"Hey boys?" Sam yells which startled Dean out of his gaze to look over at his brother who visibly steamed. He looked as though he was about to throw a punch at their dad but only just held himself back "Seriously? After seventeen years all you have to say is 'hey boys'?"
"Sam-" Dean began only to be cut off again by Sam's excessive yelling.
"No, Dean. He needs to hear this" Sam said as he looked at Dean before he returned his attention to John. Sam raised a finger and pointed it at John defiantly. His hand noticeably shook with what Dean guessed to be the same anger that coursed through his own veins. "Do you seriously expect us to just let you waltz in here and for us to forgive you just like that?"
The two boys stared over at their father as they waited for a reply. The man looked down at his boots as he obviously felt the guilt and shame wash over him.
"I don't expect you to forgive me right now" John said barely audible even with the bar dead quite as everyone looked at the scene and wondered what the hell was going on. "But I hoped" their father said as he lifted his eyes to look at both his boys "We could at least talk this through?"
Before Dean could answer, Sam yelled again "Talk this through? What is there to talk about!? You were too drunk to look after your own sons! Yes, I understand you just lost the love of your life but you know what? We lost our mother. So maybe I was only a baby, but Dean wasn't. Did you see how it affected him? How it still affects him?" Dean winced as Sam spoke for him but he knew he wasn't going to be able to stop his brother from speaking his mind. "You left us to ourselves while you got shitfaced every night. What kind of father are you?"
Dean watched as his father's face crumbled but he didn't break down. He held himself but it was his eyes that gave it away. The slight shine of hope had faded and regret and guilt flooded through. Dean felt sorry for the man stood in front of him. Everything Sam had said was true but there was no denying that this man was their father and he deserved to have his side of the story heard. But Sam didn't see it that way.
"And one more thing" Sam continued. He spoke softer now as he took a step towards the man before he continued "I'm glad Bobby took us in. He was a better father to us than you could ever have hoped to be and I want nothing, I repeat nothing, to do with you, ever." The last word hung in the air for so long that the silence became deafening.
Dean watched as John just nodded and took a step backward from the boys before he walked out of the bar. Dean couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in his gut as the man walked away. He had wanted so long for his father to return only to have Sam yell at him. He was confused not knowing where his thoughts were or how he felt about his Dad being back. He agreed with some of what Sam had said but not all of it. One thing was for sure, Dean wanted to have his Dad back. Dean was snapped out of his daze while he still stared over at the door that his father had just walked out of as a careful hand landed on his shoulder.
He turned to find Cas look at him with sympathy in his eyes and Dean couldn't take it. He didn't want Cas' sympathy. He didn't want anyone's sympathy. He shook Cas' hand off his shoulder and made his way over to the pub door, swung it open and made his way outside. The cool November air sent a cool shiver down his spine as he suddenly remembered that he didn't have a shirt on but he didn't care. He searched the car park for a car that could belong to his father and found none that matched the description. He took a few careful steps out further into the dim light and made his way over to the footpath where he looked down the quiet street to see a figure sat against a wooden fence underneath a lamppost some twenty metres away with his face in his hands. Even from the distance and the dim light, Dean knew it was his father and made his way over to the lonely figure.
As Dean made the last few steps towards his father he could hear the man's sobs as they filled the air. The man looked up from where he was currently seated on the sidewalk as Dean croaked out "Dad?" for the second time that evening. He still had no idea what he was going to say but he knew he couldn't just let his father walk out of his life with no way of being able to contact him when he finally did collect his thoughts.
"Dean?" John replied as he wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up again. Dean waited as John brushed himself off and waited for John to look him in the eye before Dean told him what he came to say.
When the man finally looked Dean in the eye, Dean told him exactly what was on his mind. "I'm not going to lie to you, Dad. I'm pissed. Like really, really angry at what happened back then and some of the stuff Sam said needed to be said but some of it was out of line."
"Dean-" John began but Dean cut him off with a flat palm raised
"Please, just let me have my say" When John nodded, Dean continued "I'm not going to welcome you back with open arms. Not yet anyway. You need to prove yourself. You need to show me that you have changed and you need to explain yourself." When John went to speak, Dean cut him off again as he continued his train of thought "But not tonight. I need to have some time to just think about all of this and get my thoughts together and right now, isn't a good time to talk this through"
John nodded "I understand" he spoke his voice defeated but somewhat hopeful.
"Alright then. You give me a way to contact you and when I've got my thoughts together and I'm ready to talk then we'll do this"
John was quick to oblige as he pulled out a piece of paper and pen where he jotted down his number and handed it over to Dean. Dean took the paper and folded it carefully and put it into the pocket of his jeans. When the paper was put away, Dean looked up again and nodded at his father.
"Thank you, Dean" John said. Dean nodded again before he turned and headed back to the bar. He shivered now as the cold became unbearable he smacked himself one for not thinking to grab his shirt before he walked out after his father.
The warm air of the bar was a welcome sensation to his cold skin as he walked back into the bar. The patrons had gone back to their conversations and drinks and didn't notice Dean as he re-entered the bar or simply figured it was none of their business. Dean looked over at his family and saw Jess trying to calm a very angry Sam down with a hand rubbing his back and a worried Cas watching the door. As soon as he saw Dean he stood himself up and made his way over where he wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and kissed his temple. Dean let himself be embraced before he returned the hug and let himself be held for just a few moments. He loved how Cas was so understanding not pushing Dean to talk about anything and knowing that right now Dean just needed to be left alone.
Cas pushed himself back and looked Dean straight in the eyes and he spoke "When you're ready, I'm here"
Dean nodded and leant forward and placed a soft kiss to Cas' lips before he pulled back and took his shirt from Cas' hands that he offered. He lifted it over his head and brushed off the dust that lingered from being on the floor.
"Do you want to leave?" Cas asked hesitantly
"Yeah in a minute I'm just going to talk to Sam." Dean replied as he stared over at Sam who was still being consoled by Jess.
Dean forced himself over to where Sam sat noticing Cas had decided not to follow and silently thanked him for knowing to let the brothers talk privately. Jess looked up when Dean approached and whispered something in Sam's ear before she stood up and left the brothers alone.
"What did he say" Sam asked not turning around from where he was seated looking over the bar.
Dean sighed as he took a seat next to Sam "He didn't say anything. I told him that I need time to think things over and I'll contact him when I've sorted my head out"
Sam scoffed "You're actually giving the man a chance?"
"Of course I am. He's our father whether you like it or not. He deserves a chance to explain himself and after your outburst I'm surprised I managed to track him down. I know he's a lot of things Sam but he didn't deserve that"
Sam finally turned and faced Dean as he replied "Are you serious, Dean? He left us to fend for ourselves. You were looking after me since you were six, Dean. Six! If Bobby hadn't of come when he did, who knows where we would be"
Dean nodded in agreement. He did agree with everything Sam said but he wanted to give his Dad a chance.
"I understand Sam, I really do but I just," He stopped himself as he tried to figure out what he was trying to say "I just need to figure out my thoughts. I've wanted him to come back for so long and now he's here I don't know what to think"
Sam clasped Dean on the shoulder and patted him twice "I get it, Dean. But I'm not like you. I just can't forgive him for that so I want nothing to do with him"
Dean nodded once dejected that his brother couldn't see past the bullshit and just see that their father was at least trying to fix things.
"I'll see you later, Sammy"
"Yeah" Sam replied as Dean turned and spied Cas sat at the end of the bar with the rest of their group. As soon as Dean moved towards them, Jess stood and made her way back over to Sam. Dean took a deep breath as he edged closer. He knew Bobby and Ellen would have lots of questions but he just couldn't deal with them right now. He wanted to go home and just sleep. For the first time, he wished they weren't on tour.
Surprisingly as he moved to the group, they didn't ask anything. He guessed Cas must have told them to leave it alone or that they just knew from the past that Dean talked about things when he was good and ready and forcing him to open up just resulted in a heated argument. Dean nodded at them in silent thanks before he motioned to Cas to stand.
"Let's go, Cas" Dean mumbled.
Cas reacted straight away and stood to his feet before he moved to Dean's side. Dean slid his arm around Cas' waist and pulled him close into his side. Dean leant across and placed a small kiss onto Cas' temple and breathed into his ear "Thank you"
-
Castiel had no idea what to do. He stood by and watched as Sam ripped into his Dad but his focus was more on Dean because Castiel knew Dean didn't have the same view. Dean wanted his Dad back, Castiel knew that much but with the way Dean just shut up and let Sam have his say led Castiel to believe Dean had changed his mind. Did Dean not want his Dad back anymore?
When John left, Castiel thought that was it, the brothers weren't going to have their father in their lives anymore but just as Castiel placed a hand on Dean's shoulder in comfort, the hand was shrugged off and Dean followed John out the door and onto the street shirtless and all. Castiel stood back and let the man leave to have his say to his father.
"You right, son?" the gruff voice to his right startled Castiel out of his daze staring off at where Dean had just left.
Castiel nodded dumbly before he shook his head of his thoughts and spoke "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'm just shocked. I didn't think he'd come back"
"I'm not the surprised" Bobby admitted which caused Castiel to turn and squint his eyes at the man "Don't look at me like that" Bobby protested "I had nothing to do with when he turned up I just knew he would turn up"
Castiel still didn't quite believe that was the whole truth but he let it slide and nodded. He was too worried about what was happening with Dean to argue with Bobby. Castiel moved himself back over to the bar and sat on the empty stool next to Bobby but he was careful to make sure he had a clear view of the door so he could go to Dean when he got back.
Ellen slid over a glass of whiskey which Castiel quickly gulped down. He had sobered up dramatically as the events unfolded and he was in sure need of drink when the shouting had finished. Castiel stared down the bottom of the glass and saw Dean's shirt laid on the ground at his feet. Castiel stooped on his stool and leant down to pick up the shirt before he dusted it off and placed it in his lap and returned his attention to the door.
"He'll be fine" Ellen's voice comforted "He'll come back and he'll talk it through when he's ready. It's how Dean's always dealt with things and more than likely will. He will more than likely want to clear his head and then he'll talk. It's a pity you're on tour seeing as his usual outlet is the Impala"
Castiel nodded in agreement "He mentioned while we were in New York how much he missed her. At least there's only two weeks left and we can finally head home"
Ellen smiled at Castiel "I'm really glad you boys sorted everything out even if I do miss you round here"
Castiel smiled in return and heard the pub door reopen. Castiel observed as Dean stood at the door and looked around the bar while his skin shivered from the cold. Castiel quickly made his way over to Dean and wrapped his arms around him. Dean was frozen for a second and Castiel worried he had overstepped but Dean finally leant into the touch and returned the hug.
Castiel didn't want to push for answers. Not right now when Dean was so vulnerable. Instead he told Dean he was there for him when he was ready and gave him his shirt back. Some of Castiel's worry slipped away as Dean leant forward and kissed him softly on the lips but Castiel wasn't sure if Dean still needed space or not. He bit his lip before he asked if Dean would like to leave but once Dean confirmed he would as soon as he had talked to Sam, Castiel wasn't worried anymore. Dean wasn't going to shut him out and the relief that washed over Castiel had forced him to hold back a grin. Now was not the time to grin.
As Dean made his way over to his brother, Castiel hung back to give the brothers some much needed time to talk. Once Jess had stood and left Sam, Castiel made his way back over to where the rest of the group was seated. Jess soon joined them and sat down in the stool next to Castiel with a sigh.
"There's no changing his mind" she said sadly "He's really pissed at John and I don't think that's ever going to change"
Castiel simply nodded and looked around the rest of the group who all had the same look on their faces; worry and confusion.
"I just don't understand why he chose now to come back" Jo chimed in. She was sat on Ash's lap on the stool next to Bobby who thankfully had redressed into his clothes after his nursery rhyme dare.
Castiel really didn't want to get involved with starting anything right now. He wasn't going to form and opinion until he had heard both sides of the story and especially not until he had had a chance to talk to Dean. It wouldn't be fair to start accusing John of anything until they knew the facts. So instead of adding to the conversation he shut his mouth and waited until Dean was done talking.
When Dean was finally finished talking, Castiel watched as Dean made his way over. The man looked defeated. Obviously the conversation with Sam hadn't gone as well as Dean had hoped. He chanced a glance over to where Sam was sitting and saw the man refill his glass with another shot of whiskey straight from the bottle. It was going to be a long night.
Dean motioned at Castiel to follow and he immediately obliged and moved to Dean's side where he leant into his side. Castiel smiled as Dean kissed his temple and the whisper of a thank you. He didn't know why Dean was thanking him but he's glad that he did something right and that Dean appreciated it.
They collected their coats from the stools they had sat on earlier and made their way out the pub door after they wrapped themselves up. Castiel was glad that they stayed only a short walk away from The Roadhouse because the night was cold. As they walked in step down the footpath, their breath visible as they walked in silence, Castiel couldn't help but let his thoughts stray and wondered what Dean was thinking about. He really did want to know what Dean was thinking and what had been said to both his father and to Sam. He knew that Dean would need a little push before he opened up if he did at all and Castiel was ready to do that as soon as they made it back to their accommodation.
Once they were behind the safety of closed doors, Castiel shucked off his coat and hung it on the coat rack by the entrance and sat himself down on the bed and waited for Dean to do the same. Castiel sensed Dean knew what was coming as the man let out a deep sigh and laid down on his back on the bed with his legs hung off the bed and onto the floor next to Castiel's.
Castiel turned himself and lay down on his side next to Dean and watched as Dean placed his hands over his face defeated. He slipped his right hand under Dean's shirt and onto Dean's stomach the other arm propped under his head so he could see Dean's face clearly and rubbed soothing circles hoping that he was calming him down and that Dean knew it was alright to talk to him. He hoped he knew Castiel wouldn't pass any judgement and just wanted to know what was going through his head.
"Talk to me, Dean" Castiel murmured not wanting to startle Dean by speaking too loud
Dean sighed and let his hands fall from his face onto the bed by his sides "I don't know what you want me to say, Cas. I really don't know what to think right now"
"I understand. I really do, Dean. I just want to help you through this" Castiel laid himself down and let his arm fall so he could nestle into Dean's side. He left his right hand where it was still rubbing soothing circles as he let his head fall to Dean's shoulder and pressed soft kisses to his fabric clad shoulder. "Talk to me, Dean" he repeats "Please"