Ch. 4

Why Me?

I didn't sleep well that night. When did I ever? My mind was wondering about so many things. My sleeping pills apparently weren't working. I tried to relax myself, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what would happen in the next couple of days. It was Friday night, they were giving me a couple of days to settle in and then I would be attending school the following Monday. I wasn't too excited about going to school, because somehow I always end up screwing something up. I looked at the clock; it read 2:45 a.m.

Son of a bitch.

I gave up on sleep, every time I was moved to a new place I never got any sleep so what's the point? I guess I still keep trying so I can just leave the realities of my crappy life to not feel so miserable.

I tied my robe on and walked out onto my balcony. I don't know if anybody else feels like I do when I see a full moon. Because when I see the moon, I feel calm and able to just relax without having to worry about anything. I was caught up in the beauty when suddenly the air was starting to smell. I knew this scent so well I could recognize it anywhere.

I look around and then to my left I could see Edward on is balcony, smoking a cigarette. I forgot that his bedroom was right next to mine; his balcony was so close I probably could just step over the railing and I would be there. Then at that moment he had noticed me watching. He was at first in shock, probably that somebody had found out how he's been spending his nights. I didn't really like the awkward staring between us so I just waved. He then seemed to calm down because he waved back. He gestured for me to come over so I thought hey why not?

I leaped over the railing and was on his balcony, it wasn't that hard. He started talking to me saying,

"What are you doing still up?"

"I usually have problems sleeping and my medication isn't working. What 'bout you?"

"I couldn't sleep either, usually now I have to take a drag of this to get to sleep," he answered, looking down at his cigarette.

It had been a really long day, a lot of things had happened, I hadn't had a smoke in a while and I really needed one. When I was taken out of my other foster home, Karen had checked me to make me to see if I had anything illegal. She found my cigarette stash I hid in my suitcase. I was desperate to take a smoke, but I'm not sure if I was desperate enough to work up the guts to actually ask for a cigarette. Well apparently I was that desperate.

"Hey do you mind? I haven't had a cigarette in days, I really need one, and my social worker took mine", I asked it plain and simple. I was admitting this to him and I had only known him about 12 hours. I must be out of my mind.

At first he looked at me very confused. Then from his pocket he pulled out a pack of Marlboro. He took one out and handed it to me. I held it out in front of me so he could light it. Sure it was just a pocket lighter but I still didn't like being so close to flames.

I held it in my hand for a minute, then brought it up and took long drag out of it. It felt good, like an ultimate stress reliever. After letting the smoke out, I noticed Edward was watching me curiously.

"You smoke often?"

"I used to do it a lot, but I have been trying to."

"I would think, I mean I don't think smoking would be good for you as a dancer."

"Yeah you're right. So why do you smoke?"

"I just need some way to get things off my mind and this is the only thing that has ever helped me."

He seemed very distant when he was talking about it. And at that moment I just wanted to give him a hug and take away his pain. I wasn't sure if just giving him a hug would help anything though. I didn't know anything about Edward and yet we were already keeping secrets for each other.

"So just out of curiosity why are you in foster care?" I tried to ask as casually as I could, but I don't think I could really ask something that personal in a casual way. Man, am I an idiot.

"My dad had a business trip, he took my mother with him and left me with my aunt because they didn't want me missing school," he explained, "the plane crashed and nobody survived."

"So if you were staying with your aunt when they were on the trip, why aren't you staying with her?"

He sighed. He was looking out over the trees surrounding the house.

"She was very close to my parents, so she didn't take their deaths very well. She pretty much went over the deep end."

Well I'm guessing that's the end of that conversation. I was still shocked that he had been able to tell me all this.

"You tell any of your brothers or sisters about this?"

"Well when I first arrived, Carlisle and Esme explained it to them; I didn't tell it from my point of view."

"So they just know what Esme and Carlisle told them?"

"Yeah."

"So, why me?"

"Well I figured it would probably help you get used to living with everybody else since you don't know them that well. And maybe in time you'll tell me your story." He then yawned.

"Well I guess I better head to bed."

"Yeah, I probably should too."

I climbed back over to my balcony and turned back to look at Edward's. He was also looking at me and waving at me. I waved back and went straight back to my room. I was really tired after talking to Edward. I was able to fall asleep quite fast that night for the first time in a while.