**YAY! I'm glad that you guys like this! I got the idea listening to my iPod. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

Amanda got comfortable as she began to write. This was going to take awhile.

Randy,

Well..well...look what the cat dragged in. I have to admit your letter surprised me. I didn't expect to hear from you...let alone hear from you from the inside of a rehab facility. However, the fact that it was basically required and not chosen by you does NOT suprise me. Either way, I do wish you the best of luck.

If you don't think that you can handle reading this...DON'T. I refuse to be the reason that you fell off the wagon...again. Remember, you wanted me to be honest...so that's what I'm about to do.

You write to me that you wonder how Brandon is and you're so sorry for being such an asshole. Well guess what...there's so much shit you don't even have a clue on. And even more that you probably don't remember. So I'm going to remind you. This just may be therapeutic for me also. I don't get to have time to process anything. You see, I'm a single mom to a child with autism...spare time or free time only happens once Brandon is asleep...and not just in bed, but asleep.

There has been so much that you have missed out on, I don't even know where to start. Oh yeah, I do have an idea. The night we had our big fight...and you told me that Brandon and I were getting in the way of your lifestyle. The night you told me that it was my fault that we had a "retard" for a child and that he would never have a future and that there was no way in hell that you could continue on with him to carry on your legacy and that we needed to get the fuck out...then you turned and stormed off. You didn't even say goodbye to your son. Oh wait, I forgot, you diswoned him. The flesh body that your sperm and my egg created should I say. Brandon walked into the bedroom where I was crying as I began to pack my stuff and he was carrying the picture we had in his room of you kissing the tip of his nose the day he was born and said "Daddy?" for the first time. That's right Randy, daddy was his first real word. And you missed it. And every night after that for weeks and week he would pick up that picture and look at me with big eyes and say "Daddy?" and I would have to fight back tears and say you were gone. To this day, the only picture he has of the two of you is that picture and he still asks where you are from time to time. And all I have to say is "gone" and he'll drop it.

Yes, you read that right...he hasn't forgotten you. That's because he doesn't forget a lot of things. It wouldn't surprise me if he remembered when you overdosed. He saw you. I could only yell at him to go watch tv because if I took any more time you could have died.

Yes Randy, I still lie in bed and I think about you from time to time. But all that pops in my head is the worst times. Like the time I yelled at you for coming home stoned and hungover after I had been awake for almost 48 hours straight with a colicky baby and you slapped me across the face and told me that you had had enough of my lip. Or the time that we had a family get together, and you were so high that you couldn't hold a conversation...and I was 8 months pregnant with our son. And we can't forget the time that you wound up suspended for sexual harassment and I had to explain to my parents that yes the rumor was going around that you were harassing the girls because they wouldn't sleep with you and no you didn't take a shit in her bag...to this day I still don't know if you were ever honest with me about that. God, don't let me forget the countless number of times where you were so hungover and stoned you would come home and I could see it in your eyes, but you wouldn't take no for an answer. No matter where we needed to be, no matter where we were, if you wanted to have sex then we were having sex.

And I think about Brandon. The little boy has come so far and overcome so damn many obstacles, and you've missed every fucking one of them. After the word daddy, his words came out with a vengeance. And he started to grow a vocabulary. And he slowly started to learn affection. Now his favorite thing is to run into my arms and hold me tight as he calls out MOMMY! And he'll look at me and say "I love you mom." My eyes well up with tears because we never knew if that would ever happen, but yet it does all the time.

Brandon has gone from 5-day preschool in the autism room to 5-day preschool with 3 days in the autism room and 2 days in the regular preschool room to now when he's only in preschool 3 days a week and they're all with him being mainstreamed with typical kids. He's a smart little boy. He can do simple math, he can spell a handful of words, he navigates on a computer like a 7 year old. He sings, dances, plays, he's amazing. And he has your smirk.

As far as I go...I'm ok. I've spent a lot of time thinking and crying and praying and none of that got me anywhere. Every night for so long I would hope that you would sober up and come to your senses and realize that all you needed to do was get sober and that I would be willing to put everything behind us so our family could stay together and be there the way Brandon needed us to do.

But everytime I did hear from you...you were high... or drunk...and there was never any sincerity behind the words. So, finally I gave up. I filed for divorce. Then I started getting your child support payments. Do you have any idea how insulting that was? You were basically trying to pay me off to keep him away from you. And when I sent the money back and you returned it telling me to start a savings account for BRAYDEN. Not Brandon our son, but BRAYDEN. You didn't even remember our son's name. It showed me that you really didn't care. You cared more about getting high and doing whatever the hell you were doing then you did your own family.

Guess what? You became your worst nightmare...you always said that you never wanted to miss out on the important things if you became a father. No matter what your career was doing, your family came first. You would never miss our son's birthdays, or take being a dad for granted. You wanted your son to know that you loved him and would always be there for him. NO MATTER WHAT. And you sure haven't been. Not even a card from you on his birthday. No package, no anything. It's one thing to walk away from me, but to turn your back on your own son when he needed you the most. And you chose to be a coward and you ran.

And that's what kills me the most. You couldn't even stand the fuck up and be a dad. You sank into denial and ran away. That breaks my heart even more then you did.

As much as I want to sit here and pick you apart and flame you for everytime you've done me wrong, to sit and call you out on everytime you dragged your ass into our bed and snuggled me with another woman's perfume on your body, or the times I did your laundry and always found condoms in your pockets, or hell the time I called you to tell you that Brandon had such a high fever they were hospitalizing him and your bitch answered the phone to tell me you were busy, I'm not going to.

Here's what I will do. I'm going to tell you that I am so disappointed, heartbroken, apalled, disgusted, pissed off, depressed, out of tears, out of emotions over you and over what you did to our son that it makes me sick. And I would go into more detail, but I vowed I was done crying over you. And you were so good at forgetting the fact that you had a son, why are you trying to come back around now? So help me God Randy, if you pop into his life and then you run away again because you can't handle it, and you break his little heart a second time in his life, I will NEVER forgive you.

Me

PS: Goldie passed away a few months ago. I have her ashes if you would like them. I was going to mail them to your parents, but I didn't know if you're allowed to, so I've held onto them.

She was pissed off and sitting in her own tears. Amanda wanted to blast him for every little thing he did, but why should she? So some counselor at the facility can get his rocks off reading it? So someone can leak it to the press? The only thing she ever wanted was for Randy to sober up, grow up, and be the husband and father she knew that he could be if he just tried. But instead they got the shaft and Randy continued on his self-destructive path.

She quickly sealed the envelope and put a stamp on it and mailed it back. Then she crawled into bed and for the first time in a long time, she cried herself to sleep over him...again.

**How do you think Randy will handle the letter? What do you think about Amanda? Is she right in not parading everything out, or should she open up and spill everything? What about Brandon? Please read and review!**