I finally get home still riding on my high, from kissing Bella. My keys rattle as I open my front door, stepping in and closing it behind me. I head straight up to my room, though I can smell dinner cooking. I sit down at my computer and load it up, heading straight to Facebook. I'm disappointed to see that Bella isn't online yet. Though she may be putting her new clothes away or eating dinner herself. I decide to go online and see if I can find that jacket she wanted. I can send it direct to her house, now that I knew her address. That way she couldn't send it back, or not accept it. She also wouldn't know it was from me, as she may not like that. Though I worried she would think it was from Jacob and think he had turned over a new leaf. I find the exact jacket and add it to the shopping cart, I continue looking for myself. After finding some things for myself I get called down to dinner.
I sit with my parents and listen at what they did with their days. They ask me what I did and for some unknown reason, I tell them. I tell them everything but leave out the kiss at the end, they don't need to know that. They offer their opinions on my matter and my mum is very excited I like someone. Though she takes a disliking to Jacob and the kind of person he is. That's one thing me and my mother have in common. Once I have finished my dinner, I take our plates and head to the sink to wash up. Once that is done, I head back upstairs towards my room. When I check Bella still isn't online, she didn't mention she had any other plans. I start to worry, but then realise I'm becoming obsessive. I need to realise I can't talk to her every minute of every day. Stop being such a fucking pussy and do something else with your time! So instead I write and write and write until my hands are screaming out in pain. I write down everything I'm feeling, thinking, what I want to do and things I have done. By the time I'm finished I've written 40 pages in my journal, but I feel a lot better. Getting everything down onto paper makes my head feel less crowded.
Bella never came online that night, and I wonder if she will talk to me again. I try not to let my mind be negative, but this is what happens. I do things and people run, I care and people leave. Maybe I should text her and say sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen. Even though I really enjoyed it, I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I reach into my jeans taking out my phone, then I think maybe I should call. Would it be more polite to call her? I check my phone it's not too late, she should be in bed. I try calling her but it just rings and rings, I decide to leave a message.
"Hey Bella, it's Edward. I uh just wanted to make sure you are ok. And I wanted to apologise about earlier, I didn't mean for it to happen. When you get this could you just let me know if we are still ok? Or maybe I'm just being paranoid and you've forgotten about it. Anyway yea, just give me a call or text or something."
I hang up the phone wanting to hit myself, you sound so stupid! I throw my phone on my bed and go sit by the window. It's raining outside so I just sit and watch it all fall down. I try and think things through, and I don't like what I come up with. Maybe she knows you have feelings for her, and she's not interested. I told her an accident but she may think I planned it. This is why I don't get close to people, I get attached then fuck it up. I've never liked a girl, the way I like Bella. I liked her a lot, maybe too much for how long I've known her. I sit just stewing in my thoughts for god knows how long. Though by the time I snap out of it, it's dark and the rain has stopped. I check the clock, it says it's 2am. I walk over to my computer, though it hasn't made a sound all night. She still isn't online when I check, so I decide to give up and get ready for bed. I go in the bathroom to brush my teeth, once that's done I head back to my room. I'm about to start getting undressed when I hear my phone beep. I walk over to my bed even though I want to ignore whoever it is. It's most likely Tanya, she is probably at a party and been rejected. This always happens and she always want to see me afterwards to make herself feel less of a slut. I pick my phone up and the screen come to life. I can't believe it but the text is from Bella. No doubt telling me to leave her alone and stop annoying her. I go to my inbox and open up the message...
Hey, it's me. Ummm I don't know if you're awake but I could really do with seeing you. Jake called once I got home and we've been fighting all night. I just need a friend because I don't want to be on my own right now.
B x
I stare at the phone dumb struck, she wasn't ignoring me. It was that prick making her upset and now she wanted to see me. Of course I would go see her, anything she wanted. I quickly grab my jacket and car keys, taking the stairs three at a time. I bolt out of the front door and sprint to my car. Climbing in I shove the key in the ignition making the car roar to life. I hit the gas and speed away into the night. I get so frustrated when I'm forced to stop at traffic lights, taking forever to change. I'm pretty sure I would have my license taken off me if I get caught. But that is the last thing on my mind as I speed towards Bella's house. I'm about ten minutes away but it feels like a lifetime as I take corners at 60mph. I'm finally a few minutes away and I push my car even harder down the deserted streets. I finally pull up outside her house and quickly climb out the car. Do I knock? What if her parents are in bed? I stand back looking up at the house and see a bedroom light on. You can see someone walking around upstairs but you can't see who. I chance it and decide I can't waste more time, she's upset. I walk up to her front door and knock lightly on the hard wooden door. I wait for what seems like an eternity, I just want to comfort her. And then she's there, eye's bright red from crying, in sweats and a baggy T-shirt. She stands there with her hand on the door just staring at me. Then before I realise what's happen she throws herself at me and hugs me so tight. I'm stunned at first and don't know what to do, then I wrap my arms around her. We stand there just holding one another, as she sobs into my neck. I simply hold her tight and try comfort her but finally she pulls away.
"I didn't think you were going to come. I thought I'd upset you, I didn't mean to ignore you." She sobs, she looks so sad I want to hold her again.
"Of course I came, sorry I didn't text back. I just got in my care and came straight here. Forever and Always remember? Look it's cold out here do you want to go inside and I'll make you tea?" I always drank tea when I was upset and I remember her telling me she liked tea too. She nods her little head with her eyes shut, though tears are still falling. I pick her up and cradle her to my chest walking her into her house and up the stairs. I realise the room at the front of the house with the light on is her bedroom. I walk in shutting the door and placing her on her bed. I sit next to her, whipping her tears from her face and brushing her hair from her eyes.
"I'm going to go get you a drink, I'll be back ok?" I try make my voice as soothing as possible, trying to calm her down. She nods her head again and I get up from the bed heading downstairs. I try and be as quiet as possible, trying not to wake her parents up. I go into the kitchen and get everything I need to make her a drink. While the water boils I look around the large open downstairs. I spot some school photo's of Bella and take a look. I bet she hates these, and I can tease her about them. Once she is in a better mood of course, I need to comfort her now. The kettle makes a sound, letting me know it's boiled. I make our tea and then head back upstairs to Bella. As I push the door open I see her lying on her bed curled up in a ball. With big fat tears streaming down her face, it breaks my heart. I set the two cups of tea down on her bedside table and sit down on the edge of her bed.
"I made you some tea, is there anything else I can do for you sweetie?" I say but I don't voice that I would like to beat the shit out of her crappy boyfriend. She doesn't need upsetting further so I keep my idea's to myself. She just shakes her head then slowly sits up, leaning against the headboard.
"Thank you Edward, for everything you're an amazing friend." The word friend makes me feel sick but I try keep my smile showing for her sake. I reach for my tea and take a sip, it's still too hot to drink properly. Searching for conversation I stand up and take a look around her room. I know she will talk about the situation when she is read and I won't push her. She has a lot of art supplies, posters, fairy lights handing from the ceiling, wrapping themselves round the room. She has an a laptop perched on a small table by her bed and a TV on the wall. She also has a small chest of draws against the far wall with a mirror on top. But the most dominant feature in her room is her huge bookshelf filled with the most amount of books I've seen outside a library. I walk over to the bookshelf and I hear Bella place her tea on her bedside table again. I can feel her eyes on me as mine scan the shelves, taking in the authors names and recognising most.
"I'm guessing you like to read then?" I say turning around with a playful smirk on my face.
"Wrong, I love to read. There is nothing better than getting lost in an amazing book." She says and you can tell she is telling the truth. You can tell by the way her eyes light up and she sits up a little straighter. I look back to the books and see that there is everything here. From classical British literature to teenage fantasy fiction and murder mystery novels. My eyes fall on a particularly battered copy of Wuthering heights; I reach out and pull it from the shelves.
"Now...from the crisp copy's of these other books. I'm guessing you don't buy second hand books. This leads me to believe you read this book a lot." I say opening the book up and taking a look at the worn dog eared pages inside.
"You should be a detective you know that?" She says hiding her smile behind her cup of tea. I hear her giggle though, so I know her mood is improving.
"Why do you like this? The story is awful, the characters have nothing likeable about them and they don't even end up together." I say though trying not to speak to loud, not wanting to wake the whole house.
"I don't know I just love it. Their love is their only redeeming quality, it's true but maybe that's what I love." I try and absorb what she has said and I guess she has a point. Even the worst people in the world fall in love. When the darkest beings who are capable of such evil and care about little. Yet their heart opens for one person and it's what makes them human. The thought is almost romantic in a sense and I realise I've started daydreaming.
"You're right, but I still wouldn't read it again. Though I am more than willing to share with you some of my favourite books." I tease but she probably has most of the books I own. I place the copy of Wuthering Heights back between the two books it was wedged between before. I then stroll back over to Bella where she is still sat on her bed sipping tea. Her eyes are still red and puffy from crying and there are tear tracks down her face. Though the tears have stopped for now, and for whatever reason I am glad. We just sit staring at each other for a while, absorbing each other's presence. It's so crazy to think how in such little time, someone who was once a stranger could become so important. It's also crazy that I could feel so much for the girl in front of me. I hadn't known Bella long yet I felt a connection with her like no other, I craved her company.
"It's strange...I haven't known you long yet I feel like you've always been in my life." Her beautiful voice breaks the silence and I see we are on the same page again.
"And here I was thinking I was a mind reader. I was just thinking the same thing, I don't normally feel this way with people. Hell I've never been this close with someone, let alone in such a short amount of time." I say and it's true even people I've known years don't know me like Bella does.
"Why don't you let people see the good in you? Everyone thinks you're the guy who sleeps around, gets what he wants and doesn't care." She says it almost like she feels bad people see me that way. I think her question over and tell her my reasons once I am happy with my answer.
"When people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations. " It was as true an answer I could think of. I think she is going to ask me more about myself but instead she says something off track.
"Jacob is such an asshole, he showed up ten minutes after I got home. He started screaming at me, calling me a cheater and a liar. He didn't give me a chance to talk or explain myself, she just shouted at me." Wow he is such an asshole, I really wanted her to realise this. She deserves so much better than he, he was abusive and cruel.
"You really deserve better you know that? He is a dick I'm sorry but it's true...Maybe be was great in the beginning because he wanted you back. Now he has you he doesn't have to pretend and he takes advantage of your feelings for him." I realise I'm getting worked up and I try and keep myself calm. She doesn't need another lecture, she needs comfort. I mutter an apology and look down at the floor, I'm not sure what to do. Did he even love her? Was a guy like him capable of love? You are...a voice in my head whispers. WOAH! Hold on a second yea I liked Bella, but love? I had thought it myself that even the darkest of people were proven to be human through love. Then I realised it, I was falling for Bella...But I haven't even know her long! So? My mind asks. Love doesn't have a timer on it, they say love at first sight and all that shit don't they? My eyes go wide as the truth hits me, then dread just fills my body. You're heading for destruction Edward, she wouldn't love you even if she didn't love him. There is nothing about you worthy of love, so why are you still here? I was here because I promised her, I know what it's like when people you care about leave. I would never cause anyone that kind of pain so I knew I would stick around even if it killed me. I try and snap myself out of my mental dispute with myself and change the subject again.
"You look really tired...do you want me to leave so you can sleep?" Even though I didn't want to leave it's was really late and she needed to rest.
"No I don't want you to leave, can you stay with me for a while longer." She sounds almost childlike in her plea, and even if I wanted to I couldn't tell this girl no.
"Sure I'll stay, any Idea what you want to do?" I say and try not to think of all the things I would like to do to Bella alone in her room.
"I don't mind, anything will cheer me up right about now" she says and leans her head against the wall while still looking at me. I look around her room searching for inspiration and I get an idea. It's not my favourite book, but it is hers. Plus what I have planned with give me an excuse to be close to her. I stand up taking off my shoes and pulling my jumper over my head. I swear I hear a small moan escape her lips and my T-shirt rides up, showing off my stomach. When I look at her, her bottom lip is between her teeth and her eyes are glued to me. I smirk down at her and realise she finds me attractive, I cock my eye brow and tilt my head to the side.
"Wha...what are you doing Edward?" She whispers, only just managing to look up as she says it.
I walk over to her bookshelf and grab her battered copy of Wuthering heights between my fingers. I think walk over to her bed and pull the covers back. I place the book next to her on her bed and then climb in next to her.
"I'm going to read to you, if that is ok?" She nods her head and blinks a few times before kicking off her shoes. She stands awkwardly and walks over to her chest of draws and pulls out a pair of sweats.
"Um, excuse me for a moment I need to change." She says while eyeing the door like she doesn't know where to go. Trying to be funny I clamp my hand over my eyes and smile letting her know she can change. I hear her undo the zip on her jeans and I can't help myself. I make a tiny crack between my fingers and peak her at jumping around on one leg. I had to admit even I'd fallen over a few times taking skinny jeans off. I close the gap and let her dress in peace, If I see more my body will give me away. When I hear her clear her throat I remove my hand and look at her. She's standing there with her hair up in a messy pony tail, a tank top and sweats. Hey I thought girls were supposed to look bad in that stuff? Bella looked just as beautiful now, as she did earlier. She walks over the bed eyeing me, so I scotch over to make more room. I'm lying on top of the covers, not wanting to get too personal. She climbs under the covers and climbs into the crook of my arm. I think I hear her take a deep breath in, maybe this is too much for her? When she doesn't move I take it as a sign that I should continue so I open the book up and begin to read. I read about 12 chapters and my eyes are starting to feel heavy. When I glance down I realise Bella has fallen asleep on my chest. I'm not sure what to do, I place the book on the bedside table and start to get up. Bella whimpers in her sleep and mumbles something. When I try again she clutches my chest tighter and mumbles the same word again. This time I hear more clearly what she says.
"Stay" She sighs then pulling herself closer she sighs again before going silent. Who am I to argue with such a beautiful creature? I reach over turning off the lamp and try shuffling down to get more comfortable. I close my eyes listening to her light breathing and occasional sleep talking until I eventually fall asleep...