeves. The whisper of smooth cotton over her body felt nice and the scent of his cologne and soap still clung to the fabric.
"We haven't what?" Itachi asked as he entered the room, running his damp fingers through his dark hair. He flicked the light switch, dousing the round fixture hanging above the loft. The little light always left on in the kitchen reached him just enough to make his silhouette clear. He wiped his hands on the towel hung over the doorknob before he climbed up to the loft. Sulking a little, Sakura shook her head.
"Nothing. Just something stupid Ino-chan said," she grumbled, rolling onto her stomach with a little huff.
"Why? What did she say now?" he inquired further with a slight scoff. Itachi made it no secret that he liked Ino the least out of all her friends but she supposed he tolerated her because Sakura had forgiven her. As Sakura rolled her eyes, she listened to him check his phone with a series of beeps before he climbed into bed.
"Ugh. She was being gross and saying that we were probably….you know… preoccupied all the time?" Sakura sighed, feeling herself flush just as she tried to find a better way to word it.
"It's not like I told them or anything! Hinata just sort of guessed and then Ino caught on!" Sakura babbled on, suddenly wondering if it was weird that her girlfriends knew so much. It didn't seem to bother Itachi who crossed his arms behind his head and stretched out comfortably on the mattress.
"Well… Ino-san's not incorrect," Itachi mused.
"Hey!" Sakura exclaimed, bolting upright.
"What are you getting embarrassed for?" he chuckled. Sakura thought for a moment.
"Huh. I don't know," she admitted, suddenly a lot less irritated. With a little shrug, she lay back down and nudged at Itachi's side.
"Did you have a good day at school today?" inquired Itachi as he put his right arm around her shoulders and pulled her in. She rested her cheek on his bare chest, loving the way he was always perfectly warm.
"It was busy. We still have to get everything ready for the cultural festival. What about you?" Sakura interrupted herself with a wide yawn that made tears spring up in her eyes.
"Annoying. I had lecture with Deidara and Kisame. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of them…" Itachi sighed. Humming sympathetically, Sakura giggled softly.
"You know…Sakkun once told me that Dei-chan wet the bed when he was 10," Sakura remarked as she began drifting off to sleep.
"What?" Itachi laughed. It rumbled deep in his chest, tickling her with the vibrations. Too comfortable to speak again, Sakura just let out a deep breath and let herself drift off in a peaceful sleep.
The next month passed in a wild scramble of supervising the school as every class was busy preparing for the cultural festival. Class 3-C had decided to take on a strange task that had left most of the advising teachers scratching their heads.
"Isn't that dance crew coming back this year? Can we sell refreshments and photos by the auditorium?" one of the girls in class had suggested during their brainstorming sessions. Hinata exchanged panicked glances with Naruto but Sakura had remained silent during the discussion. In the end, that was what had been decided upon so when Sakura dropped by her class to check on things, she caught glimpses of colorful posters and banners being made.
As student council president, Sakura's main duty was supposed to be overseeing the entire festival and helping to resolve any problems that might arise. Since the principal had insisted, Sakura had disclosed her role to the rest of the student council (the rest being Moegi and Udon since Shino was about as helpful as a pair of lead shoes on a sinking ship) so they could help cover her absence for most of the festival. After days of late-night construction for the students and late-night rehearsals for Sakura, the end of October arrived and suddenly Konoha High was a flood of bright pamphlets, students in costumes, and people flooding in from all over the city.
Early in the morning, Sakura lay on the floor of the studio at Konoha U. Unlike last year, she was not filled with nervous jitters. Instead, she grumbled and scowled when Kisame pulled her into a sitting position and shoved an ice coffee into her hand to shut her up.
"You know, when I first met you, I thought you were adorable. Now I can see that you're the devil, kiddo," Kisame remarked. Sakura calmly retorted by dousing her right hand with condensation from the side of her cup and shoving her cold fingers down the back of his shirt. Kisame let out a very unmanly shriek and jumped to his feet. Deidara cackled at the sight, slapping his thighs until Kisame tripped over Deidara and sprawled across his lap.
"WHAT THE HELL, AQUAMAN! WE'VE GONE OVER THIS! I'M NOT INTO YOU LIKE THAT, YEAH!" Deidara howled, trying to shove Kisame off of him.
"You know, you're actually very pleasant once you have caffeine in you," Sasori quietly observed as he walked over to Sakura and crouched beside her. They clicked plastic cups of coffee together and watched as Kisame and Deidara began kicking at each other.
"Come on, you monkeys. Time to go," Itachi sighed, finally growing bored of the spectacle. He grabbed Kisame and Deidara by the backs of their shirts and dragged them across the floor. They loaded all their things into the back of Kisame's beat-up van and drove to the high school where the front was already filled with students setting up their takoyaki stand and the welcome booth a freshman class had decided place by the entrance. Sakura directed Kisame toward the back where they had parked last year. However, someone had failed to leave the doors to the auditorium unlocked like she had requested and Sakura knocked her forehead against the window once in frustration.
"I'll have to go inside and ask one of the teachers. Wait a minute," Sakura said, sliding the door open and hopping out of the van. But Kisame was already yanking his keys out of the ignition while everyone else was grabbing things to follow her. Sakura sighed. She grabbed the cap off of Deidara's hand and jammed it on top of her head. She had already tied her hair back in a ponytail for practicality so pulling her hood on managed to cover most of her. Kisame chortled as he tugged at one of the cat ears on top of her head and she stuck her tongue out in response. They hadn't brought much in the first place. After some finagling with the drama club, Sakura had managed to get amplifiers and lights set up. All they really had was Deidara's mp3 player, some extra clothes, and a cooler filled with ice and water bottles that Kisame ended up carrying despite all his protest.
"What? Afraid someone will recognize you, yeah?" Deidara teased as Sakura checked her hood again before she led them around to the school's front entrance. Already she could feel curious eyes following them. They were rather eye-catching. Tall Kisame with his blue hair, Sasori with his ear piercings, and Itachi and Deidara for being plain good-looking were only some of the things she could blame.
"Yes. Because then they'll come running to me with all their problems and we'll never get to the auditorium," Sakura hissed.
"Well don't worry. You hardly look like a girl," Kisame whispered back. It took an extra moment for his words to register before Deidara looked outraged.
"My-chan is BEAUTIFUL, YOU ASS!" Deidara shouted, drawing many more stares as he flung his arms around Sakura while Sasori smacked Kisame in the back of the head with his backpack. Stuffing her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie, Sakura slipped free from Deidara and began walking down the stone path leading inside the school. She could hear some chatter from people as she passed and this wasn't helped by Deidara winking at every girl he saw but they managed to make it up to the staff room without anybody screaming her name in recognition. Tilting the cap back to reveal her face, Sakura squeezed her head into the room to greet the teachers.
"Ah, Sarutobi-sensei. Could I have the key to the auditorium please?" she asked as she recognized her homeroom teacher. With his usual smile, he tossed her the key and made her promise not to lose it before sending her on her way. Yanking the cap down, Sakura hurried into the hall to find Deidara sitting on Kisame's shoulders. When Sakura stared at them, Deidara shrugged.
"My legs hurt," Deidara explained.
"Ugh," Sakura sighed as she strode past him. Itachi chuckled as he followed her. Sasori paused to kick Kisame in the back of the knees to send him sprawling before he ran after Sakura too, ignoring his friends' curses and shouts echoing after him.
By the time they managed to get into the auditorium and set things up, it was just around 9 am. Sakura checked the main doors to the auditorium and found that her classmates had already set up their table complete with a refreshment table selling various snacks and drinks while the one next to it was set up with a large poster that had a picture of each member along with his name. Only Sakura's square had a giant question mark for both her face and name. Luckily, Naruto was among some of the students manning the tables. When he spotted her peeking out from behind the door, he ran over to her with a broad grin.
"Excited?" he asked.
"Exhausted. You guys ready?" Sakura whispered so no one would recognize her voice.
"Yup. The program said you would be starting at 10 though," Naruto said, pointing to one of the many flyers posted around the school.
"I know. But we think you should open the doors now so people can come watch us practice if they want," explained Sasori as his head popped up right above Sakura's. Naruto waved in greeting.
"Good idea. And break a leg!" Naruto said just as they heard raucous laughter from inside.
"HEY! MY-CHAN! LOOK! I'M STANDING ON FISHY'S SHOULDERS!" Deidara hollered.
"I'm going to break both their legs for extra luck," Sasori remarked before he disappeared back into the auditorium. Naruto laughed nervously.
"He's joking, right?" he demanded. Sakura shrugged.
"Who knows? See you later," she replied, leaving a rather stunned Naruto gaping at the closing door.
Surprisingly, when the doors were propped open, people began trickling in rather quickly. Though they were just running through basic popping exercises and working on the last few sets they were most worried about, the crowd cheered and whistled. Well, the whistling was mostly directed at Sakura. She was still wearing the sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up but she had shed her sweatpants for the shorts underneath. Every time there was a catcall or a shout, Deidara jumped up looking livid but Sasori always dragged him back by his ponytail with a tired sigh.
And at precisely 10 am, Kisame did a backflip off the stage and greeted the audience with a big grin.
This year's set relied heavily on powerful choreography. Manliness exuded from every stomp and pop and slide until the girls in the audience were reduced to shrieking messes all screaming "kyah!". But after three songs, Sakura was sweating like a pig and she could see Deidara waggling his eyebrows at her, silently urging her on. As the song ended and they moved around to get into their new positions, Sakura threw her hands up in the air.
"I give up! It's too hot for secrecy!" she groaned, ripping the cap off and throwing it straight at Deidara's face. A gasp rose in the crowd as she shed her sweatshirt and ran her fingers through her messy pink bangs.
"Kaichou!" someone shouted from the audience and the name seemed to travel through the people. In just a loose white t-shirt that slipped off her left shoulder and bright red shorts, Sakura ignored the shocked looks and went on with the next few dances. Though there was clapping from people who obviously weren't from the high school and didn't recognize her, Sakura caught more than a couple faces frozen with shock. Groaning, she watched the guys filter off the stage to let her do her few solo selections. She had kept her choices a secret from her friends so they all seemed as lost as the audience did.
"Dei-chan, play the first song," she called out before she turned on her heel and crossed her arms behind her back. At the principal's request, she had chosen a cute song with bubbly sounds. Big arm movements, wide-eyed smiles and lots of winking were the perfect things for sweetness almost to the point of going overboard. At the end of the song, Sakura could pick out the older men in the audience drooling over her and she made a mental note to have Kisame glare at them or something. Taking a deep breath and waiting for the applause to die down, she had a sudden idea. Sakura glanced back at the sea of expectant faces one more time before she met Itachi's eyes and did something incredibly impulsive.
Sakura crooked her pointer finger at him in a 'come hither' motion and then let the corner of her mouth lift into a smile. (A group of her classmates screamed their approval but she didn't notice.) Itachi seemed to understand. He paused to whisper something to Deidara fiddling with his mp3 player before he hoisted himself onto the stage and approached her.
"Is this you being brave or you being irritated?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He moved to stand in front of her, back to the audience while she put one hand on his right shoulder.
"A little of both," she responded before the music started*. There was whistling to start off the beginning along with classy snaps that Itachi mimed. As the funky bass and synth kicked in, they broke apart in sinuous, synchronized motions. His hands skimmed over her waist and hips, never quite touching but never quite hovering far enough for it to be completely innocent. She let a smirk touch her mouth when he skimmed his lips just past hers in a whisper of a kiss. A shriek rose from the female members of the audience. Her fingers ghosted over his shoulders and the side of his jaw and she caught a sidelong glance from him that made her flush. No matter how much they practiced, she could never get over just how sexy he looked sometimes. It was almost unfair. She was glad that exertion had already tinted her cheeks slightly pink or he would definitely have caught her reaction and bragged about it later.
She took a few steps away from him and moved her hips from side to side, earning a swell of cheering men's voices. Sakura took a moment to wink at one of the louder fans and he and his friends promptly began yelling and punching at each other in their excitement.
As the song drew to a close, quieting into the original snapping and whistling that had started it off, Sakura let Itachi pull her in and rest his hand just above her rear while her fingers tangled in the end of his ponytail, earning a fresh roar of what was either ovation or protest. When the song finally ended, everyone broke into furious clapping and screaming. Someone even threw a flower onto the stage that he had clearly picked up from class 2-A's origami stand. Curling her fingers over Itachi's shoulder, Sakura glanced over at Kisame and made a slicing motion across her neck.
"Alright, ladies and gentlemen! That's the end of our program! Be sure to come back at 2 pm if you enjoyed our performance! Drinks and snacks are on sale outside!" Kisame suddenly announced into the microphone, earning several groans of protest. When they saw that the seats were beginning to empty, Sakura and Itachi exchanged wide-eyed looks and then she burst into laughter.
"That was so embarrassing!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Embarrassed? You? I thought you were going to eat me up," Itachi scoffed. Sakura withdrew arms to put her fists on her hips.
"You make it sound like I was molesting you or something," she protested.
"Oh no. I enjoyed it," Itachi corrected her.
"What have you done?" Deidara barked, jumping onto the stage like an angry frog.
"Me?" Sakura asked, bewildered as she pointed at herself.
"What has he done to you, My-chan?" Deidara sobbed, falling to his knees and grabbing Sakura's hands. Sakura stared at him as he sucked in a shaky breath.
"MAMA AND PAPA DON'T APPROVE!" Deidara suddenly shouted, shaking Sakura back and forth as he began sniveling. Sakura's eyes darted from Sasori who just shrugged to Kisame who also looked to be on the verge of tears.
"My innocent little baby… He's right. Papa doesn't approve. I really don't approve," Kisame sniffed, dabbing at his eyes. Deidara suddenly whirled around.
"Wait. Why are you the papa? I'm the papa of course, yeah," Deidara snapped. Kisame snorted loudly.
"You? With your flowing golden hair and delicate physique? Sure," Kisame scoffed. Growling, Deidara looked ready to jump at him before Sasori intervened with a stack of flyers he had rolled up in his hands and used to smack some sense into the both of them.
"In short, our little girl has grown up splendidly. Now shut up or I will render you both biologically incapable of being either parent," Sasori interjected in a serene voice. Deidara and Kisame exchanged horrified glances before they threw their arms about each other and hurriedly scuttled away from Sasori. Since they were all sweaty and tired and hungry, they took turns changing into clean clothes before they ventured outside to see what food they could find. Unfortunately, their new fans seemed to have anticipated this plan and were waiting just past the doors to ambush them.
"KYAH! ONII-CHAN! SIGN MY FLYER!"
"SIGN MY ARM!"
"CAN I GET A PHOTO WITH YOU!?"
Just like last year, there was a screaming mass of girls crowding around. Not wanting to suffer another nosebleed, Sakura quickly ducked the flailing arms, intent on making an escape. However, Itachi caught her wrist and managed to drag them both to safety to watch their three friends being ripped to shreds.
"Ah, Sakura-san. I greatly enjoyed your performance today," Sai called out from behind one of the booths. Sakura had barely noticed him in all the chaos. A wicked idea hit her and she called him over.
"Thanks, Sai-kun. Can you do me a favor and go tell all those girls over there how pretty they are? I think they'd really appreciate the compliments," Sakura requested, pointing to the chaos unfolding further down the hall. Sai looked puzzled, but being the polite person he was, quickly agreed and made his way over.
"What would that accomplish?" Itachi asked, only to be shushed. They watched as Sai strode over, said something, and was promptly battered with various flyers and shoes and other things. The girls ran after him shouting angrily, leaving Deidara, Kisame and Sasori looking very traumatized but somehow alive.
"What'd he say to them?" inquired Sakura.
"Something about them all being like banshees," Kisame groaned, rubbing at his temples.
"Good old Sai," Sakura sighed happily. She helped dust them off and straighten their clothing before they headed off to the third floor where the senior classrooms were. Since the most rabid fans were busy being offended by Sai, their trip was mostly uneventful. And Sasori in his tight black jeans, black combat boots and glinting ear piercings was always a handy weapon for deterring the more weak-hearted. Kisame, hungry and harassed, was in a bad enough mood to be scowling as he towered over everyone else. Deidara, still fuming over Itachi and Sakura's risqué performance, was also sulking and glowering at everything. With the trio of terror ahead of them, Itachi and Sakura casually strolled along behind them, Sakura pointing out different rooms and chatting happily. As she spoke, Itachi reached over and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Whoa, look at you two all lovey-dovey. Are you trying to make fun of us sad, single men?" Kisame pretended to sob.
"Yes," Itachi promptly retorted. Ignoring Kisame's mumbled complaints, Sakura pulled out a checklist of all the activities taking place during the day. As she ran her finger down the words, she felt Itachi leaning over to read over her shoulder.
"Sasuke-kun's class is doing some kind of dessert café. We should stop there before we go get some takoyaki for Sakkun," Sakura announced. Kisame's complaints were abruptly cut off at the prospect of food. From behind, there were loud footsteps and then a panicked voice.
"Kaichou!" Sakura hated that her head automatically turned. She vaguely recognized a freshman running up to her.
"Um, that was a really great performance. You're really beautiful!" he blurted out as he turned bright red. Then he suddenly turned and ran away, leaving Sakura blinking slowly.
"Watch out, Itachi. Your wife's going to be stolen away at this rate," Sasori remarked, pulling a lollipop out of his back pocket. Puzzled, Deidara leaned over to check Sasori's backside.
"Wait. Your jeans are ridiculously tight. How did you fit candy back there, yeah?" Deidara queried. Sasori raised his eyebrows.
"Just because your relationship with Kisame is on the rocks doesn't mean I'm interested in your advances, Deidara," Sasori promptly said. Turning scarlet, Deidara sputtered and settled for half-hiding behind Sakura's elbow for the rest of the walk.
"Stupid Sasori. I like My-chan's butt better anyway," he grunted. Sakura pretended not to hear but Itachi did because he put his arm around her, hand splaying possessively across her back. When they reached Class 3-B, Sakura slid the door open and was met with several surprised faces. Most surprised seemed to be Karin who was half-hanging off Sasuke's arm.
"Hey. You finished already?" Sasuke greeted her, pushing Karin aside to approach. Sakura pulled down her hood to before she scowled at him.
"Of course. I thought you were going to watch. Where were you?" she pouted just a little. Sasuke reached out to flick her nose.
"I had to switch shifts with the baka brothers," Sasuke sighed in response. At this, Deidara looked over at Sasori. Sasori looked back at him in what Sakura could only assume was his confused look as well.
"With us?" Deidara demanded. One look at the grimace on Sasuke's face made things clear.
"No. The other baka brothers. Come on. We should sit down and stop bothering Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, pushing Deidara and Kisame off to one of the bigger tables. Sasori had mysteriously disappeared but that was a normal thing.
"Looking pretty handsome, Baby Sasu-chan," she teased a little. As Sasuke rolled his eyes at her, Sakura reached out to straighten his collar and tie. The waiter uniform seemed to suit him oddly well and the love-struck looks girls were shooting him seemed to agree.
"Wait. Kaichou. Are the rumors true?" Karin suddenly interrupted, jumping out of nowhere to latch herself onto Sasuke's arm again.
"What rumors? And get off, Karin," Sasuke growled, shaking his arm. But Karin seemed undaunted.
"That you're dating both Sasuke-kun and your handsome college boyfriend," Karin explained. Sasuke's nostrils flared when Sakura bit her lip to hide her smile. But her laugh sneaked out when she looked over at Itachi and saw his stunned expression. Nudging Sasuke with her elbow, she began giggling.
"Hear that, Sasuke-kun? I'm two-timing you with a mystery lover. Are you crushed?" Sakura teased, poking him again.
"Don't laugh, Kaichou! If that's true, I don't think you're being fair to Sasuke-kun!" Karin suddenly yelled. Sakura froze, her mouth hanging open. Two angry blotches of red appeared on Karin's cheeks.
"Sasuke-kun isn't just a gorgeous face! If you have the privilege of dating him you should respect him and treat him well!" she shouted, poking her finger into Sakura's sternum hard. Something in Sasuke's face shifted from absolute and utter disgust to mild confusion. He eyed Karin carefully while Sakura puffed out her cheeks.
"Listen. I was joking. Of course I'm not dating this surly guy-"
"Hey," Sasuke interrupted with a frown. Karin's face grew blotchy as the red quickly receded. Her gaze darted from Sasuke to Sakura before she bowed her head.
"Oh…I'm sorry. I just…" Karin meekly said. Sakura put her hand on the girl's shoulder.
"Don't apologize for liking someone. I think it's pretty cool that you're willing to stick up for the person you like even if he is kind of a cold fish," Sakura responded warmly.
"Hey!" Sasuke protested again only to be ignored yet again. Karin slunk away, her eyes flitting guiltily to Sakura every once in a while. Sasuke looked thoughtful as he led Sakura and Itachi to the table where their friends were sitting. Sasori had his chin propped up in his hand as he sipped at a fizzy soda while Kisame and Deidara were devouring slices of cake.
"That was a moving performance, My-chan, yeah," Deidara managed to say around a mouthful of food.
"Yes. You should start a series on how to deal with crazy stalker girls without dying," Sasori added. Sakura settled in the wooden chair and then glanced back at Karin.
"I don't know. I don't think she's that bad. She's open and honest," Sakura muttered mostly to herself.
"Just shut up and order something to eat so you can leave already," Sasuke sighed, hitting her over the head with the paper menu. Itachi responded by jabbing his elbow into Sasuke's gut.
"Oh yeah. By the way. Some guy was around looking for you. He just asked where your classroom was and disappeared," Sasuke suddenly informed her.
"Did he say what his name was?" Itachi demanded. Sasuke shook his head.
"It was right when I was working so I didn't even get a good look at his face. Sorry," Sasuke replied.
"ENOUGH TALK! EAT, YOU PEONS!" Kisame demanded, smacking his palm down on the table. Laughing as she watched Deidara choke on a mouthful of half-chewed food, Sakura picked something randomly off the menu and sent Sasuke off to do his job. After they had eaten, Deidara and Kisame teased Sasuke for a minute before Sakura dragged them outside to buy fresh takoyaki. The octopus battered and fried into round shapes was crispy and salty and sweet all at once. Kisame voiced his approval by eating an entire tray by himself before buying two more.
"It looks like there are a lot of interesting activities going on. So your class is the only one capitalizing on all our hard work?" Sasori asked as they walked past the different rooms bustling with different attractions. One class had thought to do a haunted house. It was apparently successful because a pair of girls ran into the hall screaming.
"I take offense to that," Sakura sniffed. With her hands in the front pocket of her sleeveless hoodie, she spun around on her heel to look up at Sasori.
"Don't be mean, Saso-kun. Everyone's working hard today," she scolded, scrunching up her nose. There was a long pause and then Sasori's molars cracked through his lollipop. Expression unchanging, he reached out to her with both hands.
"Oh look at the time. We'd better hurry," Itachi interrupted. Mirroring his disturbed expression, Sakura quickly grabbed his offered hand and practically bolted down the hall while Deidara and Kisame each grabbed one of Sasori's outstretched arms.
By the time Itachi and Sakura reached the auditorium, they were laughing at the sheer oddity of their friends.
"I wonder if Saso-kun ended up killing those two for bothering him," Sakura giggled.
"Maybe it's for the best," Itachi muttered just a little bitterly.
"Excuse me, young man. Do you know where I could find Haruno Sakura?"
"Ah, Kaichou? She went off for lunch a while ago. Oh, there she is! Oi! Kaichou! This dude's looking for you," one of the boys in her class said, suddenly waving his arms around when he spotted her. But Sakura didn't see him. She barely even heard him. Her fingers suddenly squeezed Itachi's so tightly that it must have hurt a lot. Tears welled up in her eyes as the man turned around to look at her.
"Sakura-chan."
"…no," she whispered, taking a step away from him.
"Sakura-chan."
"Stay away from me," Sakura snapped, her voice cracking.
Deidara and Kisame came running down the hallway with bright smiles. Just a few steps behind was Sasori who managed to look bored and absolutely furious all at once. They skidded to a halt at the scene before them.
"My-chan, what's wrong, yeah?" Deidara asked as he tried to give his usual smile. But his gaze traveled from Sakura's horrified expression to the man hovering awkwardly in front of her a few times before his eyes narrowed.
"….Papa-san?" Deidara ventured.
"Holy shit. That's Sakura's dad," Kisame hissed through clenched teeth.
Sasori took a few steps forward and Kisame and Deidara immediately panicked. Sure, him punching Itachi a little in the parking lot was fine but assaulting an adult in public with so many witnesses probably wouldn't go over so well. Their worries were unnecessary, however. Sasori stared the man straight in the face before he shook his head.
"You are an awful human being and you should leave now," Sasori declared rather calmly.
"Listen here, you-"
"Kyah. Someone please help. This perverted old man just asked me to do nasty things with him. And he's been taking pictures of girls' underwear all day!" Sasori suddenly announced. Passing strangers froze as they all turned to look where Sasori was pointing. The man blanched, stammering furiously as he tried to deny the claims.
"Sakura? Sakura? Oh! There you are! Why haven't you been answering my calls?"
A word left Sakura's mouth that had never left it before.
"Fuck."
Sakura turned to see her mother running down the hallway toward her, waving with a radiant smile.
"Fuck," she said one more time before she released Itachi's hand and strode off, straight past Kirie.
"Wait. Honey. Where are you going?" Kirie called after her daughter. Windswept and just a little frazzled (like always), Kirie looked around at the stunned faces.
"Itachi-kun. I didn't know you'd be here!" she greeted brightly before she followed his line of sight to the man still trying to deny everything as Sasori continued on to claim that he was now a well-known sexual predator escaped from prison. Kirie's light green eyes grew huge while her mouth popped open in a soft 'o'.
"Hello, Kirie."
"…Hello… Ryuu."
Itachi ended the debacle by calling the police. More precisely, he called his father who drove over in his squad car and quietly escorted Sakura's parents down to the station. After some searching, Sasori and Kisame found Sakura curled up in the cramped space underneath a flight of stairs. They pulled her to her feet, dusted off her clothes, and then they went off to have one of the best performances the school had ever seen. Her feet glided and turned and spun perfectly while her mouth was pulled up into her most confident smile. They laughed and sweated so much that no one would have guessed that as soon as the audience was gone, Sakura crouched down and began sobbing like a child.
Nobody blamed her though. They mostly left her alone as they quickly packed up their things.
"Let's go home," Itachi murmured in her ear. Nodding mutely, she let him lift her into his arms and carry her out to Kisame's van where she sat curled up in the worn leather seat for the ride back to the studio. After a big hug from Kisame, a kiss on the forehead from Deidara, and Sasori's entire stash of lollipops, Itachi crouched down in front of Sakura on the sidewalk. She stared at him blankly until he let out a deep sigh and glanced at her over his shoulder.
"Piggyback?" he finally said.
Sniffling softly, she climbed onto his back and let her carry her home. He didn't try to say anything. It was just his steady footsteps and the smell of autumn that followed them home.
Home.
That was the word that came to mind when Itachi stepped into the apartment and set her on her feet. She took a shower first and then him. By the time he was clean and changed into his regular pajamas, Itachi found Sakura already sitting in bed, her fingers twisting at the sheets until he put his hand over hers to stop her.
"I guess there's no point in asking how your day was," he said.
"Yeah."
"We almost had a good day," he offered.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to school tomorrow?" he asked.
There was a long pause this time. The lights were off and her face was a mystery to them both as she searched for an answer. Sounding surprised, Sakura replied, "Yeah" yet again. She pressed her cheek to her shoulder as she slept. Itachi's arm over her waist was a heavy but reassuring weight.
"Kaichou! You were really pretty yesterday!"
"Great performance, Haruno!"
"Kaichou, can you teach me how to dance like that?'
Sakura smiled, politely answering the compliments and then moving on. Sasuke stuck to her side like some overbearing bodyguard, shooing away the more eager fans who weren't quick enough to understand his glare the first time around. And surprisingly, it was also Sai that flanked her other side. He didn't seem to quite understand why. But when she asked, Sai just shrugged.
"You seem unhappy. And I assume you wouldn't want to deal with irritating people when you're unhappy," Sai replied. Sakura really smiled as she reached over and lightly punched him in the arm.
What was most interesting was Ino's open anger. She was furious. She was beyond fury and that was almost funny to Sakura. Ino had been her best friend when her parents had divorced. So only Ino knew about how she had cried a little and sometimes felt jealous when she saw the Yamanaka family all eating dinner together at one table. It was loud because Ino and her dad squabbled a lot but also very warm and fun.
"I'm mad at the teachers too! What the hell are they thinking letting that creep in here!" Ino suddenly exploded during the middle of lunch. No one was surprised. She had spent the past two days sporadically bursting into loud rants about whatever else was infuriating her. Hinata was just as mad, if not angrier. The sight of tiny little Hinata scowling and nodding vehemently as Ino continued to complain was just as adorable as it was frightening. Though her friends didn't exactly understand everything, their anger on her behalf was sweet and somewhat comforting.
November started just three days later.
November 1st, a cool and windy morning, someone rang the doorbell. Because Itachi was busy and Sakura was getting dressed, it was Deidara that answered the door. In retrospect, it probably would have been wiser to send Kisame who was wearing pants and relatively able to function without coffee in the morning. Instead, it was Deidara, bleary-eyed and grumpy and wearing just his boxers to open the door.
"What, yeah?" he demanded, scratching at the light scattering of stubble on his chin. The silence that met him forced him to actually open his eyes.
"Ah, it's My-chan. My-chan, what are you doing out there? I thought you were taking a shower, yeah," Deidara mumbled, rubbing his hands roughly across his face. He blinked a couple times before he looked at her again.
"Wait…you're not My-chan. What the hell?" he muttered, blinking a few more times. His eyes popped wide open when he realized that the woman standing in front of him was definitely not Sakura. She was about the same height as Sakura and had short pink hair but she was wearing a grey pant suit and black high heels- clothing clearly not to Sakura's tastes. Face twisting into a grimace, he realized that it was in fact Sakura's mother staring at him. The corner of her right eye twitched.
"Um…Mama-san… Hello…yeah…" Deidara trailed off with an uncomfortable laugh. Kirie's gaze traveled over his barely-clothed form with visible horror. Still, clearing her throat, she put on her best attempt at a polite smile.
"Is this where Uchiha Itachi lives?" she asked.
"Deidara, why are you answering the door naked? Come eat some breakfast," Kisame yelled, stomping over.
Haruno Kirie was now staring at two bare-chested men. The only difference was that Kisame was about half a foot taller than Deidara, had wet hair, and was very muscular. Kisame froze mid-step when he noticed her.
"…Uh…hi," Kisame lamely said before he muttered some excuse and hurried off to go put on a shirt.
"Dei-chan, what are you doing there? Come on. There's coffee."
Deidara blanched as he heard her bare feet moving across the floor. Sakura smiled brilliantly as she put her hands on his right shoulder and hoisted herself up to see who was at the door. It was almost comical to see her eyes widen before she immediately ducked down behind him.
"What should we do, My-chan?" he whispered over his shoulder.
"Tell her to go away and then you stop being naked," Sakura hissed back, pinching at his side. Before Deidara could react, Itachi walked over, the picture of calm in his light blue apron and wielding a spatula in his right hand.
"What are you two conspiring about over here?" Itachi asked half-jokingly. Sakura mutely let her eyes drift toward the door before she grimaced. Deidara seemed to have frozen up in all his panicking.
So Itachi, as the only sane and functioning human being left inside the apartment, bowed to Haruno Kirie and invited her inside. Sasori, who had been washing his hands in the bathroom, walked in on Itachi offering coffee to their guest. Sasori's gold eyes drifted lazily from Itachi, to Kirie, to Sakura silently fuming in the doorway, and back to Kirie. Slowly, the right corner of his mouth pulled down into a frown. Deidara's eyes widened.
Facial expressions on Sasori were never a good sign. Flapping his hands urgently into Kisame's face, Deidara drew Kisame's attention to this pressing matter. Kisame responded by running into the kitchen, grabbing the carton of milk in Itachi's hand, and dumping it out into the sink. Laughing in a high-pitched, completely unconvincing manner, Kisame put his hands on Sakura's shoulders.
"Oh, look at that, Sakura-chan. We're all out of milk. I guess you and Sasori-senpai need to go buy some more," Kisame babbled, already beginning to push her toward the door.
"And I should go to make sure Sasori doesn't murder any innocent pedestrians, yeah," Deidara muttered, hooking his arm through Sasori's. When the three left the apartment, it grew oddly quiet. Kirie looked around the kitchen, hands curling around her hot mug of coffee.
"So…all of you live here together?" Kirie asked slowly.
"Just me. Sakura's been feeling a little down lately so those three invited themselves over for a slumber party," Itachi sighed as he sat down across from her with his own coffee. Kirie's eyebrows knitted together.
"Four men having a slumber party with one girl?"
Kisame piped up from his place by the living room window.
"If it's any comfort, Mama-san, Sakura-chan's like a baby sister to Deidara and me, Sasori-senpai would never touch her, and Itachi looks shady but he's a really good guy," he informed her. Itachi's eyes narrowed at the implication in his friend's statement. But Kisame didn't seem to care as he turned back to the window.
Outside, Sakura stomped onto the sidewalk with Sasori and Deidara following after. Kisame couldn't hear her, but she turned suddenly and yelled something. Jumping up and down, she gestured wildly up toward the apartment and then back at herself. Laughing, Deidara slung his arm over her shoulder and began leading her in the direction of the nearest convenience store. Sasori tramped after them, his hands in his back pockets as he silently sulked too.
"Looks like our little kitten's unhappy," Kisame sighed as he turned away from the window. Mouth stretching in a grin that showed off too many teeth, Kisame sat down on the armrest of the sofa.
"And I'm not so happy when Sakura-chan's not happy," he finished with a chuckle. Itachi, who had been stirring his coffee with a spoon, picked up that spoon and flung it, hitting Kisame in the left cheek.
"Please ignore this idiot, Haruno-san. I'm sure you've been very worried," Itachi smoothly said, ignoring Kisame's growl. Kirie's mouth puckered into a frown as she stared at Itachi. The way her eyebrows drew downwards was startlingly similar to the way Sakura's face sometimes looked. Then, she let her red lips settle back into a grim line.
"I spoke to your parents yesterday. Apparently Sakura's been living here for quite some time," Kirie began with a tight smile. Kisame bit the inside of his cheek. He made his way to the kitchen, choosing to lean against the counter instead of sitting down.
"Due to some safety concerns, she has," Itachi agreed.
"A high school girl living with a grown man?" she suddenly jabbed. At this, Itachi let a smirk grace his lips.
"If I'm not mistaken, Sakura sought your advice about this issue not once but three times. But each time, she told me that you promised to talk later and hung up. So your ignorance about this matter can't be attributed to me," Itachi stabbed right back with his words. Kirie blanched, her fingers suddenly curling tightly around the cup.
"And if it's any comfort, Sakura isn't just some girl that I've allowed under my roof. I'm dating her very seriously," Itachi added. One blow right after the first. Kirie went very still for a moment. Kisame cleared his throat rather loudly, suddenly becoming engrossed in fumbling around the kitchen while looking for a cup. Tapping her nail against the tabletop, Kirie sighed.
"You're not even asking for my permission. How cruel," she finally sulked a little. Itachi shrugged.
"Not to be rude, Haruno-san, but you're the one who left Sakura to make her decisions all on her own. I do, however, want you to at least be aware of what's going on," he said. Twisting her mouth into a pout, Kirie glanced over at Kisame.
"You said Sakura's like a sister to you?" she asked. Kisame nodded vigorously. With another sigh, Kirie motioned to the chair next to Itachi. Eyes wary, Kisame obliged and took a seat.
"I hadn't planned to let her find out this way. And now she's never going to forgive me." Kirie said suddenly looking much older.
"Uh… cheer up, Mama-san. I don't think she's that mad. I mean, she hasn't yelled at you," Kisame ventured.
"That girl…ever since she was little… When she was really angry, she would never actually yell. She would just refuse to talk," Kirie recalled with eyes far away.
"Even if she's upset, I'm sure she'll forgive you at some point. She's your daughter," Itachi said.
"No way am I forgiving her. Are you insane, Dei-chan?" Sakura scoffed. Over her shoulder, Sasori crossed his arms over his chest and nodded solemnly. People pushing their shopping carts gave them odd looks as Deidara crouched down and grasped Sakura's left hand. He sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair.
"Come on. Are you really that pissed, yeah?" Deidara demanded. Sakura glowered.
"I thought my father was dead. I thought I was being stalked by a psychopath. Why ever would I be upset?" she ground out between her teeth. Deidara groaned, pressing his forehead to the back of her hand.
"Besides…"
Her voice came out much softer. Sasori and Deidara exchanged looks.
"I always thought that even if I didn't have a dad, even if I was alone, at least my mom loved me. At least she was someone I could trust," Sakura muttered mostly to herself. Blinking quickly, Sakura tried to put the scowl back on her face. But Deidara was staring up at her with big blue eyes that were shining brightly with unshed moisture
"Wait, Dei-chan, are you crying?" she asked. Shaking his head furiously, he pressed his face to her hand before he started sniffling.
"Don't worry, My-chan. We love you lots so don't be sad or lonely or anything, okay? Because even if Sasori's a freak and Kisame's a pig and Itachi's a social retard and I'm sort of a jackass, we all love you the most in the world, yeah," Deidara said in a watery voice before he actually burst into tears.
So Sakura stood in the middle of the supermarket. There was a fully grown man holding onto her hand and crying on the floor while another had both his arms draped over his shoulders as he leisurely enjoyed a sample of rice cake he had picked up from a nearby display.
"Mommy, that big brother's crying," a little boy yelled out, tugging at the bottom of his mother's skirt.
"Don't look, Kota. That's a strange person," she whispered, ushering him away. Acutely aware of all the stares they were drawing, Sakura pulled at Deidara's wrists.
"I got it, Dei-chan. But you can't be sitting here. Let's go get some bakudan*. That's your favorite, right?" Sakura said, trying to pull him to his feet. But Deidara only started to cry harder. Wiping his tears against his shoulder, he peered up at her through wet eyelashes.
"My-chan, you're such a good girl. Don't forget that, yeah. You're the best person I know. Right, Sasori?" Deidara choked out between hiccupping noises. With his nose running and eyes bright red, Deidara looked earnestly at Sasori still draped comfortably over Sakura's shoulders. Sasori just rolled his eyes.
"Look who's talking. Moron," Sasori muttered as he finally released Sakura and took the shopping basket from Sakura's right hand and took off. Stifling a giggle, Sakura crouched down so she was eye level with Deidara. She pressed her elbow against her thigh, using her hand to prop her chin up as she smiled at him.
"Somehow… this feels kind of backwards, doesn't it? I remember last time it was me crying all over you," Sakura commented. Deidara's breathing finally started to even out a little. Rubbing his eyes furiously with his palm, Deidara sniffed.
"Stupid My-chan. You're the one that's all backwards. Sobbing for idiots like me but not being able to cry for yourself when you're hurt," he grumbled in a scratchy voice. This time, she didn't try to suppress the laugh that welled up from her the pit of her stomach. What had she ever done to deserve a good friend like Deidara? A friend that would cry because he was sad that she was sad.
"Come on, Dei-chan. I think you're scaring the general public," Sakura finally said, taking Deidara's other hand, not minding that it was damp and sticky now. With a huff, she stood and then pulled him up too.
"Saso-kun's right. You're kind of clumsy," she commented as she dug into her purse for a moment. When she found a tissue, she lifted it to his face to dab at his cheeks.
"My nose too," Deidara said in a small voice. Sighing, she helped him blow his nose and then tossed the used tissue in a nearby trashcan. Probably just realizing how irrational his outburst seemed, Deidara's eyes darted around and then returned to her. With a brilliant smile, she linked her arm through his.
"You know, you're probably the best person I know, Dei-chan," she remarked as they began heading in the direction Sasori had run off to.
"Liar," he muttered even as he smiled just a little. She stopped, jerking him to a halt too. Leaning in towards him, she grinned.
"Don't tell the others but you're probably my real best friend. Okay?" she whispered. Deidara pursed his lips as he tried to decide whether or not she was being serious. Finally, he knocked his forehead against hers before he scowled.
"You're a jerk, My-chan," he declared before they began walking again.
"You're a jerk too, Dei-chan. But you're my favorite jerk," she responded in a light voice. Laughter bubbled out of her mouth when he knocked his hip against hers.
They located Sasori in the candy aisle (of course). Without looking up, Sasori offered the sunglasses that had been sitting on top of his head. Glaring, Deidara snatched them up and put them on to hide his puffy eyes. After they managed to convince Sasori that buying 10 jumbo bags of candy (even if it was discount prices) was rather unreasonable, they chased him around the store as he began eating his way through every sample offered that day. Although they had stopped by for some milk, by the time they had made to the register, their basket also had three bags of lollipops, one package of mochi ice cream, a package of frozen bakudan for Deidara, and a gallon of strawberry ice cream that Sakura raised her eyebrow at but let the cashier scan anyway. Pushing her face away with his hand, Deidara managed to pull his credit card out before Sakura had a chance to get her wallet.
"Let's go before Kisame has a heart attack," Sasori said. He slung his arm over Sakura only for Deidara to thrust the plastic bag at him. Grinning, Deidara grabbed Sakura's hand and swung it merrily between them.
"Your hands are freezing," Deidara remarked.
The end of autumn was always bitterly cold in Konoha. Something about the combination of wind and the perpetual rain always managed to chill even the most warmly-dressed person. At Kisame's insistence, she had worn a scarf along with her jacket but the wind was just strong even to make her shiver. Deidara's hand was warm though and the sunlight was just strong enough to bring a little relief her chilled cheeks.
"So…you're not going to speak with your mother?" Sasori suddenly asked. Sakura knew without looking that Deidara was definitely glaring daggers in his direction. But she didn't mind. Sasori's utter disregard for subtlety and grace was always nice. He never lied to her to spare her feelings.
"Not yet. I'm still too mad and hurt. Besides, there's someone she needs to talk to first before she tries to talk to me," Sakura slowly said as Itachi's apartment building came into view a few blocks away.
"That girl, ever since I got divorced…she's tried so hard to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect behavior. Do you think I stole her childhood from her?"
"Yes," Kisame promptly said.
"She said she quit dance because she wanted to focus more on her studies so she wouldn't worry you," Itachi added. Kirie's fingers twisted into her hair.
"She hates me now. I have only one daughter in all this universe and she hates me," Kirie groaned as she let her forehead hit the table. Kisame had to stifle a laugh at how much she acted like her daughter.
"Well… for the time being, I don't think she'll be too eager to chat with you, Haruno-san. Here," Itachi said. Kirie looked up to see him slide a piece of paper across the table toward her. In slender, loopy handwriting, there was a phone number.
"Your number?" she asked. He nodded once.
"At least you'll know what's going on in your daughter's life even if she doesn't tell you herself." Folding the blue scrap of paper in half, she tucked it into the pocket of her jacket.
"Thank you," Kirie said.
"We're back! And we have bakudan, yeah!" Deidara yelled as he shoved the front door open. Sakura and Sasori trailed after him with matching expressions of disapproval. Sakura's gaze drifted to her mom and she quickly looked away.
"Sakura-"
"No. I'm not talking to you. Not until you figure this all out," Sakura quickly cut her mother off. Kirie's lips pulled into a puzzled pout.
"I refuse to tell you anything until you work things out with him. I'm mad but he's the one that was killed off," Sakura clarified after a moment. Before things could get too tense, Itachi suddenly stood.
"I'll walk you out, Haruno-san," Itachi offered. Kirie scrambled to gather her things before she got to her feet too.
"It was nice to meet you, Mama-san. Take care," Kisame called after her as she stepped into her high heels and was out the door. Itachi paused in the doorway to observe Sakura who wrinkled her nose at him.
"I'll be fine," she assured him, giving him a gentle push.
When Itachi left too, Sakura turned to look at Kisame who just waved at her.
" 'Mama-san'?" she repeated with a grimace. Flashing a grin, Kisame took a sip of his mostly cooled coffee.
"Well she's certainly not your Papa-san, kiddo," Kisame said, quirking his eyebrow at her.
"Stop talking, Kisame. You're so not funny, yeah," Deidara groaned. Kisame turned around to give Deidara the middle finger and Deidara stuck his tongue out at him. But Kisame suddenly froze.
"Deidara…were you CRYING?"
"NO! SHUT UP, YEAH!" he shouted, shoving the sunglasses back on his face.
"YOU WERE CRYING!"
"Like a small child. It was a little pathetic, really," Sasori butted in without remorse.
"Why'd you cry, little Dei-chan? Did a mean boy put gum in your hair?" Kisame mocked, miming sucking his thumb.
Sakura took a step back when she saw Deidara's hand twitch.
When Itachi came back upstairs a few minutes later, Kisame was sitting on the coffee table with an umbrella wielded in his right hand like a sabre and Deidara was crouched on the arm of the sofa holding a chair over his head. Stopping between Sakura and Sasori, Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"Do I even want to know what prompted this?" he queried.
Sakura and Sasori shook their heads together.
Bakudan*= Bakudan is a boiled egg covered in surimi. Surimi is basically oden or fish cakes that are super-popular in Japan.
Wow thanks to everyone for reading and giving me your wonderful feedback and support. As we near the 1k review mark, I'm feeling giddy and offering a oneshot as a prize to the 1000th reviewer. However, I'm going to ask that this reviewer actually be signed in so I can contact him/her to ask for details. If the 1000th reviewer is an anon, I will be moving on to the next logged-in reviewer to be fair.
Be sure to leave me your comments!