Mizu: Splitting this chapter kind of in two as I work out the kinks for the next chapter. I was originally going to keep them together but it just didn't flow as nice as it will separate. Disclaimer: I don't own -Man and it is a good thing that I don't. You'd guys would have killed me by now for never updating!
(P.S. Sorry I haven't updating in FOREVER...I truly am. Life has just kept running me over with so many things that I could never actually get around to going through and making sure that I liked what I wrote. In all honesty, I've had this and Chapter 15 done for like six months but I didn't like a part so I had to redo that and then whenever I tried to go through and make sure that everything flowed just right (something I've been doing more), things kept happening...like my laptop crashing several times or having to go into the shop...Anyways, just wanted to say that I'm sorry and that I will try to be better at updating.)
Innocence's True Form:
Chapter 14- Saving them at a cost…
Allen was thrashing his head side to side as he struggled against C.C.'s hold. Even with just one arm, the boy was quite the handful for the piece to hold onto. Toma and Gozu quickly rushed to his side and started to bandage up the boy's eye as Kie and Maoso tried to get Chaoji to tell them why he did such a thing. Nobody noticed the woman standing in the doorway with silver eyes with light blue mixed in watching with tears running down her face…
Allen trembled in C.C.'s hold. The cloak that was used to hold him still was now used to help comfort as C.C. worked to stop the bleeding in his eye. A weak, relieved smile worked its way onto Allen's face as he shut his eyes. He couldn't see it anymore. His sight had been reduced to just the light side of the world and for once, he was fine with that. He allowed his body to relax against his innocence as he tried not to fall asleep.
C.C. let out a long sigh as he felt Allen completely relax. He had just managed to stop the bleeding by basically blocking off the area to blood until the wound could cauterize. It didn't take as long as he had thought but it still wasn't the greatest best thing in the world to have to do. Stretching slightly, he could feel his body strain against the stiffness in his limbs. The whole ordeal had drained not only him, but his wielder as well. Neither had the strength to battle as of now. Hell, Allen didn't have the strength to even walk right now.
"How is he C.C.?" Lavi asked as he sat next to them.
"He'll be fine," C.C. sighed, "But we should probably get him somewhere where he can get some food in him."
"Um…Excuse me?" the woman sounded from the doorway, now joined with two girls with auburn hair just like hers and light blue eyes with specks of silver, "I-I could prepare you something to eat if it would help."
"Thanks but we can't ask you to do that," Lavi nervously chuckled.
"It would be no trouble for me, honest!" The woman suddenly exclaimed, "I really don't mind and if it would help him-"
"It's not that ma'am," C.C. spoke up, "It's that this little baka here can eat enough for an army in one setting. We can't ask you to use up your supplies for someone you don't know."
"…Then allow me to take you to my sister's restaurant," the woman said after a pause, "She's just starting up so she doesn't get a lot of customers so she has plenty of supplies."
"S-Sounds good to me," Allen chuckled weakly, "F-Food in general sounds good…"
"Alright," C.C. nodded, smiling up at the woman, "Thank you…"
"Cecilia Carter," the woman introduced, "And these are my two daughters, Iris and Clover."
"Nice to meet you ma'am," Lavi smiled, "Just call me Lavi, we call the guy with the weird cloak C.C., the one that looks like my older brother and who is currently chewing out our comrade goes by O.K., the one that did the deed is Chaoji Han, the guys in the long trenchcoats are our finder friends, Toma, Maoso, Kie, and Gozu, and the little guy that did all the screaming is our little Moyashi-chan, Allen Walker…wheew…That was a mouthful."
"Hey, stupid rabbit. Ever heard of a thing called tact?" C.C. growled out as he stood up with Allen firmly in his arms, stumbling a bit in his own energy deprived state, "Fuck…baka here really needs to eat…"
"yay…food…" Allen weakly cheered.
"Then let's go get him fed," Cecilia giggled very nasally, walking out of the room.
'That giggle,' C.C. thought, 'Why does it make me want to shudder?...her voice sounds so familiar and she looks like someone I should remember...'
"Andrea will be happy to have customers~!" Cecilia beamed as they left the house after grabbing the rest of their group.
C.C. felt his eye twitch for some reason, 'What is it about her that ticks me off and yet makes me want to run away from her?'
"It's right across the street~!" Iris beamed, she and her sister running across.
"Come on! Auntie needs a surprise!" Clover laughed.
"Girls, they can't move as fast as you!" Cecilia chided, turning to face C.C., "I really do hope that this helps you."
As the woman turned back around, C.C. froze. Those eyes…Those eyes that were so similar and so caring that had haunted him for the longest time before he and Allen were free from them. It couldn't be. Their luck wasn't that bad…was it?
'O.K.!' C.C. screamed through their link, pounding as hard as he could on O.K.'s "door".
'What!?' O.K. gasped in his mind as he flung open the link, eyes wide as he looked over at the frozen C.C.
'Th-That woman! Sh-She's Allen's mother!' C.C. shouted, body snapping out of its shock and trotting to catch up.
'What!?' O.K. screamed, 'Are you sure!?'
'Like hell I would forget what she looked or even sounded like!' C.C. snapped, 'I had to listen to her babble on and on and say the most idiotic stuff.'
'…Hey…C.C.?' O.K. interrupted.
'What?' C.C. blinked.
'Did you make sure that your link to Allen was closed?' O.K. asked, eyes locked on the wide eyed boy in C.C.'s arms.
C.C. froze mid step and looked down at his wielder, 'Fuck…'
'Why do you call him baka again?' O.K. snickered, ignoring the dirty look it got him.
"C.C.?" Allen weakly sounded.
"Shhh baka…" C.C. sighed, "We'll talk about it later…"
Allen said nothing as he turned his head to watch the woman who apparently was his mother walk into a cozy looking restaurant.
"Here we are~!" she beamed.
"Thank you very much Mrs. Carter," Toma said on behalf of the group.
"Don't worry about it," Cecilia laughed, "Hey, Andy~! I brought you a bunch of customers!"
There were several loud crashes from the kitchen before three flour covered people rushed out, "Really!?"
"Mmhm~!" Cecilia smiled as she led the group to the closest tables, "And from what I've heard, they've got a big appetite~!"
"I freaking love ya sis~!" a woman with brown hair almost dark enough to be pulled off as black and bright blue eyes squealed as she glomped Cecilia.
"I know Andy," Cecilia laughed as her sister let her go in favor of inspecting her customers.
"Huh? Oh dear!" Andrea gasped, rushing up to Allen's face, "What on earth happened to you child?"
"Eh…n-nothing really," Allen weakly smiled.
"Who could do such a thing…" Andrea whimpered, "Auntie Andy will make it all better~!"
'Auntie Andy?' C.C. and Allen both chuckled through their link, noticing the pair of redheads stifle their laughter.
"Tell me, kiddo, what can I get for you to eat?" Andrea asked, winking at the weak teen.
"Um…" Allen sounded, truly thinking what he wanted.
'It's been a while since we've been to England and I haven't had any of my favorite dishes from this country in a long time…' Allen thought, link still wipe open, causing C.C. to sweatdrop a little.
'P-Please just pick a couple of soups so that I don't have to force scones down your throat…' C.C. whimpered.
"I guess I'll take for starters Chicken and Leek Soup, Eggs Florentine, Tomato Consommé, oooh Forest Soup sounds good too, of course a couple of orders of Fish and Chips, Beef stew, Game Pie, some Braised Lamb Shanks, Chicken Balti Curry, Wild Mushroom Lasagna, Turkey Penne, Kedgeree, Cornish Pastries, Beef Wellington, some Piccalilli if you have some ready, a dozen or so English Muffins, about two dozen Fruit Scones, a couple Lemon tarts, Pimm's Jelly, and some nice Blood Pudding," Allen listed off, an innocent look on his face as the woman's jaw fell open more and more until it had reached the floor.
"Hey leave some food for us, Moyashi-chan~!" Lavi laughed as the rest seemed to pale a little, "And why are you going easy on her? You know you could easily eat way more than that~!"
"I don't want to eat them out of their house and home, Lavi," Allen grumbled before perking up, "Oh, and do you have any Silver Needle White Tea?"
"Y-Yes," the woman answered shakily.
"Wonderful~!" Allen beamed, smiling so happy and bright that the staff around them felt their shock slip away and be replaced with wanting to help keep that smile there, "I would like that to go along with my meal~!"
"Of course kiddo," Andrea smiled, "And the rest of you?"
As soon as everybody else had ordered, Andrea and the two cooks she had just hired set off to work on the giant order. Meanwhile, the woman that had brought them and her two daughters just sat across from Allen and stared in disbelief.
"Can you really eat all that?" Cecilia asked.
"Actually, that's nowhere near as much as he can eat," C.C. chuckled as Allen stuck his tongue out at him, "But it was only a month or so ago that he finally got his appetite back."
"And whose fault was that?" Allen grumbled.
"…You can pay right?" Cecilia whispered.
Everyone at the table executed a perfect anime style face fall.
"O-Of course we can pay!" Lavi and the two pieces of innocence snapped, "If we couldn't, Mr. Bottomless pit here would have starved to death a million times over by now~!"
"Oi…" Allen said with a twitching eye.
"Just wanted to make sure~!" Cecilia giggled, "So what brings you to our lovely town?"
"We're actually searching for something rather important," Allen explained, rubbing his forehead.
"What would this important thing look like?" Cecilia asked, smiling at the group, "My girls and I know this town like the back of our hands so if you could tell us what it looks like it, I'm sure we'll be able to help you find it."
"Thanks for the offer ma'am but we don't even know what it's supposed to look like," Lavi nervously chuckled.
'Not entirely a lie but…' C.C. and O.K. thought to themselves.
"Then how will you know when you've found it?" Cecilia asked.
"We'll just know," Allen and Lavi just shrugged.
"Um…Mister?" Clover sounded.
"Hm?" C.C. and Allen blinked.
"Why do you only have one arm?" the little girl asked.
The exorcists and their innocence all flinched at the little girl's question.
"W-Well…" Allen stuttered, mind grasping at straws for an answer, "I-I was born only having my right arm."
"Really?" Clover gasped.
"Y-yep!" Allen nervously chuckled.
'If C.C. hadn't joined up with me then I really would have been born with only one arm so it's not a total lie,' Allen thought.
"Is it hard living with only one arm?" Iris asked, her legs happily swinging back and forth.
"No, not really," Allen smiled, "I've only ever had one so I don't know what it feels like to have two."
'Kind of true. For a long time, I was completely useless as an arm,' C.C. thought.
"Really? I think that that would be so weird! I mean, if I only had one arm, how could I do my gymnastics?" Iris laughed.
"I guess that's true," Clover joined in, "I wouldn't be able to go with daddy and practice archery~!"
"Girls," Cecilia tried to hush.
"It's fine, Mrs. Carter," Allen tried to sooth, "I'm pretty much used to it by now."
"Hmph," Chaoji sounded from his seat, "I really don't get it…you're a freak but everyone seems to always feel sorry for you."
"Chaoji!" Kie snapped.
"What's gotten into you lately, Chaoji?" Maso questioned under his breath.
"Th-That's alright," Allen said nervously, "He is kind of righ-"
"It's always you," Chaoji growled, glaring down the table at the cursed teen, "No matter how bad everyone else's lives are, they will always feel sorry for poor little Allen…They don't even care that you're under trial for heresy…"
"Chaoji!" Lavi snapped.
"You bite your tongue you little whelp!" C.C. shouted, "Allen has done more for the Order than you can imagine! He's lost more too!"
"If you badmouth him one more time, I don't care if I get sent back!" O.K. growled, "I will personally make sure that you know what it feels like to be burned alive!"
"That's enough!" Allen snapped, quickly whacking all the persecutors on the head, "Stop scaring everyone!"
The four main components of the disruption looked around at the terrified faces before sheepishly apologizing.
"Geez, you guys are hopeless," Allen sighed, trying to hide the goosebumps on his person.
'C.C….I think your temper freaked your wielder out again,' O.K. sighed through the innocence link.
"Sorry…" C.C. whimpered in apology.
"What did he mean heresy?" Cecilia asked.
"Huh? Oh, well…let's just say that I'm different than everyone else where I work and a lot of people don't like it," Allen explained, nervously rubbing the back of his head.
"Where do you work?" Cecilia questioned.
"We're affiliated with the Catholic church so they don't normally like those different than them to begin with," Lavi sighed, running a hand through his fiery hair, "Actually, all of the members are different than the "normal" person but Allen here is just a little more so."
"I see," Cecilia nodded, before shaking her clenched hands and rushing to Allen to clasp his single hand in between her two, "But that's just horrible! To label you a heretic just because you a slightly different! Those heartless bastards!"
All the Black Order members were struck silent at that comment.
"U-um…ma'am, care to rephrase that?" O.K. nervously laughed.
"No siree, I do not!" Cecilia huffed, "I believe in the Holy Father, our beloved God in heaven, but I do not and never will believe in the church that supposedly serves as the link between us mortals and Him."
Another round of silence struck the group until the two pieces of innocence and Allen suddenly erupted into laughter. The one armed teen collapsed to the ground in his laughter as the innocence flung their arms around each other. As they tried to regain their control over their lungs, the rest of the gathered people just stared at the two in dumbfounded confusion.
"I-I like this lady!" O.K. snorted as the laughing trio slowly regained control over their diaphragms.
"I-If only Leverrier or that damn Apocryphos could have heard that!" C.C. roared with laughter.
"Huh?" Cecilia blinked.
"D-Don't worry about it, ma'am," Allen struggled to say, wiping a tear from his eye, "I needed that."
"What was so funny?" Lavi questioned.
"Not so much funny as it was relieving," O.K. chuckled, "We just weren't expecting to find someone besides us who feels the same way about the church as us."
"Here's your meal dearies~!" Andrea beamed as she and the other chefs quickly brought out several steaming plates, "We'll bring out the rest as we finish them."
"That's no problem," Allen nodded, taking his seat once more, "This mission isn't near as bad as I thought it was going to be."
"I'm glad," Cecilia sighed happily, staring at the young exorcist, "…Can I ask you a question?"
"Go right ahead, ma'am," Allen stated as he prepared to dig into the first dish of his meal while the rest of the group did the same.
"I can't shake the feeling that we've met somewhere before," Cecilia said, "What about you sis? Doesn't he look familiar to you?"
Allen and his innocence along with the duo of redheads flinched.
"Now that you mention it, he does," Andrea stated, staring at the silver eyed exorcist.
"Y-You must be mistaken," Allen stuttered, raising the eyebrows of everyone at the table, "Th-This is the first time that we've ever met."
Andrea sighed before rubbing her sister's shoulder, "Well…it's not like he could be him anyway, sis."
"Him?" Gozu spoke up for the first time in awhile.
"My son...The man I was married to previously went crazy a long time ago and sold him off while I was severely ill to a circus…" Cecilia whimpered her arms wrapping around herself, "When I found out what he had done, I tried everything in my power to find my baby. I hired countless people to try and find the circus but they never found a trace of him…"
"The dick was locked away after that so that he would never get a chance to do the same to anyone else," Andrea smirked.
Cecilia stared at Allen silently for a moment, "You truly do look so very familiar…and so very close to how I have always imagined for my son to grow up to look like…"
"Maybe you've seen me pass through this town once before," Allen suggested with a slight tremor in his voice.
"That's probably it," Cecilia sighed, resting her head in her hands, "So much for that hope…"
"Don't worry sis," Andrea said slightly sadly as she placed a hand on her sister's shoulder, "One day…One day you'll get to see him again."
'If only you knew…' Allen thought to himself, ignoring C.C.'s sorrowful look.
The rest of the meal passed by relatively quickly with only the finders discussing where they roughly thought the innocence was located. Too bad for them, the pieces of innocence already knew where it was but neither were looking forward to retrieving it. Allen had remained quiet the entire time, slowly working through his large meal. He had far too much on his mind. He knew that he couldn't say anything to the woman that was supposedly his mother but at the same time he had to watch her interact with his little sisters with so much pain in her eyes that it made him long to confess everything.
"Alright," C.C. sighed, heart clenching every time he looked at the torn expression on his wielder's face, "Enough dilly dallying. O.K. and I know where Bull is at so let's go get it and get out of here."
"Wait…You already know where it's at?" Toma blinked as the innocence stood up.
"Yeah, O.K. and I have been talking to him for the past while," C.C. sighed, looking at Cecilia and her daughters, "Ma'am…could you please take us back to your home?"
"Sure but may I ask, why?" Cecilia asked as she too stood.
"The item we seek…We know for a fact that it lies in your home," O.K. stated, running a hand through his red locks.
"How do you know that mister?" Clover asked.
"Did you see it?" Iris asked.
"In a way yes," O.K. nodded while C.C. pulled Allen out of his thoughts, "So if we might be on our way in retrieving it."
"Certainly," Cecilia nodded before crossing her arms, "Right after you pay."
The entire group of men from the Black Order fell over before Toma quickly pulled out plenty of money to cover the meal.
'A bit stingy isn't she?' C.C. snickered.
'Well, seeing as we did bring in the human bottomless pit for lunch I think she's being reasonable,' O.K. chuckled.
"Alright, here we are," Cecilia said as she opened her door once again to the strange group, "What exactly are you looking for anyway?"
C.C. sighed heavily before turning to the woman, "Unfortunately, we are looking for the vase that you have placed as a way to remember your lost child."
"W-What?" Cecilia gasped as Allen's eyes widened.
"W-We can't take that!" Allen snapped, "That's her connection to her son! You can't just take it!"
"I don't want to take it, baka!" C.C. snapped back, "But we have our orders to retrieve the innocence that has begun to awaken! If we don't, this family and everyone else in this town will be in danger!"
"B-But…" Allen wanted to argue but he couldn't. He knew that C.C. was right. If they didn't take the innocence, sooner or later the barrier that it was keeping up was going to fail and the entire town would be destroyed. Biting down on his lip, Allen looked away from the distraught faces of the family. This was going to protect them. By doing this, they would be safe. They would be heartbroken yes but they would also be safe… "Y-You're right C.C…."
'I'm so sorry Allen,' C.C. thought to himself as he quickly walked to the living area where a fireplace stood, 'I know that this isn't fair to you or them but it has to be done."
"W-Wait! Can't you take something else?!" Cecilia cried, being held back by Lavi and O.K., "I'll give you anything else just not that vase!"
C.C. was silent as his eyes came to rest on a beautifully crafted and painted vase seated on the top of the fireplace mantle. The vase sat next to an old photograph of a smiling woman happily holding what looked to be a six month old Allen on her lap. On the vase were two tiny hand prints with a name painted in careful strokes above them. In the piece of pottery was a bouquet of flowers that would haunt C.C. for nights to come.
'Cypress flower to represent death and mourning, the Eglantine Rose to show for the wound on her heart, a bright Marigold to show the families pain and grief, Rosemary for remembrance, White liliac that means youthful innocence and memories placed in the center, and Snow Drops which mean consolation or hope surrounding the entire rim of the vase,' C.C. noted as he slowly pulled the flowers from the vase, 'She still can't get over losing her first child the way she did…'
'Can you blame her?' a deep voice sounded as C.C. placed the flowers beside the picture, 'Her son was stolen from her while she was too sick to do anything about it, C.C….'
'I know, Bull…I know…' C.C. stated, picking up the vase, '…Allen's so confused right now. First he finds out that this is his family, then that his mother has been trying to find him for so long, and now I'm going to have to explain how I've always been keeping tabs on his family through you instead of just recently…he's going to want to go through my memories to get to know them more…'
'I can't say that I wouldn't if I were in the same position as the boy,' Bull sighed as C.C. quickly exited, ignoring the screams of the family, 'He's never known his family and before that precious Mana of his, he never even knew love.'
"C.C.!" Allen shouted, as the group tried to catch up with the innocence that was quickly stalking down the street, "Shouldn't we at least give them something back in return?"
"Give them what, baka?" C.C. sighed, "We're taking their last piece of their lost family member from them. It's not like we can just replace it."
"W-We…" Allen started to say before deciding better of it. After all, even if he was her son, he could never be with them and could never replace the hole in their lives that had been there for so long.
C.C. tried his best to ignore the pained look in Allen's eyes as they headed for the edge of town. It was hard but there was nothing he could do about it.
Lavi sighed heavily as he pulled Allen in for a one-armed hug, "Cheer up, Moyashi-chan. We're saving them by doing this."
"You're right," Allen sighed before he finally started to take in his surroundings, "Wait…this isn't how we came into town, is it?"
"No, the order wants us to go to the church at the south end of town and set up a new gate to get home," Kie stated.
"Why the change of orders?" Allen asked, stunned that he actually had permission to set up a gate.
"We phoned in earlier while you were getting over…your eye problem," Maoso grimaced as he spoke.
"They don't want to risk losing any innocence fighting against a level four," Gozu added, "So they said that it would be the smartest course of action to return straight to the order."
Allen stared at the finders with a wide eye before stopping dead in his tracks, "N-No…"
"No? No what, Walker-san?" Maoso asked.
"Allen?" Lavi blinked.
"They'll be in danger if we suddenly disappear with the innocence," Allen whispered, glaring down at the ground, "We won't be protecting them this way…"
"What are you talking about baka?" C.C. asked as he handed the vase over to Toma.
"We won't be protecting them if we just leave through a gate!" Allen snapped, eye wide in fear, "The second we leave, the barrier will fall and all those akuma outside of it will come swarming in and kill everyone in town!"
"What are you talking about? If we leave, so will the akuma-" Chaoji started to say, his innocence chuckling in his head about how stupid the Noah child was being.
"No they won't!" Allen shouted at the pineapple head, "They won't know that the innocence has been moved so they will still attack the town!"
"He's right you know," O.K. sighed heavily as he looked over at C.C.
"I know," C.C. grumbled, "Sis is seriously right. Why do I call him baka?"
"C.C.!" Allen cried out, eye desperately searching his weapon's, "Please, we've got to lead them away from town!"
"Wait a second Allen!" Lavi jumped in, "You're in no condition to be fighting anyone. Why should you be the one to lead them away?"
"Because…Because the Earl will still want me alive if they catch me!" Allen exclaimed, knowing the strange spot in his heart the Earl had for the Noah within him, "So the akuma won't be allowed to kill me and that will give me plenty of time to draw them far from the town before summoning a gate."
"No way," Lavi shook his head, "I don't care what you say. I'm not letting you do that!"
"Then what should we do!" Allen snapped.
'Send me back with the finders,' Bull stated through the link with C.C., 'That way you don't have to worry about me. The level four akuma that Allen saw earlier has been called back as well so it shouldn't be as bad out there.'
'It's still going to be bad,' C.C. snorted, "Alright. Here's what we're going to do. The finders go back through the gate here with the innocence. The rest of us will stay here to back up Allen as he and I lead them away from the town. Got it?"
"Well, it's better than letting you have all the fun," O.K. shrugged as Allen's face lit up.
"Thank you C.C.!" Allen beamed as he quickly set to work on summoning a gate.
"Don't thank me just yet," C.C. sighed, "We haven't recovered enough strength from earlier to allow me to easily change back into your arm plus the fact that if I did we'd mess up your inner timeline once again and I think T.R. will kill me if I allowed that to happen."
"Duly noted," Allen said as the gate appeared, "Get going guys."
"Be careful Walker-san," Gozu said as he entered the gate.
"We'll ask Komui to send some reinforcements your way as soon as we get back," Kie stated before hurrying through.
"Come back safe!" Maoso smiled weakly before disappearing.
"Walker-san…" Toma sighed before smiling at the boy, "I'll explain everything to Link-san as to why you will have summoned two gates in such a small amount of time."
"Thank you, Toma," Allen smiled back before the finder left and the gate disappeared.
"Shall we?" C.C. asked, his cloak appearing around him and surrounding Allen.
"We don't have much a choice, now do we?" Lavi sighed before smirking as O.K. transformed into his weapon form, "Let's go kick some akuma ass."
Mizu: This is really just a filler chapter to lead up to the epic battle scene~! And when I say epic, I mean I'm trying my best to right something that would be considered only slightly good…Yeah, Mizu does not have a high amount of faith in her writing abilities.
Allen: …Is your goal in every fanfic to make me hate you?
Mizu: …kind of because if I didn't, it means that I just have to keep trying harder. Btw, if anyone was curious, one of the biggest things I had taken out of this chapter and story was a passing thought about how maybe Allen isn't the age we think he is. I mean, he technically was forced to work in circus's for so long that maybe they just never thought to keep track. That and C.C. has been alive for so long that time doesn't really move the same for him. A year wouldn't feel the same to him as it would to us. *shrugs* It was just a passing thought. I had put it in and had really gone off with it but then I realized that I couldn't bring it in for the main idea of the story soooo...yeah, I just dropped it all. I tried to get the chapter to flow without that scene but it might feel jumpy at places because I did take a good chunk out. Anyways, remember that I love all reviews and suggestions~! Ciao for now everyone~!
Allen: Go ahead and check this fanfic of the list of those that I hate you for…