Chapter sixteen.
He collapses back against the door of his room, the wood slightly irritating the back of his head. He regrets not chasing after her, telling her the truth about the fact that he didn't regret what happened between them he regretted the way it happened. The fact he had taken advantage of her like that and he had given int0 his deepest desires, he wasn't proud of it but somewhere along the line he kind of was. Mordred sighs again and brushes his hair back from his forehead letting his fringe rearrange itself settling on his forehead.
Mordred pulls a long red strand of hair out from under his fingernail; it was obviously Aislinn's, most likely from when he had run his hands through her hair. As much as he tried to tell himself he had every cause to regret last night he knew he didn't and he had no reason to. He didn't regret the way his lips felt against hers or the way her skin felt under his fingertips, he didn't regret her sweet taste or the way her nails felt digging into his skin and he certainly didn't regret her small cries of pleasure as he tried his best to please her. What Mordred did regret however, was telling her that he did when it was the furthest thing from the truth.
Mordred releases the hold on the strand of hair and watches at it falls towards the floor until he can't see it anymore, with all their arguments she had always forgiven him and in turn he her. But this time would she forgive him?
***
It takes her longer to walk home than normal. She dawdles a bit, hoping he will come after her but slightly wanting her to have a reason to be mad at him. She also doesn't understand why she got so angry and why she just wanted to push him, she just got angry with him. Maybe it was because she was out of touch with herself, or maybe because in a few days it would be the eleventh anniversary of her parent's death.
Either way it wasn't an excuse.
She couldn't believe it had been eleven years, eleven years without her mother, eleven years without her father and eleven years without a real family – a proper blood family. The druids had treated her well and the druid priests and priestesses became some form of a replacement but it never filled the void. When she reaches the door of her house she hesitates, hand on the handle but doesn't open it or make any notion to do so. Instead she turns and keeps heading down the path, through the crowd towards the forest.
For a fair majority of the night he is expecting her to walk through the door of his chambers but as every hour passes his hopes dwindle, and once the last stroke of midnight rings out fades completely. As it got later in the night his thoughts begin to run deeper, taking more twists and turns. Even with Mordred wanting her to come back to him he has to fight his urges to go after her, she had to come and apologize this time. Not him. He sighs throwing himself on his bed; closing his eyes suddenly aware of how cold he has because but he can't be bothered moving so he just stays like that until sleep pulls him under.
***
Winter carried on a lot longer than it had done previous years, she couldn't remember a time where winter had run over the estimated time but whatever the reason she was thankful. Aislinn loved winter and it had been a long time since she had been ice skating, a few years actually. The last time she had broken her nose and the time before that Aislinn's father, Louarn had attempted to teach her to ice skate but she had given up because she couldn't do it perfectly.
She smiles to herself as she shifts weight from her right foot to her left, pressing down on the ice to check if it was still stable once she is satisfied she pushes off, stumbling a little, catching herself on a nearby tree. Aislinn sighs, appreciative of the tree that was there for her to latch onto, it was cold and the bitter air was nipping at her arms and what skin was revealed of her legs. She pushes herself again beginning to move around although her footwear wasn't all that appropriate so it made things difficult but she persisted.
Aislinn is sliding around on the ice for about twenty minutes until she gets bored with it, she skates to the edge trying to stop herself but falls back into the snow grunting as the wind is blown out of her lungs. "I can't believe I did that" she thinks closing her eyes blowing her hair from her face, the snow is numbing her skin and the melting snow wetting her clothing. Aislinn makes no notion to get up just lying there until she convinces herself to pull herself to her feet and convincing herself to walk back to her house.
Come to think of it she didn't know why she went out and decided to play around on the ice but whatever reason she was glad she went because it calmed her down. It didn't however make her want to go and apologize to him, she saw the need for it but to her she shouldn't be the one to apologize. The crowd in the streets have dwindled down to only a few people and the shop keepers clearing their wares ready to head home for another days work. "Aislinn!" she hears someone shouts and she swings around as Yvonne runs towards her.
"What's up?" Aislinn asks as Yvonne stops in front of her her blonde hair a little out of place "I just thought I would come ask how you were" she says catching her breath tucking her hair behind her ear. Aislinn nods, suspicious of her intentions – Aislinn didn't particularly like Yvonne, she was annoying to her and was always up in her business wanting to know everything. "I'm alright" she says shrugging silently praying for her to leave Yvonne frowns "are you sure?" she asks and Aislinn nods not wishing to answer her.
"Yeah I am fine" she mumbles averting her gaze from Yvonne's and eying the ground "well it's been a great chat but I need to get going" she says smiling a little at her before heading in the direction of her home.
***
When Aislinn wakes up she is half expecting Mordred to be fast asleep next to her, just like the day before but unfortunately that is not the case and she knows why. Now she is regretting not apologizing to him and shoving words down his throat, he has always been there for her and now that he isn't there it's strange. She takes a while to get out of bed and head up to the palace to attend to the Queen, to get her ready for the last day or the tournament. Today the round before the semi finals, the semi finals and the final rounds would be fought but she had lost interest on reverted to her stance on why anyone would be entertained by a sport such as that.
She however didn't really have a place to say because when she was younger she took joy in play fighting with the other children, sometimes she wondered how Iseldir and the other druid elders had put up with her. Aislinn wondered how her parents had put up with her as well, she had been a terrible, rebellious child, she loved adventure and getting into danger but couldn't get herself out of it.
"Your majesty?" Aislinn questions opening the door and glancing around the room trying to spot Guinevere "I'm over here" she calls from behind the screen "could you come here and do up my dress please?" Guinevere asks and Aislinn strolls over to the screen. Guinevere turns around two blue strands of silk trailing down her lower back waiting for her to do them up "of course m'lady" she says doing up the back of her dress in a matter of seconds. "All done" she tells her casting it off with a bow "thank you Aislinn" she says turning to smile at her before she walks out from behind the screen, Aislinn isn't too sure whether or not to ask Guinevere to take the a few days off to go and visit her parents graves. After all it was a day and a half's ride to the White Mountain's and back.
"Um..M'Lady?" Aislinn asks following the queen out into the living space of her quarters. Guinevere doesn't seem to hear her and keeps walking, looking among piles of parchment for something "are you looking for you council notes?" Aislinn asks taking a few steps until she isn't far from her. "Oh, yes" Gwen says and Aislinn turns on her heal walking over to the bedside table and she pulls out the queens notes "here they are" she tells her passing her the pile of notes. "Sometimes I don't know what I would do without you" she laughs which causes Aislinn to smile; at least she is making some one happy.
"I've been meaning to ask you" she says addressing Guinevere who is scanning over her notes and quickly glances up at her "go head" Gwen says with a smile "I was, I was wondering if you would let me take the next few days off" she pauses "it's the anniversary of my parents...passing and I'd like to make a trip to their gravesite." Guinevere nods and places her papers down on the desk "of course, take as long as you need" she says giving her a comforting smile "where are their graves?" she asks leaning against the table.
Aislinn goes quiet for a few seconds "in the white mountains" she tells her "there is a small clearing, where the valley meets with a river running through it" Aislinn pauses "in the summer and spring it's teaming with life and it looks like you've stepped into a paining but in winter it's cold and frozen over." Her gaze travels to out the window where the sun is trying to break through the clouds trying to bring in the first changes of spring. "It sounds beautiful" Guinevere says the smile not leaving her face Aislinn smiles a little "thank you your highness" she says curtsying to the queen before she watches her leave for the council chambers.
Aislinn is walking down the hall carrying a vase full of flowers she has picked from the garden that Arthur requested be left for his wife. Peonies mainly - the queen of flowers with an assortment of pinks, purples and reds a beautiful arrangement and one she hope would please the queen. No one but a few servants cleaning the glass of the windows are occupying the halls as she veers around one of the corners suddenly finding herself off her feet on the ground the sound of the glass vase smashing against the floor. "Ais-" she hears a familiar voice say and she looks up, Mordred standing above her with a look of confusion on his face.
She sighs looking around at the shattered vase and the water pooling up on the stone floor "well this is turning out to be a brilliant day" she sighs pulling herself to her knees beginning to collect the glass in her hand. Mordred kneels next to her taking the peonies up in a swift motion "I got these for you" he smiles sheepishly, not really knowing what to do. Aislinn smiles a little and takes them from him "thanks" she says looking over him for s few seconds before looking away "well as much of a lovely floor rug you would make I don't believe the floor is a place for a woman" Mordred says standing up and holding out his hand to her.
Mordred, although she keeps him waiting doesn't move his hand away. Aislinn after lengthy decision takes his offer and he pulls her to her feet "thank you" she says remembering the glass in her hand "I'm sorry about that" he says running his hand through his hair. "It's alright" she tells him, gaze drifting down to her feet "I'll find another vase, no big deal" Aislinn shrugs wondering whether or not she should apologize to him and they should start both acting like civil adults. Mordred purses his lips nodding before he turns and begins to walk back the way he came "Mordred" she calls her voice strained.
He stops turning back to look at her "I'm really sorry about..about the other day" Aislinn pauses "I had no right to put those words in your mouth and I can understand if you don't want to talk to me again." Mordred's face remains impartial as he looks over her a long silence falling between the two until he speaks "it's okay, I said a few things I should not have said myself" he admits rocking on his feet a little. "I shouldn't have said I regretted what happened because..I don't, I was just – confused about what the next step was" he says eyes landing on her face, Aislinn takes a deep breath "it was however, mostly my fault and there is no excuse for anything I said."
Aislinn's hand tightens around the glass, the edges cutting into her palm but she doesn't mind "sometimes I wonder whether we are both adults" she adds a few seconds later and he smirks one of his cute lopsided smirks. "Making up for lost years" Mordred says his smirk fading "Mordred" she says, pressure loosening on the glass. He doesn't say anything but his eyes light up with response "I don't know if I should be asking you this" she trails off trying to think of how to ask him "I'm going to be making a trip to my parents graves and" Aislinn trails off again "I would like to know if you'd accompany me."
Mordred halts his breathing for a moment honoured that she would ask him to go with her "I'd love to go" he tells her "when do we leave?" he asks taking a few steps towards her. "The day after tomorrow" Aislinn says running her tongue over her top lip, her face solemn "I'll be ready" he says smiling at her Aislinn replies with a small smile but not much effort is put into it. Mordred takes another step towards her, not entirely certain he should do something like this lightly but hesitantly he kisses her softly on the cheek "I'll see you later" he says smiling at her again before he leaves her standing there.