Phil
I shouldn't be thinking like this! Phil mentally scolded himself. Stupid Brain just shut up! I should be asleep. No, I won't be able to sleep, of course not. Nothing could ever be easy for him. He seemed to attract things that would hurt when he damaged them. When. Because he would, he destroyed everything. He shouldn't be thinking about this, he would just end up ruining the best friendship he'd had in a while. What could it hurt though? It's not like Dan could read his mind. Not unless he was looking at him anyway. He always seemed to know when Phil was lying, but he knew it was stupid to think that Dan would know what he was thinking. He knew it was better to get these thought out of the way now, in the middle of the night while Dan was asleep. It was better to think about it now than when Dan was in the room.
The way Dan's hair went curly whenever it got the slightest bit wet. Phil felt the warm feeling spread through him as he pictured Dan's hobbit hair. The dimples that appeared whenever Dan gave a true, completely untamed smile. His smile was infectious. Phil loved his laugh, the way it lit up a room. He loved how random and creative he was. Phil couldn't contain his smile whenever he thought about Dan's sense of humour. Placentas, alpacalypses and Phil's mum. He had pretended for a long time that the last one irritated him, but he didn't really mind. It wasn't obnoxious or mean when Dan said it, compared to the others that used it to try and seem cool. Dan was self-admittedly not cool, and Phil wouldn't have had him any other way.
He'd had enough free thinking time now, and he needed to sleep. His mind felt clouded with tiredness. He tried to rain the thoughts in. It's wrong. He told himself over and over. Dan was his best friend, and this was a complete violation of their trust. On top of that, Phil was like 5 years older than him. This was wrong. As he drifted asleep however, he found himself not really caring. He was in love with Dan Howell, and it was fine as long as it all stayed in his head.