Author's Note: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story! They all belong to Mr. Julian Fellowes.

Also:

Alrighty...I really like this chapter! I hope you do too! This is where the story really starts to differ and kinda "reinvent" Anna's storyline in Series 3.

And just a heads up, from here on out, the story won't exactly follow the same story line as the show. Things will be different.

As for the ending, I'm thinking there will be around three or four more chapters... EEEKK!

If you're willing, please leave me a review or even just a comment! Every little bit of encouragement means the world to me and assures me I'm not doing this for nothing.

and please forgive any grammar/spelling mistakes.

Much Love, xoxo

Anna felt as though half her life recently had been spent on trains. Going here, going there, short trips, long trips, leaving, and coming home. She had become such a regular on the London train that even a couple of the stewards knew her by name. Which is where she was now: on a train to London.

Just over a week after Anna's incident in the ballroom, she had received a letter from Mrs. Bartlett, agreeing to a meeting with Anna. She could not put it into words what she felt when she finally did receive the letter. She was definitely relieved. However, there was more than just that one emotion that flowed through her body. Emotions like guilt. She felt incredibly guilty for making such a big deal about the letter, therefore hurting herself, even if it was on accident.

Then again, that was another reason for the guilt she felt. Since the incident, she had often times thought to herself, and only to herself, that maybe, somehow, someway, her body knew what it was doing and the fall wasn't entirely an accident. She had needed that first bruise as an awakening. To open her eyes to how the stress she was putting on herself and her stressing out about everything around her was becoming destructive to who she was. Yet for some reason Anna could not fully understand, that awakening didn't seem to work as it was supposed to. This also ended up leading Anna to feeling very ashamed.

A fourth and fifth emotion that Anna felt when she received Mrs. Bartlett's letter were nervousness and anxiety. She was incredibly nervous to hear what Mrs. Bartlett had to say. She was anxious to know if what she was going to say would actually be able to help John and be used as evidence to set him free. Then, she was both anxious and nervous to see if Mrs. Bartlett will actually talk to her at all. She didn't know the woman, and she didn't know her opinions and outlook on the situation. She assumed that if Mrs. Bartlett had been Vera's friend, she would take Vera's side and blame John. But then she couldn't be sure what was going through this woman's head.

So as the train moved along its tracks towards London, she couldn't help but feel that mixture of different emotions and thoughts. She was entering into uncharted territory and she was utterly terrified. The only thing on her mind was to get through this meeting with Mrs. Bartlett, hopefully come out of it with something substantial, and to set John free.

Anna sighed as she made her way into the train compartment once again and winced as she slumped down into the seat. She felt as though the trip to London had been a waste and in a way, she felt empty. She had given Mrs. Bartlett her time, strength, and money and Anna hadn't gotten anything substantial in return. She had nothing left.

She closed her eyes as the train began to move and settled in for the long ride home, thinking about the day's events. Mrs. Bartlett's words rang through her ears:

Well, it's you're loss 'cause I got nothing to say…

She was terrified. She was in a strange mood. Jumpy and fearful, but determined. I remember she had made pastry and she was scrubbing it out of her nails like she didn't care if she took the skin off…

I can remember her now, walking away down the street. It was raining. No. Not raining, more like drizzle. And the gas light seemed to catch in the drops and make a sort of halo around her…

When I heard the verdict, I thought he'd swing. And he should have if the country hadn't gone soft….

Anna played the entire conversation over and over again, memorizing every detail, and picturing every eyebrow wiggle and smirk.

Before she knew it, the train was rolling into the Downton station, and Anna was home. There was a car waiting for her, and Anna was grateful because she didn't know if she would have been able to walk up to the house. She was exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted.

She got back to the house with just enough time to go up to her room, change back into her uniform, and be back downstairs for tea before the dressing gong, when she went upstairs and dressed Lady Mary, all the while telling her the events of the day.

Eventually, it was the servants' dinner time. She ate in silence, distracted. She only talked when directly spoken to, and kept it short. When Alfred had asked her to play a game after dinner, she told him she wanted to write a letter, which was true. She wanted to write to John and tell him everything that had happened that day while it was still fresh in her mind.

That night, she put the letter in the box in the hall to be sent out in the morning and went to the ballroom. Feeling as though she didn't have enough energy to dance that night, she sat in front of the mirrors in her nightgown. She felt numb.

Where do I go from here?

Over the next couple days, Anna was busier than ever preparing for Edith's wedding. She was constantly bustling around and always had something on her to-do list.

She had not received a response from John about Mrs. Bartlett. She was sure he would've gotten her letter by now, and she was curious as to why he hadn't answered her yet. That thought kept her in somewhat of a daze as she did her work.

Finally, the day of the wedding came, and that morning Anna had again woken up in an incredibly irritated mood. She hated seeing everyone around her so happy when she had been the same way just a short time ago and it was taken right away from her.

After brooding over the situation for a few minutes, Anna pulled herself out of bed. The sooner I get up, ready, and moving, the sooner the day will be over.

She made her way over to the mirror in the corner of the room and examined herself. She was thin…Thinner than she used to be. She knew this was another result and consequence of the dancing. As she rubbed her face, she also noticed the circles under her eyes which had been getting darker the past few days as she slept less and less.

She then reached down and grabbed at the hem of her nightgown, pulling it and bunching it up to her chest, revealing her long legs, abdomen, and the place where they met.

Then, she turned her body, revealing her right side to the mirror. There, she saw her bruise from her first fall in the ballroom.

Now, instead of dark blue and purple, it had turned into mixed shades of yellows and browns and the original swelling around it had disappeared. She reached her left arm around her waist and lightly touched the bruise. Not having any effect, she pressed her fingers harder against her skin and winced at the pain she felt. She quickly withdrew her hand and silently cursed herself for touching it in the first place.

She then turned her body again, now exposing her left side to the reflective surface of the glass. She slipped two fingers beneath the waistband of her undergarment, and pulled it lower, revealing a fresh, dark blue and purple bruise on her hip. She tilted her head to the side and examined the color and size of the new mark. She furrowed her brow at it and then dropped her gown back down to her knees. Then, she reached up and pulled the short sleeve of the gown down her shoulder to reveal another bright new contusion. This one was larger, but it wasn't nearly as ugly looking.

Anna stared at the abnormally colored skin and remembered what had happened two nights previous and her second accident. She had been in the ballroom, dancing. She had let the music carry her away to a far-off place, leaving the present world almost entirely. It wasn't until she felt the sensation of falling did she snap back to reality. However, it wasn't soon enough to stop herself from falling against a small dresser, causing the bruise on her hip, and then falling against the knob of an armoire, causing the one on her shoulder.

Just as the first incident, she told herself it had been an accident, but yet again, she wasn't entirely sure that was the truth.

She eventually tore her eyes away from the mirror and got herself ready for the day, for the wedding, and made her way downstairs.

Anna could not believe what she and so many others had just witnessed. Just as Lady Edith walked down the aisle at her wedding, her groom, Sir Anthony, jilted her. She had been jilted at the altar.

As Anna and the rest of the servants headed back to the house together, Anna kept quiet, simply thinking about what had just happened. Anna had never seen any signs that Strallan didn't really want to get married. In fact, the last time she had seen him, he seemed to be completely happy and excited about getting married again. When did that change? What happened?

Anna then felt a large mixture of different emotions. Among them, she had anger. How could Sir Anthony do that to Lady Edith? As much as Anna knew about Edith, how terrible she could be, and how much she was jealous of her for being happy when she wasn't she knew that Edith didn't deserve what just happened. No woman deserved to be strung along and then jilted at the altar.

Another emotion was guilt. Initially, Anna had felt jealous towards Edith, just as she had been jealous toward Mary. Edith was happy and getting married to a man that loved her…or so everyone thought. Anna had also been angry that Edith was getting everything that she wanted…everything that she had in front of her at one point, but was then taken away. Now, she felt extremely guilty for feeling this way in the first place. Edith didn't choose to be jilted. She thought Anthony wanted her as much as she wanted him. However, she was wrong, and Anna felt really bad for being angry with Edith.

But thoughts like that brought Anna to a final, lasting emotion which was a very reoccurring thing in her recent life: sadness. Seeing the turmoil that Edith has just been subjected to, Anna couldn't help but think about John doing the same thing.

What if John doesn't love me as much as he says he does? What if he hadn't accepted me? What if he hadn't agreed to marry me? I can't imagine my life without him. Even if he is in prison. He is my life, my everything, my other half. He makes me who I am. What if that had never happened?

Anna also thought about the fact that Edith seemed to love Sir Anthony just as much as Anna loved John. She could not imagine having the man she loved walk away from her by his own choice. She couldn't help but think that he very well could've done so. He didn't have to marry her. He could have denied her. She can't imagine how it would feel. She couldn't imagine how Edith felt at that very moment. She was sad for Edith. She felt terrible for her. She felt she couldn't feel angry or jealous now, because in Edith's eyes, Anna was now the one with the husband who loved her…The husband who hadn't denied her.

But as Anna made her way to the ballroom that night, she couldn't find a reason for her fleeting thoughts that maybe John still had the chance to deny her…That maybe he just hadn't had the opportunity.

Does he really love me? Does he really want me?