CHAPTER 11
POV- Chloe
Last night was amazing…
Okay, it was downright magical.
Toe-curling, paint-peeling, bed-rocking "MAGICAL"
I feel like I can honestly say, for the first time in my life, that I "made love". That's what it felt like to me. And I did everything I could to see that it felt like that to Beca. I wanted her to just let me hold her and appreciate every bit of her.
She was reluctant at first but eventually, she did. And she returned the favor.
Hell, the only reason we even got that far was because of HER. SHE started it.
Her and those damn… "bedroom eyes". Not me…
So, why do I wake up alone? No tiny brunette in my arms… No soft blue eyes staring back at me… No crooked smile… Only an index card with one word scribbled on it. "Sorry."
No call. No text. Nothing…
This goes on for the next few week. I don't see or hear from Beca, outside of her radio show.
It's like she's AVOIDING me…
I shake my head, unwilling to even consider that. I need to see her. I need to talk to her. Maybe things will make more sense if we're in front of each other…
After I've completed my last final exam, I make my way over Beca's dorm, without warning.
BANG! BANG! BANG! I knock. Loud enough for Beca's neighbor's to hear.
No response.
I know she's in there. Like, seriously…this is Beca we're talking about. She's probably sitting at her laptop making mixes when she could be out enjoying the weather or… you know STUDYING? Since it's finals week. But that's Beca.
I knock louder, determined. I can faintly hear the sound of typing and clicking through the door.
Hmmm….
I dial Beca's number and put my ear to the door. Listening and waiting. Sure enough, I hear her phone vibrating against the desk.
"Beca…?" I start with more cheer than I actually feel. "Open up. I just wanna talk."
"I… What's there to talk about?" She asks through the door. Her voice sounds shaky. Unsure. Unlike her usual soft voice, oozing with wit and confidence.
"Beca…"
What's she mean?
"Can I just come in? We only have, like… five days left in the semester. I just wanna know where we stand. "
"With what?" She asks dryly.
SERIOUSLY, Beca?
"Beca, I don't understand why you're acting like this."
I feel my patience running thinner, with each passing second I spend staring at Beca's door. I guess she can hear it in my voice because she opens the door, partially.
"Seriously, Chlo. There's nothing to talk about." She peeks out at me. "This is college."
"I'm well aware of where we are, Beca." I say through gritted teeth, trying my best to stay calm.
But, what is that even supposed MEAN?
"What we did was… a mistake. We're…" She swallows nervously, "We're young…and… curious…" Her voice trails off. Her eyes darting from side to side, avoiding mine.
She's lying. Horribly, might I add.
"Can we have this conversation inside?" I ask, realizing that I'm still in the hallway and that there is much more to be said.
"We're not having a conversation. THIS isn't a conversation. THIS is me telling you that we did what all college students do and that it's no big deal. We…were just curious. Or at least, I was. "
"Bullshit, Beca!" I push my way through the door, with practically NO patience left.
She looks genuinely frightened for a second, (which I would've found to be adorable if I wasn't so irritated with her, at the moment)
I close the door behind me. Continuing,"I REFUSE to believe that what we did was some kind of…'experiment.'"
She says nothing. She only juts her jaw and crosses her arms defensively… (something I've noticed she does when she's scared or uncomfortable)
"And I know you don't really believe that either…" I add, taking a step towards her. She steps back shaking her head.
What is she SO AFRAID of?
"That's EXACTLY what I believe. That's what it was." She shrugs, still holding herself.
I feel my eyes sting as I take a moment to process what she said. I blink the tears away and force a smile. Although, I'm sure it just comes across as a grimace.
There's no getting through to her when she's like this. And I didn't come here for an argument.
I guess I should just leave…
"Hey…" She calls out, stopping me as I turn to leave, "You know…this doesn't change anything, right?"
"Right." I nod, realizing my defeat.
But it has, whether Beca realizes it or not, everything is going to change.
I'm not buying her little "I was just curious" excuse. I SEE the way she looks at me… And I FELT the way she touched me that night… the way she held me…
But, I won't push her… maybe it's just all in my head and she really DOESN'T feel the way I do.
But, at least she's talking to me now. I guess that's better than nothing.
For now…