Author's Note: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story! They all belong to Mr. Julian Fellowes.
Also:
THIS CHAPTER IS SO BAD.
Seriously, I hate this chapter, and I legitimately thought about not posting it, and restarting it, but I needed something to kinda talk about the time passage between the CS and the start of S3...
Anyways, here it is! I would really really appreciate reviews and comments on this! They mean a TON to me, and really help my motivation and confidence to write more.
I have a pretty good idea where I want to go for the next few chapters, but I don't know when I'll be able to post, now that school has started back up for me and I've got a pretty busy schedule.
Thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you bear with me through this chapter and on to bigger and better things!
Much Love! xoxo
Chapter 5:
Anna sat still and silent in the third class train compartment as it made its way to the Downton station. She glanced at Mrs. Hughes who sat across from her, immersed in a book of which Anna could not see the title. The two women had not said much to each other in the forty-five minutes they had been on the train, and Anna preferred it that way. While traveling, especially recently, Anna liked to be able to just sit and think, and Mrs. Hughes knew that.
As Anna sat, looking out the window at the world passing by, she thought about what has happened the past two months. Since the night of the servant's ball, so many events took place. Some were exciting, some were upsetting, some were difficult, and some were comforting. However, all of them lead Anna to where she was now: On a train to Downton to prepare for Lady Mary's wedding to Mr. Matthew Crawley.
Anna could still remember when Lady Mary had told her Matthew had proposed…
After revealing to Lady Rosamund the happenings of her maid with her beau at the servants' ball, Anna and Lady Mary stood at the top of the stairs as Lady Rosamund made her way back to the party.
"Thank you, Anna. She may not realize it now, but Lady Rosamund will be grateful for what you did tonight. I can guarantee you've saved her from a lifetime of heartache." Lady Mary smiled at her in gratitude.
Anna reciprocated the smile. "I hope so, milady."
"She will. You did the right thing."
Anna nodded. She still wasn't sure. She thought she was doing the right thing, but then when she saw the hurt look on Lady Rosamund's face, she wasn't sure it had been right, and she felt really bad.
"I think I'm going to head back down." Lady Mary gestured towards the party downstairs. "Will you be rejoining the party?"
"I don't think so, milady. I'll just go and lay out your gown. Ring the bell when you're back upstairs."
"Of course." With that, Lady Mary flashed another pleasant smile in Anna's direction, and then made her way down the stairs.
Anna then turned and went about her work, getting things ready for Lady Mary's bedtime routine. When she was finished, the party was still going on so she made her way back downstairs. On the way, she was stopped by Lady Grantham, asking her to tell Miss O'Brien she was ready for bed. Once downstairs, she found Miss O'Brien in the servants' hall, along with Daisy.
"Miss O'Brien…Her Ladyship's ready for bed."
As O'Brien left the room, Anna made her way over to the table and sat down next to Daisy. On the table in front of them sat numerous candles surrounding a type of board game Daisy had found before Christmas, of which the servants had used in on different occasions to try to make contact with spirits.
"I'm ever-so glad Mr. Bates is going to be alright." Daisy sounded genuine as she said this, and Anna didn't doubt that she was. Anna liked Daisy. She was a good girl, a kind girl, and Anna definitely saw her as a friend.
"Well, he's alive. I think we're quite a way from alright." She gave the kitchen maid a soft smile, and then gestured towards the game on the table. They both put a hand on the free, triangle piece, and a few moments later, to Anna's surprise, the piece began to move. She looked at Daisy, "Are you pushing it?"
"No. Are you?" Daisy eyed Anna incredulously as the piece continued to move around the board. "That doesn't make sense."
"Yes, it does. 'May they be happy…'" The piece kept moving around the board, and Anna kept her eye on it. "…With my love."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know. I suppose the spirit wants some couple to be happy."
Daisy eyed her again, smirking, "You were moving it."
"No, I wasn't…You were."
When they both looked at each other again, they both seemed to realize that something else must have moved the triangle. Anna couldn't help but think that maybe a spirit had actually used the board to communicate, just as it was made to do. They pulled their hands away from the board rather quickly, being shocked by what had just happened right in front of them.
As the two women glanced at each other once again, Anna stood from the table, straightened her skirt, gave Daisy another small smile, and then left the room and headed into the kitchen for a cup of tea.
About twenty minutes later, when Lady Mary's bell rang, Anna made her way upstairs immediately. She was exhausted from the day and wanted to get to sleep as soon as possible. When she made it to the upstairs hallway, Lady Mary was standing outside her bedroom door, waiting for her. As Anna approached, a smile spread across Mary's face and she pulled the maid into the bedroom by the arm.
"Oh, Anna!" Mary closed the door behind them, and Anna looked at her in confusion, not knowing what was happening. When Mary turned her face back towards Anna, she was smiling from ear to ear.
"What is it?" Anna was extremely anxious.
Mary took a few quick steps toward Anna and took ahold of her hands. "Matthew's proposed!"
Anna's moth dropped. She didn't know what to say. She had never seen Mary so happy. "What? When?"
"Just now! Outside in the snow! Oh, Anna, it was absolutely marvelous!"
As Anna got Mary ready for bed, Mary told her the story of what happened that night. Mary was smiling the entire time. Anna couldn't help but smile too. Mary was happy…truly happy. And as Anna watched her squeal in joy, she felt ecstatic for her.
As Anna got herself into bed that night, she really did feel so terribly happy for Mary. Everything that Mary had ever really wanted was at her fingertips. She had Matthew now, and they were going to get married. Just like a fairy tale. But as sleep came and over took Anna that night, she could not help feeling a sense of jealousy. She had everything she could ever want in front of her at one point too. Her happiness was so close to her, and then it was snatched away from under her nose. Why was Anna being punished? Why does Mary get to be happy while Anna has to suffer? Anna felt horrible for feeling the way she did, but she couldn't help it. She missed John. She missed the happiness he brought her. She wanted to be happy like Mary. She wanted to be able to smile from ear to ear like Mary. And at that moment, she couldn't help but feel like that sense of happiness was never going to happen for her.
Now, as Anna's thoughts came back to the present, she felt the same jealousy bubbling within her. Mary was getting married in mere days. Then, they would be leaving on a month long honeymoon, and Anna was supposed to be going with them. She didn't think she would be able to for two reasons: the first, she didn't know if she could go that long without seeing or hearing from John, and second, she didn't know if she could be around all of their newlywed joy for that long. She felt extremely cynical and bitter, but she couldn't change her feelings.
John was still in prison, and she was trying her best to fight and search and figure out a way to prove him innocent so he can come home. She promised him she would, and she would not break that promise. She also promised him that she would try to keep going with life and not be so sullen all the time. She was trying, she really was, but sometimes it was hard to do so.
To prove she was trying, the past two months she had been taking various days off to travel to London to John's mother's house and work on cleaning it out so that they could rent it out as another source of income. This was what she and Mrs. Hughes had been doing today.
As she thought about everything she and Mrs. Hughes had done that day, Anna felt a wave of exhaustion overcome her. She sighed and leaned her head back against the seat. She noticed Mrs. Hughes glance at her, and she smiled back. She then reached to her right to pick the small book that was lying on the seat next to her.
She flipped the book over in her hands a few times, examining the covers and the spine. It seemed to be in fairly good shape. Anna assumed this was because it had been stuck behind a bureau for God knows how long. It was covered when dust when they found it. She then opened the front cover and flipped the pages back and forth. Almost two thirds of the book was completely empty. Only the front had writing in it, which Anna had recognized as names and addresses. She wasn't sure who any of the people inside were, but she would be sure to ask Mr. Bates on her next visit. Ever since she picked the book up back at the house, she had this feeling that it would come in handy…that this book was important. She wasn't sure why, but she just knew that this book could help her uncover some sort of information that would free her husband. She continued to flip through the book's pages some more as the train continued its way towards Downton.
After a small meal, a short conversation about the plans for Lady Mary's wedding, and almost two more hours on the train, the locomotive pulled into the Downton station, and Anna had never been more grateful to get up and stretch. Her legs were extremely stiff, especially after sitting for so long. She hadn't been dancing as much, and just recently she started up again, quite intensely. The past four nights she had spent her time in the ballroom, not getting to sleep until around three in the morning. She was extremely sore, probably worse than before. However, her feet hadn't been bleeding as much as they did in the beginning, and she was thankful for that. She knew that the soreness was normal, and if she kept dancing regularly, the pain would go away as her muscles got used to the stress.
In all honesty, Anna was truly thankful for the dancing. It allowed her some time to really break away from the stress happening around her. When she was in the ballroom in the middle of the night, she was able to be herself without any judgments from anyone. She was able to be free, and do anything she wanted. She had time and space to think about anything and everything.
However, more than once, this had led to extreme bouts of depression for Anna. Sometimes, all she could think about was John, and sometimes, she got so upset, realizing, as she sat in the ballroom, that she really was alone, and that was one of the worst feelings.
That, on top of the girls' happiness, on top of all the duties Anna had as head housemaid and as ladies' maid, on top of trying to stay positive for John, along with all of the stress to find evidence to set John free, was only pushing her deeper and deeper into a hole of depression, and if she was pushed any farther, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to come back out.