Chapter Eight – Back to Topic

~SHOP (CITY ONE)~

To sum up, we're in a very big fight scene right now.

Now, as everybody should know, Soldier does love him some fight scenes. Great fun, lotta gore, it's all there. The thing was… it wasn't a shopping trip.

"We've strayed off topic!" he gasped in horror, throwing both arms up and accidently decapitating a cloaked Spy with his shovel. "Huh."

See, he couldn't abandon a fight. That would be silly. But somehow he needed to shop simu- simul- Soldier frowned. At the same time. And for some reason he was adamant he would get it started this chapter, which meant he needed to be quick… Scout was pretty quick.

"MAGGOT!" Soldier yelled over the din of gunfire, explosions, and man whining about Unicorns of Death. Somehow Scout knew he was being addressed and wriggled with some difficultly to look at him from the headlock he was in.

"Yeah?"

"OPERATION SHOPATHON. NOW!"

~SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE SHOP THIS IS REALLY JUST A DIVIDER~

Pyro and Demo, who had hitched a ride on RV without anybody actually knowing, had decided to camp on the roof and shoot everything that moved. Solid plan, gotta admit. Sticky traps surrounded poor confused RV and Pyro had great fun driving folks back with the flame thrower. Kids, it's that time again!

~PYROLAND~

Pyro always did like magic. Sadly – for despite all the positivity in Pyrovision, it did know what sad was – there never seemed to be quite enough magic about. On the plus side, the wee blue kids that sometimes showed up seemed eager to help out.

They were surrounding Pyro at the moment actually, where it and its bro Demo were providing rainbows and party poppers respectively. And holy Balloonicorn turd, were those some powerful party poppers. Pyro was pretty sure it witnessed a kid hitting the back wall.

He bounced off, of course, ever unharmed, and leapt right back into the game. Then Pyro laughed a little because it had lost that darn Game again.

Now you have too. Ha ha.

Demo also had a stick that sort of resembled a straight candy cane, and it was chanting hugs hugs huuuugs over and over. Wow, that Eyelander sure was a nice guy.

Upon seeing their team's Soldier jog past, Pyro abruptly remembered they were supposed to be playing with him just now. Pausing to blow some bubbles at a nearby blue kiddie, Pyro got Demo's attention and pointed out Solly.

~REALITY. I THINK~

The Demoman was actually a pleasant enough fellow when you got to know him. However he's on a hair trigger and usually pretty drunk, so in the span of blinking after seeing the Soldier so kindly pointed out by Pyro, he transformed.

Not like RV does. More like Hulk. Well, not even Hulk. More like- OKAY HE GOT REAL MAD THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

Demo pumped an imaginary shotgun because it looks kinda badass when people in movies do it.

"Time for revenge," he stated, snapping on a single Deus Specs lens, "YEEEEAAAAAH!"

~IN A MORE UPWARD SORT OF DIRECTION~

The robotic pigeon currently had height advantage on Medic and Archimedes – who I'm gonna call Archie for now because that's much easier to type quickly – and was scanning them for weaknesses. Medic realised this and scoffed internally. Like the thing could find a weakness.

"OH GOTT HE FOUND A WEAKNESS!" Medic was screaming moments later. Archie had taken a hit.

And they were falling.

~BACK-DOWN-THERE-WARD DIRECTION~

As much as Spy was glad the team had come to his aid, he was also fairly annoyed they forgot his weapons. Backstabbing becomes a tricky affair when one is missing their cloaking watch and everybody knows where one is. All he had was the little knife.

Spy briefly let his mind wander to the possibility of All He Had Was a Knife hitting theatres near you sometime this summer. Not great, but he could make it work.

Anyway. The point here is that Spy needed a firearm.

Borrowing Sasha was obviously out of the question, so Spy stayed clear of Heavy. Sniper and Engy were the only other teammates nearby. Sniper used piss as a weapon, Spy reasoned, making that not an optimum choice.

Hm, the Engineer then. He remained a little possessive of his wrenches, Scout had taken his pistol, and he was using his shotgun, which really left his buildings.

If Misadventures of the RED Team 2 was anything to go by, using a mini sentry as a hat would be a splendid idea.

~AT THE FRONT OF THE SHOP~

Operation: Shopathon had been in development for a much longer time than Soldier would care to admit. It was one of those 'just in case' plans, and well, here was the case.

"ARE YOU READY PRIVATE!?" Soldier demanded, braced to begin the operation.

"HELL YEAH!"

Simultaneous shop 'n fight time.

"WHOO!" both offense classes yelled, leaping into the shopping trolley. Soldier's rocket launcher gave them one Helluva boost from the get-go as they sped down the aisles like a train fuelled with Bonk.

"This plan can't possibly fail!" Soldier proclaimed, making a hard left by leaning out precariously. Good. They had found the bakery section. "Lock and load!"

On passing, Scout grabbed a baguette and wielded it like a bat. Hey, if a fish counts as a bat, freakin' bread gets to be a bat. Come at me bro.

"BONK!" Scout thwacked a couple of BLUs upside the head on passing. "VEGGIES AHEAD !"

Scout battered a few more foes while Soldier sorted through the veggies for the best ones at record pace and chucked them into the cart. He kept a determined lookout for tomatoes, wanting to settle once and for all if they were a fruit or what.

That's the reason he abruptly stabbed his shovel into the floor to act as an emergency brake at the end of the aisle. The tomatoes were on the end. And the next aisle over was the fruit section.

"OH COME ON!"

~RIGHT BEHIND THEM~

"We've got 'im now, Py!" Demo whispered loudly.

"Hudda!"

As far as Pyro was concerned, those were water balloons that its buddy Demo had there. Pyro didn't care for water, but wasn't one to complain. As long as it was FUN-FUN-FUN!

Yeah no those things were sticky bombs.

"Attack on five, a'right?" Demo got ready to throw the explosives of revenge at Soldier. "One… two… Uh. What in the Hell's after two?"

Pyro wasn't sure. So it went ahead and lobbed the first water balloon.

~SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER THAN A GIANT BIRD OUGHT TO BE~

Those moments, right, in books or movies, yeah? When the animal companion, be it a wee bunny or a badass dragon, dies when you least expect it? And it's real sad and you're a sobbing mess for like weeks after? Yeah.

Medic's not gonna let it be one of those times.

"NOT TODAY, ARCHIMEDES!" the doctor cried all dramatic-like, "YOU SHAN'T DIE TODAY!"

He whipped out the medigun.

And triggered the Über.

~GROUND LEVEL~

The Engineer's Engy Senses were tingling.

This was odd, because his sentry wasn't being sapped. He'd know if it was. And there hadn't been enough room to make a dispenser, so it couldn't be anything like that… Investigation needed.

"Heavy, cover mah back a second," he requested, receiving the usual 'Da' in response. Engy casually cleared the way of BLUs with his shotgun, moseying through the carnage at a leisurely pace.

A quick climb proved his initial suspicions; the little sentry was gone.

The defence class was about to go for a slow motion knee collapse with elongated 'No' when he saw Sniper waving from a large pile of baskets serving as a sniping tower.

"Bloody Spy's up t' somethin'!" he called, pointing out the direction Spy presumably went. Engy swiftly donned a cowboy hat so he could tip it in his 'Much obliged' way, then trotted away.

He most certainly did not expect the sight that met his eyes a heartbeat later.

Thanks for reading and reviewing guys! Look at all the cliffhangers you get to think about! :D

*flees*