Travels through the Alphabet with Mai
Part 10: Joy
So many of the other girls grinned and giggled together, finding delight in things that Mai took no interest in. Sometimes she wondered if there was something missing inside her, some essential piece that would make her like most of the other students at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls.
Her mother labeled her 'surly, ''disinterested', 'cynical' and 'sarcastic'; different labels for different situations. She'd certainly never called Mai a 'bundle of joy' or 'a pleasure to be around'. There were sighs on both sides; frustration, boredom, irritation.
"Would it kill you to smile, dear?" Akira meant well, somewhere deep down. She wanted Mai to be happy, yes, but she figured that happiness would be easier attained if Mai fit the standard mold. And maybe she was right. But never did she encourage her daughter's differences and rarely did she try to understand the complex girl that lived most of her life inside her own head.
"It might," Mai would answer, ducking her head to hide a smirk.
Smirking, now that, an impure smile, came much easier to Mai. She stood back and watched people and life march on by and wondered at their behaviour, the things they held dear, what they felt was important. Maybe she was judgmental, standing apart like she did, rolling her eyes, shaking her head. Maybe if she joined in, Mai could assimilate and all her unique thoughts would vanish into the ether.
But she didn't want to assimilate. Mai experienced joy, found it in unlikely places, with unlikely things; the sound her knives made when they sliced the air, soaring straight and true toward their target, the feel of a book in her hands, being transported by a particularly wonderful tale, the shy blush on Zuko's cheeks when he saw her, how the prince's face altered when he favored her with one of his rare and rarer smiles.
She loved the night, the way it disguised things, the cloak of black that she could hide beneath. The comfort of her bed when she was exhausted, the way it cradled her and soothed her to sleep, the smells of her favorite foods and easing into a warm, perfumed bath; all those things brought Mai joy.
And when alone, savoring those pleasures, or with Zuko, she allowed herself a true smile, one that crept up to her eyes and made them sparkle.