Good Adivce?
(16 Years Old)

"Gerald..."

Sixteen year old Gerald Johanssen peered up from his History workbook, and raised an eyebrow at the tone his best friend had just used to address him.

"Yeah?" he responded casually, hoping this may at last be the juncture of the afternoon where Arnold finally informed him about whatever had been on his mind ever since this morning. No doubt it was interesting, because Arnold hadn't been able to concentrate all day.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Gerald nodded, "Sure, go right ahead."

"Okay, I'm only asking you this because, if your answer is yes, then I need some advice..." Arnold explained slowly, tapping his pencil restlessly against his knee.

Gerald frowned at that, "Aren't you normally the advice-giver?"

"I can't give myself advice." Arnold reminded him.

Gerald shrugged, "Why not?"

"Because..." Arnold droned almost painfully, his eyes averted to the floor, "I've never exactly been in this situation before..."

"Don't you normally ask Phil for advice?" Gerald mused out loud, knowing very well that Arnold's grandfather was always willing to dish out an opinion, even if it was usually a lecture about raspberries.

Arnold, however, looked horrified by the prospect, "I can't ask Grandpa about this!"

"Right..." Gerald agreed, with great confusion, "Why not?"

Arnold didn't respond for a moment, just kept tapping that pencil incessantly and gluing his eyes to the ground. Gerald was about to speak up again when Arnold finally, his cheeks flushed, asked, "Have you and Phoebe ever... "

"Ever...?" Gerald repeated in the same tone, trailing off a little until a realisation of the subject finally hit him, "Oh... that."

"I mean, you've been together a long time and not that I'm assuming anything but-"

Gerald laughed, Arnold looked so uncomfortable having this conversation, "Yes." he interrupted him, "The answer is yes... but, uh, why do you want to know?"

Anybody not privy to the conversation, or properly familiar with Arnold's super-gentlemanly tendencies, would have honestly assumed that the poor teenager had a fever by this point. "I... I... need advice..." he managed to remind Gerald, in a rather hushed tone.

"Woah!" Gerald was fully comprehending what was going on now, and to say he was stunned was an understatement, after all, he had no idea Arnold was even seeing anybody... "It's... pretty self explanatory, I mean, you were there for sex ed last year..."

Arnold groaned, "Yes, I fully grasp the concept of using protection and how the reproductive system works."

Gerald grinned, "Ah, but you wish to know how to please your lady?" he teased with a sultry tone.

"Gerald!" Arnold protested, glaring at him briefly before recalling his bashfulness and finding the floor with his eyes once more, "I just... I don't want to be really bad at it..."

"I'll help." Gerald affirmed, with an unmistakable smirk, "On one simple condition."

Arnold snapped his head up, rather relieved that Gerald was willing to help, "Okay, what's the condition?"

"You tell me who it is you plan on getting lucky with."

Looking rather concerned, Arnold tried his very best to lie, something he was notoriously bad at, "Who says there's a 'who'?" he asked, "I might just be curious."

Gerald scoffed, nobody would have fallen for that, "Nup." he said, "Who?"

"I can't tell you." Arnold insisted, "She'd kill me."

"So, you're telling me, that you want my advice on romancing some girl who would not be opposed to murdering you?"

Arnold nodded, "It's... complicated?"

"Forget it." Gerald shook his head, "No advice until you tell me her name. I mean, I assume I know her?"

Head in hands, and one prolonged groan later, Arnold relented a little, "If I tell you, you'll seriously help me? Like, any and all questions I have?"

Gerald nodded, "I promise you."

"And, if I tell you, you will never tell anybody I told you... especially Phoebe."

That halted conversation for a moment, of course Gerald always told Phoebe everything so Arnold had every right to specify that he not inform her, but the 'especially' part was odd, "Why not Phoebe?"

"Because, she'll tell Helga."

"And?" Gerald promoted, Helga wasn't that bad these days, so he wasn't quite sure of the problem.

Arnold bit his lip, "Helga is... uh, 'not opposed to murdering me'."

It was rather convenient that Gerald was sitting down because, if he hadn't been, he may have face-planted into the carpet. Shocked... he was shocked, and not just at the fact that Arnold and Helga had some 'thing' going on (whatever it may have been) but also that, after a little consideration, he thought it may actually make sense.

"How long?" he did have lots of questions he was dying to ask, but that took precedence for now.

"Months..."

Months? Gerald snapped out of his little shocked stupor immediately. Arnold, who could hardly keep secrets (or lie, for that matter) to save his life, had managed to fool him for months? Oh no, Gerald would have his revenge.

"Alright, you want my advice..." Gerald reminded him, his voice very calculated as he leant backward and pulled something from under his mattress, "Here's your advice."

Arnold caught the book as Gerald threw it in his direction, and with a great amount of confusion, considering the deceptively plain cover, Arnold asked, "Uh, what is this?"

Gerald shrugged, "Open it."

One page turn, and one quick glance at the words Kama Sutra and Arnold looked so flushed he may as well have been a close relative of the lobster. The book was snapped shut in a hurry "Gerald!" he cried out in distress, his eyes wide, "I can't believe you own this!"

"Actually..." Gerald smirked, "It's not mine..."

Arnold looked at him in disbelief, "Gerald, if it's not yours then wh..." and he trailed off, the conclusion coming not long after, "PHOEBE?"

"Mmmm... it's always the quiet ones." he assured his best friend, mostly to make him even more uncomfortable. Gerald was already looking forward to Arnold acting like an idiot next time he had to look Phoebe in the eye.

For now though, Arnold's mind was still on the book, "I can't read this!"

"Sure you can." Gerald assured him rather casually, "And, considering your choice of company... maybe you should flip straight to part two, chapter eight..."

Arnold raised an eyebrow, "Why?" and curiously, knowing Gerald would not say anything further until he had looked for himself, Arnold flipped to the 'suggested' chapter, "Oh...not funny" he grumbled a little, shooting Gerald a rather unappreciative glare.

A/N: For those wondering Part 2, Chapter 8 is the 'woman on top' section... hehe (at least, it is in the version I Googled)

Oh, and next chapter of 'Angela On The Couch' will be posted sometime in the next two days!