Dean sighed as he lay down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He really did not want to talk but the gentle touches Cas graced him with calmed him down enough that he was willing to just spill everything. He wanted it all out in the open so the thoughts would just stop rushing around his head and give him a moments rest. Hopefully by talking to Cas and telling him everything, the confusion would stop.
Dean shivered a little at the hand on his stomach. Cas' hand was cold where it was sat but it was helping him to calm down and he really didn't want it to leave. "You're hand's cold" Dean whispered. He regretted it immediately as Cas' hand stilled and began to slide out from under his shirt "No," Dean protested as he turned his head to look at Cas "I like it. It's helping" he smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Cas who smiled back and resumed his gentle touch. Dean turned his head again to look up to the blank white ceiling for a few minutes and just let Cas' touches relax him to a state that he was ready to talk. When he felt that he was ready, he repositioned them both so he was tucked into Cas' side with his head placed under Cas' chin.
Cas went with the movement and allowed Dean to reposition him so that they were both comfortable. Dean felt safe as Cas' arms wrapped around him and held him tight against his chest. It was as if they were in their own world with no one but them. They were free of the outside world of all the drama and all that mattered was each other. Of course, the reality was, Dean had a huge dilemma to deal with and Cas was just waiting for him to talk. He was once again happy that the man hadn't pushed because if he had pushed, Dean knew he would lash out and that was the last thing either of them needed.
"You know how I feel about my Dad" Dean began. Cas' hold tightened a fraction when he spoke in surprise Dean guessed. The room had been silent only their steady breathing had filled the room until Dean spoke his voice steady and loud in the quiet room. "You know how badly I wanted him to come back. How I still wanthim to come back" Dean paused for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts "But I don't know what it is now. What Sam said was harsh but it was true but I felt like I just needed to talk to him. Let him know I don't feel the same as what Sam said"
Dean allowed himself to recite the earlier events between both him and John and the later conversation with Sam. Cas was silent through it all as he let Dean speak at his own pace and never said a word. The only way Dean knew that Cas was indeed listening and hadn't fallen asleep was the soft touch of a hand that rubbed up and down his back as he spoke.
When he was done, they resumed their silence. Cas' hand continued to rub up and down his back as Dean's breath evened out. He had got a little worked up as he recalled the events and tried his hardest not to get angry at either John or Sam. Sam was entitled to his own opinion and John must have his reasons for why he decided now was the time to turn up after seventeen years of absence. Once his breathing finally evened out, Cas spoke.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" Cas asked tentatively. It was obvious to Dean Cas was treading carefully. The man was being cautious as he tried not to set Dean off but Dean wasn't going to get angry at Cas. His lover was trying to help him. The question was going to help him open up which was something they had failed to do in the past and had almost cost them each other.
To let Cas know he didn't need to tread so carefully, Dean took a deep breath and answered straight away "I don't know, Cas. I really don't. What I do know is that I need to hear Dad's side of the story but not yet"
"Why not yet?" Cas asked
Dean pushed himself up and braced a hand on Cas' chest so that he could look him in the eye "Because I need Sam to be there. I don't care if Sam wants nothing to do with him. He needs to hear Dad's side of the story just like I do and if after that Sam still doesn't want to have anything to do with him then fine he can do what he likes but I'm not letting Sam ruin this opportunity and regret it later"
Cas nodded as Dean finished as he obviously let what Dean had said sink in as he thought out what to reply. "That seems fair. I assume you're going to finish the tour first?"
Dean let himself sink back down onto Cas' chest as Cas spoke. Dean thought it over before he replied "Yeah I think that's for the best. We really don't need the distraction right now. I think Sam and I will be fine if we just don't talk about it. We're usually quite good at ignoring it so I think it is best that we do that at least until the end of the tour. It wouldn't be fair to the fans if we went to shit"
Dean felt Cas nod "I think that's for the best. It will give both of you time to think over what you truly want too. Who knows, maybe Sam will come around on his own"
Dean chuckled into Cas' chest "Yeah, fat chance Cas."
The silence took over again and Dean let himself fall into the warmth that was Cas' body. There were too many layers between them but the tire of the day washed over Dean and his eyes fell shut too tired to even climb under the covers. Cas' hand still moved up and down his spine which let Dean cling to the touch and allowed him to keep himself awake but let his body rest. He was startled out of his stupor as Cas shifted him around. Cas soon moved out from under him but before Dean could whine in protest, Cas removed his boots and jeans, before he did the same with his own, and threw back the covers so they could curl together in the warmth of the bed. They finally settled with Dean back with his head against Cas' chest with their limbs entangled. Dean sighed in content as Cas pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head and let his arms tighten their hold.
"Thank you, Dean" Cas breathed out. Dean really had no idea why Cas was thanking him. It should be the other way around with Cas being so understanding of it all and just let Dean unload it all to him. Dean realised then with a start that Cas was thanking him because he had unloaded. That he trusted Cas enough to let him in and tell him everything without lashing out in anger.
With the last bit of energy his body possessed, Dean lifted himself up and hovered over Cas' face who opened his tired eyes and looked up at Dean. Dean smiled down at him before he leant in and planted his lips to the other man's and filled the kiss with as much love and thanks that he could muster in his tired state. He pulled back when he was satisfied that Cas got the message that he didn't need to thank Dean. That from now on this was going to be a regular occurrence and they were going to open up to each other without pushing.
"Goodnight Cas" Dean whispered as he snuggled back into Cas' chest before he got fed up with the lack of skin on skin contact and sat back up and removed his own shirt before he did the same to Cas. Finally, he nestled himself on the bare skin content with the warmth and smell that was all Cas. Dean placed a small, feather light kiss to Cas' naked torso and let out a content sigh as he let the exhaustion wash over him. He didn't hear Cas say goodnight or feel the kiss that he pressed into Dean's head because he didn't need to. He could feel and hear Cas' heartbeat and the tight grasp of his arms around his body and that was all he needed.
-
Sometime in the night, they shifted positions and Castiel awoke spooned behind Dean with his arms wrapped tightly around his waist with Dean's hands in his. He was still groggy from the night before which was the first time in a very long time that he had drunk too much. Even though he had sobered up somewhat with John showing up out of the blue, it wasn't enough for him to avoid a hangover.
His head was buried in the nape of Dean's neck and the hairs were tickling his nose which caused him to crinkle his nose in order to stop the sneeze that was about to escape. Instead he pressed his head further into Dean's nape and rubbed his nose against the thin hair and breathed in the smell of Dean. Dean stirred a little as he moved his head forward slightly before he moved back into the touch and the warmth of Castiel's body.
It was one of the things Castiel loved about the weather getting colder. They would always sought each other out and curl around the other to get the warmth they wanted. It had been different when they had been in LA seeing as the weather was no way near as cold as it was in South Dakota but they would still cling to one another as if it was their only lifeline. Castiel couldn't help himself and pulled Dean closer which closed the impossibly small gap between them and nuzzled into the side of Dean's neck where he placed a small kiss to the skin.
"Morning Dean" Castiel spoke softly. He knew Dean had been awake ever since he leant into Castiel's touch to his nape.
Dean groaned softly in content before he replied "Mornin' Cas" Dean quickly turned in Castiel's embrace so they were face to face with their chests pressed against one another. Castiel smiled as Dean's eyes locked on his. He looked a lot more peaceful than he had last night. Castiel wasn't sure if that was because Dean had temporarily forgotten the reality of the events in his sleepy morning state or because he was simply a lot less confused after talking it through with him. Castiel hoped it was the later. He hoped that Dean felt better when he confided in Castiel and finally trusted him to talk to him straight away and not after he had worked himself into a frenzy.
As Dean had spoken last night, Castiel had listened and just let Dean let everything out. It was a first for Dean to just talk things through with him. Other than the time Dean had finally told Castiel about his past, Dean usually kept things to himself and bottled them up until he lashed out in anger which was exactly what had happened when they had temporarily broken up. He couldn't help but be overwhelmed that Dean had actually changed. That he had realised the issue and corrected himself so that their relationship could actually work. Castiel internally chuckled at the fact that their roles had changed.
At the start of their relationship, it had always been Dean that looked after Castiel. He helped him through the dark patch of his life and helped him to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sure there were still days when the reality of never seeing his family again would hit him and he would be somewhat disheartened for the day but those days became few and far between as he realised he had a new family here with Dean and he still had Gabriel which he was eternally grateful for. Now though, their relationship had inverted. Dean was going through a hard patch in his life and Castiel needed to be there for him. It may not be Dean losing his family, but the impact was more or less the same. His emotions were all over the place and he needed someone to be his constant that was there to listen and give support when he needed it. Castiel was more than happy to be that person for Dean for as long as he needed it.
"What you thinking about?" Dean asked which brought Castiel back to the present.
Castiel smiled at Dean and leant forward and placed a sweet kiss to Dean's lips while he remembered the kiss from the night before as he did so. Dean had told him with that kiss that Castiel didn't need to thank him. That this was going to happen more and be a regular occurrence. The thought caused Castiel to smile even more into the kiss and place more of the sweetness he felt in his body into the kiss so Dean knew everything was fine.
Castiel pulled back from Dean after a long moment before he opened his eyes after they had slid closed to see the look on Dean's face that was completely relaxed. He looked a lot younger than his age in that moment and Castiel couldn't help but smile even more. Dean's eyes slid open and looked at Castiel and broke into a grin seeing Castiel smile at him.
"I was thinking about you, about us, and what happened last night" Castiel replied after a breath "I'm just glad we've both realised that we need to talk things through even if they're difficult to talk about" Dean nodded slowly once Castiel finished apparently thinking over what Castiel had said. "Do you feel better for talking it through? You do look a lot less troubled"
Dean nodded once again "Yeah I do" he replied with a small smile "I'm not going to say I'm not worried about it all because I am but now that you have an idea what's going through my head it helps"
"I'm glad" Castiel replied before he leant forward again and placed his lips over Dean's this time his tongue slipped passed Dean's lips and explored his mouth. They had long passed the worry of morning breath very early on in their relationship. Neither he nor Dean had ever been embarrassed by it in the morning. They were usually too caught up in one another to worry. Castiel let his tongue explore and swipe the roof of Dean's mouth which earned a small groan from the other man. Castiel smirked in success as he pulled back as Dean tried to follow. "What are we doing today?" Castiel asked as he placed a hand to Dean's chest when the man tried to lean in again.
Dean groaned in protest as Castiel moved his head away which caused a light chuckle from Castiel. "Well I was hoping that kiss would have a happy ending with the way you were going at it but apparently you have better things to do" Dean ended with a pout.
"I thought," Castiel began as he looked Dean in the eyes with a serious expression so he understood that Castiel wasn't joking around "You would rather go and talk to Sam about what we talked about last night?" Dean grumbled in complaint turning away from Castiel and lay on his back. Castiel slinked into his side and raised himself onto his elbow much like he had the night before. "It would be best to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. You were both heavily intoxicated last night and it might be good to clear the air when your judgements aren't so clouded"
"Why do you always have to be so clear headed?" Dean teased which caused Castiel to chuckle.
"I thought it was one of my better traits?" Castiel replied as he bit his lip to hold back more laughter.
"Oh it is" Dean said while he rolled to his side and mirrored Castiel's position "Just not when I would rather be taking advantage of your other traits" Dean retorted innuendo thick in his voice.
Castiel squeaked in surprise when Dean launched onto him and forced Castiel onto his back as Dean attacked his mouth. Castiel let go of all resistance and just melted into Dean's ministrations. There was no doubt that Dean wasn't going to give up now that Castiel was underneath him.
"I think it's about time I show you how much I appreciate last night" Dean whispered against Castiel's lips.
"Oh really?" Castiel replied still a little breathless from Dean's kiss "Then how about you get that mouth busy then?"
"Hmm" Dean hummed "Pushy are we? Maybe I should tease you just a little more?"
Castiel was fed up with the teasing now. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and shifted his weight rolling them so he straddled Dean's thighs. "You're an asshole" Castiel teased with a grin on his face.
"Yeah but you love me" Dean countered
"That I do" Castiel replied with sincerity. Castiel leant down and placed light kisses and nibbles along Dean's jaw. He moved to his neck which elicited moans from the man beneath him. The moans only added to his arousal and made it difficult to ignore.
Without further hesitation, Castiel slid his boxer-briefs down over his ass and freed his cock and quickly did the same with Dean's. As soon as they were both free, Castiel bucked his hips down and pushed their groins together. They both groaned at the contact needing more.
Castiel leant down again and smashed their mouths together while he took both of them in hand using the pre-cum as lubricant to stroke. Their hips moved in rhythm as they each searched their own release while they panted more than kissed against each other's mouths. Dean's hand snaked its way between their bodies and moved over Castiel's which added that much more pressure. Castiel wasn't going to last long and by the feel of it, neither was Dean. The sound of their pants and moans filled the room along with the stench of their sweat slicked skin.
"Close" Castiel panted as his hips lost their rhythm and sped up as he searched his release. Dean just moaned in reply which let Castiel know that Dean was the same. A few more strokes was all it took and Castiel buried his face in Dean's neck as he screamed his release into the sweat damp skin. His hand moved furiously as he tried to pump himself and Dean for all they were worth. Dean followed just after Castiel had released and coated their torsos in warm cum as he groaned Castiel's name.
"Fuck" Dean panted as he came down from his high while Castiel chuckled against Dean's neck "You're the best, Cas"
"Mmm I know" Castiel hummed