The riding reminded her of old times.

Back to when both of them had been children growing up on separate ranches not far from Roy's. They'd saddle up when they did their chores like splitting rail and rounding up strays in the far meadows and both of them competed in rodeo events as well when it came to town.

But they rode for fun as well and to get away from their lives, taking off for hours with lunches packed in their saddlebags. Up into the foothills nestled beneath the mountains, through the meadows in the valley. They had their favorite places to go and to find each other when one of them rode off alone to do some thinking.

She'd done a lot of that when dealing with her first lover after he took off, then Jack and then…she didn't even think it.

They had both moved to L.A. to start new lives including a new business and rode together on a ranch that Matt purchased from a retired actress. He'd paid her back by hunting down the man who had poisoned the young costar in her comeback.

Now they'd taken two of Roy's horses and just taken off together with a bottle of wine and some sandwiches.

It was a beautiful late afternoon, it had been hot earlier but started to cool off before they left the ranch. They rode up one of the foothills where there was a spring that came out of it which would merge with a river below them.

A good place to eat and talk.

They got off their horses and tied their reins loosely on a tree and then walked to a shaded area near the spring.

"You want some wine?"

She smiled at him.

"Of course…"

She'd spread the blanket while he got the food. There was ham and turkey and other good fixings including some of Roy's special sauce that he should just bottle up and sell. Some of his oatmeal cookies with a little extra kick made it in there as well. They ate heartedly and talked about olden times and rides from time ago.

A comfortable air between them, welcoming after all the tension since her arrest. Soon enough they both ended up lying on the blanket, her resting in his arms a place she very much liked to be.

She knew they'd kiss and she'd totally succumb to all these feelings she'd buried for so long about him. She couldn't remember now all the reasons why but they didn't seem to matter…and that's what made her suddenly tense up.

Because they had to matter. She couldn't start anything with him…not with her whole life hanging over her head.

She could wind up spending most or all that was left in prison…away from the people she loved.

"Houston…."

He anticipated her resistance and didn't fight it.

"I don't know how to live my life when it feels like it's on hold."

He sighed, his hands still on her warming up her skin beneath her clothing.

"I know…"

"Do you really? I just…I could never say goodbye to you if we…"

She didn't need to finish. He got it and he kissed her on the forehead for it then looked straight into her eyes. Damn, he had such beautiful brown ones, the kind that could sear inside a woman's soul in one instant. She knew from experience how good they were at getting a woman naked in more ways than just her clothes.

"Who's saying goodbye C.J.? You know I'd never let anything happen to you. We're going to get through this and then we're going home."

Home. That word sounded awfully good to her. She'd taken it for granted the great life they'd built up for themselves in L.A.

She sighed.

"I don't know that…and it's not about you, it's about Jack and how determined he is to nail me on murder charges."

"He's not going to get his way."

"He's going to give it all he has…I complained against him Houston and it nearly cost him everything…even his daddy's plans for him. Now it's payback time."

"He's not getting away with it," Matt said, "and we'll find out who really killed Dylan."

She snuggled against him.

"It's not like I didn't want to do that," she said, "There were times I wanted him dead."

He didn't say anything in response. She knew he had gotten bits and pieces of what had happened with her and Dylan when he'd been out of town. But not the whole story.

Some things you just didn't talk about after all.

"Maybe I think the reason why I didn't kill him myself is that I didn't have the chance."

"C.J…"

"No…I did want to…I didn't like Nadine but he was hitting her Houston and he could have killed her."

"She didn't report him, but I can guess why."

She thought about it a moment.

"She depended so much on him. She always did with men…even you."

"She tried…and I suppose I helped her. I had this thing about rescuing my girlfriends first or so I heard."

Ouch, she thought remembering some of their arguments both past and even in the present…including about Elizabeth the ultimate damsel in distress. But then again, the only woman he slept with who helped him first had been Nurse Erin and she'd nearly loved him to death.

"Houston…you like helping people, nothing wrong with that."

He sighed.

"I wished I'd been there when you had to deal with him."

"Houston…I'm okay. I've had a lot of time to deal with what happened," she said, "and we had a pretty rough patch we had to work through."

"I wish that hadn't happened either."

She stroked his cheek, nursing the stubble on his jawline.

"No point in going back…what's important is the here and now and that we're together."

He kissed her again and she tingled all the way to her toes as clichéd as that sounded. His hands stroked her sides and she soon found herself lying on top of him.

She kissed him back matching his ardor. Until…

"Houston…"

"Yeah…"

She didn't move away from him. She didn't know how to explain any more to him than that…the future scared her right now.

Right now she wanted so much to forget about all that. He made it almost too easy.

"I wish I could forget but I can't…and sometimes I feel like it's all coming back at once…"

"What?"

She looked down at his face.

"The past."