Chapter 10

"I can't believe it," Simon's jaw dropped, "It worked, it actually worked."

Kim stared and swallowed, the pub standing ahead of them.

"It did," she couldn't take it in, "B-but –"

"Let's just be grateful that it's worked and question it later," Robin said. He sounded blunt but he didn't want Kim worrying about it. He could see the look on her face. Oddities were always worrying. "Come on, let's get this lot in before last orders."

"Right," Kim took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. She began to walk slowly forward, leading the rest of the crowd, one foot in front of another. The pub retained the eerie glow that they'd seen before but something felt wrong. She couldn't put her finger on it.

"if Nelson's buggered off to watch the building of the Millennium Dome then I'll –" she trailed off as she opened the door into the pub and found herself face to face with the most unexpected of sights.

"Eggs?"

Kim swallowed.

"I'm starting to wish the pub had decided to disobey our wishes," she squeaked.

~xXx~

Clara put her hands on her hips and gave a little smile at the sight of the Doctor sprawled out in a corner of the club, eyes closed and bowtie askew.

"What's –" Marci froze as she saw him, "Oh god, is he OK?"

"He's fine," Clara smiled, "you've all worn him out."

"I didn't even know the Doctor slept," Shaz commented.

"You know, I'm never too sure myself," Clara tilted her head to one side to study the sleeping Doctor, "but it seems that late nineties dance music has quite an effect on him."

"What are we going to do?" asked Marci, "we can't leave him here!"

As honorary companion Jake decided to step in and do his best to protect the Doctor from spending an uncomfortable night on the dance floor.

"Shaz, you live closest," he pointed out, "I'm sure we can carry him."

"What?!" Shaz balked at the idea, "have you seen the length of him?!

"There's four of us and one doctor," Jake pointed out.

"Four –" Marci looked around, "where did everyone else go?"

Shaz cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Can't have been able to keep up with the Doctor's dance moves," she shrugged innocently.

"No wonder the poor thing's exhausted," Marci commented.

"Are we going to shift this guy or what?" asked Jake, "before someone spills a pin t over his bowtie."

Marci and Shaz muttered and groaned as they took a leg each and watched Jake and Clara taking the shoulders.

"Who would have thought it?" Marci commented, "nineties dance is the Doctor's Kryptonite!"

~xXx~

"What's going on?" Kim demanded as Sam ad Nelson peered over the bar. "Oh for goodness sake, have you two got any idea what you look like?"

"Excuse me?" Sam challenged, "Homicidal killing machine in the pub! Or hadn't you noticed?"

"Well I had one in my office earlier!" Kim cried, "and I lived to tell the tale!" she paused and frowned. "Come to think of it, this is probably the same one."

"Eggs," it demanded.

"It's been saying that for hours!" Sam shuddered.

"I told it already that I don't do bar food!" Nelson protested, "but it's very insistent."

"Eggs… stir… minate…" the Dalek crackled a little like a speaker full of static.

"Woah, wait, what's going on?" Robin swallowed.

"It's going into some kind of egg-related meltdown," Sam said, finally rising to his full height until the dalek spun around a moment later and he dropped below the bar again, cursing profusely.

"Eggs… stir… stir…" The Dalek seemed to stutter, "stir, beat in half the flour…"

"Great," Simon threw his hands in the air, "now it's going to share its favourite recipes!"

"Are none of you even the slightest bit worried about the murdering machine standing in front of you?" Sam couldn't believe their ignorance but Simon was still too busy getting angry about the Dalek's sudden love of cooking to care.

"Rob, this is clearly one for you," he snapped, "You're the expert. Go and exchange recipes."

"I already shared my soufflé tips once today!" Robin protested, "I'm not letting any more of my closely guarded secrets escape!"

"Soufflé?" the Dalek seemed to freeze up, which made everybody stare. "Soufflé… tips?"

Robin glanced at Kim and Simon, bewildered and unsure what to do.

"Uh…" he swallowed, "yes. W-why?"

"My… soufflé…" the Dalek's voice lost a little of its robotic edge and something approaching emotion started filtering through, "I… my soufflé… wouldn't rise…" it seemed genuinely distressed, spinning on the spot, "it burnt… my soufflé burnt…"

Robin swallowed.

"I'm… really sorry to hear that," he said apologetically.

"I can't… get… my soufflés… to rise…" The dalek cried.

"Well…" Robin gulped, "how old are the eggs you're using?"

"Robin!" hissed Simon, slapping him on the arm, "don't give recipes to the bloody thing, work out how to destroy it!"

But Robin was too fixated on the confused Dalek as it said,

"My eggs… are fresh…"

Almost as though he'd forgotten that he was talking to a machine of extreme danger Robin seemed to relax, into a territory where he knew his stuff.

"Ohhh, that's where you're going wrong," he said, "I mean, you'd automatically think fresh eggs were better, but ones that are a little older hold the air better."

"Eggs?" the dalek repeated incredulously.

"…which helps your soufflé to rise," Robin concluded.

"Soufflé… my soufflé…" the Dalek's voice rose, "…was too beautiful to live…"

Robin swallowed.

"Well," he began awkwardly, "you should try with older eggs and see what happens.

"I will," the Dalek told him, "older... eggs… eggs…stirminate…" the Dalek began to shake and spark as the pressures of its soufflé woes got a little too much, "exterminate! Exterminate fresh eggs!"

"Oh Jesus, no," Simon cried, "Rob, what the fuck have you done?!"

"I was only giving it soufflé tips!" Robin protested.

"It's a fucking dalek," Simon cried, "it doesn't need advice about cooking a soufflé to perfection!"

"Exterminate! Exterminate! Eggs…. Stirminate…" sparks flew and the dalek spun and juddered on the spot as Robin and the others took a step back.

"Shit!" cried Simon.

"It's gonna blow!" Robin panicked.

"Everyone down!" Kim commanded and they dropped to the ground just as the sparks reached their peak and the lights in the pub started to flash on and off.

"Oh hell no, what now?" cried Simon.

"Stop panicking!" cried Kim.

"How can I stop panicking when there's a cooking dalek about to explode?" cried Simon over the din of the electrical crackling and the frantic cries of extermination.

"You're not helping, Si!" Robin cried, covering his ears while Sam and Nelson took shelter behind the bar.

"This is the last time I come in early to help you open, Nelson!" Sam cried.

"This is the last time I let a dalek in without asking for ID!" Nelson countered

"Exterminate!" the dalek cried, the lights and the crackling hitting their peak, andwith a loud bang the fuses blew, the lights went out and the dalek cried out no more.

Silence.

Finally, silence fell.

Everything was dark and quiet for several moments with the gathered crowd too worried about being exterminated to do anything until finally someone asked,

"What's actually going on?"

"I'll check the fuse box," Sam's voice called out into the darkness. There were footsteps, followed by some swearing as he walked into a doorway, then silence and finally an electrical hum. The lights slowly rose and with wide, shocked eyes everyone turned to see the remains of a dalek; melting, crumbling in the middle of the pub. Sitting in confusion in the middle of the debris was a pretty girl in a red dress who had less idea what was happening than anyone else did. She couldn't recall how she got there, she didn't know where she was, she barely knew who she was. But with big, wide eyes she turned to Robin, swallowed and whispered the only words that were on her mind.

"So," her voice shook, "I should try older eggs then?"

~xXx~

"Hhhhnngggggggfffff," Jake groaned as they dropped the Doctor onto Shaz's bed.

"Aw," Shaz pursed her lips as she looked at him, "he looks cute while he's sleeping."

Clara was smiling distantly.

"Yeah," she agreed, "he does." The she realised what she had said without thinking and that three pairs of eyes were fixed on her. "I mean," she cleared her throat, "everyone does. While they're sleeping. Don't they?" she flinched as she watched eyebrows rising. "You didn't hear that."

"'Course not," Jake smiled.

"Are you getting in with him or would you like the couch?" Shaz asked, half-teasing.

"The couch is fine," Clara blushed.

"I'll get the blankets," Shaz smiled and set off to lead Clara to the lounge.

Marci and Jake were left to stare at the Doctor as he lay there, mouth open and something approaching a snore emerging from it.

"This companion lark isn't all it's cracked up to be," Jake commented and Marci looked at him curiously.

"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow, "what were you expecting?"

"More excitement for a start," Jake folded his arm, "we didn't even slightly almost die tonight."

"Plenty of time for that," Marci teased. She and Jake looked at one another and exchanged a soft laugh. "So," she said quietly, "have you thought any more about whether you're going to leave with him when he fixes that box tomorrow?" she noticed Jake's expression grew a little sad.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "I've thought a lot."

"And?"

Jake looked at her seriously.

"I don't know yet, Marci," he said quietly, "this is my dream, it's something I always wanted and never thought was possible…" he closed his eyes and sighed.

"What?" Marci asked quietly and he turned to her sadly.

"There are some things I don't think I can give up," he whispered.

Marci swallowed.

"Then stay," she said quietly.

Jake felt strangely churned up inside as he looked from Marci to the sleeping Doctor. This was going to be the hardest decision of his life and no mistake.

~xXx~

"I told you, I don't know how I got here or what's going on. I was looking for eggs… I was only looking for eggs…"

Kim felt a little sick. She swallowed and reached for Robin's hand as she stared at the confused young woman.

"I don't get it," she whispered, "that's her, that's Clara… isn't it?"

Robin gave an anxious shrug.

"Clone? Duplicate? Long-lost evil twin?" he whispered.

Kim stepped towards her, trying not to step on any smouldering dalek remains.

"Clara?" she asked quietly.

The woman turned to her.

"Who?"

Kim swallowed.

"You're not Clara?" she blinked.

"No, I'm Oswin," said Oswin, "who are you? And what am I doing in this…" she looked around her, "Wait, am I back on earth?"

"Back on earth?" Simon repeated.

Kim swallowed as a dark feeling began to creep through her bones. It was a strange feeling that Gene and Alex, and more recently Simon and Robin knew well but one Kim had only started to experience.

"Why? Where were you?" she whispered.

"I was on a starliner," Oswin said, still confused, "the Alaska. We crashed." She sighed, "I was supposed to be junior entertainment manager. I only wanted to see the stars."

Simon shuddered.

"Yeah, stars are a bit of a sore point around here," he said.

Kim swallowed. There was more to the story than that, she knew it.

"What happened after you crashed?" she whispered.

"I've been stranded for so long," Oswin sighed, "defending myself from the Daleks and trying to create the ultimate soufflé."

Kim shuddered and turned away, unable to carry on asking questions. She found her hands moving slowly up and down her arms as though trying to warm them up and felt eternally grateful as Robin put a comforting arm against her shoulder.

"Kim?" he said quietly, "what's the matter?"

She looked up at him, her eyes sad.

"She's dead," she whispered, "isn't she?" she glanced at Oswin who was still busy fielding questions about her unexpected arrival from inside of a dalek, "the soufflé girl. I can feel it." she saw Robin look down and nod slowly. He could feel it too. "Shit."

"I'm sorry," Robin said quietly, "It happens, you start to realise… you can tell. You can feel it…"

Kim nodded slowly.

"I think it started to happen a little bit before," she whispered, "at Fenchurch West. But I don't remember much about those days and it… it's taken a while since I transferred…" she glanced at Oswin who was busy shaking bits of burnt metal and plastic from her dress as Eddie practically tripped over his tongue trying to help her up. "What's she doing here, Rob? I mean, in this world?."

Robin shook his head and bit his lip.

"We can only speculate, Kim," he whispered, "but at a guess I'd say…" he sighed deeply, "somehow her soul and her spirit were too strong to just fade away."

Kim stared at her with a heavy heart.

"So she came here," she whispered, "because that's what this world is all about."

"She must have come from the Doctor's universe," Robin said quietly.

"And she came to the Railway Arms because that's where all the good souls go," Kim whispered. She stepped towards Oswin who was complaining that she still had no eggs for her next soufflé and wasn't sure where her oven even was. "Hey," she said quietly.

Oswin turned to her.

"I'm usually more together than this," she said with an apologetic smile that seemed to be brimming over with life.

"It's fine," Kim reassured her, "I was just wondering if you knew how you found your way here?"

"N-n-n-not really," Oswin said slowly, "I remember crashing, protecting myself against the daleks at the asylum… then it all becomes a bit confusing. I remember there was a large chin and a man who wasn't called Nina…" she shook her head and closed her eyes, "I… my memory isn't what it used to be," she said, "there was a bang."

"A bang?" Kim repeated.

"Yes, and then I was somewhere else," Oswin looked around, "it wasn't here. It was an office."

Kim gave a little smile.

"My office," she said quietly.

"I needed some eggs and all the shops were shut," Oswin said as though that made any more sense than anything else that had occurred that day.

"So you tried a pub," Sam finally found the guts to get to his feet and stop hiding behind the bar

"It was the only place open," Oswin said as though Sam should have known that.

Kim still felt sad to look at Oswin and know that she was dead. It was strange because it wasn't exactly unusual – every day she was surrounded by people who had passed away but this seemed more tragic somehow. The remains of the dalek gave more than a clue into what happened to her. She'd set off for a life of excitement, exploring the universe and ended up with wires instead of blood. It was no life for anyone. No life at all.

"Nelson," she felt nervous addressing the man who ran heaven but she could never forgive herself of she didn't at least try to give Oswin a future, "your pub. Do you ever wonder if you might need to lay on some entertainment for the regulars?" she eyes the crowd behind her "stop them wandering off so often?"

Nelson nodded as a smile spread across his face.

"As a matter of fact," he began, "I was thinking that very same thing."

"So you might have, for example," Kim continued, "a post in your establishment for a new junior entertainment manager?"

Oswin still looked as confused as she had the moment the lights went up but now there was a spark of hope. She looked eagerly at Nelson, the thought of having her very own pub to fill with entertainment making her smile.

"I know my stuff," she told him, "as long as you don't expect me to cater as well." she cringed. "I'm fantastic with cold snacks but I can't guarantee my soufflés will rise."

Nelson nodded slowly, smiling warmly at the stranger.

"I think we could find room for you here," he told her, "…how are you at bar work?"

Oswin considered for a moment.

"I could learn to like it," she said.

"Then," Nelson held out his hand, "welcome to the team."

Oswin hesitated just for a moment. She couldn't pretend to understand what had occurred in the last few minutes but when she thought about it the whole of the past year made little sense and she hadn't questioned it so far. It wasn't time to start now. With a wide smile she took Nelson's hand and shook on the deal.

"A pleasure to join you," she said as a few little cheers sounded from the gathering.

"Now that's sorted," Ray began, shoving his way to the front, "can I please get a flaming pint before I die of thirst?"

"Coming right up, Ray," Sam reached for a glass.

Nelson turned to Kim, beckoning her over with a twitch of the head.

"Drinks on the house," he told her.

Kim's eyes widened with delight.

"Those are my favourite words," she said, "best make it two double scotches and a double brandy."

"Coming right up," Nelson reached for some glasses and built up a small collection of spirits on the bar in front of Kim. "It's a pleasure to meet you properly at last," he told her and Kim looked a little confused.

"It… is?" she frowned.

Nelson nodded, then in a flash his accent faded away and he leaned in close.

"The doors are always open for you," he told her with a wink before he turned around and set about furnishing his regulars with their beverage of choice. Kim shuddered and swallowed, the moment catching her off guard.

"Kim?" Robin's voice caught her attention and she spun around.

"What?" she whispered.

"What's the matter?" he asked her, "you look like you've seen a ghost." He glanced around, "bad choice of words, but…"

Kim swallowed.

"Nothing," she whispered, "everything's fine." But Nelson's words stayed with her. Was there something she needed to know? It had been the strangest of days and it seemed that it wasn't over yet.

She reached for the glasses and furnished Robin and Simon with theirs before holding up her own and trying to shake off the strange feeling she had.

"So what do we drink to?" Simon asked.

"To me," Robin declared "for defeating the daleks single-handedly."

Kim gave him a withering look.

"One dalek," she reminded him, "you defeated one dalek. And you didn't defeat her, you just…" she frowned, "out-soufflé'd her."

"Same thing," Robin pouted.

"I've got a better toast anyway," Kim told them, holding up her glass, "to time, space, reality and a world where no day is ever dull."

"God, I'll drink to that," said Robin.

"I'll drink because of that," Simon added.

"Cheers," Kim said as they clinked their glasses and downed their drinks.

It had indeed been the strangest of days, and that was saying something. It had been proof of three things; that there were worlds beyond the two they knew, that their perceptions of reality were rather skewed and – above everything – that soufflés were more volatile than even Robin had ever known.

The End

A/N: I just want to say a really big thank you to everyone who's read this bizarre little crossover, and the epilogue will be posted on Friday along with the epilogue to my main fic!