The next twenty-four hours were a blur to Castiel. He did nothing but let silent tears stream down his face the entire night after their break-up and once he was all out of tears, he slept. He didn't talk to Balthazar other than a murmur of thanks when a cup of tea was dropped in front of him and Balthazar, the understanding man that he is, didn't complain once or pry Castiel for answers. He just looked after his friend and was a shoulder to cry on when he needed to. Castiel was eternally grateful for his friend's patience and didn't know how he was ever going to repay him. His phone had stayed silent surprisingly with no phone calls from Dean but if he had rang or sent a message, Castiel knew he wouldn't answer or reply. He was hurting too much to deal with him but it hurt even more that Dean wasn't willing to fight for him, for them and that thought just made him cry harder.

By the second evening, Castiel knew he owed Balthazar an explanation. When he stepped through the door after closing up the shop he would tell him what happened no matter how hard it would be. Balthazar had taken upon looking after the shop while Castiel was indisposed without even having to be asked which proved he was owed an explanation.

"Balthazar," Castiel called out his voice hoarse from crying and lack of use. Balthazar was immediately at Castiel's side asking what he needed causing a small smile to play across Castiel's lips at the fact that his friend was always there for him but as soon as it was there, it was gone again. Once he waved off his friend's flustering, he sat him down next to him on the couch and told him everything that happened with Dean.

"That bastard" Balthazar yelled out angrily once Castiel had finished. He had stayed silent the whole story but could barely control his anger once he retold how Dean had accused Castiel of cheating on him. "I'm gonna kill him"

"Balthazar, please" Castiel pleaded as he tried to calm his friend down. "He's just confused"

"Confused?" Balthazar protested "Cassie, he accused you of cheating all because you talk to me about your problems. Sounds to me like he's an insecure, possessive bastard who is definitely not good enough for you"

"He's not possessive" Castiel quickly defended Dean. "He's just protective of me. He knows what I've been through and he doesn't what it to happen again" He fidgeted with the blanket that was draped over his legs as he spoke. He would defend Dean till he died even though the man had hurt him, Castiel still loved him and that wasn't going to change any time soon which made it so much harder to not think about him.

"And look what he's done, Cassie. He's hurt you. He didn't give two shits about your feelings when he said what he said. He insulted you profession; your pride and joy is that store and he just went and trod all over your dream like it didn't matter. If you ask me Cassie, I think you're best off without him. But alas, it's not my decision to make. It's yours and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do and as your friend I will stick by your decision whatever it is."

Castiel let a small smile spread across his lips before he reached across and hugged his friend. "Thank you, Balthazar. I have no idea how I'm going to repay you for the kindness you have shown me but I will somehow"

"Cassie," Balthazar started as he pulled back slightly so he could look him in the eye "I'm your friend; you don't need to feel like you owe me something. I'm doing this because I know if it happened to me, you would be the first one to help me."

Castiel smiled and nodded while he hugged his friend again tighter this time to show how grateful he was and for the first time in the past two days, he felt a little happy even if it was only for a brief moment before he realised he wouldn't be sleeping in his bed with Dean and his heart ached to be with his lover again.

-
Dean Winchester did what Dean Winchester does when he's faced with heart ache. He shuts himself away from the world with his guitar and a note pad and he writes until he escapes from the reality of his life and gets lost in the melody of a new song that is itching to get out. When he does come up for air, he masks his emotions from the world. He seals away his heart and acts as if nothing is wrong and it works on just about everyone except, of course, his brother.

Dean hadn't slept properly in the two days since Cas had left. He just couldn't bring himself to lie in their bed without Cas by his side. It just didn't feel right. He was tired, emotionally and physically exhausted and he knew he had no right to feel this way because it was his fault that Cas left and wasn't coming back. But he didn't think about that too much because that would mean facing what he'd done and Dean definitely wasn't ready to head down that road.

Unfortunately, Sam seems to have an intuition that tells him when something is wrong with Dean and he's gone into his shell. Without Dean telling him, Sam turned up at his apartment the next morning to car pool to band practice where he found Dean locked away in his music room.

"Dean," Sam said with a sympathetic tone "What's happened? Did you and Cas have a fight?"

Dean refused to answer because that would mean facing the truth. Instead, he turned his back on his brother and kept going with the song he was writing. He didn't know what he was writing down and when he would look back on it later he knew it was going to be depressing but for now he didn't care. Music was his escape and Sam and his questions were reality which he would rather ignore for now.

"Dean," Sam said again somewhat more persistent this time "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Dean didn't have to look at Sam to know he was being given Sam's you-need-to-talk-about-this look. He let out a loud sigh before he stopped his strumming.

"Cas left." That's all Dean was prepared to say and that's all he was going to say but of course Sam being Sam still persisted

"What? Why?" Sam asked his voice thick with confusion but today was not the day that Dean was going to answer those questions. Instead, he packed up his guitar into his case and with guitar in hand he headed for the door.

"Are we going to practice or what?" Dean demanded more than asked. He didn't want to talk about it and he wasn't going to be forced into speaking even if his brother's damn puppy eyes were incredibly hard to not give into.

His brother let out a deep sigh before he moved to follow Dean out the door and off to practice. Dean knew the conversation was long from over and that Sam was only going to pry it out of him sooner or later but right now, Sam wasn't talking and that made Dean just a little happy.

-
"I need to go over there and pick up some stuff" Castiel announced to Balthazar the following morning. He'd had another restless night sleeping on the couch dreaming of being wrapped in Dean's arms but was forced back into reality when he opened his eyes. Seeing he had left in such a hurry, he soon realised how much stuff he needed that he didn't have.

"Would you like me to go with you?" Balthazar replied from where he was seated at the table while he read his morning paper and enjoyed a cup of tea.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. They will be at band practice seeing they leave…" Castiel trailed off at the end not wanting to think how close Dean was to leaving for their tour. He definitely didn't want to run into Dean at the apartment because he knew he wouldn't be able to leave if Dean was there. As much as the words Dean had spoken hurt, Castiel still loved Dean and he didn't trust himself to see it through if Dean did show up. But of course, that wouldn't happen because Dean would be at band practice preparing for their tour.

Balthazar had made his way over to Castiel and took a seat next to him. The sudden movement in the cushions and the gentle hand on his shoulder snapped Castiel out of his thoughts.

"Are you sure?" Balthazar asked calmly

Castiel nodded in reply "Yes, I'm sure. He will be at practice until late tonight so I will have time to collect a few things without him being there."

Balthazar nodded before he spoke again "Cassie, not to force you into making any decisions, but have you thought about what you're going to do now? I mean it's not like I don't like having you here and I'm not kicking you out, but have you thought of where you might stay? You're more than welcome to stay here it's just I don't think the couch is that comfortable" Balthazar rambled

Castiel had thought about it and he knew what he was going to do. The only option he had was to return back to Gabriel. He didn't want to put his friend out and he knew by staying here he was interfering with Balthazar's life more than he wanted to. The only thing was he didn't know what to do with the store. He didn't want to close down his only source of income while he sorted his life out but he didn't want to stay in LA where he knew next to no one. At least back with Gabriel he had his brother and the few friends he had made before he moved out to LA.

"I'm going back home to stay with my brother" he said defiantly "I just don't know what to do with the store. I don't want to close it while I'm gone but I can't run it from South Dakota." Castiel looked to Balthazar, the friend he had trusted enough in the past few months to look after the store while he had spent time looking for new books to collect and other errands on the business side. "I know it's a lot to ask" He said eventually "But would you like to run the store for a while, just till I figure out what I'm going to do. I'll still work the business side of everything, all you need to handle is rosters and closing and opening the store every day and of course checking the stock"

"Say no more" Balthazar interrupted "I'm more than happy to do that for you for as long as you need me to"

"Thank you Balthazar. You really are a great friend. I'll be sure to give you a raise" Castiel said with a smile which earned a small chuckle from his friend

"Why thank you, Cassie. Have you thought about when you will leave? Are you going to tell Dean?"

Castiel paused for a moment. He hadn't even thought about telling Dean he was going to leave. In his opinion, he had said everything he had wanted to say and until Dean came and apologised after he figured out why Castiel was so upset, then he wasn't going to speak to him. He had nothing left to say to Dean and apparently Dean had nothing to say seeing the lack of phone calls.

"No," Castiel decided "I'm not going to tell Dean. I don't see any reason why I should. As for when I'm leaving, I will leave first thing Friday morning"

Balthazar nodded again "And if Dean comes to the store looking for you?"

"I trust you to be civil. Please don't do anything to hurt him. I know he doesn't deserve it but –"

"You still love him." Balthazar finished for him "Yeah I get it." Balthazar sighed and stood from the couch "I guess I will head to the store and open up then. If you need me for anything just call alright?"

"Of course." Castiel smiled "But I won't need you. Thank you again for everything Balthazar"

"For the love of God, will you stop saying thank you!" Balthazar fake shouted at his friend clearly annoyed that he was forever being thanked.

Castiel laughed "I'm sorry. I will see you later then"

"Yes, later. Don't forget to call if you run into any issues"

"Yes, yes I will. Now get out of here. Time is money" Castiel shooed his friend out the door before he picked up his phone to arrange to stay with Gabriel. He decided to tell him what was going on and after a good two hours on the phone, Gabriel wanted to fly out and punch Dean's lights out but Castiel managed to calm him down and told him it wasn't worth the trouble. Once the details were sorted, Castiel hung up and grabbed his keys to walk over to the apartment. He just hoped he was right in thinking Dean would be gone for the afternoon.

-
"Dean, have you even called him?" Sam nagged. Dean was seriously sick of Sam's questions. It had been non-stop since they had got into the Impala that morning. Sam had stayed quiet most of the previous day but today, he demanded answers. Ash had taken the route of ignorance and just practiced his drumming while Jo had arrived after lunch and quickly pounced upon Dean and demanded answers along with Sam.

"Dammit, Sammy, what part of 'I'm fine' don't you get?"

"We're just worried about you, Dean" Jo chimed in "We know how much Cas means to you and if you two are fighting then you need to sort it out fast because if you go on tour like this we're going to be sick of you inside a week."

Dean groaned. He knew they were right, of course they were right but once again that meant he had to admit he was wrong. He just didn't want to do that right now. Dean wiped his hand through his hair and over his face before he sighed in defeat "Fine, I'll ring him. But I know he won't pick up so it's a waste of time"

Dean padded down his pockets to search for his phone before he realised he didn't have it with him. "Obviously," Dean announced matter-of-factly "That this is a sign that I shouldn't ring him" His announcement was greeted with a trio of bitch faces from his band and Jo.

"No asshole" Jo said as she shoved Dean's shoulder which forced him off his stool into a standing position "It's a sign you need to march your ass back to your apartment and ring Cas. If you're not going to talk to us about it then you need to talk to him because I for one am not going to last on tour with you guys if you're moping around because you didn't have the nerve to talk to him before you left."

Dean looked to Ash who he hoped would be on his side but found no reprieve. Ash at least had the decency to look a little sheepish at the fact that he didn't have his friend's back. Dean let out another groan as he marched to the door dragging his feet like a child being told he wasn't allowed a biscuit before dinner.

"Fine asshats I'm going. I'll text you later." And with that as his final note, he left the studio and headed back to his apartment dreading the fact that he was actually going to face what he'd done and confront Cas. But one thing was for certain, he didn't want to give this up. Not yet, not ever. If it took forever to win Cas back then forever it was. He wasn't going to let Cas be the one that got away.

-
It was early afternoon when Castiel made his way down the familiar corridor that lead to their apartment with a gnawing feeling in his gut that he was wrong and Dean was going to be there when he entered. Once he reached the door, he listened intently but failed to hear any movement behind the door but soon realised that if Dean was there, he wouldn't be able to hear him anyway due to the intense soundproofing of the apartment so that when Dean was practicing, there wasn't any disturbance to the other residents.

Taking a deep breath, Castiel withdrew his key from his pocket and unlocked the door. He warily entered the apartment and released his breath when he saw that it was empty. He was correct in thinking Dean would be at practice then. He looked around the apartment and saw not much had changed since he had left other than the fact there were a fair few empty beer bottles and a half empty bottle of whisky on the coffee table. Dean was obviously drinking himself into oblivion each night and Castiel's heart sunk that he was the reason Dean was drinking so heavily. He tried to turn it around and stop blaming himself, saying to himself that it was Dean's fault he left, Dean's words that had driven him out but he couldn't help the guilt that settled in.

Castiel made quick work of gathering up his things. He decided to just grab the essentials and would come back later to collect the rest of his stuff when he knew Dean would have left for their tour. His heart sunk even further at the thought of Dean leaving. He still couldn't think about it too long before tears started to well up in his eyes. Were they seriously going to throw everything they had together away over something so small? Castiel was scared of being alone for three months but with the way that things were heading, he was going to be away from Dean for a lot longer.

Before Castiel knew what had happened, he had broken down again and sobbed at the end of their bed with his suitcase half filled with clothing. He didn't want this to be over. He wanted Dean to come back and tell him he's sorry, tell him that he was wrong and to hold him tight never letting him go. If Dean would just realise he wasn't jealous that he was scared to be alone then everything would be fine and they could go back to being them again.

"Fuck" he yelled out into the empty room as the tears dried on his face "Please, please just let him realise" He didn't know who he was asking but it comforted him to think that someone was listening and he hoped that he was being heard.

As Castiel gathered himself off the floor, he heard a key in the door and footsteps entering the apartment. Before Castiel could react, he was face to face with Dean whose face showed the exact emotions that Castiel felt himself and no doubt showed.

"Cas?" Dean whispered

It took everything Castiel possessed inside him to not just give in and cross the room and fall into Dean's arms but he knew what he had to do and he needed to get it off his chest before it was too late.