A/N I highly recommend to hear "Memories" from Barbra Streisand while reading this. I watched The Way We Were yesterday and couldn't help but cry a river, comparing them to Dair.
Thank you all of you, for stopping by and reading this!
When she doesn't show up at all at NUY that month, Dan knows something happened. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to call her or when, so he just decided that he'll let her reach him if she wanted. It never happened.
Just like her, he isn't that much close to anybody at college, but that Monday he asks a girl who usually sits next to Blair, where is she. The girl has no idea, since Blair never returned her e-mails.
…
After almost a month, Serena comes to the loft, calm down and friendly, apologizes for her behavior and keeps acting as if nothing happened. She brags about her upcoming trip to Vegas with… Dan stops listening to her in that exact second, because it's same old, same old. If it wasn't Vegas, it was L.A, if it wasn't L.A it was somewhere in Europe and he had heard it all before.
"Oh…by the way, I saw Eleanor the other day in her studio. Blair transferred to Yale. Finally." – She grabs an apple from the fruit bowl and bites it.
He has so many questions to ask her about Blair, but he decides that it would be better if he doesn't.
"Also, Chuck wanted to sue you for punching him. His face was blue and puffy for weeks" – She adds with mouthful of apple.
"Whatever" – He says, looking away.
"So, are you gonna transfer to Yale, too?" – She giggles like an idiot.
"Yes I will, Serena" – He says sarcastically.
"Kidding" – She adds, finishing the apple. – "I'm just teasing you"
"You're gloating"
"What for? I'm so over what happened last month, I really don't hold any grudge"
They stay quiet for a while till she realizes that it's his way of telling her to leave, so she makes as if she's so bored there and that she has to go.
…..
He decides to send her an e-mail. He doesn't expect any replay, but he gets one and quite faster than he hoped. She says she's ok, she studies hard and that she really needed new place to calm down and focus on her studies. She says she really needs that change so she can grow up. She says she hopes that he's fine and that he's doing well.
The next e-mail she sends him is four months later, to wish him a Marry Christmas, saying that she chose not to go home for the holidays. He wishes Marry Christmas too.
…
When he comes back from college, besides catching with the material, he writes. Short stories, long stories, something that one day might be a book…He writes.
Serena visits the loft again, and this time (luckily for him, Jenny's home). As Serena informs Jenny with the latest gossips and shopping details and the love interests she met in the past half a year, he types furiously in his room.
"A book?" – Serena asks when she walks in his room.
"It might be" – He says, not looking away from his lap top.
"What's the story about?" – She asks naively. He sighs out loud. – "Don't tell me it's a sequel to Inside?"
"This has nothing to do with Inside" – He keeps typing.
"What her name will be in this one?" – Serena asks and suddenly her voice isn't so friendly or cheerful. Dan stops typing.
"If one day this gets printed, you can read it. Don't ask me now"
"If I don't show it, it doesn't mean I'm not hurt Dan!" – She's serious.
"I'm sorry." – Dan looks at her.
"People say that Blair was trying her best to be half charming as I am. But when comes to falling in love with her, all of them…you, Chuck…perhaps even Nate…you all want that permanent thing she has…sharp mind and intellect, seriousness and self confidence when comes to knowledge…"
"I never did anything to hurt you on purpose. I didn't choose anything. You know the best, I always kept distance."
"Yes, what I was always been scared of was this…that she actually might really see you."
….
Almost ten months after Blair leaves NUY and transfers to Yale, Dan gets a date for the promotion of his new book, "The Monarch of Manhattan". This time, eminent news papers and critics are writing about him as the modest uprising young writer from Brooklyn who started his career with surprisingly well written teenage drama novel. The reviews are full with compliments on the structure and the style of the new book, completely different from the first one, yet there still is the young spirit in it and for sure some of them can sense that the muse from the first novel is still present in the new one. She might have new name but the spirit is right there, on each page.
…
It's rainy February afternoon, when "The Monarch of Manhattan" gets it's own promotion in Brooklyn.
The bookstore is full with people, friends and family, reporters, curious fans, all gathered to the promotion of Daniel Humphrey's new book. As Alessandra speaks about Dan and his talent and his way of capturing emotions in a subtle way that will make you fall in love with his words, a girl walks towards the building where the bookstore is. She doesn't go inside.
Dan signs books, he poses with friends and fans as the cameras are clicking, he answers questions, clinks glasses with all of those people who are there and half of them he doesn't even know who they are.
When he finally manages to sneak out for air he spots her, standing few steps away from the bookstore, holding a red umbrella, wearing deep green knee length coat and brown high heel boots, holding a little package wrapped in a beige paper.
"Blair?" – He focuses better, still not believing his eyes. – "When did you arrive? Why didn't you come inside?"
"It's ok, I didn't want to distract you or the promotion" – She smiles. She seems different, calmer, yet still disturbed, her face is skinnier and her hair is almost long to her waist, her curls perfect as he remembers. – "Congratulations" – She says.
"Thank you" – He hesitates to move towards her, but still, he walks towards her even though it's raining. – "How are you?" – He asks and she walks a step closer to him, putting her big red umbrella above them.
"I'm ok…studying hard" – She smiles. Her face looks flawless and natural. When she smiles she quickly looks away, like she's scared to look deep into his eyes. – "I brought you a…gift, if I can call it that way" – She places the package into his hand.
"What is it?"
"Ah…" – She still keeps her hand above the package, holding against his chest. – "I wanted to just give it to you and leave, so you can open it, when I go" – He can see that she's on the edge to cry. – "You see…" – She raises her eyes, lashes a bit wet – "I really had to go away, to mature, to get over myself, and my old ways and Chuck and you and everything…I really needed it. If I stayed one more day here I'd have either kill myself or become so indifferent and say "yes" to Chuck which was equal to suicide. So my father pulled strings and…"
"I understand" – Dan says, placing his hand over hers.
"I saw The Way We Were the other day." – She changes the topic. – "And you know how much I used to avoid films that Serena thought were lovely, and…well I cried." – She smiles. – "Literally through the entire movie and I realized I don't want to wake up one day and just hear that song and…" – Her sobs are getting louder and Dan's eyes are more worried than ever. – "I mean, Hubbell is an asshole not trying to accept her and she does her best to become better for him, and all he does is just being himself, a plankton, low life…and she believes in him and…"- He swears he never saw her tears that big. – "I realized that I am Hubbell when comes to you and me, because you always believed in me and pushed me harder to be a better person…I don't think I actually had someone…a friend, person in my life who was truly faithful to me as a human being and who believed in the good that was below my surface" – She sniffs and keeps talking and Dan completely forgets that he left his book promotion just for few minutes. – "I don't want you to hate me and just think that I was the brat, because I'm not, I'm really not. I swear, since the day we started going to the movies together I was becoming a better person, and I don't count our being together for just few months….it was years…" – She sighs. – "You should go back" – She wipes the tears that keep falling down. Dan shakes his head. – "All I ever wanted was pure and simple love and I got it, just to push it away with both hands because I was stupid. So here's my diary…" – She sharply breathes in.
"No, Blair…it's not necessary, really" – His eyes are getting teary too.
"No, no" – She sniffs, unable to calm down. – "You wrote me a book… this is the least I can do and you have to read carefully to realize everything…I printed those e-mails I sent you that summer, I assume you never read them." – She removes her hand from the package and moves backwards. – "I'm sorry for ruining your day" – She manages to smile. He looks at her as if she's insane, because how she could possibly do that. He closes the space between them and hugs her tightly.
"You're such a girl" – He whispers and she smiles in between the tears. – "And you are Katie as well…You inspired two books, you pushed me to write them even if you weren't there. You believed in me, even when we used to hate each other…" – He speaks in her hair.
"I have to go" – She breaks the hug. – "Have a nice day" – She forces a smile and he can't do anything to stop her. He knows she needs more time.
….
1. Blair Waldorf (Read ASAP)
Dan, this is not what you think it is, please call me!
2. Blair Waldorf (Please return my phone call)
I'm only going to Monaco to help him…I keep ringing but you don't pick up. Please, call me. We can meet in Rome or halfway somewhere on the Cote d'Azur
3. Blair Waldorf (I'm about to send Dorota to Brooklyn)
She will bring you the entire chapter from my diary, Dan I swear this isn't what it looks like. I panicked so much…
4. Blair Waldorf (There is a reason for this)
You have to understand that he needs me. The purpose of this is not to get back together with him, please understand me and call me. I don't know what goes through your mind, but I'm not lying to you.
5. Blair Waldorf (Read this)
I've said three words, eight letters before and it burned my heart out. You know it better than anyone, I just needed time. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you!
6. Blair Waldorf (You don't know the whole story)
I am not breaking up with you. This foolish decision was made fast and I know how it looks like but it's not like that. I still want to be with you, Dan! Please call me!
7. Blair Waldorf (Dan, call me)
PLEASE!
8. Blair Waldorf (There's an explanation)
I'm one big mess when comes to this…I told you I'm not in love with him anymore, but I'm still weak when he asks for my help, it's a habit, I want to be with you, please call me or e-mail me, don't do anything reckless, I beg you!
9. Blair Waldorf (Email me back)
Dan, please?
…
He reads the e-mails probably hundredths of times, wanting to punch himself in the face or even find Chuck and repeat his actions from almost a year ago.
Her diary is a delicate notebook, he's seen it before, mint colored leather and heart shaped padlock. The key is glued with a tape on the cover. His eyes fly over her delicate handwriting, reading her deepest emotions, fears, hopes and secrets…
…I don't know if I can express my feelings exactly how he wants to hear it. I'm mortified. What if he's the one, what if these butterflies that are ripping my guts every time we meet (and not since we are a couple, but since the movie dates I refused to write down with his full name, afraid that Serena might find this notebook and read it) it's my wake up call…I don't know how to react, it's all new to me and I have forgotten completely how it is…or maybe I never knew how it was to have fun and really laugh with a boy, feel safe and important…For god's sake, he wrote a book for me. Fictional Blair or not, he captured me, and people can say whatever they want, they can only dream someone to admire them the way D(yl)an admired B(C)air. The way he looks at me scares me to hell and makes my heart skips a beat…and I hope to God I won't make a mistake and run back to Chuck just to hide from my denied feelings… Dan's my best friend and I'd rather die than lose him…as a person in my life….
…..
When they are reading the names of the Yale graduates, she stands next to her colleagues, wearing a cape and a graduation hat, happy and content, yet miserable deep inside. Dan never called, he just text her once, informing her that he read it and that it was all right, promising they'll talk when she comes back home.
Her parents are proudly taking pictures from the ceremony when the names of the graduates are pronounced, when they are throwing their hats and when the congratulation part begins.
Her mother fixes her hair, mumbling critics on her lipstick, her father hugs her firmly and Roman and Cyrus constantly remind her that she's the sunshine in the Waldorf family.
She can't help but smile when she sees Nate there. He hugs her and congrats her.
"Look who I brought with me"
…
"Congratulations" – He hugs her and gives her a single pink rose. She smiles although seeing him makes her feel dizzy. – "You're my best friend too" – He says as he hugs her firmly. - "You hurt me so much, but perhaps even if I read those e-mails back then…I'd still be an asshole…I'm Hubbell too, Blair…And I don't want to be. I don't want to give up on you!"
"Then don't"- she sighs, squeezing his neck with both of her arms.
He pulls back and looks at her. – "I won't!" – He smiles. – "Is a kiss allowed or I'll ruin your makeup? …Oh your father's here" – He realizes that Harold Waldorf is just several steps away. She grabs his chin and gently turns his head towards her and kisses him. She realizes how much she missed it when she can hear him inhale heavily. That's when unconsciously they hold on each other even tighter.
The End
P.S I will finish "Let's get you a decent girl, Humphrey" and "Much ado about everything", I have that in mind, don't worry guys it'd be sooner than you think, I promise :D :*