To say Dean was surprised to see Cas stood in their bedroom would be an understatement. He stood mouth gaped at his (ex?) boyfriend whose eyes were red rimmed as if he'd just been crying and for the first time Dean saw the damage he had done and it made bile rise in his throat. The man before him looked utterly wrecked with bags under his eyes, his hair in disarray more so than usual but the worst was the hurt and pain that his blue eyes projected as they looked at Dean.

"Cas, I-" He began but he cut himself off. What would he say? I'm sorry? Somehow he didn't think that was going to cut it. He'd taken this man who was broken when he found him and put him back together only to tear apart his heart and beat him while he was down. There were no words that would repair the damage he had caused and the realisation made his stomach churn as if he was going to be physically sick. He swallowed hard which sent the bile back down still not knowing what to say but he stepped forward towards Cas anyway. The man took a step back, his fists were clenched at his side and that hurt like a tonne of bricks.

"Dean," Cas began it was barely above a whisper "I didn't think you would be here"

It was then that Dean noticed the suitcase. Cas wasn't staying.

"Where" Dean began but his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again "Where are you going?"

Cas let out a long breath before he squeaked out a reply "Back with Gabriel"

Dean was physically weak, his knees buckled and he had to press his hand into the door jamb where he stood just to remain upright. Cas was leaving. He was going back to South Dakota. He was moving out and leaving Dean behind. Of all the questions he wanted to ask the only thing that blurted out was "When?"

"Friday"

"So what? You're just going to leave me here?" Dean was angry even though he had no right to be. He was the one that pushed Cas away and now he had to deal with the consequences but that didn't mean he wanted him to go. Dean cursed himself for his inability to just talk things through like a normal person would. Instead he pushed further. "You know what, I don't care anymore. Do what you want Cas. You run along back to Balthazar and Gabriel"

"Leave you here?" Cas yelled "Are you fucking kidding me, Dean?" Cas took a step towards Dean before he obviously thought better of it and returned to his suitcase and packed the final things he wanted. "Actually, you know what Dean? I'm over this," Cas sighed and was silent for a few moments. Dean was fuming and he knew he was going regret everything straight after Cas left but right now he didn't care. Cas was leaving him behind and no matter how much it would hurt, it was best for him to drive Cas away than see him stay and visibly break. "If you're too fucking blind to see what's right in front of you then-" Cas cut himself off and turned to face Dean with more anger in his eyes than Dean had seen before "You know what, fuck you Dean. I don't have to explain myself to you. You were the one that hurt me and made me leave so I don't owe you an anything. I thought this was my fault but really it's yours. So fuck you, Dean. Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on. I'm done and I'm leaving."

Dean stood gobsmacked at how angry Cas was. If it wasn't for the fact that Cas was leaving, Dean would be incredibly turned on right now. What he said hit Dean hard but it's not like Dean didn't know it already. He knew Cas was leaving because of him, because of what his stupid mouth had said in the heat of the moment before he could take it back and he hated himself for it.

He had nothing to say. Nothing that would help the situation so for once in his life, Dean shut his mouth and watched as Cas zipped his suitcase closed. Tears dropped down Cas' face and down onto the duvet cover which left wet spots and Dean's heart wrenched. This perfect man before him cried because of him and he did nothing but make the situation worse. He wanted Cas, there's no doubt about that but for some reason, seeing the hurt in his eyes, Dean knew the best thing to do would be to let this flawless man go. He would do nothing but hurt him further and Cas didn't deserve that. Not at all.

Cas placed the suitcase onto the floor, pushed the button for the handle to extend and wheeled it over to the doorway where Dean was still stood. Cas looked Dean in the eye with a piercing gaze that didn't relent until Dean moved to the side and let Cas pass him by who noticeably avoided making contact. Dean watched as Cas made his way to the front door before he finally gained some courage and spoke up.

"Cas, wait" he made his way over to where Cas had stopped, hand still on the handle facing the door. "I'm sorry"

Dean heard Cas let out a shaky breath as more tears fell from his face. Dean felt his own eyes well up as he watched the love of his life in so much pain all because of him. Cas let out a laugh but it wasn't the one that made Dean want to laugh too; his eyes didn't crinkle at the edges, no this was hollow and empty.

"I've waited so long for you to say that." Cas huffed out "I thought that if you just apologised we could put it all behind us but you don't even know what you're apologising for do you, Dean? You have no idea why I was so upset the other day before you accused me of cheating and that's what hurts the most. Over a year together and you still have no idea why I was upset" Cas shook his head while Dean stood dumfounded as to what Cas was talking about. Cas had left because he had insulted his store. Wasn't it? "I love you, Dean. Please don't take too long to figure it out." Cas finally looked up then and planted his lips onto Dean in a sensual kiss that was like nothing Dean had experienced before. It was a goodbye. They broke apart and Cas opened the door saving one last glance at Dean. "Goodbye, Dean"

With that, Cas was gone leaving Dean confused and pondering what the hell he was talking about.

-
Castiel arrived at the airport Friday morning hurting even more. He didn't think the confrontation with Dean would have gone that bad. Dean was so ignorant that it pained Castiel to not just tell him why he was upset but Castiel had thought better. If there was any hope they could have a functional relationship, Dean would have to figure it out on his own. He knew he wouldn't be able to let Dean go. He loved him and that was never going to change. He just hoped that Dean wouldn't take long to figure it out. He needed Dean like he needed the air in his lungs. His body yearned to be with him but his brain told him he needed this space. This break would either make or break them.

Castiel made his way to the baggage claim and spotted his suitcase rather quickly on the conveyer belt. He collected his bag with a sigh and made his way to the exit where he hoped to spot Gabriel among the crowd. He was unbelievably tired. He hadn't slept since he had talk with Dean and it took a toll on his body. His skin was pale and the bags under his eyes had grown bigger and bigger. He needed his brother before things got out of control.

When Castiel finally made it to the exit, he squinted at the early morning light before he spotted his brother's car in the pick-up and drop off bay. He wheeled his suitcase along behind him which caused the sound of the plastic scraped on the concrete path to echo slightly against the glass partitions along the walkway.

Gabriel had seen him coming and had popped the trunk on the navy sedan for Castiel to put his suitcase in. His brother emerged from the car meeting Castiel and opened his arms pulled him into a hug. The two brothers embraced on the path before Gabriel pulled back and eyed his brother.

"You look like shit, bro" his brother commented

"Thanks, Gabriel. Way to cheer me up" Castiel replied his voice dripped with sarcasm

"Come on bro," Gabriel said as he placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder and guided him to the front of the car "Let's get you home and some sleep and then we will begin out plot to ruin Dean's life"

Castiel stopped then "Gabriel" He began but he was cut off again

"I know, I know, but he hurt you baby bro. He deserves to suffer"

"He already is" Castiel mumbled before he climbed into the car. He knew Dean would be suffering if his face when Castiel kissed him goodbye was anything to go by. Dean was confused. He didn't know why Castiel was hurting and he was pained to find out what it was. He knew Dean would close in on himself and turn into a hermit going into his music shell and just write and play music. There was no getting through to him when he was in that state. All Castiel could do was hope that Sam would find a way through to him and make him see sense. One thing was for sure, Castiel was not going to be the one to tell him.

They drove in silence as Castiel stared out the window at the houses and trees which passed by never really taking notice of what he actually looked at. When the housing and buildings grew familiar he knew they were close to Gabriel's apartment. He let out a sigh as they turned into the parking block and waited for Gabriel to turn of the car before he unbuckled his seatbelt and removed himself from the car without a word.

He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Dean but with the ignorant asshole was not where he needed to be right now. Right now he needed to be with his brother while Dean figured out his shit and tried to win Castiel back. Castiel just hoped he wasn't wrong in thinking Dean still wanted him.

After he collected his bag, Castiel made his way up the familiar stairs that he didn't think he would be climbing again in the same state he had the first time he arrived here. When he had first arrived he was depressed and alone. Now he was heartbroken and hurt but at least now, he had some friends to fall back on. He held back the tears that rose as he didn't want to break down in the middle of the stairwell. He gathered himself again and Castiel made his way over to the apartment door and waited for Gabriel to catch up.

"Cassie," Gabriel began once they were inside the apartment. His voice was soft and comforting which was very unlike his brother but Castiel was grateful for it anyway "I'm going to be staying with Kali while you're here so you can stay in my room instead of on that ratty old couch"

Castiel looked at his brother with what he hoped was a grateful expression but with his exhaustion he couldn't be sure.

"Thank you. I hope I'm not putting you or Kali out or anything by staying here." Castiel added somewhat worried he pushed his brother's relationship into the more serious stages. He knew that Gabriel and Kali had their issues hence why Gabriel still had his own apartment and wasn't living with her permanently.

"No of course not" Gabriel reassured "We have been discussing it for a while so you being here just gave us a chance to give it a go again. Hopefully it doesn't turn out last time"

Last time had been a disaster. Kali had moved in with Gabriel and within a month, they were at each other's throats accusing one another of cheating and that they were both bored in the relationship. All the accusations were false but they had decided to take a break from each other and Kali moved back into her own apartment. Within three months, they were back together again unable to stay away from each other much longer.

"I'm sure it won't." Castiel comforted "If you don't mind I'm just going to have a shower and sleep. Thank you again, Gabriel"

"Of course not little bro. I'll catch you later. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything alright? Beer, food, a voodoo doll of Dean…" Castiel just stared at his brother "Too soon?" Castiel just continued to stare. His brother means well but he can be a real dick. "Alright, fine but seriously if you need anything just call. I'm here for you okay?" Castiel nodded in answer before he made his way down the hall to the bedroom to place his suitcase in Gabriel's room.

Castiel swallowed hard when he looked over at the bed which reminded him of the night he had broken down and told Dean everything that had happened in his past. He swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened more tears to fall as he gathered a clean set of clothes and made his way to the bathroom for a hot shower. He needed to try and take his mind off things and a shower before bed sounded like a good idea. It may still be morning but he knew if he could just get to sleep then he would be out of it for a while.

His assumption proved correct as soon as he hits the pillow he was out like a light. The exhaustion took over and his thoughts of Dean removed from his mind even just for the briefest of moments as he fell into a dreamless slumber.

-
"You are a complete fucking idiot. I can't believe you, Dean." Sam yelled as he paced in front of Dean as he sat on the couch.

Dean had plucked up the courage to ring his brother the Friday Cas had supposedly left. He had moped around the apartment refusing to see anyone until he couldn't take it any longer and had rung Sam. As soon as Sam had arrived, Dean told him everything about what had happened with Cas in both confrontations.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" he continued as one of his giant hands wiped his face and pushed through his long hair. "I actually can't believe you said all that shit to Cas. You've gone and fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to you" Dean went to protest about to say the band is the best thing but he was silenced by Sam's bitch face and knew he was wrong. Cas was the best thing that happened to him and now he's gone.

Dean placed his head in his hands as he didn't want to show his brother the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He had never cried in front of his brother and he wasn't about to start now. He composed himself again as he subtly wiped his eyes before he looked up to his giant of a brother.

"I know Sammy. I know I fucked up. I just don't know what I did. I know he was upset before and I just made it worse but I just don't know why he was upset and it's fucking killing me trying to figure it out."

Sam let out a loud sigh before he plonked himself down on the couch next to Dean. "Dean, you need to figure this out otherwise you're going to lose him for good and I know that neither of you are going to survive without each other. Not really. So hurry the fuck up and figure it out."

Dean just nodded unable to reply. After a few moments of silence he picked himself up off the couch and picked up the empty bottles of beer and liquor off the coffee table and took them through to the kitchen to put into the recycling. He opened the fridge, he picked out two more beers and made his way back out to the living room. He popped the cap on one and passed it over to his brother before he did the same with his own and sat himself down again.

He flicked on the television putting on the football game and relaxed himself into the couch. They watched in silence with Dean not really paying attention to the game. Not really anyway. He was too busy thinking over every conversation he had had with Cas in the past few months leading up to it and seeing if there was any underlining theme that he had over looked. The only thing he could come up with was that Cas didn't want Dean going on tour. That much was evident. What had him stumped was as to why Cas didn't want him to go.

At half-time, Sam said his goodbyes saying he had to head home to see Jess seeing there wasn't much time before they were headed on tour so they wanted to spend as much time together as possible. Dean hugged his brother tightly and thanked him for coming over. His brother might be a stubborn pain in the ass but he was right. Dean needed to figure this out and he needed to do it fast if he wanted to keep Cas around.