CHAPTER 22
POV- Chloe
ICCA Nationals-
The girls and I gather for an Aca-Huddle before going onto the stage. I throw my arms around the two Bellas nearest me and ignore the slightly hurt look on Beca's face as she walks around to the other side to fill the gap. After an attempt at a motivational speech from Fat Amy (which really just leaves us snickering more than anything), we break for an "Ahh," on 3.
The male announcer speaks excitedly into the microphone as he welcomes us to the stage,"And, NOW… the defending ICCA Champions… THE BARDEN BELLAS!"
We take our places on the stage, and I must say it throws me to hear the audience cheering for us the way they are. In all my years at Barden University, we've never had this kind of reception and we've never had NEARLY this much support. Even the chauvinist in the press box supports us now.
The whistle of the pitch pipe brings me back to reality.
This is it! Get ready!
"1…2…3…4…"
Lilly and I come in with the beat and bass line of Rihanna's "We Found Love,". A few of the other girls join in with harmonies and scratch noises and phasing sounds as Beca's soft voice fills the auditorium,
"When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the woman who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the woman who goes along with you…"
I'm too caught up in keeping the bass line and remembering steps to realize the pair of dark blue eyes that keep looking my way. It isn't until the point of the routine right before we transition into half-time that my eyes meet hers.
I'd forgotten how beautiful they are. How beautiful she is…
Then, I realize I'd totally forgotten I was supposed to be laying down the bass. Lilly shoots me a confused look and I find a way back in at the beginning of the bar. Of course, it wasn't intentional, but the crowd loves it. They go wild once we reach the chorus and slow down to half-time. Fat Amy and Denise come in with their "wows", helping to create the dubstep vision Beca had. She flashes a smile of approval as she begins to sing the chorus. The sopranos come in under her.
"But I would walk 500 miles
(We found love)
And I would walk 500 more
(We found love in a hopeless place)
Just to be the woman who walked 1000 miles
(We found love)
To fall down at your door."
(We found love at your door)
When the performance is over, my eyes find Beca's again. Even with the chaos going on right now… applause… the hoots and hollers from the Trebles (who have been surprisingly more supportive lately)… the standing ovation…
Even through all that, Beca's eyes never leave mine.
Was she singing to ME?
She couldn't be… She doesn't do love… And she made it pretty clear that she doesn't want me around. That she can't "deal with me".
Familiar emotions wash over me for the first time since Semi-Finals. I force one last smile at the audience before making my way off the stage, leaving the Bellas to celebrate our obvious victory. In desperate need of air, I walk back to the bus. Curling up in my seat as my thoughts go back to Beca. I'd done such a good job ignoring her these past few weeks. Doing my best not to think about her or even look at her…
Why can't she just let me love her? Why can't she just admit that she loves me, too?
Just as I feel the tears surface. I hear the door to the bus open. I lift my head and let my feet fall to the floor as my eyes lock with hers again.
"Uh... hey," She starts nervously, "I know I'm probably the last person you wanna see right now."
No… that's not true.
"I can never express how truly sorry I am. For everything… ," Her voice trails off and I watch as she fidgets nervously. She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a flashdrive. "I really suck at this, but I want you to know how I feel."
How you feel?
"Promise me you'll check every file?" She asks, with pleading eyes. Beautiful, soft, blue eyes…
I can't say no to that face…
Not wanting to seem too excited about the fact that she's actually talking to me, I look away and nod. "Sure."
LATER THAT NIGHT-
I dry my hair and flop down on my hotel bed as Aubrey lays back on the other bed, surfing through channels. "These hotels always have the shittiest selection of channels. It's all ESPN and pay-per-view porn, essentially." She complains.
I'm glad she came to support us today. It's really made the trip a lot easier to bear.
After a while, she turns the tv off and turns to face me, "Did you ever look at that flashdrive Beca gave you? I remember you mentioning it earlier."
I haven't forgotten. I'm just… nervous.
"Oh … I forgot," I lie.
"Yeah…," Aubrey smiles knowingly as she hops up and goes to the bathroom.
Hmmm…
I pull my laptop from my suitcase and boot it. I pull the flashdrive out of my purse from earlier and roll it in my fingers as I wonder what could be on it.
I'm sure it's just a bunch of mixes…
I think back to the way Beca looked when she gave it to me… practically begging me with her eyes.
"Promise me you'll check every file?" She asked.
"Sure," I said.
Stop PSYCHING yourself out and just put it in already!
I insert the usb and open the folder to view the files. As I suspected, most of them are mixes, but the last file is a word document titled, "To Chloe" and the second to last file isn't a mix at all, it just says "Wonderwall,"
I hover my mouse over the very first file and select it, letting it play. As the first few bars of "Titanium" blare from the speakers I realize I haven't plugged in my headphones.
I hear Aubrey, groan and begin to complain through from the bathroom, "Seriously, Chlo? Just knock when you're finished, okay?"
"You're safe, 'Brey… ," I chuckle as I plug in my earbuds and listen to the rest of the song. The song eventually phases into a mix of Bruno Mars' "Just The Way You Are" and James Blunt's "You're Beautiful", but I'm surprised to hear Beca singing the vocals. Blending the lyrics ingeniously.
"When I see your face… …there's not a single thing I'd change."
(You're beautiful… You're beautiful… You're beautiful, it's true.)
"Girl you're amazing …just the way you are."
(You're beautiful, it's true.)
Aubrey emerges from the bathroom just in time to catch me swooning. The rest of the mixes are equally beautiful. Some are just remixes of my favorite songs and others actual seem to have meaning.
I reach the "Wonderwall" file and feel the pressure building.
I'm gonna cry… I know it.
I hear Beca's nervous chuckle in my earphones and feel my pulse pick up as I imagine her crooked smile.
"It's been a while, sooo… I hope this doesn't sound too bad… it just reminds me of you, so… uh…yeah." She rambles adorably.
The next thing I hear is the recognizable strumming of "Wonderwall" and Beca's voice.
So strong… but noticeably more vulnerable than I've ever heard it.
What does all this mean?
I mean, maybe she means all this from a best friend's point of view and I shouldn't get my hopes up…
I let the file continue to play and open the word document.
It reads:
To Chloe,
I'd like to start this off by saying I'm sorry. You've been the best friend I could ever ask for and I just keep treating you horribly. I can never apologize enough. You are truly the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. I've taken you for granted, and that's not what you deserve. You deserve so much more. I'm going to spend the rest of my life seeing that you are as happy as you can be, because it seems like all I've done is hurt you lately. But, I promise I'll never hurt you again. I want to make happy. I want to make you as happy as you make me.
This is new to me. These feelings I get when I'm with you. I've never felt anything like this before and to be honest, it scares the shit out of me. But, I can try to be brave for you.
That night after we threw the graduation party for Aubrey, I felt like we shared something special. As cliché as it sounds, I felt like we made love. I wanted nothing more than to lay there and wake up tangled with you, but I freaked because I wasn't used to having those feelings. But, I am now. And, I want nothing more than to have these feelings with you. But, I've screwed up and I totally understand if you don't want that with me. Just know that, I love you, Chloe. I always have.
P.S I even called my mom and apologized. We're slowly getting to know each other again. Thank you for bringing her back into my life…
I have to read the document over a few times to make sure I'm not seeing things. But, I'm not. The tears begin to flow as if a dam just burst. I fall back into the soft sheets of the hotel bed, taking in a breath as I remember this moment. For the first time in months, I can say I am crying tears of joy.