Author's Note: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story! They all belong to Mr. Julian Fellowes.

Also: This chapter is a HELL of a lot longer than the first...almost seven pages on word. Even though it's long, I'm extremely proud of it!

In this chapter, we find out what Anna's doing in the middle of the night, as well as a tiny little first glimpse into her past. As for the years and ages and stuff, I just kinda winged it. I don't know when she actually came to Downton, so I just chose an age I thought appropriate.

Also, I make reference in this chapter to a piece of technology called a Mikiphone. If you were to look it up, you would see that these were like portable, pocket-sized gramaphones. You would also see that they were not actually invented until the 1920's. However, I'm changing that so that they were made earlier than that so the story would work out, and Anna could have one at this point along the timeline.

Again, this is only my first ever fanfic, so bear with me, and feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Much Love, xoxo

Spinning.

With her eyes squeezed shut, Anna spun. Around and around, faster and faster, yet she stayed in beat with the music playing. She could feel herself getting dizzy, but she just couldn't stop. The feeling was comforting. She longed to feel something other than the heartbreak from which she was constantly suffering...Anything other than the heartbreak.

What she didn't expect to feel was the physical, excruciating pain shooting up her legs as her ankles gave out, and she fell to her knees on the hard wooden floor of the upstairs ballroom of Downton Abbey. She sat back and hissed through clenched teeth as she welcomed the new sensation.

The room was extremely large, and with the only light source being a dull lamp in a single corner, it was almost completely dark. However, Anna didn't need light to know that her feet, more specifically her toes, were bleeding. She hadn't danced in almost eleven years, and she especially hadn't danced this ferociously, this intensely. She also hadn't worn her pointe shoes in eleven years, until tonight, and was therefore going to pay for it in the morning.

She decided it was time to call it a night, even though it was only one forty-five. The past few days, she had stayed in the ballroom until three or three-thirty, but tonight, she thought she should try to actually get some sleep. She had a long day ahead of her, and it promised to be one of the hardest days of her life...She was going to say her goodbyes to John.

She sighed and stood up, wincing as she did so, and made her way to the corner of the room with the lamp. She carefully took the needle off of the record being played on her Mikiphone. She looked at it for a few moments, thinking about the day she got it. Her parents had given it to her as a "going away" present when she left home for Downton when she was sixteen years old. They knew how much she loved music, and not only music, but dancing as well. They had said they wanted her to be able to do what she loved, anywhere she went. It must have cost them a fortune, but when she had asked her parents about it all they would say was: It doesn't matter how much it cost us. As long as it brings you happiness when you're in a place where you might not be able to find any, it's all worth it. Anna thought how true this statement seemed to her now, and she was grateful for her parents' small sacrifice they had made for her.

She pulled her tan cloth bag from underneath the small table on which the lamp set. She sat down on a chair and pulled one of her legs up to her chest. She unwrapped the ribbon of her shoe from around her leg and pulled the shoe off. She dropped both the shoe and her leg to the floor, and then repeated the process with her other leg. When both shoes were off, she examined her feet in the light. Just as she thought, her toes were bleeding. However, it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. She had no problem with blood and she took a small towel from the bag and wiped her feet off.

This'll have to be thrown out or burned now...If anyone were to see it with the laundry, it would raise too many questions.

She threw the towel to the ground with her shoes and stood up. She took off the light blouse she had been wearing and pulled her nightgown on in replacement. She then proceeded to take off the soft black shorts and white tights she had been wearing, revealing her long, bare legs. She put her clothing and her shoes in the bag, leaving the Mikiphone where it was, pulled her shawl over her shoulders, turned the lamp off, and made her way towards the door, trying her best to stay off her toes.

She crept quietly back to her room in the attics, and once safely inside, she threw her shawl onto a chair and collapsed onto her bed. She carefully put her tender feet underneath the blankets, and laid her head on her pillow.

As she lay there, waiting for sleep to come, she couldn't escape the heartbreak that came creeping back. John's face came to her mind. She always knew that the dancing would be a temporary relief mechanism, but she didn't expect for the aching to come back so quickly. She thought about the coming day, and she thought about saying goodbye to her husband.

Silent tears came from her eyes, and she fell asleep.

When Daisy woke her up that morning, Anna had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. She would be saying her last goodbye. Today was the last time she would be able to talk to her husband.

There was so much that she wanted to say to him. There were so many things that she hadn't even had the chance to say to him. She thought she would have the rest of her life to tell him how much she loved him and not only tell him, but show him as well. In her head, she had planned out all these scenarios: her making him his favorite dinner in a cottage in the village, kissing him in the moonlight, making love to him, having their first child, then their second or third, and just growing old with him by her side, holding her hand. It wasn't until this moment that she really realized these scenarios would never be playing out...they were never going to happen.

How do you say goodbye to the love of your life? How do you put everything you've ever felt for them into words? How do you say all those words in a matter of a twenty minute conversation in the confines of a jail cell? How do you express all your feelings that you've ever felt for someone...Someone that means so much?

Even though her eyes felt incredibly dry, the tears began to flow. She pulled herself out of her bed and began to get ready for the day. Her feet ached as she moved around the room, and she noticed they were pretty swollen. That didn't matter to her though. Today, the only thing she wanted to focus on was John.

She was leaving first thing after breakfast. She would do morning clean up, go back up to her room and change, go down for breakfast, and then leave. She didn't know if she'd be able to eat anything, but she thought she should show herself before she left.

As she and the other maids tidied the drawing room, dining room, and library, she tried her hardest to keep herself composed. She definitely got some concerned looks from the younger maids. She wasn't usually this upset, this unprofessional, but sometimes things just got it the way. She knew she didn't look her best. Her hair was probably a mess, she knew her face was blotchy from crying, and she knew she was walking funny because her feet ached. She couldn't help it. She just wanted to get on with the morning, and on to see John.

At breakfast, the room was mostly pretty quiet, and Anna knew it was because of her. Everyone knew she was going to see Mr. Bates today. No one wanted to say anything to upset her, and she knew they could see how on-edge she was already. She just wanted to leave. She barely ate anything; a single piece of buttered toast was all she could handle.

As she put on her hat and coat as she prepared to exit the back door, Mrs. Hughes came out of her sitting room.

"Anna?"

Anna turned at the sound of her name, not wanting to be rude. "Yes?"

"Anna, I just wanted to ask you if you were alright. You barely ate anything at breakfast, and honestly, you look quite dreadful."

"Mrs. Hughes...I'm on my way to go say goodbye to my husband. Do you really expect me to be alright?" She looked down at her hands as she said this, and she could feel more tears building up.

"Well, not exactly. But I do want you to know that I'm here for you. We're all here for you, and we will all support you. Whatever you need." Mrs. Hughes took a step closer to Anna and took ahold of her shoulders. "It's going to be okay."

"Thank you Mrs. Hughes. It means a lot to me that you say that. Really." She looked into Mrs. Hughes' face, and Anna knew that the housekeeper meant what she was saying. It was comforting to know that maybe she wasn't entirely alone in this...that maybe there was someone else out there who was willing to help her through. "I really have to go, if I don't want to be late."

"Of course. We shall see you later." Mrs. Hughes dropped her arms and took a step back, letting Anna pass her, towards the door. "Oh, and Anna?"

Anna turned towards Mrs. Hughes again, leaving her hand on the doorknob.

"Do give Mr. Bates my regards. Tell him...Tell him I'm sorry. And that he'll be in my prayers...always."

"I will." With a soft smile, Anna turned away from Mrs. Hughes, walked out the door, got in the car that was waiting for her, and set off for the prison.

The cell was cold. As she stared across the table at her husband, all she wanted to do was hug him and kiss him. However, the guard was standing directly behind him, and she knew that was out of the question. She wanted to tell him everything, but she didn't know where to begin. She could feel the tears welling up again, after she fought so hard to keep them at bay.

They had been in the room together for at least five minutes already, and neither of them had said a word. They just stared at each other, not knowing where to start, or what to say that could make things easier.

After a few more moments, Bates shifted in his chair, kicking one of his feet under the table, accidentally hitting Anna's sore, swollen foot. She winced in pain at the contact, and Bates' face instantly shifted into a state of worry and panic. "Are you alright!?" He wanted to reach out to her, but he stopped himself. He knew it wouldn't be allowed.

Her foot was throbbing, but with a great deal of effort, she smiled at him saying, "Yes. It's nothing. It was an accident."

Bates didn't relax at first, but after a few more moments of silent staring at each other, he decided to keep the conversation going. "Will you stay on at Downton?"

Anna looked down as she said, "Who says they'll let me?"

"They'll let you...And you have some money."

Anna scoffed at this statement. She didn't care about the money. She didn't care about any of the material things. She wanted him. He was being taken away from her forever, and absolutely nothing...not even money, could change that fact or make it better. She looked at him, hoping he would be able to see these exact thoughts in her eyes.

Despite Anna's protests, Mr. Bates continued, "Mr. Murray thinks you can keep it...or most of it." Anna shook her head, tears rising to the surface. She couldn't hold it back much longer, and she knew it. "I want you to thank His Lordship for trying to help me."

She looked at him incredulously. Was he really asking her to do this? "Yes, but what he said –"

"He didn't want to say it. And I won't blame him for not lying. Give him my best wishes for the future. I wish all of them well. I don't want you to hold it against Mrs. Hughes or Miss O'Brien—"

At this, she shook her head again. She couldn't understand what he was saying, or why he was saying it. "If you think I can ever—"

"Even Miss O'Brien."

She couldn't take it anymore. The tears were falling now, and there was no way to stop them.

He continued, "We've not been friends, but she doesn't want me here. Please forgive them."

She couldn't believe what he was saying to her. However, she knew that these were his last wishes, so to speak, and she was not about to go against them. She loved him, and always would. If this is what he wanted her to do, she'd do it. "I'm not sorry, you know? Not a bit. I would marry you now if I wasn't already your wife...I would."

"God knows I'm not sorry either. Maybe I should be, but...no man can regret loving as I have loved you."

Anna let her own tears fall as she saw John's slide down his cheeks. She loved this man with her whole heart, and in that moment, she knew he felt the same.

Instinctively, they reached their hands across the table towards each other, longing for a single touch, yearning for some sort of closeness.

"No touching!" The guard's booming voice made them jump, momentarily unaware of his presence in the room.

"For God's sake, man, you know where I am bound. How dangerous can this be?" Both John and Anna looked to the guard, pleading looks on their faces. If only he could see how much they both needed this. It was their one last attempt at emotional contact.

Somehow, the guard seemed to understand how much they needed to be together one last time. With a curt nod, the guard looked away, allowing Anna and John to reach for each other's hands as a wave of relief washed over them. Anna relished in the feel of his hand on hers. His large hands gripped her small ones so tightly. She wanted to remember every detail of how their hands fit so perfectly together.

Without speaking their wishes, they both stood up at the exact moment, aching to be closer to each other. John took her face in her hands. She felt his eyes bearing into her soul as she looked into his own eyes, again, trying to memorize every detail. She fought back the tears, trying to be strong.

Then, in barely a whisper, John said, "One kiss...To take with me?"

Anna stepped forward, and then felt John's lips on hers. This kiss was like no other kiss they had shared before. It was urgent. There was something unsettling behind it. Even still, there was more passion, more love, and more emotion in this single kiss than all of their previous kisses combined.

She felt one of his hands still on her face, but she then felt him wrap his other hand around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She went willingly, grasping onto his shoulder, pulling with the same amount of force. She touched his face, savoring every tingle he sent through her body.

The kiss ended all too quickly. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. She felt his arms wrap around her as well, pulling her tight. She never wanted to let go. As they stood there, embracing each other for the last time, she couldn't help but cry. This was the man she loved. This was the only man she would ever love.

Anna buried her face in his shoulder and neck, and let out a sob. She felt John's body shuddering against her from the force of his own cries.

They stayed like that for a long time: holding each other, crying. When the guard announced it was time for her to go, she said goodbye, and left without another look back because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle a last glimpse of him. Tears streaking her face, she made it outside the prison, where she collapsed to the ground against the stone wall, sobbing.

She was shaking violently. She felt she was broken beyond repair.