Author's Note: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story! They all belong to Mr. Julian Fellowes.

Also:

This is a short little chapter, but I really like it. We're getting closer to the part of the fic that I've had planned out in my head for months and I'm really excited!

Anyways, I think I sympathize with Mr. Fellowes in saying that it's easier to write pain and sadness than it is to write happiness. Don't know why.

If you're willing, leave me a review or even just a comment! Every little bit of encouragement means the world to me and assures me I'm not doing this for nothing.

and please forgive any grammar/spelling mistakes.

Much Love, xoxo

The dancing was not working. It was as if the dancing was actually making things worse.

It had been almost two weeks since she had gotten back from France and Anna had been slipping downhill. She was becoming more and more depressed, and she knew it. She could feel it.

So much was going on around her that she felt truly overwhelmed. Since they had gotten back from France, the issue of Matthew accepting Mr. Swire's money had just gotten worse. He was determined to find an excuse to not accept it, and Mary did not like it. That being said, Mary seemed to be taking some of her frustration about Matthew out on Anna. To Mary, it felt like Matthew didn't want to help. He knew the family was in trouble, but he was still reluctant to accept the money and to give it to Lord Grantham. This is what bothered Mary the most. This is what she wanted. And when Mary didn't get what she wanted, she sometimes took it out on Anna.

Mary was constantly in a bad mood, and it seemed as though everything that Anna did was wrong in some way. Anna figured it was just a phase, or Mary's way of trying to adjust to married life. However, with each day, she hoped the phase would end.

She couldn't help it. Seeing Mary so frustrated and having that frustration taken out on her caused Anna to become irritated as well. The fact that Mary had this wonderful man who loved her and worshiped the ground she walked on, yet she seemed to take him for granted bothered Anna the most. Anna would give anything to have John there, by her side. She would gladly have her husband stay true to his heart and trying to do the right thing instead of him being in a prison cell.

Sometimes, Anna just wanted to grab Mary's shoulders and shake her to get her to open her eyes. She was married. Her husband was there, with her. He loved her. He could show her he loved her. They could hug and kiss and laugh and hold hands and be together all they wanted and she was taking all of that for granted, even though Anna's pain and struggle had been displayed in front of her from the day it began.

Whenever Mary started complaining, Anna got extremely annoyed, and it took all of her strength not to become cross. She fought away the anger and irritation during the day, trying to stay professional and most like herself. Then, at night, she would go to the ballroom, and let out all of that built up tension. Then the depression set in.

This is where her thoughts and longing for John came back. This is where she truly realized she was alone and he was still in prison. Before they had left for France, Anna had sent out letters to all of the addresses that were in the book she found in John's mother's house. When they got back, she had only a few responses, none of them proving to be substantial, as well as two letters returned address unknown. When she had visited John and asked him about the two returned letters, he had said that one of the people, Mrs. Bartlett, was actually a friend of Vera's.

She knew from the beginning that this was the reason she had found the book. This Mrs. Bartlett was going to be the only possible chance Anna would have to getting John released. She knew she had to find this woman, get in touch with her, and talk to her about Vera. This was her only chance.

Then, when the letter was returned to her, she felt as though all her hope had depleted. It was as if her outlook on the situation had completely changed, her world had come crumbling down all over again, and she was back to square one.

So she did the only thing she could think of. She wrote to the people who now inhabited Mrs. Bartlett's previous address asking for a forwarding address. She waited for days, teeth on edge the entire time. She prayed and begged God for a reply from these people with a new address. She needed it. It was the only thing she could focus on, and it was the only thing that kept her moving during the day. The idea of something that would set John free was what motivated her to get up every morning.

So the moment Mr. Carson handed her a letter that was not from John was one of the biggest reliefs of her life. She ripped the envelope open without a second thought and found a forward address for Mrs. Bartlett scrawled out in a man's messy handwriting. In her free time that afternoon, she wrote a letter to Mrs. Bartlett and put it in an envelope with the new address on it. With a wish and prayer, she then sent it out with the evening post.

However with every day that passed without a response from Mrs. Bartlett, Anna's faith and confidence fell. She felt as though she was disconnected from everyone else as she waited and waited for a single letter. Yet at the same time, every little thing that happened around her affected her and her mood. Mary was still being difficult and Anna was constantly getting irritated with her. On top of that, it had just been announced that Lady Edith and Sir Anthony Strallan were engaged and were going to be married.

Now, Anna had to deal with not only Mary's married life, but Edith's happiness as well. Anna found it even more difficult with Edith because she knew firsthand how Edith could behave. Therefore, she was even more jealous and irritated at Edith's unbridled joy. Just like Lady Mary's wedding, Anna had been put in charge of quite a bit of the preparations for Edith's wedding, which didn't make the situation any better since Edith's wedding was being rushed.

Everything was piling up on top of each other and being put on Anna's shoulders. She couldn't handle it much longer, and she knew that one day she was going to collapse under all of the pressure.

All she wanted was to be able to be happy as the three girls of the family were. She wanted to be able to hug and kiss her husband whenever she wanted, tell him she loved him, and hold his hand. She wanted to move into their own cottage together and make love to him as his wife. She wanted everything the Crawley sisters had. She wanted it so badly, and that was why it hurt so much more when she realized she would never have it.

As the days passed without a letter, Anna was falling deeper and deeper into a dark hole. She was crying more at night, along with the dancing. She had without a doubt broken in her new outfit she had bought in France, having been dancing every night since they had gotten back.

Each night, she would end up in the ballroom, thinking about John and feeling helpless. She was doing everything she could think of to try to set him free, but it just didn't seem to be working. She was losing all hope and as she danced, these were the only thoughts running through her mind.

Tonight was no different. She had already spent two hours dancing in the ballroom, yet she didn't feel the least bit tired. From the corner of the room, the music continued, getting faster and faster. Almost unconsciously, Anna's body continued to move in time with the music, spinning faster and faster as the melody did the same. As she spun, her vision blurred and the moving room around her seemed to morph into the image of John's face.

Still spinning, she closed her eyes as her tears rose to the surface. She squeezed her eyes shut at she pulled her arms in tight to her sides so she would twirl faster.

Then, she lost balance, spiraled out of control and then directly hit the sharp corner of a large table against the wall.

She shouted in agony as the excruciating pain started at the point of contact on her ribcage and spread throughout her entire chest. She folded at the waist, clutching her torso. She then collapsed to the floor as tears flowed down her face. She winced and shouted again as she sat on the floor, and crumpled against the cold wood.

She was sobbing. She had not felt that much pain before in her entire life. She felt as though her entire upper body was throbbing, and she began to shake as she lay on the floor.

After almost ten minutes of lying on the floor, shaking, and sobbing, Anna forced herself onto her feet, still clutching at her right side. She hit the table with so much force, she was sure that there would be a bruise and she was curious to see if it was already beginning to show itself.

She made her way over the mirror and stood still in front of it as she wiped the tears from her eyes so she could see clearly. When she could see her reflection, she reached down and pulled up the hem of her blouse to reveal her ribcage. There, on her right side, was a bruise, already dark blue and swollen.

She took a step closer to the mirror, continued to hold on to her shirt, and reached a shaking hand out towards the glass. With a single finger, she traced the bruise's reflection on the ice cold glass.

It was then that she realized what the frenzy of the dancing had done to her. She had started dancing as a way to be happy, but it only ended up making her more upset, more depressed. She had hurt herself. She didn't mean to. It was an accident, without a doubt. But all the same, she now had a large black and blue bruise on her chest because of the dancing. She had lost control.

With that, her vision of the bruise blurred as more tears filled her eyes and she began to sob all over again. She let her shirt fall, and placed both palms flat on the mirror, leaning her forehead against the glass as well. She choked out a cry, and sunk to the floor, against the wall. Her entire body was shaking as the throbbing continued. Her knees hit the floor and she was gone.

If only John could see me now.