I wake up after another night of strange dreams of deep brown eyes and a face becoming more and more familiar in my head. It's another 6am mundane morning and another boring day of college ahead of me. Yet I'm starting to look forward to it, not for the lessons which quite frankly, are shit but, to see her face.
Eventually I drag myself out of bed; I slip on some sweats and a t-shirt. I head downstairs towards the Kitchen, and something smells good. I make my way to the source of the smell and sit down and start to pile my plate with food. After breakfast I start my usual routine of working out then head to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and let the room fill with warm steam. I take off my clothes and climb in to the hot shower. As I stand under the waterfall, the hot water on my body helps relax me and start to slowly wake me up. Once I'm out and dry myself off, I chuck on some clothes grabbing my bag, and making my way to college.
When I get to college I sit in my usual spot in the hallway before class. I get my IPod out and put on some music to drown out the world. I scan the room seeing the other people in my class doing their usual thing. To be honest I wasn't looking at them, I am searching for Bella to see if she is in today. And if so is she is looking back at me? I know it's stupid, I mean why would she? It was stupid to think maybe after talking more she may notice me more.
Eventually our eyes meet; she is sitting on the opposite side of the hallway. Just a few feet away from me, immediately we shy away and look around the room. Before I ran out of places to look, the door opens and class begins. I try to walk close to Bella and get a seat next to her but 2 other class mates beat me to it. I take an available seat on the opposite side of the class.
The class drags on and the hours pass slowly. I have no idea what the lesson is about, I don't really listen to the teacher. I just phase out and get lost in my music. But today is different; I can't seem to register what music is on. I just keep glancing over at Bella; she is looking down at her work. She looks sad again, why so sad beautiful? She glances up and our eyes lock, Shit! I try to look away and make it seem like it is just a coincidence that we both looked at the same time. I hope she doesn't think I've been starring most of the day.
Finally the lesson finishes and I pack my stuff up and leave the class. I head to the cafeteria and get some lunch, its college food so its shit but least it fills a hole till I get home. I sit next to a few of the people from my class at a table. I try not to acknowledge them as I have no interest in their problems or who did what with whom at that party. I glance around the room for Bella again, wondering what she is doing or where she goes at lunch. She is the kind of person I can imagine sitting on her own, drawing pictures in the library or reading a book.
As I scan the room I see her, sitting in the corner on a bench looking at her phone. She has a packet of peanut M&M's and a bottle of Dr Pepper. Is she talking to her boyfriend? If she is, she doesn't look very happy about it. Maybe he is dick and is being an asshole to her. Why does this thought make me so angry? I hardly know her and yet I feel really protective over her. Before I could think much more about the situation, the bell rings and I walk towards another hour of hell.
Not much more happened for the rest of the afternoon. Lessons went fast -for once- and I head home. I get home and head straight to my room, turning on my computer. I do my usual checks, stoping on Facebook. First thing I do is check if Bella is online yet. She is. I never thought I could type so fast in my life. Why so eager? She is just like any other girl. Yea... any other girl you eye fuck constantly.
Edward: Hey
Bella: Hey, how are you?
Edward: Yeah I'm ok. Was today as boring for you as it was for me?
Bella: Yeah it was extremely boring, but I'm guessing you noticed that?
Edward: Oh right yeah... You saw that did you? I just glanced over, who were you talking to at lunch? You seemed upset.
Bella: Oh no I was fine, I was talking to my boyfriend Jacob. We were just discussing plans for Christmas.
Oh... so she does have a boyfriend, guess that guy on her photo was him. Not that this should bother me but it does for some reason. Like I am slightly disappointed she isn't single. Probably just because it means I can't fuck her now. Yea, that must be it.
Edward: Oh right long as you are ok. So what are your plans for Christmas?
Bella: Jacob wants me to spend it with him alone this year and could always spend next year with my family. What about you? Got anything nice planned?
Edward: Sounds nice, me? Nothing special. Most likely spend it with family or see Jasper maybe. That is about as exciting as my life gets lol.
Bella: That sounds nice. Nothing wrong with having a quiet Christmas. Rather not have all the drama.
Edward: I know exactly what you mean. So how long have you been with Jacob? If you don't mind me asking. If I am intruding just tell me to fuck off
Bella: No, no it's ok. We went out for about 6months in the past but it didn't work out at the time. We just ended up fighting a lot and he blanked me for 3 weeks so I ended it. But had some time apart and got talking again and he has changed since then. He said he has seen his errors and wants to make it right. So we thought we should try it again, it's been about 2 weeks now. Going well.
Wow what a dick... why would she take him back after that. I just hope he really has changed.
Edward: Oh right well that's great that he has changed and wants to make it up to you.
Bella: Yeah he really seems to be trying this time.
Edward: I'm happy for you :)
Liar...
Bella: So what about you? No girlfriend to spend your Christmas with? You mentioned a guy called Jasper. Is that your boyfriend? Sorry, I don't mean to intrude.
Edward: haha! No, I'm not gay Jasper is just my good friend. I've never actually had a relationship before. I tend to shy away from relationships altogether.
Bella: Oh why is that? If you don't mind me asking?
Edward: Ummm...
Bella: It's fine you don't have to tell me. It's not my business anyway.
Edward: Thank you. Though I do umm enjoy talking to you...
Bella: Thanks you :) Look I'm going to catch up on some sleep. I will talk to you tomorrow?
Edward: Sure, I look forward to it. Sleep well X
Bella: Night Edward, sweet dreams. x
God Edward you sad bastard. It's strange that it's now 12.30am and I have been talking to her since I got home. It's like time is different around her, I feel different around her, why? Why would some girl I have known a few days affect me like this? I try to move on before I do my usual thing and over think everything that's been said. I finish checking my blogs and newsfeeds and try and get some sleep myself.
I dream of her again, but this time it's different, there is a new face, a darker face. Short black hair, dark eyes that could kill. This man is with her, she is upset I can't tell if he is responsible or just with her. He is smiling at her, She seems afraid of him like his intentions are ill. He grabs her arm not out of love but out of hate, anger. She is crying, I want to do something but I can't speak, I have no voice. I try to run but I stumble and can't seem to get up. He keeps grabbing her harder and she screams "let me go" I shoot up. "Get off her!" I scream but they don't react, I'm sweating and my fists are clenched at my side. I shoot up in bed, the surroundings have changed. I'm back in my room and I realise it was just a bad dream. Who was this guy? Why was he hurting her? I feel like I recognise him but I can't think where from. I look at my clock and let out a groan and its only 4.15am. I roll back over and bury my face in my pillow. I'm having nightmares now? I mean I suffer from nightmares but not that dream. After what seems like forever, I finally fall to sleep again.
I pry my eyes open to the morning light, then shut them again. I can't be bothered to face today, it's going to be boring, slow and pointless. At least tonight I can go out with jasper and drown these alien feelings from my body. Eventually after countless wasted efforts I finally decide to reluctantly get out of the warmth and security that is my bed. I swear I could spend an eternity under my covers.
I throw on some sweats and head downstairs to cure my stomach of hunger. I swear I am constantly hungry, I can't help it. I work out so much, that it causes me to burn off most of what I eat. So after stuffing my face with a week's supply of groceries I head upstairs to work out. I love to work out, it gives me a feeling of control. So much of my past has been out of my control. I like that I can make my body how I want it. My body looks good, if I do say so myself. I have a toned six pack, pecks and shoulders you could hang onto. Though I am still slim, I'm very extremely ripped. Though you wouldn't be able to tell, because of the clothes I wear.
I put on some tunes that fit perfectly with my fitness regime. I push myself more each time, repeating in my head "No pain, No gain" I hate that saying but unfortunately it's true. Once every muscle in my body is screaming at me, I jump in the shower to cool off and relax. After the shower I get dressed, put on some old jeans, white t-shirt and a Navy blue zip up hoodie. I sit at my desk and decide to look through some pictures online, to get inspiration for my new tattoo. I already have one on my arm with the quote "we accept the love we think we deserve" and really want to get another. I scroll through page after page of all different ideas, symbols, images and writing. I start sketching a few designs of tribal patterns and drift off while I let my creativity flow onto the pad. When my consciousness kicks back in, I look at what I've drawn so far. Only to realise that what started as a tribal weave has morphed into a pair of deep brown eyes. Even when trying to think of everything but her, she slips into my mind and artwork. Because I simply can't help myself, I go onto Facebook and start to type a message to Bella.
Edward: Hey Bella, enjoying your day off?
Bella: Not right now, Jacob just blew me off to go to his friends house.
Edward: That sucks, I understand what it's like to be a second priority. So I can relate to what you're feeling.
Bella: Yea, but I guess that is just Jacob, it's how he is.
A dick?
Edward: Anything I can do to cheer you up?
Bella: You can tell me more about you, to distract me. What do you like to do in your spare time?
She want to get to know me? No idiot, she just wants' a distraction.
Edward: Umm, I'm Edward, I'm 18, I like to write and listen to music, I play guitar and Piano, I draw a lot, I work out every day, my two closest friends are Emmett and Jasper, I like Chinese food, I have a tattoo and want more and I smoke. Helpful enough? :P
Bella: You smoke? I didn't know that, I used to but I quit. I'd love to hear some of your music sometime, do you record any of it? And what is your tattoo?
Edward: I don't record it no, never thought I was good enough. Maybe I will serenade you sometime. My tattoo is on my forearm, it says "We accept the love we think we deserve" It's from a really great book called "the perks of being a wallflower" Have you read it?
Bella: Oh wow! My own live concert, can't wait hehe. And YES! I love that book, Can't wait for the movie to come out. Sounds like a nice tattoo, you will have to show me sometime.
Edward: Um well, without sounding too forward. Could I have your number? then I could text you a picture...
Bella: Yea sure it's 07850554188
Edward: Ok, I'll go take a picture.
What I was about to do would probably get me slapped but I couldn't help myself. And I wanted to see what she would say... I take the photo and hit send and wait for her response. While my phone is in my hand, I remember I was supposed to be going out with Jasper tonight. Shit! I totally forgot, and not I don't want to go out. I throw Jasper a quick text, asking for a rain check. I told him I feel sick and he buys it. I'm not normally the kind to stay home and talk to a girl.
Bella: Do you not know how to roll up your sleeve? Was a shirtless full length picture of you really necessary? lol I'm not complaining though ;)
Edward: Yea sorry...I was topless as my room's so hot. And I didn't think you would mind, sorry.
Liar.
Bella: I don't.
So she doesn't mind me flirting with her, I like that. I don't know why I like it so much.
Edward: Good to know... So now tell me more about you :)
Bella: Well, I'm 17, I love to draw, my favourite animal is a tiger, my favourite colour is blue, My birthday is September 13th, I love to listen to music and I have my tummy pierced.
Woah, tummy piercings are seriously hot! My mind starts to conjure up images of her in just her underwear. Then off course my body betrays me, once again. I'll have to do something about that soon, or she could...STOP IT! I try and distract myself, by typing my response.
Edward: Tummy piercing aye? Very sexy.
Bella: Edward...are you flirting with me?
Was I flirting with her? I read back over the conversation and realise I was. I wasn't going to lie, Bella is hot! But she had a boyfriend and I was too scared of being hurt again. Though I was never hurt through a relationship like that. I was still scared of caring so much, and being left alone.
Edward: Yes, I guess I am. Does it bother you? I can stop, I know you have a boyfriend.
Bella: No, it doesn't bother me. It's a nice change...Jacob ignores me most of the time. Unless he wants something of course, then he comes running.
Edward: If you don't mind me asking, why do you put up with it?
Bella: Sometimes he can be really sweet. And he says he loves me, he just has a strange way of showing it I guess. Not like anyone else would have me anyways so...
Edward: I mean I have never been in a relationship. So I may not be the best for advice. But when you love someone, don't you treat them like the day starts and ends with them? And you shouldn't put yourself down like that. I mean...You're really beautiful yano? And you seem like a really nice person :) You deserve to be happy and be treated the correct way.
Bella: I never would have thought you would turn out to be so sweet. I always assumed you were the kind of guy who treated girls like shit. Didn't respect people, and did what you wanted. I was really wrong to have judged you without getting to know you.
Edward: Don't get me wrong, I have had my moments. In the past I cared for the wrong people, and it got me hurt. So I tend to close myself off from others, to avoid the pain. Plus, no one would want me. So I just stay alone, it's what I'm used to, It's what I am good at.
Bella: I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. I'm damaged too, so you're not alone. I've been left by people I have loved, and it sucks.
Edward: Well, if you're willing to put up with me. Maybe we can be friends, and look out for one another?
Bella: I wouldn't have to put up with you. You're a nice guy and it would be a pleasure to be your friend :)
Edward: Oh, you'll realise it soon enough :) Anyway I need to sleep, time goes very fast when talking to you. Not that I am complaining of course :) Night sweet Bella, beautiful dreams.
Where the hell did that come from? She is going to think you are some pansy...
Bella: Goodnight Edward, I look forward to speaking to you tomorrow. If that is ok with you of course?
She wants to talk to me again? And she is checking to see it's ok with me? Of course, I really like talking to Bella. She makes me feel different, better. She takes the dark away, and I feel things I haven't before.
Edward: Of course, I look forward to it. X
Bella: Goodnight xx
As soon as I log off my computer that feeling is back in my chest. A feel of longing and wanting, but I don't know what I am longing for. I do my work out, shower then climb into bed. Even though my body is dog tired, my mind wont switch off. I think about Bella, and how quickly she has affected my life. She makes me really happy, and that scares me. Because once she is gone and she will leave sooner or later. The pain will come back worse than before. The pain of being left by the ones you love, the pain of being used, second choice and forgotten.
I sit and think about my old best friend, James. We were extremely close, did everything together for years. I opened up to him about everything and he became a brother to me. I would have died for my dear friend, but I clearly didn't mean as much. He got a new girlfriend Victoria, she took a disliking to me. One day she gave him the ultimatum of her or me. He chose a girl he had been with for a few weeks over his best friend. Or that's what I thought I was to him, but clearly not. He cut me off with a text, and I never heard from him again. I then moved town, and spent the rest of high school bullied, alone and depressed. It was my most miserable time of my life, and I tried to take my life many times. Crossing the road I would stand in the middle of the road as car came. Think if I took one small step in front of the car it would all be over. But I never had the guts to do it in the end, though I don't know why I was hanging around. But now I felt like I should, and it was stupid. And though it scared me, I looked forward to the girl I knew I would dream about tonight.
Ok guys! From this moment on, I will only be posting 1 chapter a week. The next will be Saturday the 23rd of March. I have posted pictures on my profile of clothes the characters wear. And will continue to post stuff relating to the story. Feel free to message me whenever, if you have any requests! But for now, please leave me some love! I love reviews better than eyes I could get lost in. x